*WOOH-PAH* TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA LADDIES MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE AND WELCOME TO JOB SIMULATOR! I played the demo of this before and people really liked it, I loved it. You were just in a little office space and you got tah... wonder around that-well you didn't-get-really wonder around ya sat down, you interacted with stuff all around you like you would in a job! So, this is the full version of the game. And..there's a bunch of more jobs in it. Now you can actually see there's a bunch of jobs over here. I don't know what you said, when I started up the game. I'm sorry. *Grabs card* Job bot. Okay, so I put the job cartridge in there, and then pull to do a job. We have four jobs. We have auto-mechanic, we have store clerk, we have a gourmet chef, and we have an office worker. We've DONE office worker.. So, I might just skip that one. Oh god! There's stuff all over. WHOA! "There is no success without job." "There is no I in job." *laughing* "Motivational job posters cerca at 1960"? You guys need to update your shit! WHOA "Museum curator since 20xx job bot." "Keep busy and job more." Cool. This is just like my real life! Except change job with YouTube. You can YouTube it. Keep busy and YouTube more. Um, because that's what i'm all about. Okay, what do you say? "JOB BOT, Museum Curator, 101 Job Street, Job City" "Job Simulator Inc." Dude! Deh - deh - It's all based around job. Fuck you card, I don't care. Hi. Do you all look at me. Also... Holy fuck! *Laughing* That's awesome! Job simulation station. Humans only. So i'm a human. Me, Jackaboy, Hi. *Wooh-pish* High-fives. Um... "The human experience." This month only: Show times today... 1 pm, 4 pm Ok, ahmm Let's try gourmet che.. Fuck your office worker. I don't care. Yeh-Yes you do. Can you see my chef hat? Do-Do I have a chef hat on? Do I have a che-awe! I don't even have a chef hat in real life. Okay!, this is our chef-ing area. I don't know, Let's.. do it. *Ding!* Yay! I... Whoa, Whoa Ah-eh-am I-i'm turning into the reel! Whoa..hello *laughing* COOL WERE IN! Hello! Whoa Awesome! What-What do I have to do? Okay. Pull paper when ready. Okay. I gotta orient myself and look around first This place is cool! Okay, we got "Shelf-o-matic Cold" NOT cold We got.. some-Oh god! We got like a fridge and everythin'. THIS IS COOL! (Dat voice break tho) "Gourmet Grubb is the snooty foodie award." "Winner for most consistently mediocre & overpriced food!" AweSOME! Gourmet Grubb. What is that door doing?! Sir, SIR! FIX THE DOOR! Alright. Everybody good to go to work? "Order up" Omg this is cool! I love!..Oh god, no. Go this way. I love how-like physically interactable everything is. Like, you can actually pick up everything. And put it back because I don't want to do anything. "Order window (please don't spit in food)" I"M NOT GONNA SPIT in your food! What do you think I am. Okay. "Order Up". Here we go! What is my order? AAHUM, ok. "Order Up". I don't know what i'm doin' "Turn On grill and let's start frying." Okay, uh click YES! It's smokin'! I'M MAKIN' BACON! Shut Up! I'm makin' bacon, I don't need to listen to you anymore. Where are ma eggs? Here's my eggs, okay. Do I have to crack this? Okay, CLOSE THE DOOR! There we go. Um... Crack, crack OH, SHIT, SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! I'M SORRY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOIN'! Where-where do I um... Where's my rubbish? Where do I put the trash? I just put down some eggs. Are-are they on the floor? No. *laughing* Um. Okay. WHEE! Uh... *Ding!* There you go! (whispers) WTF That was crazy. Oh! We got a new order. "Pull paper when ready." But where do I put the paper then? It's in the way... everywhere. Look at the little cactus! Oh, awesome! Ah, crap! Okay, come here. OH, it's like a cactar from ahum... "Final Fantasy" Boing, boing *Laughing* Hey dude. *Throws cactus like a boss* There you go..Sorry, Jesus. Um... Righty. The oven is still on. The thing is still workin'. Can I put in a CD? Uh... No. Eject, ejec..there we go. Put in the CD. What do we have? "This is Totally Disco!" *Gasp!" I can't wait! P-put it up, put it up. And..PLAY! *Groovy disco music plays and JAck dances like a freakin' boss* OH, FUCK YEAH! Dude! You're a robot so you don't really feel the rhythm. But, if you knew how sexy this was... you'd be into it. OH, I can feel it! (O.O) HAHAHAHAHA! Okay. Sa-sa-sta-stop. S-stop. Oh, I can actually turn down the volume. Wait. *Bawesome music plays louder* OH YEAH!!! *Jack dances again* PARTY LADY! WOOO! This is what virtual reality is all about! If only I was up in the club right now. Okay. There we go. Turn you down. Um. Right. We gotta cook more food. What do we got? What's on out table for today? Blender. WHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA Awesome! Okay, I got to put salads into this. Do I-do I have salads? Ah, tomato There we go, ah.. Ah, mushroom Then were gonna make an omelet kind of thing. And, some broccoli. A broccoli omelet. cause, why the fuck not. *Laughing* There we go, close them and..... Go! Ah, go, gu-go-oh go. Whoa, yeah! ewwwwwwwwwwwwww! ewwwwwwwww! oh, its gross lookin'! Ih-oh god I spilled some of it, sorry. Um... Ding, ding! *Ding!