jack starting to sing off-key bum boo-pa-doo a-do more off-key singing *wha-pash*
tOP OF THA MORNIN TO YA LADDIES MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE AND WELCOME BACK TO *air succ*
GLORY GREATEST COUNTRY MOTHER PROUD *the giggles of an Irishman* It's been a REALLY long time since I've played
Papers, Please. and I played it recently on the charity livestream that we did *inhale* And I put in a poll for people to donate towards to say 'What old game series do you wanna see come back to the channel?" And - almost unanimously people picked
Papers, Please. The Sims was a very close second, But A LOT of people picked
Papers, Please. A LOT, A LOT of people really wanted to see
Papers, Please. again. And I played a little bit of it on the stream But I wanted to play it again here for videos because I love this game so much and It's been a really long time since I played it And I miss it so ever dearly. It's one of my favorite series that I've ever done on the channel, so. Let's try it again, shall we? I don't know if I'm gonna do better or worse. Let's go all the way back to the start. 'Cause I need to start a new game. nO go-- go BACK Can you- can you scroll? There we go. This is the other one that I was doing, and this is the original one, so we don't need ANY A' THESE We need a NEW one. I need to- I need to get my family back in order together. *jack reads the text on screen* Welcome, Comrade! You get to be glory greatest worker! Arstotzka- glOOry tO aRSTOTZKA Oh- man, It's been a while My pipes aren't ready for this, alright? I can't wait to get in to there and just fuckin' *jack points to whiteboard*
DETAIN! It's gonna be a very different world here this time I know what im doing now kinda.. not really.. I'm still pretty bad at the game Here's the thing- I played this game, originally thinking "Man, I need something to play -- there's nothing to play right now." And I tried out this game To be like "Oh - this'll be fun - I haven't played this game before." And a lot of people really like it And I'd decided to just try it for myself In a video and people went BANANAS over it. People ABSOLUTELY loved it. And - even though I'm not "good" at the game, Even though by the end of the game I was actually kinda SHIT at it. And I was making a lot of mistakes, And I didn't get the most amount of money WELL, I finished it. That's the one thing, But, When I was playing it -- it just wasn't about how good I could be at the game. it was just fun to see all the characters and all the jokes and the memes and everything that came out of it. "Grestin Border Checkpoint Opens At Last" "After 6 Long Years, Can the Ministry of Admission Keep Us Safe?" I dunno, can I? Probably. Look at me! There I go! November 23rd, 1982 Alright, everybody better get ready for this. So the first one is easy because I'm just allowing Arstotskans in. I think it's just Arstotskans. Aw, I can't use tab and space to do my things yet. Um, okay, all of these snakey people all hanging out at the side, you're all going to be part of glory GREATEST unless you have the wrong passport then the FUCK outta my line! Alright Next please! Everybody in. Hello! Welcome to glory greatest. You are an Arstotzkan Yes, very good, very good Yes, very good GLORY to Arstotzka! Wait, I can't make mistakes already can I? They're like, "Yeah that was the wrong issuing city." Ah, sorry You are not - No! No no no no no fuck! "Arstotzkans only" Okay, thank god my second stamp overwrites the first one 'cuz I almost fuck it up Papers, please! This is NOT GLORY GREATEST THAT'S NOT GLORY GREATEST Get outta my line! Only glory greatest mother prouds are allowed in this country. Papers please! Oh, you are from Kolechia You're gonna be a pain in my dick later Damn Kolechians! The Kolechians are the ones that are gonna bomb my guy over here. Papers, please! "It was mistake to open this checkpoint." Okay! Well you know what, I didn't want you in glory greatest anyway Oh! Little potato lady. Where are all my glory greatests?! It's Arstotzkan only! This Arstotzkan checkpoint for Arstotzkan glory greatest Oh. My. God. SO many Kolechians So many non-Arstotzkans I want the Arstotskees, please! What's up, 75 kilo man? Oh. My. God. Arstotzkans only I'm getting paid by the amount of people I let in, by the way. Arstotzkan? Arstotzkan! Yes, and Paradinza is an Arstotzkan... city! So thank you I didn't check your weight or your name or anything I'm just letting Arstotzkans in because you know what? If a glory greatest shows up then a glory greatest gets in. That's how this works. No ifs, ands, buts, or peanut butter and jelly Ooh! Tiny little bun lady. You are from Impor not glory greatest! That almost glory worst! No