*highfive* [Jack] : Top o' the morning to ya laddies, my name is JackSepticEye and welcome back to Job Simulator, once more! I'm really glad you guys like this 'cause I love playing all the jobs in it. The last one we did was the auto mechanic, and this one we're going to play the office which you've seen already in the-in the demo that I did, but it just...I dunno, it doesn't look any different, the office space is actually... I think it's identical. You're new, because you're a gameplay mechanic this time, but everything else seems pretty much the same. So I'm-I'm curious to see what actual jobs we have to do in this So, uh, take paper when ready Ooookay. Get to work employee! [JobBot] : "Workers will traditionally start their day with an addictive liquid stimulant." [Jack] : An addictive liquid stimulant, oookay See now I actually get to do it without a time constraint. 'Cause last time, the fuckin' boss bot came in, And messed up my day-no, that's a shit mug. I don't want that one! [RandomCubicleBot]: *laughs* [Jack] : What? Oh, hi! Hey, Steve! Ummm, Serious Business Inc.? Noo! Anybody? No? Okay. Uhh, we are going for "World's Most Average Worker." Of course we are. Uhhh, yeah, coffee. *says coffee fast and repeatedly* (Like the squirrelthing in Hoodwinked) You done? Awww yeah! Ohhhh that's fresh coffee brewed from the hills of Colombia right there! *makes gulping noises* *chokes* AHHH MY FUCKIN' MOUTH! [JobBot] : "Also, workers would ingest a frosted sugar torres for sustenance. [Jack] : *amused* A frosted sugar torres? Okay! Who wants fun?! Who's in the office next to me? [CubicleBot2] : "Hey! That almost hurt!" [Jack] : Oh! Sorry Brenda! My bad! She-she, she gets REALLY angry when you touch her shit So, uh, A word to the wise? Don't touch her shit. - jacksepticeye 2016, Job Simulator Okay, good. Ummm... Ohhhh! I want squiggly snake donut! Ohhh yes, *noms donut* *delighted chewing noises* *noms again* *game freezes for a moment* What the fuck just happened? *laughs* That was weird! Okay! We good? Oh that disappeared. Hello! Oh do we go again? Okay. Can I get rid of this? Can I lift up the entire thing and get rid of it? No, can I MOVE this? That'd be-Okay, uhhh *laughs* nevermind! Human! [JobBot] : "Now you're ready to start your day!" "It's time for *computer.*" [Jack] : *mimicking Job Bot* It's time for computer. Also I can't wait until somebody develops- [JobBot] : "The computer is the most important facet of the office." "With humans and safety being a close second and third." [Jack] : SHUT UP! I can't wait until someone, um, actually develops a glove for this. I hope Valve are working on like a glove. So that you can actually manipulate all the fingers on a hand, THAT would be awesome! These are cool already, and I really feel-Oh god- it really feels good, AH it hit me in the head! But, other than that...I dunno, I want-ah crap- I want actual fingers to be able to work. 'Cause then I can fing' things! Do job! NICE! Uh *incoherent stuttering* Two weeks, and don't forge. Okay. This is the developers! That's Owllchemy Labs! Okay, movin' on! Sorry! Uh, we have to turn on my computer! So, uh... click! No power! Okay, so plug in the computer? Are we good? Yeah! Awesome! There they are! Those guys! Who's talkin'? SHUT UP! Okay, I AM THE ONE WHO IS THE ONE WORKING HERE! Uh, my-myyyy my login password is *types on keyboard* *phone starts ringing* Uh, don't tell anyone about my login password, okay? *phone still ringing* There we go! *laughs* *Jack finally notices the phone is ringing* Oh that's so cool-SHUT-HELLO?! [JobBot] : "Email was an inefficient form of communication, popularized in the mid 1990s." [Jack] : I'M ON THE PHONE! No, not you, Cindy! [PhoneBot] : "Hello there can you get me number one please? I need number one, line one for-" [Jack] : Okay number one-how do I-okay, number one Okay, line number one-Shut up!