*Wha-Poosh* TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA LADDIES! My name is jacksepticeye and welcome back to- SHUT UP PHONE! I DON'T CARE! Welcome back to Surgeon Simulator! Jack's ER! The best ER the world has ever seen! We're getting in, we're doing some more operations in The ambulance Last time, I fixed up some kidneys! I fixed a broken heart! Ah, see that's what you don't know, I am not just a doctor! I am a LOVE doctor ;) OH-kay! We are moving on to the BRAIN! The least important organ in the human body! We all know that! But... We are gonna have to do it anyway! *pause* OH HELLO~! .... Would you like some supper sir? It looks like you are ready for dinner! Right! So I need to use- okay we'll get this fucking camera out of here because all it's gonna do, is record evidence bobby! We don't want evidence, do we? IT'S A FUCKING 60 ZONE! *glass breaking* HE'S FUCKING... He's driving 40 million miles an hour in a 60 zone! What am I supposed to do about this? I'M CUTTING ZE BRAIN OUT !!!!!! ... Will you cut? ARE YOU GOING BACKWARDS? FUCKIN' HELL!! What does it take to get good drivers around here? I don't think this thing works very well. It doesn't seem like it actually wants to fucking cut anything! HOLD-THE-PHONE!! We're cutting shit bros! YEEES! Cut into that fucking tiny egg! Here we go!, Here we go... CUT! CUT IT ALL OUT! CUT IT ALL OUT!!! Bob you're doing well too! Not so fucking bad! I did say, that heads were like hard boiled eggs! skulls, I mean. Ah... You gotta wiggle! WHEN YOU DO THE WIGGLE, IT DOES THE JIGGLE! NIIIICE! Come on! Come on little one! Come on then! come o- GET OUT! I don't need you anymore! *singing* I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMOOORE! NO I DON'T NEED YOU ANYM-O-O-O-RE Sorry Bob, I like to sing in my spare time. THERE WE GO! CUT ZE BRAIN! CUT ZE BRAIN! Guh-GA-RAB THE FUCKING BRAIN! GET OUTTA HERE BRAIN! You piece of shit... There you go coyotes! Have fun! Where's my other brain? Here it is! *Ambient Sound - Things Moving/Falling Everywhere* Th-The BEST DOCTOR! FUCKIN' RECORD SPEED BOB! Your brains in backwards, you might be walking upside down for ah-while. But that's the way Australians do it everyday! NICE! Back to menu Please. Give me my A plus. Give me my A plus! Where is it? AAAAAAAAA PLUS PLUS! Do I see that on any of your report cards? Uh-NaaaoooOOoa! BECAUSE JACK'S THE BEST DOCTOR! AH-WHOOOOOOOO YES! *Object clinging against enviroment* I hate this office though! For some reason, there's no fuckin' patients in here! I don't have a nurse. Where ever da fuck she is! SOME DOUCHEBAG! keeps stupid guy on my phone. ooooOOOOOooooo What's this!? Surgery! *Items hitting enviroment* Oh-Kay! Where's the little ejecto? *impact sound effect (repeating)* Where's the eject button? There's no eject button! HELLO! Oh! Maybe I? May...Mayb Ahhhhh! Here we go! IN YA GO! *tape player turns on (mechanical whir)* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* IS IT JUST MUSIC? *Music Begins* *Bass line begins* OH YEEAAA! THIS IS MY JAM! *beep* *beep* *beep* This is wha... This is what gets all the girls! Just standing outside their windows, with my own surgery music, dressed up as doctor! *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* I.. I'm very lonely! *dance music begins playing (fading up)* *dance music continues* BEST DANCE MOVES! BEST DOCTOR AND DANCE MOVES! ALRIGHT! MOVING ON TO THE EYEBALL SURGERY Here weeeee fuckin' GO! I AM READY! Sorry! I am a little....excited! Oooh, wait the eye surgery FUCKIN' SUCKED! *Vehicle Driving Noises* Didn't it Bob? Yes, you're back again! I don't know why, of all fuckin' surgeries, you have an eye mask on! When ya need the eye surgery! Sorry, I'm just going to nick ya there in the head. *Jack lightly pants* *Slightly Winded* Sorry Bob! I been DANCIN' Bob! FUCKIN' HARD GOIN'! Have you ever danced the dance? Have you ever done the cargo mumba? I don't think ya have! A prick for a prick! Allll Right! I actually don't know how I do this! I don't know how I did it last time! I just kinda jammed this around in your EYES! and for some reason they came out. Here we go! I am just gonna do this AGAIN! IF YOU FEEL A SLIGHT TWINGE! CALL YOUR LAWYER! *Metallic Clinking Noise* There we go! There we... There we go! There! Uh... Ya need.... to have a bit of force. Are you listenin' driver? I'm teachin ya! You need to have a bit of force, if you want to get the eyeballs out. You just grab the head. and EYEBALLS! AAAAHHHHHHH! AaaaAAhhhhh! It's because I stuck this in it last time! THERE WE GO! Just like... I don't even fuckin' need that. I am just picking it up for funsies, BOB! Ooorahhh, get in there! Pull those eyes out! YEEESSSS! *Sings* Tuuuurrrnnnn Aaarrrrooounnnddd *singing continues* Every now and then I get a little bit lonely, that's your eyeballs coming out. *singing continues* tuuurrr *singing abruptly stops* FUCKIN' NICE! LIKE SOME BIG DROOPY DITTIES LIKE A PAIR OF TESTICLES ON YOUR FACE, BOB! YOU'RE LOOKING WELL! You're looking grand for a man who is 90 years old! Its allota....uh, is people don't know. Bob's 90 years old! Tell 'em Bob! *Jack changes voice* I'm 