HOLT GONE WILD | Brooklyn Nine-Nine | Comedy Bites

[Music] peralta are you eating an italian sub for breakfast i am but amy said i should eat more veggies so i got extra pepperoni smort excuse me you need to watch yourself i'm sorry cop all right let's everybody just stay calm here oh what are you going to arrest me for dancing you call that dancing this is dancing what is happening i'm diffusing the situation [Music] [Applause] dancing captain let's capture my life oh why is my phone always dead i paid 13 for it don't worry oh my hands are covered in butter from making butter i'm on it must record camera on all right here we go dancing over situation diffused huh it's funny when people call dentist doctor we are doctors we do four years of medical school now it's called dental school but we learn about the entire body but if you had cancer you can call a dentist you know it's actually harder to get into dental school than medical school well because there are fewer dental schools because most people want to become actual doctors that's ridiculous it's not like we're college professors calling ourselves doctors that's the same thing my friend sure it is when someone has a heart attack on a plane do they yell out yo does anybody here have an art history phd a phd is a doctorette it's literally describing a doctor maybe let's refocus no the problem here is that medical practitioners have co-opted the word doctor okay captain i know we live in a world where anything can mean anything and nobody even cares about animal apparently that's a trigger for me yeah apparently i tried to suck it up and go back to work i put on my uniform and got in my car next thing i knew i was on a plane to mexico didn't even pack a bag i bought a bundle of novelty shirts at a nearby gift shop this one says what's up beaches instead of [ __ ] for human reasons but you hate humor well i'm a joke now so it suits me guys i have a great idea for a prank before hold comes in i'm gonna put ink on the podium where he puts his hands i don't think he'll fall for that i did how i haven't even opened this yet i guess it's unrelated captain holt hates pranks this is gonna backfire man ugh fine i'll tone it down i'll move his podium a foot to the left what he'll be so angry okay five inches five three three one one all right i'll move it a half inch fine it's your funeral oh my god worst prank ever so stupid holt's not even gonna notice good morning you guys at the podium [Laughter] you're crazy how did you pull this off i want you guys to think of me as one of the boys so tonight i'll be swapping out my captain's hat for my kangol hat call me raymond okay raymond in the kangel hat i will definitely call you raymond raymond and the kangal hat it's the best night of my life i think instead of us rising to your level it's maybe time for you to stoop down to ours and that's just the start what is this glutinous monstrosity before me the sugar in this is quite sweet that's your whole impression i can hear him doing that looks like a sticky pillow i don't care for it classical music what's going on here what are you doing captain hey nothing just eating some marshmallows care for one marshmallow i knew it wait for it wait for it 901 amy santiago was officially late for the first time ever all right let's do this who's got theories uh alarm didn't go up all three alarms all with battery backup come on who wants to take this seriously ooh she was taken in her sleep that's what i'm talking about super dark boyle but way more plausible than the sarge's idiotic alarm clock theory i bet she tucked herself into bed too tight and got stuck maybe she fell into another dimension where she's interesting it's 9 a.m why is no one working amy santiago is a few minutes late and we're all trying to guess why i like to play i'd say she's in line at the bank this is fun it is fun but you're all wrong she clearly slipped through a subway grade and is having terrible sex with a mole man there she is amy where have you been we've been worried sick do you care to explain yourself i'm just 70 seconds late it's not a big deal don't worry about it santiago you will tell us and you will tell us now there's a problem at the bank hot damn woo yes whoop whoop raymond in the kangel let's go what's all this it's an after work hang just trying to turn up as it were we got uh snacks games decorations chairs yes chairs cool maybe we can mill around and small talk about how some of us are big lying liars who lie all the time like a bunch of liars rosa i don't think that's good party combo uh maybe we should just name our favorite sailing knot i'll start the bow line how about some tunes cool merry-go-round music yeah john philip sousa the skrillex of his day come on people hit the dance floor have a good time why is no one having a good time i specifically requested it we've been at this bachelor party for over an hour wandering around aimlessly and we haven't done one bachelor party thing well terri if you'd like i could share a lewd story kevin got me quite horny this morning oh see where did gina come from and here comes jake welcome to the big show i was gonna sneak the plaque out without anybody knowing but then i thought so much more fun to make you watch now enjoy as i steal the plaque of destiny ah trying to pick the lock el capitan that'll take at least three minutes by which time i will have hidden this plaque somewhere you will never find it [Music] voila of course you could break the window but you would never knowingly destroy government property would you well misread that one gina skate skate like the witch i call the game real ray or fake ray and joining us is a very special contestant captain ray holt himself all right here's how the game works i will say a phrase you tell me if i made it up or if it's something that captain holt actually said in real life to an actual human being i understand the logic of this game great phrase number one the futility of lighting candles only to blow them out immediately is just one reason i find children's birthday parties impractical that's all fake i say fake tooth i don't remember saying it so it must be fake it was real carries kids at their birthday party oh i remember now okay do another one all right phrase number two any smile that lasts longer than a second and a half is a con man's ruse that's fake i think that's great i said it and i meant it that meat was good you know what we should order more meat yeah we should we're the steak stuff the steaks no no no wait charles already gave us a name and that is the only one we're gonna use stay stuck stay stunned stay stand stay start it's charles oh no no what do we do what do we do everyone calm down it'll be fine i have an idea why is everyone looking at me you just said you had an idea and then you stopped talking oh my goodness i'm very intoxicated while you were out being tardy i was hard at work devising a special punishment i've crafted an intricate personal high-five with everyone in this office except you what but you hate high-fives yes every minute of it was hell but it'll be worse for you squad dismissed good-bye diaz salute into a fanny wagon goodbye boyle the snake charmer goodbye jeffers that's the butt bump goodbye santiago double fist bump reverse explosion into a pete townsend strum all right that was terrible but it's over now and i made it through goodbye leonard from xerox what no no the copy guy now charles has to think we're totally sober and we solved his puzzle so we good yep i'm drunk as hell that's not what i ask don't worry about me i've seen you do enough of these hair brain schemes that ought to play along if charles asks what's wrong i'll just put on a koi smile and say nothing i was just checking to see if there's anything we can do to help and i hate to say it but i think there is oh you think he's gonna get me drugs from evidence uh no something way weirder is happening hit it jefferson [Music] distracted you

Channel: Comedy Bites

Views: 714,692

Rating: 4.9630551 out of 5

Keywords: NBC, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, captain holt, andre braugher, jake peralta, andy samberg, captain holt dance off, terry and captain holt dance, brooklyn nine-nine the box, brooklyn 99 sterling k brown, brooklyn 99 dentist interrogation, brooklyn 99 dentist not a doctor, brooklyn 99 dentist phd, jake pranks holt podium, captain holt marshmallow scene, holt marshmallow impression, amy late brooklyn 99, holt hot damn, holt hot damn cold open, captain holt party, b99 amy gives birth

Id: wW_3XpFGhgs

Length: 10min 9sec (609 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 22 2021