* S-SORRY, It might taste gross! D-do you like it? I hope he likes it. I hope all the people who are getting my food like their food. Okay, what are we doing next? THIS IS SUPER FUN! What's goin' on? Hello! Mr. Ristocrat! What would you like? Tea and crumpets my good man! Uh um I-where's my-where's my kettle? Do I-do I- oooh kettle bro. Do I put you on this? Okay, now we got to go back to sink. THIS IS AWESOME! Am I still in like tutorials? Cause this is weird. And...pour you. Not too much because you'll-you'll boil faster with less water. I'll put you on this. I'm a fuckin' regular old... da...dish-o-matic... ca-computer-tron... human... foodmaker... Yeah! That's what I am. kay. progress bar, get ready. It's done, it's done, it's done. I know. Oh god, i'm burnin' the fuckin' order. Sorry. Um...here we go! pourin' the tea. There we go, there we go. This is so fuckin' cool! That does not look good. Eww, it looks gross. Crumpets, where do I-where does one find crumpets? Okay, whhhhhhhooooooooooaaaaaaaaa! Okay, go-go up. That's so cool! Okay. CRUMPETS! Here we fucken' go, OOOOOOOOH! There all over the floor. That's fine. No!, No! *Laughing* Toaster, where's my toaster? Oh, it's here. Ahh, i'm breaking my own wrist trying to do this. Okay. *Bites crumpet* I DIDN'T MEAN TO EAT IT! (Don't deny it, Jack) Ah, eatin' on the job. Sorry, sarge but it needed to be done. This is so fucken' awesome! Okay. And... OH, its got a little toaster icon! ♩Dum, dum, dum dum...♩ Are you done? Was that it? Oh wait, you're not done yet. Whoa!, god, go in. You didn't-you didn't do the thing. Cook! Come on! Pop! Huah!, got it! YEAH! CrumPETS! And-a tea. Done! *Ding!* Yay! There you go sir! Tea and crumpets, just like you asked! I have a itchy face. This is so fuckin' cool! I really like this. Ahum, ok. I-I think.. I'm trying to decide what i'll do If i'll keep all deh like if i'll do one job per episode so I do like the chef now or will
I do a bunch of them and then try beter next time. I dunno. I thi-I still think were in fucken' tutorial mode though. What is my order? Ooooh. This is very clever, developers. Well fucken' done. Um, okay you need to go back to sink. Here we go. I need to put some water in the pot. Water in the pot. What?! I have to fill up the water like this in a cup? No, no. I'm going to fill the kettle cause the kettle has more water holder. There we go. That-that-that's it? Fuckin' MARVELOUS! Okay. What kind of ingredients are we puttin' in the soup? Uh, vintage wine. Ah, no, vintage VINE. Grape juice, no I don't-I don't want grape juice. Um, potato. Potato soup, cause why the fuck not. Um, we need something else. What else do we got? Um... Tomato and mushroom. And.. a carrot. Go away, go away. THERE we go. This is gonna be a great soup! YES!, okay. Uh, turn on the heat. Look at that flame go! Awesome. Are you having a good time? I'm having a good time. We-we are coming up towards the end of the tutorial I think. *Ding!* It's done, It's done. Ta FUCK? "Potato, mushroom, and carrot soup." Well... you're right but, I... *Ding!* I'm suppose to serve it in a bowl. Mom bot *laughs* Mom bot number 5. ♩ One, two, a-three, for five! ♩ What are we cooking now. A sandwich. No. A SAAAAAAANDWICH yes, good job. OHHHHHH the sandwich stacker 2000 FUCK YEAH! I got slices of bread everywhere. What do I do? "X4" X4 what? Slice! Oh god, what am I doin'. There we go. Oh I got to make the sandwich. Um... I'm gonna cook some bacon for this. Here we go! YES! Can I actually do that? Are-are you cookin' right? Don't-don't over-do. Don't over-do. Here we go. A fucken' bacon sarnie, bro. It's gonna be the best! Um... Some cheese... Will you uh... Ah, you can't fucken' do that! You can't put the cheese on like that, You gotta grate it! Do I have a grater? Where's my great grater? My great...ooh. What are you? "Hot n' Steamy Gadgets". OoooOOOH for..that's fuck, that's robot porn! You can't be watchin' that. Okay, no were gonna put another slice. Oh yes, here we go. The sandwich stacker. Um, a tomato Can I-can I cut you? Do I have any fucken' utensils? Ah, a knife would be nice. A knife would be knife. There..fucken' fine Their sandwich is done. "Ding!* *Laughing* What the f....? What is this? *Laughing* I like how he doesn't know what he's actually sayin'. Trying to cut down on (Robot voice) Gluten. But that looks very (Robot voice) sandwich There you go. *Ding!