Half in the Bag: Life and Power Rangers

half in the bag get out of my living room Harry my one true love ever since I first smelled you I knew I wanted to choke down your elderly man meat I knew I wanted you inside me like Luke in a warm moist dead tauntaun Mike I am NOT reading these vows the ones that the officiant gave us are just fine oh yeah oh by the way I got confirmations back from Barack and Michelle they are definitely coming to the wedding oh and I booked you and mr. Plunkett on The Ellen DeGeneres Show next week I submitted your engagement photo for a segment called greatest proposal stories ever told tapings next week you're gonna have to tell your story our story our story is a scam Mike I didn't tell the real story you idiot I made up some [ __ ] I said that you proposed to mr. Plunkett at a Donald Trump rally then everyone called you guys homos and beat you up mr. plink it ended up in the hospital in a coma for a month when he finally woke up the first word he said was yes the story made Ellen cry I guess ladies cause she's a lesbian or maybe it made her assistant cry I don't remember who I talked to on the phone I made somebody cry either way you guys are going on The Ellen Show next week get on your Sunday best what did I ever do to you around Mike a lot of money with this deal so don't complain what are you reading in this antiquated form of news oh this is a newspaper I picked up I'm reading a really amazing article in fact it's mind-blowing I've read it 10 times already I just I just can't let this article sink in it's just unbelievable to me this news it's unbelievable oh is it the story about how we discovered seven exoplanets or is it about like the London terror attack Oh is it about how scientists have discovered how to put 400 tetra bytes of information on a single strand of DNA what no none of that that's a bunch of crap what it says is that the new chips movie is a flop what the [ __ ] yeah I know I can't believe it who would have thought that a modern movie reboot of a forgotten 1970s TV show would possibly get bad reviews or that people wouldn't want to pay 50 dollars to go to a movie theater to see it when there's literally thousands and thousands of hours of entertainment streaming on Netflix and Amazon I just can't [ __ ] believe it chips is a surefire hit I mean what a recognizable property chips with Erik Estrada the TV show from the 70s do you remember it grandpa what a hit who who wouldn't want to go see that remember chips I'm just I'm just so [ __ ] shocked yes we found life on Mars yes we discovered the cure for cancer and yes scientists have found out how to stop cells from aging basically creating a Fountain of Youth but the [ __ ] chips movie is flopping well hey speaking of chips do you want to talk about some movies absolutely have you seen chips life is a new sci-fi thriller starring Jake Gyllenhaal Ryan Reynolds and other people I don't know Jessica Chastain Idris Elba I don't know I don't know who they were it's all about astronauts aboard the International Space Station that collect a sample of dirt from Mars somehow it has a frozen or dead piece of amoeba in it or a microbe then they've turned it alive and it kills everyone because it's a weird alien hold on for an exciting film you know our first episode is only 10 minutes long J what did you think of life uh this movies okay I saw the trailer and I was like oh it's it's alien and then you watch the movie and you say oh it's it's alien but it's different enough where it's enjoyable for what it is it's not gonna you know win any awards for originality but it's like one of those but called a blender film takes a bunch of different movies and puts them in a blender it's gravity and alien that's kind of it the the first half was was pretty compelling it's actually pretty tense too because I mean if you've seen the trailers you know what happens they find this little organism and it starts to grow and it becomes menacing and starts killing everyone one by one which is nothing like alien but when it's small and they're just sort of like looking at it on a microscope and then they're you know they've got it in a little containment unit and the guys looking at it the not Idris Elba is looking at it it's pretty tense the thing grabs onto his hand it breaks his fingers like all that was really well-executed [Music] because yeah that that seems good it breaks his hand it's very strong and then someone goes in there I won't say who cuz I don't wanna give away spoilers quite yet to get it and and then there's a pretty grotesque first kill which I thought was really disturbing almost 100% because of the sound design the sound yeah and that scene are really good I get what they're doing the horror movie concept of something from microscopic microbe to horrific terrifying alien threat throughout the course of the movie is something different but it kind of like f halfway through kind of fell into little cliched territories well that's when it becomes just sort of like running through hallways and closing doors and all this [ __ ] we've seen a hundred times then it wants a I guess once it consumes organisms because it eats a mouse then it eats somebody's guts yeah that sucks on a guy's leg basically I think when it starts to consume matter because they say it's a carbon-based life form so that he needs air and food and you know normal things that we P humans need carbon-based life forms and that's just getting bigger and bigger and stronger in them and then it comes to the point where it's like virtually indestructible and there are there's no like set of rules but it never shows any kind of like I'm being weakened you know and then they're like let's deprive it of air again inside the ship and that's all they can really think of doing there's no there's no smart pattern they're very very scientific and they're very they act like scientists up until a certain point then they just act like people and in a cabin in the woods right if we let it get to earth all human life let's kill the thing in Star Trek they would always try to like make communication with something especially