Friendship after a Break-Up? | Talks with Tony

hey tony guys here with another episode of talks with tony now we jumping right on in here i have not read this letter i've read the title so we doing this together [Music] friendship after a breakup what say ye greetings tony g i am a 26 year old woman trying to figure out [Music] i am a 26 year old woman trying to figure out if i should keep a friendship after a breakup backstory i met my ex in college he moved from atl to dallas and i moved from detroit to dallas we both attended the same college where we met we are we were together for almost six years and i broke up with him last february because he didn't want to get married nor eventually have kids and cheated once but i suspected more we've been through so much together getting our first cars together first apartment shared mostly a great time together graduating college together being around each other's family sharing a dog gaining careers together law enforcement different agencies i found out that he cheated in our third year of dating i had a feeling and asked him about it he admitted to cheating he then stated he wasn't sure if he could be in a committed relationship at this point but loves me red flag i should have just left then but we decided to make it work later on he stated that he didn't want to have children or get married so i finally left him at the end of five years we keep in touch because we were good friends before going into a relationship and both live away from where we were born so we check up on each other however he still tries to see me tells me that he still loves me misses me and asks to take me to lunch often but i don't want to continue seeing him because of the feelings plus i'm sure he wants to have as well we genuinely have a friendship and laughs so much together he now has a girlfriend and i don't want to get in in the way of what they have not sure what to do about our friendship should i just charge our friendship to the game thank you so much for writing in now this is this is interesting and this this is um it's a good one this is a good one and okay you 26 years old all right so you met him in college so i'm guessing college was at 18 so that's eight years ago y'all were together for almost six years you broke up with them last february uh this deal this email still from last year y'all so you know so i'm not actually giving advice to the people who writing in i'm giving advice to anybody who's dealing with the situation that they writing in about because i'm i'm late on these emails because it's so many come in on one day so all these videos that y'all see me doing on talks with tony they all steal from one or two days from from the time that i gave out this email address so yeah oh yeah i know people ask what date you're on tony this october 30th [Music] got to get all the way through november all the way through december yeah so these videos really just place holder and then rightfully so because these is a session you need to book a session when you have you know real life questions but we doing this for the sake of you know just helping everybody from a person's question so understand that now this situation here a few things you got to understand a man does not know what he wants before the age of 25. that's the first thing you need to understand so 90 of relationships gonna be a wash before the age of 25. your relationship proves that you are a part of the rule not the exception and the reason why i come up with rules and exceptions because i see thousands and thousands of emails and so i'm able to see what is the trend that's why when i tell y'all when i'm giving you insight on something it ain't just me plucking it out the sky it's because i've already been where you are and i can see where you're going because i haven't seen your story a thousand times but you've only seen your story one to five times so that's the first thing a man does not know what he wants as far as a woman is concerned before the age of 25. that's the rule that's on average okay the next thing you need to know is that a lot of men could struggle with their sexuality in this day and age with the world being the way that it is in your generation a lot of men are being turned over to a reprobate mind a lot of men are being confused and they don't know if they like men or women your guy sounds like he could be one of those guys that could be masculine and could be with women but could be struggling with his sexuality because and the reason why i say that for a man to say he doesn't want to get married and he doesn't want kids that typically comes out of the mouth of a man in the closet who is still dealing with women because as men it is very natural and very normal for a man to want to see his seed because what you got to realize is us seeing our seed that is pushing life forward that is life it's like what else are you here for if you live and you die then [Music] you and you didn't have something to call your own whether it was an adopted child or a child that you had as a man i can't speak for a woman but as a man 99 of men want to have a child because that is your lineage that is your legacy that's the gift you're leaving to the world that carries your dna on so for this man to say this this splits this number two in 50 50. 