* H-have a nice day! Good luck trying to eat that. I wouldn't be able to wrap my mouth around that. I wanted to make the tomato slices, but it didn't work. Okay, um... Order. "Order Up". *sizzling noise* *Giggle* What's our order, bro? Ooh Wh-what? Where did my dude go?! He just left me! Awe, no. It's a very vintage steak. It's all moldy! Eww! How did you say you wanted it cooked? I-i'm lookin' at this I'm lookin' at this and i'm gettin' ready to turn back time. SHUT UP! I'll cook your steak however you want. You don't even have taste buds ya fucken' robot! There we go, done. I-your finest vintage grape juice. *Laughing* *Pop!* Awe, I get to pop the cork! Here. Smell it. Is it up to your standards? Hopefully. Blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub Done! Ooh, I can smell it from here! *sniffs* Ahh *Drinks grape juice* Uh, ooh *Swallows* Ulg ulg What? Where gonna bribe him? This is not what I stand fer This is not-bro, this is not what I stand for I have morals, okay? Here. You fucker. *Ding!* Sellin' myself out, selling myself short. I cook great food. I don't need to pay people to enjoy it. They like my food anyway. What's the fucken' next order? What do you got for me? What's goin' on bro? Hi! Who are you? Awe!, you got a little kid. Timmy bot? Is that a Billy? *Laughing* Bread, tomato, and cheese. Got it. Okay, blender. Uh, homemade tomato sauce, got it. Thea-uh, these are in the cold foods? I like how my fridge fucken' auto restocks. Here we go. Ah plunk And, a shunk There we go! Tomato juice! Whaaat? This is not a pizza! Huh. Shut up! I'm tryin' to do-why does it have a fucken' nuclear symbol on it? Close door. Uh... Oh, god *laughing* Ding! BOOM! Um, I made some radio-active... Uh... *Sniff, sniff* OH, it doesnt smell good! What do we do next? I-I got it. Oh cheese. Okay, with cheese, please. Here we go. Uh... Cool? I'm not doing this right, am I. No. I was suppo-I was suppose to put other stuff in there, wasn't I. Um... Fuck off, FUCK OFF! Fuck off, order! I want the slice. Put you in the-ohh! okay. Then I put the cheese in. Uh, then I put some toppings in! What would you like on your pizza sir?! Sir, Ma'm? Billy! Timmy! Whatever the fuck you are. What would you guys like on your pizza? Wha-what should I put on the pizza? Umm... Mushrooms? Umm... broccoli. Okay, got it. Uh, mushrooms? No! And.. broccoli. Come here, broccoli. I'm makin' a fucken' mess but, whatever. ♩Ding, ding, ding, ding♩ ♩Ding, ding, ding, ding♩ (FNAF TUNE!) Doesn't look half bad! I'd eat this! Can I-can I eat it? Am I-am I...okay I won't eat it. Ding ding! *Ding!* There you go. One slice of pizza apparently for three people. What-More fucken ord-Jesus Christ will you give me a minute! I'm up to me eyes in... Eyes! Oh. It's very messy down here. Uh, clean up! Cle... Dicks? Apple s... Apple sauce, Tim, wtf is wrong with you?.. Son. Would you stop that. Fuck your child! Not like that, Jesus. Um... Are you a apple? This is not an apple, is it? No, that's a fucken' plum or somethin' Um, where are the apples? Ohhh, hi. *Strange blending noise* Okay, a fucken' special slice for you, little Timmy. You little piece of shit. You little pizza shit. He's allergic to warmth! (Done with life sigh) Your child is gonna be allergic to my foot in his ass in a minute. Um, ye-okay. here we go. Ding! and ding. Got it! *Ding!* There's your slice of pizza! It was bread, apples and cheese. IDIOT! Grabby, grabby. Oh! OH! I-I didn't do that, I didn't do that! Okay. Well i'm gonna leave this video here. I didn't poison that little robot child. I swear to god. He-he was like that when he got here. Uh, call your manufacturer for extended warranty. *laughing* Really cool game! I like it a lot. the-the little um... Like knobs that you turn And then like something goes away and comes back up. That's the kitchen of the future. I want THAT in my life like right now. So I can just like turn a knob And my kitchen just transforms like a fucken' robot. Be super cool. I'm gonna record more videos of this. I'm gonna do the other jobs in different videos. And I might go on to um... What are the other ones? You had like uh, you had a chef, The scrap mechanic, and.... Somethin' else. I'll go off and do the others in the other- in... some different videos. But this is really fun. I hope you guys like it. If you did!, PUNCH THAT LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE LIKE A BOSS! AND High-fives all around WHOO-PISH, WHOO-PISH WELL THANK YOU GUYS AND I WILL SEE ALL YOU DUDES... IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!! I hate that my outro is so underwhelming when i'm in VR Cause I can't shake around because this will fall off my head and these will fly out of my hands. Maybe that'll be fun.