-oh GOD the old internet sound! I got you line one, are you good? Okay, see you later! Thanks! Thanks for calling! Uh, Jack Industries, where we have burgers and bites! *whispers* We don't really, we have...Donut Fella! Oh! Hi there! Um, right! Are we logged into the internet now? Boop boop! Boop boopy doop! Boop boopeh doop! *laughs* This is how I search the internet! Okay, uh... Gourmet chef, convenience stor-convenience store!-no, Office worker! 'Cause that's what I am right now! Free coffee mug sample?! *gasp* OH! THAT'S THE MUG I HAD! Gimme another one! [RandomCubicleBot] : "Hey, what the!" [Jack] : Shut up! Can I just keep printing them? There we go! *laughs* Nice! Okay! *sings circus music whilst trying to juggle* *fails at juggling* I don't know how to juggle. I wish I knew how to juggle (same) to see if it would work in this. [NewCubicleBot] : "Howdy neighbor!" Howdy neighbor! *grunts* SORRY! Oh, god I didn't mean to hit you! Who wants FUN?! Oh god I can throw so far! Um, give me something to hit! The cactus! Oh! Sorry Mark! Um...Can-can I do anything? What do I do next? "Send email" Oh okay. Um... How do I send email? Log out of this. Ohhhhh! Okay! Sorry! WHOA! WHAT THE FU-Delete all! [JobBot] : "Ahh, the freedom of inbox zero!" [Jack] : Yeaaah! I wish I could do that in real life, just delete all. That'd be so nice. Okay! Next one! I-I'm finished at looking at porn for the day! My password was 101? That didn't matter I could've entered in anything I wanted! Also, this is a copy machine. So, a lot of people wanted to see me copy, like a bunch of shit last time. AW the donuts are gone! I wanted to copy that! Good god it takes forever to copy- That's not what I copied! "Illegal copy, will not work" Oh my GOD that is a nice touch! You try to copy a CD it says "Illegal copy will not work, nice try human!" *laughs* "Not intended to copy organic materials" Oooooh! You have just got my senses TINGLING! What happens if I try to copy "Do Job?" There we go-Stop. Go away. Flappy Bot instead of, uh, Flappy Bird. Woosh! Aw I was hoping it would fly like a Frisbee! There we go! Copy this! Beep beep bedeep! Beep beep bedeep-Oh god. Who wants a shuriken? Ah it doesn't work! [AnotherNewCubicleBot] : "Hey, what the?" [Jack] : SORRY! Brenda! *grunts* I'm great at naming things. *grunts* Fuck! What are you? What is this? This looks like organic material. Can I-can I-can I copy it? Do job, I don't want that anymore. Awww man! I'm copying Dittos! Which is funny, because Dittos copy other Pokemon in Pokemon. That's the joke. Okay, keep copying! Keep copying all of these! I need more. I need more! More! MORE COPIES! MORE COPIES!! Can I just copy like a bunch of them please? Okay, that's enough. This is enough. Can I copy my face?! Oh yeah! OH MY GOD! I copied my hand! *laughs* That's clever! [CubicleBot2] : "C'moooon!" [Jack] : Sorry, here have one of these! Woosh! That one was floa-That one's floating! WHAT?! Can you see that over there?! That's awesome! Why don't rest of you guys float? Awww, I thought you were a floaty float Okay! I'm so sorry, I will continue! I'm just having fun right now! [JobBot] : "Here comes Supervisor Bot. Better look busy!" [SupervisorBot] : "Ok everybody, lets make some *computer* BUSINESS! [Jack] : Oh hi there! [SupervisorBot] : "Johnson, I'm counting on you to *paradine shift* those *optomizations*! [Jack] : Wasn't me! [Johnson] : "Uuh, you can count on me. [SupervisorBot] : "Thats what i like to hear!" [SupervisorBot] : "Hey human! You've been doing a *good job*." [Jack] : Thank you! [SupervisorBot] : "I'm thinking about giving you a *promotion.