50 is he could be gay the other 50 is he don't want you all right so now you knowing him if you say there is absolutely no way this man could like men then it's the other 50. he don't want you kids and marriage with you you got to understand that you doing fine you ain't in this hill level crying you ain't broke down when you say should i just charge our friendship to the game you're doing fine you're in law enforcement law enforcement you're doing fine you you doing just fine and then you had him long enough to get used to him and then now he then went on to another woman so typically what this means is he falls under the case of the young man who did not know what he want he didn't know what he wanted but see what you did and that's what i try to help y'all understand as women is a lot of times a man will use you as a placeholder and that's why you got to have a timeline because see listen although i say a man doesn't know what he wants before 25 if he wants you he's gonna know before 25. so when he does not know before 25 that's because he don't want you and so i need you to understand that i was a complete dog i was probably would have been voted the least likely to get married because of the womanizer that i was but i got married at 23 years old the reason why i got married is because i met my wife and i said i can't let this woman get away because if i let her get away i may never meet another like her because i've already been with over 100 women and have not met a woman like her if i let her get away i may have to go with go through another 100 women to meet another woman that's on her level that's like her so at 23 years old and 22 days i had just turned 23 i married my wife in the court of law in the courthouse nowhere in the courthouse for i think back then it was 72 where we at and so yeah got married and retired at the game so i say that to say if you feel with everything in you and a woman's intuition is typically right unless you snorting powder a woman intuition is typically right so if you say ain't no way in the world this man he'll like men then it's just y'all not a fit he decided he saw along the way that he ain't like the way you snore or he like the way you pick boogers or you passing gas on the couch or the way you chew or the way you act around him it was just something that just ah our personalities ain't all the way where i need to be that's what he said that we just ain't a fit like she for she for somebody else like she's a great person i love to have her on the roster like not my star player but like second third option even second option like okay if this player is hurt tonight okay boom she could see the lean score tonight we going we going with her tonight that's where he is on you and that's why he gave you so much time instead of leaving you earlier because he didn't know how to leave you y'all was doing so much but this is why y'all was doing so much the reason why it lasts so long and remember i tell you a man will use you as a placeholder see a lot of times a man need a mama he could sleep with so when i went to college the reason why i kept a girlfriend is because i needed somebody to do my laundry i needed somebody to do my laundry i needed somebody to cook my food to go get my food i needed somebody to roll up my back when i wasn't feeling good massage my scalp and i needed somebody to sleep with i needed me a do girl i wasn't looking for i wasn't trying to treat women like no wife i wasn't going to marry him but i needed somebody to be my handmaid that's how young men who come from being with a mama if they mama did everything for them when they get to college a lot of times if they mama didn't teach them how to do everything then they want somebody to do it for them my mama didn't teach me how to do everything like i knew how to do a little bit but i didn't have to do it like i didn't have chores because i was a athlete and so they were more focused on my sport so i didn't have to wash dishes on the regular do laundry on the regular i did some of it but i it wasn't just something i had to do every day like i didn't have daily chores like that and so when i got to college i was i was lazy you know i was hey come on watch the clothes nah come on and so that's the that's the sad truth about this and some of y'all ladies you know that some of y'all ladies right now you doing laundry for a boyfriend why are you talking about me why you getting mad with me ah that's what you used to do to i cannot believe oh so tired of me oh get on my nerve some of y'all right now doing laundry for a boyfriend some of y'all right now have sex with boyfriend some of y'all right not cooking for a boyfriend three or more days a week some of y'all right now is a do girl for a boyfriend and you don't even realize that you're a do girl you think you're in a real relationship but use a do girl because he ain't doing the equivalent for you on what you need what you doing for him because you trying to woo and win him you're trying to show him that you wipe material but he ain't showing you that he husband material you see what i'm saying so this right here this this what happened he needed a companion he needed a companion and some men who in the closet need them a companion to console them until they get ready to come out i know men that i grew up with that used to fight in the streets used to play every sport and then in our late 20s early 30s these men come out gay and i'm like wow bro we used to be like peas in a pod like i never sensed that on you man like we used to shout clothes but we used to be sitting shoulder to shoulder in the back seat of the car with our parents going somewhere and and now you going tonight you finna come out and say you like men's like whoa bro you man hey you could've told let me know that earlier just so i would have know like you know just so i wouldn't know like don't just spraying that on this night 30 at 30 and so this right here when i read this when i read men behavior like this a lot of men who have a failure to launch