90 years old! Ya see? Heard it here first folks! I'm not role playing with my patients. That would be impractical! I'm not.... muhhh! COME ON! There we go, get those fuckin' *high pitch voice* get those testicles off your face, Bob! Ya tryin' to impress the women? Your trying to make it seem like you have more virtility, than you really have! I mean.... I think you look better than you ever did! But, without those eyeballs though. How are your ever gonna see how amazing I..... EXXXCUUUSSEEE MEE!!! I'M MAKING JOKES! Fuckin' asshole, in my car! Okay, here's one eyeball! These are all fake though! *background thud* I hope you're happy with these! Now you can see the memes for days, with that emoji eye! HAVE WE EVER SEEN a doctor this good in the house before? I'M SORRY! LET ME HEAR IT! JACKIE! JACKIE! JA.. YELL IT! Taking one of these home by the way. *Imitates inhaling sound* *Super High Pitch* OOOHHH! IM FUCKIN' FLYING NOW MOM! OHHH HEH HUT! GUUHHHHH! Velcome Bob! Velcome Back! To Da Surgery! Its great to have you here again! Um... I am going to just REMOVE! I can't even fuckin' put my hand over these, without shit falling everywhere! I DON'T EVEN KNOW MY OWN STRENGTH, BOB! I AM LIKE THE HULK! EXCEPT! Way more handsome! And, less gangrenous. OK, OK Grab.... Grab this! *items falling everywhere* I fucking swear, I'll come in there and remove your teeth! Imma just cut this off your face... MOVE YOUR FACE! FUCK'S SAKE! There we go, there we go AHHHH JESUS *screaming* DEMON!! DE- PULL OVER! GET AN EXORCIST! What happened? Di- did I do that? Was that my fault? I don't k- OHHH OHHH oOOHHh I know you're shakin- *laughs* He's shaking his head like, "no I don't wanna" I don- tASTE THESE FINGERS! They've only been up my ass for twenty minutes TASTE THE FINGERS! No, no I don't wanna, I don't wan- *laughing* That's some Source Filmmaker type of shit right there Umm right! I need some- I need some green goo! Get away! This is green because it's the septic juice! It makes ya feel good! Up here and down here! Alright, okay. Here we go, tippy tappy. There's only three teeth that need to be removed, so I need to be careful about this. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tAP, TAP!!! Tap, tap, tap, TAP! That's an extra tooth! Ahhh fuck! You're losing blood Bob! Who told you to lose that? Well if you lost it, it's usually in the last place you looked, hahaha! Ahhh. I make jokes to hide the fact that I'm an inept doctor. I mean best doctor! Fuckin' thre- "tree" teeth removed! That means we only need three more! Imma use the tweezers for this. Cuz they won't let me use anything else for some reason. They said I'm "unsanitary". ME? JACK? UNSANITARY?!? I mean I know I had my fingers down your neck a second ago, but that's your fault more than anything! You're the one who looked like you needed it! Let the world know Let the world know and let it be seen that I am the best dentist, doctor, chiropractor, vet, AND children's birthday clown. Only on the weekends though, I mean I have to make fuckin' money somehow don't I? A "c'?? Am I- Am I- Am I reading that correctly?? Is that a C?? C for cock! C for cunt! That's what you are Bob! God almighty! A "c". You know what? "C" this! C- See this! *stutters* I can't stick up my finger in VR!! See this!! I'll punch you right in the face Bob. Next time I see ya. Well luckily for you, the next time I see you- wait What??! Why can't I go on to the next one!?! Why can't I go on to these?! Are these not in it? Excuse me? What's going on here, do I need to get A's or something? It's all your fault Bob! C!?!?!? SEE WHAT I MEAN? SEE HOW MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE YOU ARE? IIt's okay. I'm not getting mad. I'm not getting angry. *chuckles* Life's too short to be angry. AT A FUCKING PENIS FACE! And that does it for this episode of "Jack's Surgery", GET OFF MY PHONE! That line is reserved just for my wife who's going into labor any moment now! Actually that could be her calling... Ehh probably not. I don't know if I can actually get in and do those other surgeries, like the pewdsball one, the alien one. I don't know if they actually have them in VR, like there it didn't look like it but maybe I actually have to get like A's or something. In some of the surgeries. If that's the case, then I'll go back and I'll do them another time and then I'll come back and do the rest of the surgeries Hopefully that's not the end, I was having way too much fun with that. It can't end now. It's like when people leave your house and you're like, "no don't go" "Not yet I need you!" I need you! Pleaaase! And then you realise he was only there to deliver you a package, but I mean me and that UPS guy, we had a thing goin' on. Well thank you guys so much for watching this episode, if you liked it PUNCH THE LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE, LIKE A BOSS! AND, high fives all around, WAPOOSH, WAPOOSH THANK ALL YOU GUYS AND I WILL SEE ALL YOU DUDES... IN THE NEXT VIDEO! *outro music* I keep forgetting that my mic is like cranked up to eleven... to record these, and then I'm screaming so... probably not nice in your ears.