* In fact, if nothing goes wrong in the next ten seconds, the job's yours!" [Jack] : Okay! Don't. Do. Anything. Look busy. I'm busy! Okay, you said if nothing goes wrong in the next ten seconds, I have the job. [SupervisorBot] : "Ya see, that's why I like you. Always working hard to climb that ladder." YES! [SupervisorBot] : "Take this, the new position's yours! What am I taking? "Human, Assistant to the Supervisor" MA!! I MADE IT! I'M A WORKING MAN! [JobBot] : "Good job Human! You're climbing the ranks!" [Jack] : Thank you! [JobBot] : "And here comes Boss Bot! Looks like he's got more work for you!" [Jack] : Ummm, Imma put this here. Makes me feel good-Boss Bot? He's not here yet. Also I forgot that this dude was in it! Hello! BMO! [Toy] : "Keep working, and you'll get a promotion! Maybe! *laughs*" [Jack] : *mimicks laugh* Keep working and you'll get a promotion! [Toy] : "All work and no play makes Job Bot happy!" [Jack] : Okay, I actually hold it up to my ear and everything, that'll tell you how immersive this is! [Toy] : "I'm a computer!" [Jack] : *mimicking toy* I'm a computer! [Toy] : "Job Bot says get to work!" [Jack] : Job Bot says DUNKED! Man, I need something to dunk! I'm gonna copy one of these balls. Just-just in case I lose this one. Okay good. *grunts* Fuck! Bot: "Ooh a message!" That's not a message! It are a ball! WHAT THE FUCK? Aw now I-I*sigh* I need to dunk! [CubicleBot] : "*groans* Why is not five O'clock yet?" [Jack] : I don't know! Why are you shut up? Look at this fuckin' thing! Is the pink thing-the pink thing is still floating around over there! GET DOWN! Okay, no, okay um... Continue! Sorry! I get so distracted! *chuckles* [BossBot] : "Hello Human!" [Jack] : Hi!! [BossBot] : "I am Boss Bot. I have noticed you've logged in, so I am here to give you your first task of the day." [Jack] : Okay? [BossBot] : "We need to bring some new bots on board, so look through your resumes and find two bots to hire." [Jack] : The hire master! Why is my thing acting like I'm changing interpupillary distance? Stop that. [JobBot] : "You heard him! Make sure you pick the *best* bots for the job! [Jack] : Okay! Aw man! Who can we hire? Okay! Tourist Bot! Skills: Vacationing and Traveling, Co-founder and Pilot. *gasp* Oooooh! He's a pilot! Um, Safari Bot! Leadership, navigation, pretty good moustache, and human watching. *gaasp* He has a great moustache! We need to get hi-I don't need this we need to get him on board! Who else do we got? Ummm Hipster Bot? NO! Are you the same one-you're the same one again. Ummm, Bandit Bot! Being sketchy, cooking books, acquiring cheese, and driving cars. I have to hire this guy! Because as it says right here: he's good at cooking books and acquiring cheese! That's something that speaks to me! - jacksepticeye 2016, Job Simulator And *grunts* Yeah! [BanditBot] : "This is the happiest day of my life!" [Jack] : It's you! Go get me some cheese! Pl-please? Okay, no And I'm gonna hire this dude 'cause he' has a moustache Here he comes! [SafariBot] : "I can't believe it's my first day!" [Jack] : Your moustache did not lie! But on your first day you smacked into the hiring machine, so I might-I might have to fire him. *laughs* I don't need those *laughs* Oh! Magic 8-Ball! [SalesBot] : "Have you seen the latest sales report? This isn't good." [Jack] : SHUT UP! [SalesBot] : " Run up the old spreadsheet program and fix these numbers!" [Jack] : Oh my god I can take his glasses! I can take and wear his glasses! *laughs* Okay, uh Magic 8-Ball! Will...Am I doing a good job? Uuuuuum "Ask Again" Magic 8-Ball, do I look good in these glasses? "Ask Again" THIS IS BROKEN! Alright, it is BROKEN! Are you broken? Uh I think it's-I think it's actually broken Oh it's not a Magic 8-Ball, it's a Magic 1-Ball. (it said something!) Um...*grunts* Awwww man! Okay, um Take off these for a second 'cause I can't fuckin' see anything Um, what are we doing? "Profit Manager 99, it's easy" Can I put this in my computer? Oh that's cool!! Awe-some! Oookay! What am I doing? Umm... I don't know what I'm doing... How do I play this? Oh, I enter in a number? There we go Uh, profit too low. This is going up! Profit, 0, profit, 0, profit, 0. Oh, profit 1,1,1,1,1,1. Ahhh, these are my expenses, ookay. Submit! There ya go Boss Bot! You and me! You and me homie! Right there! Oh god "The Books!" "Our totally legit revenue" WHY IS IT ON FIRE?! (the book has been cooked) *attempts to blow it out* I need water! I need-COFFEE! Quench that! Quench-quench the book! AHHH THE WATER-THE COFFEE IS EVEN HOTTER! *laughs* What do I