an alien creature that's that's shows some sign of intelligence yeah you think they would be like okay let's let's do a thing while it's flopping around in this room let's let's send out you know what is it they always try to do prime numbers it's like the basic thing of communication you know it's just a little thing that just grew up but you know maybe can maybe can understand a message somehow at least make an attempt even if it lasts five minutes yeah you'd made a you you tried you know held a picture up this isn't that type of movie though this is a monster movie and then after that yeah it sort of Pitters out and then we have what what is it they call is it a Eureka moment the movie trope when there's something introduced earlier in the film and then then later on in the film you're just talking about it and then it sparks that idea every called Eureka it's a good night moon book yeah they introduce that and I'm like wait how did that that came up to the space station the one character has a baby on earth and the rest of the crew members must have known that so they got a little gift the one lady did and something like that's come into play later good night moon good night good night cow jumping over the moon goodnight light red blue what is the primal instinct of any life-form to survive it's a neat design especially when it's smaller that's when it's creepier like the idea that it can just sort of like crawl in your mouth and go through your guts like that's scary and there's sort of that biological element to it and that's that's creepier than when it gets big and it has like a face yeah yeah this is just like a like a like a big-budget b-movie which I guess a lot of kind of bigger movies they've been saying that since like jaws came out just a big-budget b-movie but this really feels like a like a best of the worst type movie like an alien ripoff but done with like a huge budget and like real actors like I was watching it it's weird where it's like Ryan Reynolds is like Jake Gyllenhaal it's like how do they get these guys for this this kind of simplistic alien monster movie the one of the characters says I hate that thing I I it's not scientific but I hate it because yeah it's whole goal is just to kill us to survive and at the end they prove that it is smart though and I'll explain to you that in a second okay but really it it's its goal to if its goal is survival and it's intelligent it's not just out to kill them because if say if it killed all the humans on the International Space Station and it snuck out but then it's stuck out there and it eventually will run out of resources and power and and oxygen yeah so that's not dumb then it's just a wild animal running around so then that like X that that explanation but if it was smart then the scientists should try to make some kind of effort to communicate with it so then you got those two things and then it proves that it's smart at the end because spoilers there's two escape pods jake gyllenhaal sacrifices his life and says i'm gonna go get an escape pod b i'm gonna lure the creature in there and we're gonna shoot us off into space and escape pod a lady is going to go down and and be saved there no reason for both of them to die but there's switcheroo the thing kept Jake Gyllenhaal alive so that somebody would open the [ __ ] pod when it landed on earth right like it would have just a demand consumed him but it knew that it was contained in this little little pod and that if it kept Jake Jake alive people would try to get him out so it had it had intelligence and reasoning and it used a [ __ ] tool when it was at you know amoeba stage yeah that was a little odd so it was super smart but not smart enough to know that I shouldn't just be a mindless killer you know what I mean so there's lots of contradictions in in terms of sci-fi one scientists stopped acting like scientists which was okay because really scientists are just people and they might get scared they might make dumb decisions they might just fight for their survival and not act like Star Trek characters I understand that but then the moths are both acted like an alien from alien which is a thing that just wants to shoot it's a little face out and break your skull for a reason at all it doesn't eat you yeah it says the big insects it's just a big insect and then and then at the same time this thing acted like an alien and it acted like I'm a super clever little thing so if it seemed like a sci-fi film written by like a weightlifter I don't think I'd go that far there's a little too intelligent for that a sci-fi movie written by a weightlifter would be like alien species is that the movie we watched its head prior oh that's like in like a dumb alien I thought you're talking about species within the testicle and that that kind of yeah that falls into that category to become super hot which kills you sure cause like alien but super hot and then there's a scene in Jim I would have liked if the aliens stayed and like hand-sized creature and then maybe had babies it's easier to sneak around that way it was creepier when it was smaller when there was and then they they cut to a shot and then they oh they're going down the hallway and then like the door breaks open just like thousands of this door you go come on up the hallway once you introduce that one it's [ __ ] dangerous and break your hand then you have a shot of thousands of them coming down the little hallway and you're like close the blast doors close the back doors it's amazing why instead of turned into a big thing to look like species 8472 and I was embarrassed at the atmosphere in 39 minutes by branches but it could good night mr. this everywhere so Mike would you recommend life yes it's okay as far if you're if you go in kind of knowing and it's gonna be like like a subpar alien it's alright yeah it's got good performances it's it's well executed it's just not very original which me makes it not very engaging it's like a it's like I guess I would say it's like a rental I don't know sure I'm on the fence about it this nation will continue to be a pioneer in the new frontier space [Music] you read the next one the top line that's that's why I roll [Laughter] Power Rangers aka Mighty Morphin Power Rangers is a movie Mike what did you think of Krispy Kreme presents Power Rangers I think I went in with such low expectations that I found the movie adequate it's it's fine I'll save for disclosure purposes I have never seen The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers this is a lie and I know this because I found in the glove compartment of your car your copy of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers official fanclub VHS tape [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] no J makes is making that up I don't know where that tape came from but here's what I know about the Power Rangers because I'm old I did not grow up with the Power Rangers I may have walked by a television when it was on once or twice and saw like a like floating head and there was a little robot yes and I assume that that was absorbed or Zorgon or something Zardoz was our dad and the robot was his little friend our helper and then the power he was like you know the guy that helped the Power Rangers become Power Rangers and from what I understand all the footage of them fighting is dubbed because it's stolen from Japanese TV yes that's that's exactly what it was yeah I think they still do that too cuz there's still new Power Ranger shows because the Japanese show it's called like Super Sentai or something like that like that show still going so the people can correct me if I'm wrong but I think that's still the tradition is that they still take all the actual Power Ranger footage from the Japanese show yeah so this is like one of those cases where I'm judging the movie as a movie and I imeem if anyone says with a straight face like they did justice to the source material they should just kill themselves that's like yeah that's like getting worked up about like the Transformers movies like those suckas movies but you can't be upset like they're not doing justice to the Transformers because the translators were a thirty-minute toy commercial right and then we we talk about things like Star Wars and Star Trek and you know some people may see the that kind of stuff in the same light but it's it's to me in my opinion it's a little different this is like junk it's a kiddie junk that's I would describe this movie is passable junk you are the Power Rangers any other questions couple more like Iron Man Oh spider-man well no actually I would describe it as almost passable junk it would be completely passable junk if something happened in the first 90 minutes no no no that's why I loved the movie you loved the the Power Rangers movie because there were no Power Rangers in it yeah I mean you want to build up that's the thing is like the first 90 minutes is a set up for a 20 minute battle at the end this this movie like especially when you think about the audience it's aimed at it's aimed at to people which is kids and people that are in like their late 20s early 30s that grew up with the original show that are just nostalgic for it and I think in both cases they elderly black women well of course but I think in both cases what they want to see they're both familiar with the Power Rangers they want to see the Power Rangers and their suits fighting and instead we get 90 minutes of them it's it's like they keep talking about like we can't morph we can't morph like it goes on and on with them coming up with excuses why they can't morph and it's like it's like they're talking about having them like erectile dysfunction it's just like constant excuses just too tired well okay see that's that's why I'm looking at this looking at this as a movie that I just sat down and watched myself okay where I'm not thinking of it in terms of a studio executive like usual where I would say yeah have 15 minutes to set up and then now we're in 45 minutes of robots like those terrible Transformers films and and the last half an hour 20 minutes was I had no idea what's happening there was a terrible Transformers movie I kept I kept laughing every time they said they saved angel growth did they [ __ ] it up yeah I was having Man of Steel flashbacks when they're destroyed Smallville like oh my god everything is mister the entire city is destroyed including the krispy kreme they need to rename the town angel grave that was a quality joke thanks thanks I worked on that for less than a second hey guys guys check out how we glow but yeah okay so you got these five characters right five yeah there's two girls a white guy an Asian guy and a black guy on the original series the black guy was the black Ranger yeah and the Asian girl was the yellow ranger okay so they changed that for this movie there is even a joke about it where the one guys like you're the black Ranger I'm black and yeah it was a very racist yeah black I was the black one Asian one was the yellow and then the girl was pink yes for you got the jock guy who's the leader yeah red red Ranger and the black guy who who was an autistic OCD kind of character yeah who misses his dad his dad died in him and his dad weren't science and this is their hackneyed way of getting them to find a buried meteorite right so for no reason at all all these kids are in the same place at the same time two characters it's it's heavily set up the two characters are gonna end up at this rock quarry the the jock steals the mascot from the other high school or whatever the [ __ ] going on he has an ankle bracelet the the black kid says I can fix your ankle bracelet but you got to come with me to the rock quarry so I could blow up and search for gold because me and my dad used to do that because I'm weird I'm fine I'll do anything so it is so I don't have to go home and listen to Roy and Pam argue in in my house and so they end up at the rock quarry and then they're like oh [ __ ] we need the other three characters to also be at the rock quarry they just think the Asian guy just happens to live in the trailer in the rock quarry and though he doesn't live there he just hangs out there a lot for some live nearby and hangs out there and then