meaning they go do everything else that's adult that is adulting their adulting getting [Music] apartments your cars getting a full-time job in law enforcement going going and doing all this adulting but come out their mouth and say they don't want to be married they want to have a kid [Music] [Music] you don't want to have a kid and you don't want to get married [Music] i'll see i see all right if if i'm one of y'all oh y'all personally i had a call this morning during the interview doing some research and left y'all pursuing the maroons i ain't got all about this and get ready to go but listen to me that right there that's what happened so this is what you got to do in this situation right here you got to cut him all the way off because he got to realize whether he like women or whether he like me one thing is for sure he liked the big o i ain't talking about oprah i'm gonna orgasm i'm gonna work out he like that oh you mean he like that oh whether it's for hansel whether it's from him or rear-end or whether it's from you he like that oh so what do you want to do he got him another girlfriend but he still want to see you want to see you because you're a friend y'all was friends before y'all start dating that's another thing that y'all got to remember stop dating your friends stop dating your friends when you meet a man it ought to be clear off the junk that he wants you if a man come in and he put himself in the friend zone he off limits for life a man who wants you would never come into your life a man who wants you and is available to you let me change that emotionally available to you meaning he healed or and he or he's he's single so like men will come to a woman and put themselves in the friend zone to sneak in the back door to sleep with them if they got if the man has a girlfriend that's when he'll put himself in the friend zone so he ain't just coming right at you but a man who is available and he could see you as a wife he's not going to put himself in the friend zone he's going to let you know he is romantically interested and then y'all build a friendship inside of the romance me romance don't mean said romance mean you know he wants you and y'all building the foundation of friendship but with inside of a romantic a mutual romantic interest stop dating friends if a man puts himself in the friend zone leave him there a man who is a man who gonna be man enough to marry you and do right which this man is not that's why he came and put himself in the friend zone after he got used to you got friends with you y'all laughing and genuinely get along what do laughing and genuinely get along sound like oh girl oh my god the girl you so fatty girl y'all laughing and genuinely getting along he put himself in the friend zone then he dates you y'all doing all this living together but then he sprang up non-committal after all this living heating did now let me tell you what happened anyone tell you what happened right here when he started to realize y'all weren't going to be able to go all the way he wasn't going to be able to keep this facade up say what happened i found out that he cheated in our third year of dating i had a feeling and asked him about it he admitted to cheating that right there that right there a telltale sign a man who wants you will never admit to cheating i know that's sound backwards to a woman y'all like what huh if a man really love you he gonna be honest with you he gonna tell you the truth that ain't true that ain't true you a lot of people you love all the time because you know they can't handle the truth you know they can't handle the truth it's just like if you got a child and a parent die if their parent die and their parent died their other parent died from suicide how how long you gonna tell that child that you know your father passed away you know he he just wasn't feeling good and life it gets hard sometimes and he passed away you just ain't gonna come out your father shot himself in the head why because you love your child and you don't want to tell them right then you may tell them later when you feel like they can handle it but you just don't go laying out all the truth to people you love so a man who truly loved a woman if he did if he made a stupid choice and that woman don't know about it she don't have facts on it she just got assumptions that man ain't gonna admit to that i don't know love oh i love her so much i just wanna break her heart right now just by telling her this true just to go ahead and just shatter her heart and just ruin our trust for life so i'm just gonna just give her this whole truth because i gotta get this off my chest no i i know that you think that i know some women think that makes sense for a man just tell you everything no no that's the dumbest thing in the world when when you don't know everything a person do that's god's grace on their life when the person do a man know everything a woman no that man don't know you was in a grocery store flirting with that tall dark and handsome man that came up to talk to you and you sat there and looked at him in his eyes and lusting and was flirting and then gathered yourself before you gave your phone number away before you went all the way yeah you running home to tell the truth on that because he wake up with a nightmare thinking that he had a dream you were flirting with somebody in the grocery store when he asked you as a woman you gonna say yes yes yes yes why do you have to ask stuff like that yes i flirt in the grocery store all the time with men who look better than you is that what you finna say absolutely not absolutely not so you got to stop expecting that from this man when a man tell you when a