do? Oh. Here you go. [SalesBot] : "Wow, you cooked those books like a professional ~GOURMET CHEF~" [Jack] : There you go. You can have your glasses back. Can I have your tie? Oh. Oh 'cause I cooked the books. Where's my other Job Bot dude gone? Here he comes! [JobBot] : "Hey that was a-it's time for lunch." FOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! [JobBot] : "In your day, Humans would interact with primitive robots known as *vending machines* to obtain food. [Jack] : Cool! Download complete, go away *laughs Um, right! I don't know if that actually showed up on screen. A "Download Complete" just popped up on my face. Um, ooooh! Ooooooh! What can we eat? Imma have to go with a burrito! 'Cause I'm a little burrito myself. [JobBot] : "Looks delicious, enjoy your meal Human!" [Jack] : Oh me oh my you make me sigh, you're such a good looking burrito! *noms burrito* *delighted chewing noises* Oh, dude, if you had a fully working digestive system and taste buds, you would--you want some? Oh it's so good *obnoxiously loud nom* Ohhhh! [CubicleBot]: "Hey coworker, can you get me a ~CANDY BAR~ ?" Hmmmmm... Put it in my pocket. You didn't give me any money! *laughs* Um, you know what I should've done? Uh, he asked for a candy bar so I'm gonna get him a pretzel. [JobBot] : "Looks like it's stuck. Sadly this was common with early generations of robots." [Jack] : Can I shake it? Oh wait. I can just reach up and grab it. No? Come on you're giving me the option to do it! Kind of. Maybe. Ahh god c'mon maaan! Can I have more money? How do I? Bang bang! I can't shake it! I can't do anything! There's no more money around here What do I do? Oh! There's a handle! Well aren't I just a fuckin' derp? I-I'll get you your candy! Don't worry! Here you go! [CubicleBot] : "No, that's not what I wanted! Get me a ~CANDY BAR~" Oookay this'll be my pwetzil. And my money *laughs* Can I copy two things at once? Copy! I'm copying your money! .................. The fuck is this?? It's a meat block! That's tasty! Another one? I-there! I don't even know what this is. Can I give it to you? No? Okay, you don't want that Umm, let's just-let's just copy his money. So I can buy all the things that I need. All the things that I've ever wanted in life, are going to be mine. Awww man, "One fake money" Awww nice try, dammit! [CubicleBot] : "No, that's not what I wanted." [Jack] : Sorry. [CubicleBot] : "Get me a *candy bar*" [Jack] : Ooooh now I have two moneys! [CubicleBot] : "Did you just-not cool, Human! [Jack] : What? Now I have three moneys! Yaaaay! Okay. Uh, candy bar! Nuts n' Bolts! That sounds like a good candy bar! [CubicleBot] : "Thanks coworker!" [Jack] : You're welcome! Bye! This is my money! Can I not eat it? *laughs* "Get to work!" Yeah, let's get going! [MemeBot] : "Coworker, over here! Get on your computer and check out these hilarious pictures!" [Jack] : What pictures? Oooh! WHAT?! That's a lot! "Has you hire new employees, then fires you" Ohhh that's the- there's another meme like that with that actor dude I can't-*tsk*I don't fuckin' know *laughs* "Cancels 4PM meeting, chases robo mouse." "Asks for money and a date in the same work email." Oh that's the scumbag dude. "Not sure if I hate my job, or just hate Boss Bot." *laughs* That was my job for the day. Look at memes. How are-how are we doing on time? Okay, we could still keep going. Okay! Next one! Yaay! This is fun! [MemeBot] : "Howdy neighbor!" Oh! Howdy! What do these books say? [BossBot] : "Hello Human, I am looking forward to your presentation today on all of the *business* that we did in the last week." [Jack] : Hahahaha! [JobBot] : "So Boss Bot wants you to do a presentation. You'll need to make some slides! Time to learn about an ancient human technique called ~WINGING IT~ [Jack] : Oookay. [JobBot] : "Try using this program in your computer." Nice! Um..."How to Job for Dumb Humans. Learn how to be somewhat useful, by Job Bot." "Are you a dumb Human? Then this book is for you!" YOU WROTE THIS?! Asshole! I'm gonna put on my