glory! Oh, I've 11 people It sounds like he says "haiyakuu" "Hayaku!" Hayaku, hayaku! Which is like, fast or hurry or quickly in Japanese YES Arstotzkan glory great - COME ON! This is why I need the fuckin' tab button so I don't mess up over here and I'm not clicking off way outside the game Arstotzkan? No, stupid Republia. NO! The fuck are you doing? Alright, I'll get a couple more in Maybe just one more in. Come on, I can do this. Dammit! You sons a' bitches No don't go home! All of you Arstotzkans are allowed in! Oh, glory greatest *singing theme* bum! bum! bum! Alright - rent, food, heat, salary Ooh! Wait, I get paid for letting people go as well? Alright, so everybody is fine for right now so I'm not gonna give you food yet I'll give you food on the next one. Cuz I need to save up all the money I can at the start 'cuz the start part is the easy part and after that, it's gonna get glory hardest. "Grestin Checkpoint a Success! Entry Restrictions to Relax, Admit Foreigners" okay I can admit foreigners, but now I have to check their ID's Alright, let me get some glory greatest water Alright, this is like twenty... sssssssixteen Jacksepticeye recording right now It's hard on the ole throat. "From today, foreigners with a valid passport are permitted." "Your booth's inspection hardware is now installed." "Check all passport information carefully for discrepancies," okay "Enter inspect mode," Yeah I know how to do that. Umm So I just need to check - I don't need an entry permit yet, right? Ooooh, yesss! Okay, next in line, please! I hope you weren't waiting all morning. Hayaku, hayaku Okay so I need to check, ah, Antegria... And St. Maramero Oh god, I'm so slow. St. Maramero, okay that's good yes, yes, this all looks good, this is in date... Yes! Okay, you're allowed in. Haha! No! Take your passport and go! Cause no trouble, glory greatest, move on. I keep waiting for the citations to show up as well It's going to be a whole episode of me going Okay Where are you from? Antegria. Outer Grouse. Is that same place? Yes, Outer Grouse, very good, very good 1982, 11, 6 - this out of DATE! THIS OUT OF DATE! You are not allowed into glory greatest! "Please let me through." Well I am sorry. Ahaha! This is glory greatest, the FUCK outta my line! Coming in here with bad passports. Hello. How old are you? Obristan. Outer Grouse. Obristan not Outer Grouse! This bad, bad passport! It's, it's not right city Discrepancy detected! "I do not understand." You understand right well! You understand that you tried to get into glory greatest with a bad piece of information. The FUCK outta my line! Next! Hi Oh, a Paradinza Aristotzkan "I'm meeting bus soon." Okay. This is in date, this is in date good, good, female, yes, this... I guess that looks like your face. Who am I to judge, okay? My face does not look the best on a... day. Don't give me a citation. If you give me a citation, I'm gonna flip a shit. Oh, Paradinza! Yes, okay, in date, in date Is that - is that your face? Hm, okay bro I'll - I'll - I'll say yes for now, Clark Ronan Alright, but if you come into glory greatest don't cause no trouble! Alright, who's next? Uh, I don't think that that's a place. "Hello, handsome. You look bored." Do I? "You want time to go-" Okay? Uh - that is a place here! Okay, cool. You can be let in. Um, there's a lot of people No! Do you want my rule book? I think there's a bunch of people - "I will be around couple of months. Don't forget to visit." I think this lady is always good to let in There's a couple of people who give you things that are good to be let in, or should be sent back. Kolechia! Okay, let's see Kolechia. Vedor! Yes, very good. That's - *alarm* Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! He climbed the wall! No! Take him down, Legolas! Oh, he's gonna get exploded 'cause you're bad at your job! How can one man with a tiny bomb Oh, shit. *singing theme" bum! bum bum bum Okay Alright, my son is sick and he needs medicine Okay got it, that's minus 5 See this is why I saved the money, because now I'm at 50. Bum BUM! Bum! I wasn't letting that guy in anyway because his face was a different picture than what his face actually was. "Terrorists Strike At Grestin!" Nasty way to go. Alright, do you have 2 guys now? Okay good. See, I like this bit of environmental storytelling. It's a nice little nod to be like, Yeah, we need more security. Okay, all foreigners require a valid entry ticket. Okie smokey! Next in line, please! Come on in. Glory greatest. Hi! You look like a nice person. Okay, is your thing in date? Okay, that's the first thing you should check because if that's not in date then no point in checking any of this. Enkyo! Yes, female, 1945, Oh