man admit to cheating on you he done with you he is done with you now see i could have told y'all that and you wouldn't believed it you wouldn't believe me that is not true oh my god you need to speak for yourself tony guys you are only one person you do not know it all you do you cannot speak for every man okay you right you are right guess what i don't like men some men do this man here might do but let me tell you how i'm finna speak for him come on computer trying to download adobe let me tell you how i'm finna speak for him he admitted to cheating to cheating he then stated he wasn't sure if he could be in a committed relationship at this point but loves me right now when a man admit to cheating on a woman he ready to be done he ready to be done or he ready for the boundaries and the restrictions to be removed so you say it right after that red flag i should have just left them but we decided to make it work no you decided to make it work you decided to make it work he already told you he already told you he'll know he could be on committee relationship but you want to force the issue because you weren't ready to leave you want to go out like that you knew i ain't going to lose i ain't been lose to this random woman he just cheated with i don't put it in these three years i ain't been a little flusty three years down the toilet so she could have him uh uh i'm gonna stay in here i'm gonna stay in this relationship and keep getting cheated on absolutely i'm gonna keep getting cheated on you cheating oh okay all right fine i don't care i ain't gonna wash these three years down the drain so another woman could get you post cheating now you no longer a cheating man because you didn't got it out on me and now she fitting right off in the sunset with my prince charming that i don't built up so no i don't took this cheating i'm gonna take this on the chin and i'm finna gone we finna make this work so then what you want dude and he went ahead with it he went along with it because he like man my goodness like this how many when y'all stay after a man admit to cheating on you the man that's how the man be he's like my goodness like what do i got to do like he he talked to his homeboy like hey man this is like i admit it that i cheated on her like listen bro i ain't even cheating on them she just thought i cheated on her and i'm like yes this is my exit let me admit the teeth i admitted the cheekbones seen you know everything she said she just had a hunch that i cheated on so i told her yes yes you're right oh you are right i did cheat i feel horrible about it and then bro i'm thinking she's going to leave i'm thinking she's going to leave because i'm like yeah three years i'm tired i went far as i can go whoo she finally next thing i know here she come well so what are we gonna do about this you know are we gonna fight for this are you gonna fight for me are we gonna make this work because we love each other and i'm like man she put words in my mouth she telling me we love each other so i'm like you know you're right i do really love you and i want to make this work but it's like man i didn't know how to tell her like actually i don't love you and actually i really didn't even really cheat on you i just admitted to cheating on you because i thought you'd be strong enough to leave me because i'm not man enough to break up with you so i was hoping that you'll be warming enough to leave after finding out that you got cheated on after three years but she stayed so here i am how to stay so that's how that's what the man be going through and the reason why is because most men don't know how to tell a woman that he don't want her and it's it's crazy it sounds crazy but although you see these men online these quote-unquote alpha males and mgtow men and red pill men they all punks okay they all punks but most men don't want to be little a woman and don't want to tell a woman like most men will do stuff stupidly and hope and be hoping and praying that the woman has enough strength to stand up for herself and leave him because he doesn't deserve her and he's not worth it but he's trying to avoid saying hey listen you're not the one and i don't love you and i don't want to be with you because in a man mind he assumes that that is going to be so ruthless that that's going to hurt her way worse than me just cheating on her and hoping she finds out so that she leaves he probably left a little clues you need to have no hunch he write left little clues for you and you playing blues clues thought you were sherlock holmes and he really left the little bread crumbs just a little trail okay that's a lot of note right here hopefully this she gonna find out and then come ask me then i admit the t listen man who want to be with him on mitchie he's not gonna meet the chief i'm tell you that right now a man who want to be with you correct the wrong that he's done the mistakes the stupid choices he's made and be with you and love you going forward and be faithful to you he's not going to admit to cheating a man who want to be with you but you know that you with a cheater so that when he cheat again you already knew what you signed up for he's going to admit the cheating a man who don't want to be with you and he wants you to leave he's going to admit to cheating all right want y'all to understand all this not it's a lot of caveats and nuances in here okay so what you need to do right here you need to cut this man off you need to block this man you need to never talk to this man again point blank period point blank period hey i got to search point blank pure odd um don't worry about hospital period but um i'm gonna put them on a shopify site and