he he spies with his binoculars outcast girl yes who listens to death metal while doing like yoga and into the rock quarry that's her reason for being there and then I don't even remember how the girl ended up there she was just kind of there she was just there my house is on the other side of the mountain I hiked these trails sometimes clear my head and I stared down at Angel Grove and wonder how such a small crap town cosmicism misery it's a this movie and this source material is the perfect other than Superman it's the perfect example of saying how do we make something terrible and Christopher Nolan eyes it you know but it only did that sometimes and that's the whole thing is like this movie is all over the place tonally like it wants to appeal to little kids it wants to appeal to like nostalgic twenty thirty year olds and it wants to appeal to like the Transformers crowd yeah and it just kind of like scene for scene is completely different welcome to movies I think this was consistently somewhat dreary with with with the exception of Rita Rita Rita repulse Rita Repulsa acting like like a goofy witch yes the movie acting like Jeremy Irons in the Dungeons & Dragons movie other than that and and maybe like the goofy robot which was kind of like a comic relief thing you know you put them in their suits and yes they still had the colors but there are a muted color very muted and very like complex and hard to see and like the green desert was their agreement I don't remember now the green one was read or read or whatever I was like what colors or what who's who and then like directed are Christopher and look at and this muddled dark was I just talking yes we were talking about the mighty morphin power hey I'm on autopilot you know you don't know some of these sometimes these discussions feel like like you remember the movie get out when he goes to the go to the place where I'm just like I'm floating this little square part of my brain that I sex these movies is just just doing its own go ahead and stir that teacup J but Rita Repulsa I guess was in the bottom of the ocean cuz cuz Roy scoops her up with fish is that just a coincidence that that happens at the exact same time that the Power Rangers discover their power yes and that's what I was going to bring up the the coincidence that they happen to blast and discovers a gigantic rock that happens to have their little glowing coins right by where they're at coincidentally and that the guy knocks them out with the axe all at once all at the exact same time that that Rita Rita Repulsa scooped up by a fishing boat yeah 65 million years that's what happens on the same day yeah and and Bryan Cranston's head his plan is to find the five most noblest Warriors on earth and I guess it's just whoever finds the coins we were all in the same place at the same time when Billy found those coins we can't morph because that cost too much money you're supposed to you're supposed to feel the underdog element you're supposed to be like yeah they can do it but why not just go get five like Navy SEALs give me that [ __ ] and they I'll just walk up to the thing with morphin time yeah [ __ ] everything maybe Co would morph right away he wasn't constantly mope thank you she was getting gold to make her giant gold monster but just looked like gelatinous piss at the end I was I was fine with the prolonged setup I think it reached a point where it's like okay we got her set up they're learning to be Power Rangers you got to have an action scene or two in there for the movie like that like the action scene was the training montage and yeah this this movie followed the the super hero formula pretty well I mean the the origin story right like establish your characters they they they're whatever losers whatever their um they find their power they accidentally use their power there are many scenes of that you know when the kid accidentally breaks the the thing the the sink reaches for the sink there's there's a handful of scenes where they use their powers accidentally and then there's this and where they they test their powers which is now a jump across a building it's a Spider Man everyone jump jump over this big thing and then we got to test their powers and then and then they do the training montage and but they never did like there was never an early scene where like this is what you're lacking I think where they they you know foil a crime suits even if it's them fighting the putties or something one scene at least or done but they don't they don't get their seats until the climax of the movie they make it they make a really big deal about them learning I don't know if that's the case with the show where they they could only morph when they're all like cohesive mentally but they really made a big deal about that and it seems sort of like I guess if it's a subtext of the movie is like teamwork or whatever yeah because at the end they all work together as a team as the giant robot I'm strictly speaking from like like a layman just watching yes yes yeah I'm watching this movie knowing zero about the source of material it's a movie about it's these five people that are all different working together as a team and at the end they have to work as a team to make the big robot move and that's all I got out of it yeah do you feel it deep down inside you are strong you must work together you must become warrior I was grateful for the lack of action for the first 90 minutes because I just didn't I just didn't want to hear it once the action happens it's obnoxious yeah I'm just like okay fine I have another scene where you're talking in a room I'm just like I'm guys it's like where they're just like punching and kicking and fighting like if I would have been okay that was a training montage but it wasn't there was no threat there was no stakes because right it was just a training montage so you don't get that emotion from like oh oh the putty that Rita has summoned the power of having five or six putties storm into the high school during the big football game and they're there oh we got to become the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers to run and save everyone at the football game see that would have been exciting and said there's a prolonged sequence where they're fighting holographic putties in a cave yes and you get no emotion from that and and being a little clumsy with our suits because we just got them on for the first time and then at the end they they dredge up suddenly we have robotic dinosaurs all of you kids know how to operate them yeah just immediately maybe you know yeah I couldn't fly a 65 million year old robotic tired actor I don't even think I can open the door to it ya know and also like that's the one thing I'll give this movie is that the characters are pretty well as far as being like kind of Outsiders or whatever like it was handled in a way where it wasn't like preachy or obnoxious like like the the one kid being autistic yeah like that that never comes a good like it doesn't feel like it's in there too be like manipulative or like to make you feel emotions towards it that's just a part of who he is so Lionsgate teamed up with Krispy Kreme and the new Power Rangers movies coming out March 24th so we did the five lightning bolts of all the characters Oh career bloom and they're all and these are all there's gonna be a big movie it should be huge how much of the [ __ ] budget does a promotional tie-in give I just need to know this is it like is it like fifty million dollars is it like half are you asking like is it enough where it's worth it yes to sell of course movie out yes to sell out and annoy your audience yeah like having a can of coke in the background on a counter is one thing it's fine but the what they did with this I would I would want half of my production budget and so it's like what did Krispy Kreme Doughnuts pay the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie to have their their brand in this so extensively where you stop the movie dead in its tracks and just show was of the bangs like walking around inside like you need a donut yeah so he stops just sort of like looking at the camera yeah I've been doing like a freeze-frame with the logo Pablo oh and then so they're flying around and everything blows up and they're fighting with robot dinosaurs and then for one second they play that theme song go go power ring I was surprised they played that just because I figured it'd be too corny but by that point in the movie they didn't care no and then we see a cameo from I guess one of the original characters actors it's from two of them it's from the Pink Ranger and they're like fifty different people that have played I think it like every season has new Power Rangers but the original ones yeah it was these two the the Pink Ranger and the Green Ranger hey and this ensemble cast here is one of them the one that was just recently convicted of murder I don't think so I think that was a later Power Ranger okay because that would be hilarious do you think that that that whole thing is a setup just for publicity for this movie yeah the studio paid him like they paid him to murder somebody great publicity ever he'll be talking about Power Rangers so check for it thousand dollars and some Krispy Kreme Doughnuts is a little punch card how am I going to use this if I'm in jail [Laughter] nostalgia Rockford Files chips Mama's family can we bring back Mama's family except for Christopher Nolan Isaac [Laughter] [Music] that's our goodie Papa's family ring mama will have black leather armor on the Newhart show Bob Newhart will have a cameo because he's still alive he is still alive yeah we're surprising though the his cameo will be like them filming and like like it like a convalescence home camera goes around the corner goes adding another Daryl [Music] this is what I'm Larry this is my brother Daryl this is my other brother Darryl and this is my other brother Dale expect the unexpected I just I'm opening a bed-and-breakfast bed breakfast new heart and the now chips now we're so desperately remade chips that's like a movie that would have been made in the 90s like I remember there was like car 54 where are you there's the Beverly Hillbillies all those like older TV show remakes why chips in the year 2017 no but I'm guessing the [ __ ] Rockford Files Rockford file Murder She Wrote one of they gonna dredge up Murder She Wrote yeah it's a it's but it's a like a college-age girl on her on her cell phone yeah murder she tweeted I'm investigating a murder in my college hashtag skirt [ __ ] you how'd you know styling you in this case a little bird told me people so Jay would you recommend Mighty Morphin Power Rangers of the movie uh I can I can it's not terrible but I just can the problem was was that the the the plot was so silly and I can't tell if they were self-aware of terrible it was because they weren't really making fun of it other than Elizabeth Banks chewing the scenery yeah other than that I really like it's like it was a it was a very very basic origin story they took the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers they didn't really make make it too dark but they didn't play corny they kind of rode the line in the middle and the yeah it's very bland it's very serviceable and it's very basic you'll get a little laugh when they play the theme song at the end if you enjoyed the television program as a kid you'll go hey there's a song I know I would say well maybe a ten year old might like this movie I do know that there was some dork near us that was wearing a Power Rangers like cowl mmm and he was he had to have been in his late 20s and it was just embarrassing it was it was fine and then it ended our Rangers the pg-13 in theaters March 20 board all right Mike I've written new vows do you want to hear them yeah sure Harry I don't really love you I'm only marrying you because we've concocted a scam to take over your finances and steal your money it's gone too far now and I can't turn back my overweight ugly manchild friend Mike is making me do this if there is a member of the law enforcement here please arrest both of us oh yeah those are great that's perfect Jay keep those free even listening no I was dreaming of the chips trailer [Music]