specs and look cool. Here comes fun! Who caught that? Okay. Let's ma-okay this is a-this is funny, but it's annoying to see on screen. Sorry! "Let's make a business presentation" okay "Choose color and theme" This. Looks like Spiderman. And Captain America. "Select title" uh, motivational, proactive, neutral-MOTIVATIONAL! "You can be good enough!" No, you can be BETTER than that! "Select transition" uh cheesy *laughs* "Select for overview" Concise, detailed, visual-Visual! Memes! So many memes! Professional, uh "Select a chart" uh, misleading. Cool! We have GREAT progress this year! Great progress! "Select transition" dramatic, Uh, "Select conclusion" call to action, profound, open ended, profound! Yeah, there we go! My presentation is ready! Can we go see it?! Yes! Oh, awesome! You guys better be ready for this! Are you guys ready?? This is a motivational-HEY!!! IT'S A MOTIVATIONAL-Oh FUCKERS! Fine! [BossBot] : "Soooo, you ready to go through this presentation?" [Jack] : Uh, I- [BossBot]: "Here's the clicker. Use the button to go through your slides." [Jack] : Okay. Oh god, oh god, I knocked it down. Okay! I-I-I'm ready! Are you gu-are you guys ready? IS EVERYBODY LISTENING?! STOP-STOP WORKING! AND LISTEN TO MY PRESENTATION-you motherFUCKERS! Fine, okay, here we go, here we go, here we go. Have you guys ever felt like you weren't good enough in the workplace? Well fear not! Because YOU too! Y-YOU too! Can be good enough! How do I? How do I click this? There we go. Haha! Cheesy! Wasn't that funny? Hahaha! Wa-wasn't that...wasn't that funny? Aha Okay! Um, here we have some memes, as you can see, the memes are in a decline! Um, but how do we fix this? Does anybody know? Raise of hands! How do we fix the meme shortage? Exactly! With meme shortage, you gotta increase! To stop the meme shortage, you've got to increase the memes! So everybody should be memeing harder than you've ever had before! YOU CI-C-uhhh BECKY! Uhh BECKY! What? [RandomBot] : "Gah! My glasses!" [Jack] : My glasses! -imitating bot- BECKY! Um, how do-*sigh*-fucks sake How do you meme? [Becky] : "Hey, that almost hurt!" [Jack] : There-Oh! You just became a new meme! "Hey, that almost hurt!" Make it a meme, people! There we go. BOOM! HA! [PresentationBot] : "Interesting concept!" [BossBot] : "Nice job, Human!" [Jack] : I wasn't FINISHED! [BossBot] : "That was very *business*" [Jack] : I was-*sigh*-I had, like, an epic conclusion to say, like "Go out there and be all that you can be!" Can I move the shelf? No, but you didn't let me! And then I was gonna go Drop the mic! God dammit. OKAY! Well I'm gonna leave this video here. It's a good place to end it off on my presentation. I hope you all learned something, I hope you all know how to be the BEST robot worker than you can be! BE THE BEST HUMAN YOU CAN BE! BE MORE POSITIVE!!! YEEEAH! I had auto mechanic, I had chef, I had office worker, and I had..... Oh, a store clerk! So, those are the four things that are actually in the game right now, they're likely gonna add more, or they might add more to them, I haven't finished them all off completely, so I don't know if I'm gonna do more videos on it. I wanna, I wanna kinda push ahead and do more VR stuff instead of getting stuck up in the one game, so I might push away from this for now, and then go back and do the rest of it, or finish off the stuff that I didn't finish, 'cause people were saying that if I finished all the jobs off, then I get some sort of secret, or, a different ending, or something like that, so I dunno, I might come back to it after a while, but for now, THANK YOU GUYS, so much for watching this, If you LIKED it, PUNCH that like button IN THE FACE, LIKE A BOSS!!! And, highfives all 'round! *wha-pish! wha-pish!* But THANK you guys and I will SEE ALL YOU DUDES.... IN THE NEXT VIDEOOOO! -Subtitles by Pearl Cardis, Ross Goertz and other bosses- Be more positive! There it is! Great motivational message from Jack See, I CAN do good presentations! add your name above if you helped with the subtitles