i'll give y'all a link later but i got a shirt they say point blank period really it's a sleeping shirt i don't want you walking around with no shirt say pointless period i gave him a white one she sleep in it it was a good quality i got over there from chinese all right why you doing stuff in time because americans try to tax you try to charge too much but now that's what i need worried about that list this ain't my homeland anyway i'm from africa i'm afraid they brought me over here i mean well got the best price that's where i'm getting the shirts from okay and then it came over here and they got them individually packaged already in a little plastic thing so when y'all ordered i'm just boop it's already a plastic bag put it in the other lamella ship it on to you all right this is just something this shirt is not i'm not no fat this ain't about no fashion this thing about none of that this is just for people who say look tony i just want to support you you know i watch a video i just support that's all this is this ain't no fast statement no we wearing this with you you know nice clothes and stuff but it looks nice certain good little quality but uh so yeah leave it man he'll leave his man here let this man go block him because this letter was a little short but just the few key words it's always a red flag when a man say he don't want to be married he don't want kids i always that always is going to sound like a man who like me into me or he just failure to launch he's just that immature either way what whether he had a role sexual or homosexual you need to be gone because that type of man uncertain unstable double minded man you got to get as far from him as you can he don't mean no harm but you just wasting your time you're wasting your life away and you're blocking your blessings because he's not on your level he's not the man for you he don't see you as a wife he doesn't see himself as a husband so you will be wasting your time to be dealing with him accepting his calls linking up with him and he's with another woman so that's saying that if he do like men he's still not ready to come on out their closet like r keller with chaplain claws he's still trapped in the closet he's not ready to come out that closet so he's still dealing with women if he like men he still want him a beard want him a cover-up if he does like women then he's saying to you you're not my woman and i don't want to be with you so i'm still on the search but the woman he with still ain't the one and he feels stupid now so he don't just want to break up with us so he want to go through the motions with her but as a supplemental woman he want to use you because you familiar territory so instead of supplementing his sex with her with a random person he want to go to you because you're familiar and you don't know if she thinks she a wife and if she abstinent and so he want to get with you when bound thank you ma'am to use you for that but then treat her like a queen and got her thinking that he abstaining with her and using you to be on your back either way whatever this could be going on if you stay in this situation talking to him and being accessible to him you will be playing the fool boo-boo fool broke busting disgusting looking like who shot john and forgot to kill him so what you got to do wash your hands with this go on about your business it is tony gaston god bless you you might see this video in the middle of the day um i don't know if i'll be able to do it live tonight i'm trying to do a live cuz i've been missing my live so you know just to finish up this the last week of the month you know and i miss several lives that i try to post to do them on sunday so i'm gonna try if i can to make up so if if i'm gonna go live i'll post it on the community page which you just got to go to my home page on youtube and then look at community and you'll see if i'm going to go live i'll put the time but typically it'll be like 9 00 p.m eastern or 9 30 p.m eastern it is tony guess oh i meant i told you i'm to remind you of this now okay tonygazersacademy.com the life coach certification for the aspiring life coach is only 500 it's going to climb this year up to 1500 at the highest right now 500 so if you are an expired aspiring life coach mentor consultant having a consulting firm or business then this course here i'll bless you and help you get the ground work done get your foundation and build so visit tonygastonacademy.com link is in the description also my youtube course for youtube for beginners not no expert you trying to do all this editing and all of this here and all that no but if you want to learn how i what i use for my youtube and how i run my youtube and what youtube has taught me since i've started taking it seriously and how you can do that especially if you're a coach or author or whatever but it'll work for whatever you do i'm gonna just share a little insight with you um because you know it's been a blessing for me being able to reach more people and also helping feed my family and i know that they could do the same for you so right now that course is on pre-order for 97 now it's 75 videos in the course that it doesn't release you sign up now but you're not taking the course right now don't release to february 12th so this pre-order you wait till it release you'll be paying way more so i'm just letting you know that all right then my own little commercials hey tony guys are here god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 43,688

Rating: 4.9461946 out of 5

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Id: fEhGwCRErtg

Length: 35min 18sec (2118 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 26 2021