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 1,494,441

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, best of the worst, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, Life review, power rangers review

Id: Zwjc9HbZug8

Length: 37min 34sec (2254 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 27 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

When Jay asked "So Mike would you recommend Life?", I was expecting a depressing "No" followed by "Would you recommend the movie called Life?"

[u/m205]

Ah, my favourite web-series, 'Comparing Movies to Star Trek'!

[u/[deleted]]

That cut to the 'our first episode was 10 minutes' bit had me in stitches! Also made me really need a beer. Truly brilliant

[u/ATadVillainy]

http://i.imgur.com/afJjeLU.png

[u/High_On_Cortexiphan]

Mike's rant about reboots was amazing.

[u/pornaccount1208]

Oh my Gaaawd, the video description:

Mike and Jay talk about two wonderful new films while Jay prepares his vows for his gay wedding with a syphilitic elderly man who hasn't showered in 7 years and has disgusting genital warts on his decades old fecal encrusted taint.

[u/vrgr23]

Finally something to satisfy my RLM addiction. The effects of watching the same BOTW for the second/third time are diminishing.

[u/[deleted]]

"our first episode was 10 minutes long"

Love that line and the honest delivery.

[u/krasscas]

Yes ! I was hoping for a Power Rangers ™ presented by krispy kremes™ hitb.