wait, entry ticket, yes *muttering* Oh yeah, that's right on the date. Okay you can take that. I think this is good but I could be wrong, because even though I work for glory greatest, I do not have the world's glory greatest deduction skills. I'm kinda slow at them, actually. Ah, hello? Basic entry ticket please! Do not say, "Oh here it is!" Oh, you motherfucker. Wasting my time! *muttering* okay it's valid, whatever. This is valid. That's your face. You're a female. I need to check United Federation Fuckin' map! No! United Federation - I'm taking too long Great Rapid - okay, cool, Glory greatest! In ya come, out ya hop, have a nice day. Don't give me it, don't give me it, don't give me a citation I don't need them. I don't need them in my life, okay? "I can make happy any time." Okay, that's very nice of you. Is that your face? Okay, that is your face. Who am I to say that that's not your face? Alright, I need Impor. Okay, everything seems fine to me. Everything's in date. You're gonna tell me something's wrong now like your eye color was off, and then I'll get a citation for it and if I do... you're gonna get a glory greatest back of the hand. Valid entry ticket? Yes. This is good, that's good... Shingleton! In United Federation. Is that a place? Shingleton? Yes. That does not sound like a place that should be in glory greatest, but welcome aboard! Come on in, have a nice time! Kick up your feet and have a pint! Alright, next! Wow, square jaw much? "I heard about terrorist attack. You are luck to have a job still." I am lucky to have a face! I'm lucky to still be alive, dude! I almost got killed! Kolechia, Yurko City See this is annoying, you can move it with the click but also You can move it with the click, but also trying to click it sometimes tries to move it. It's annoying. Also all you people glory greatest veterans out there, stop judging me! I'm great at this game. I'm glory greatest! Oh, this is out of date-o Sorry, lady. You're not allowed in. Oh? Don't look at me like a lost dog, okay? The FUCK outta my line! This is glory greatest, you think we became glory greatest by letting every Tom, Dick, and Harry in? No, we became glory greatest by only letting the very greatest mother country proud people in! You're from Republia, so let's get a look at that. East Grestin? That - no. No. That's bad! "I don't know anything about that." Of course you do! I know something about it the FUCK out my line. These fuckin' people in my line Oh! Little potato man! Oh I am immediately denying you because you never have the right stuff. You don't have a passport! Oh, "Where is your passport?" "Passport?" "Arstotzka so great, passport not required. Right?" "A passport is required." "Okay, okay, I hear you. I come back again." Aw, little potato man! You were always my favorite! Oh, such memories! He'll be back. He's a chancer. He's a trier. Okay, that's good. St. Marmero in Antegria See, some people who play this game will be able to ah, I think you're good Some people who play the game will just automatically know the locations from having played it so often. But I don't. I don't know the locations. You look like potato man's more handsome brother. Okay, this is valid. True Glorian from Republia This is what I mean, they'll be able to look at it and go, Republia, yeah, True Glorian is part of Republia. Whereas I can't do that. Oh, was there something off about that? I didn't check it that thoroughly. I was too busy talking to the lovely people! I got no citation. That's good. Papers, please! Okay Obristan, Lornadz, this is in date, just check these because these are faster information if something's wrong. Lornadz, yes, okay everything seems good, Edward Gray. I'm allowed 2 mistakes anyway, so Get - take the fucking ticket! Aw man! Invalid gender? Shit. I'm not looking for genders and stuff! I don't see gender! Everybody's lovely! Everybody's a great person in my book. Regional map, you're from... Impor. Is that a thing? Tsunkeido, yes, yes, okay whatever, whatever I'm just gonna let you in 'cause I want to get another person in before my day ends! I wanna make more money! More money! God fuckin' dammit. Non-matching photo? Okay, I'll take my time with you. Uh - *sigh* Man... Man, Dan... "Please let me through." I can't. I can't, okay? You have to get out of my line! Okay, I'm not allowed another mistake. Alright. You're probably going to be my last one. Okay that's the valid date, that's your valid face, seems like you might be a male but it's hard to actually tell. I think Tsunkeido's in Impor, right? Yeah. I think this is good. I think you're good, but I could be wrong. No citations! No citations! Hashtag no citations! Please, please! Yes! Haha!
