First Date Questions | Single and Ready

hey hey tony guys here popping in with another episode of the single and ready series now i want to talk to you about questions to ask on the first date and to be honest with you it's more about watching and listening than just the questions because one of the things that you don't want to do is you don't want to let the person that you're dating with that you're on a date with feel like it's an episode of first 48. you ever watch first 48 where they in the interrogation room and the detective is talking to the person and it's like so where are you at this time right here and then what did you do okay and then what to do then all right and then where were you and so a lot of times when you single you get so caught up in your head like one thing that i have noticed being married being on the other side and the one thing that i have noticed with a lot of single people now i'm gonna try to tiptoe around this i'm trying to be a little easy with you but one thing i've noticed with a lot of single people is that some of y'all is crazy now i ain't wanna say that but i have to be honest with you and a lot of times sitting there and i'm scratching my head and i'm like lord but see listen to me if you don't have kids or if you don't have a social life the human brain was not meant to be alone uh just alone like you got to get on meetup.com join some groups get out there when i tell y'all the stuff that i have to deal with from single women i have not experienced this single man well well a single man is not towards me single men is in their own life just like all over the place just like all in their head just a super over analyzing thing just like changing gears all the time just like up and down emotionally and i'd be the same way as a married man but i you know i'm talking to my wife so you got to realize like when you're single you have to be even more intentional about your mental health because what will happen is you spend so much time in your mind and you create this world and you paint this picture and it does not exist and so you go on this date and you spent so much time that you're just like so do you drink do you smoke do you live with your mom do you have a car [Music] do you have a job do you have 401k like what is your credit score like [Music] do you have a house do you rent do you have like an enforcement investment portfolio do you do music are you into crypto do you gamble okay okay i got one more for you and this right here is going to make you a break you do you watch porn [Music] and it's like there are at least one million single people who have went on a date and did that that's that's the female version the male version so what makes you different from everybody else so let me ask you this that outfit you got on what inspired it who you follow online do you you watch atlanta housewives let me ask you this you listen to them relationship coaching on youtube um i'm gonna tell you this it's only one of my that i approve of you already know his name don't you who you listen to [Music] see i need to go on get up i need to go and get tony gassin so let me ask you this we get together you gonna be willing to stop listening to that nonsense because you know he's just using you for money he'd be asking for a donation every video don't it he got the cash up flashing on the screen don't it [Music] oh you don't oh no anyways like i was saying so what are you gonna bring to the table other than a fork and an appetite [Music] because we going half on this right here tonight ain't we no that's the male version of it you see what i'm saying and this is what a lot of singles will get into a version of that and then of course this is a this a this enactment okay that's not exact all right for those y'all who don't know how to read between the lines and you take everything so literal the court because some of y'all over there you patting yourself on the back oh i ain't asked that question no i asked all the rest of them but that one he said ain't asking so he ain't talking to me saying he talked to me because it was like one or two of them questions that he said that i do not ask but not a restaurant yeah but you see what i'm saying you got to be able to read between lies and what i'm saying you don't want to make it feel like an interrogation but you listening for everything you listening to see like and so the conversation has to flow naturally so yeah so uh what made you choose this place or or if you're the one who picked it it's the opposite so the reason why i love this place it's just like so amazing they have like this bread pudding that is like and so so yeah so how long have you been living here oh okay awesome so so what what brought you here like what brought your family here and you see like that just easy okay awesome so like right now what are you doing for work and it's voice inflection it's the tone it's not so what you so what kind of job do you have what do you do for work it's okay so so right now like what are you doing for work like what are you into oh okay awesome awesome so outside of work like what what is it that you that you like to do like on like at night tell me about a random night what you doing you see what i'm saying just cool calm that let you know so now the person may say well every night i have to hit me like three glasses of wine because like stress is so worthful so it's like now oh okay so it's the thing when you hear something it ain't like you you're not reacting to it right then because you don't want to make it too tense you know what three glasses wow one glass have me tipsy you could drink three or they might say something like well you know for me i try not to get on that p-test but i got to got to hit mo blunt like just gotta smoke my love you know just calm down do you talk uh not really like you don't have to tell all your business and because you don't want to make the person you don't want to tip the person off and let them know that you're judging them and see some singles that's what some singles make the mistake of trying to paint this than thou picture to where you get your hand away so now because you come in and you talking too much and you all ready to let the person know how many degrees you got you don't drink you don't smoke you don't curse you don't do that you don't do that you don't do that instead of just having a normal conversation so now you're talking so much that you didn't say everything you don't do and everything you don't do is everything that they do do but if all they want to do is sleep with you or get close to you for some connections because how you connected in the city or the job that you have if you do the hiring and firing in hr like you don't know what the person know about you from facebook from google you don't know what their motives are so when you go and you just sang like a canary you sang like a bird now the person have heard your whole script you've read your whole script because you're talking too much and now the person just picks a role that they're gonna play in your movie because you don't read your whole script so now they pick a role and not if in the fake you just said you don't smoke the person you're on a date with they wake and bake every day but now they don't smoke now they don't smoke so now you about to get played so when you go in whenever you're on the first date don't worry about the specific questions you ask that's another flaw of just being in your head too much as a single person is people come to me and they want actual specifics like tony what color should i wear tony like okay so what's the first question okay so what is the second question okay what a third question so now you're going in there and it's like you're reading a script it's like you're a robot you don't want to go in there as no robot you want to go in there cool calm collect collected just relax you just in there and you just talking and see this is the thing as you talking you paying attention it's a no judgment zone it's a no comparison zone so what you need to remember no judgment meaning you don't let them know they be in jail yeah you judging but you don't let them know they being judged no judgment no comparison oh you s oh oh so you smoke i've never smoked i would never smoke you don't have to do all that because you don't know who you're dealing with you don't know if just a crazy person you don't know if this person got ted bundy aspirations you don't know what this is so you want to keep everything cool calm and collected and you can't be prideful i don't care how they feel i'm gonna tell them how i feel i am a woman of god and i'm gonna let them know i do not know i do not drink see this the problem right here tony gaskin you asking us to tiptoe around these man feelings listen every day a woman getting killed by a crazy man because she did not pay attention she did not listen she did not recognize the signs because she had no video like this she had no daddy give her this game she had nobody tell her about the nature of man so when i'm telling you about this here you got to understand you don't know who you sitting in front of so and this is one of the things that that will help you is do not argue do not debate if the person ain't right for you you get away from them then you let them know on a text message that this not gonna work or a phone call if you feel so inclined but you don't you don't even owe them that but what they do not need to do on the first date is do not get picked up i know you want to feel prissy and all that but if after this date you gonna be done you do not want the person to know where you live at do not get picked up do not get followed so make sure you pull in you park somewhere you get out and you go meet at the restaurant then when you leave don't even get walked to your car i'm a woman i don't want to be walking on you ought to be in a public place that got lights you going to the parking garage and then you able to no no no you don't have to walk me to my car no absolutely you don't have to walk into my car no i'm grown i'm totally fine you have to walk me to my car the reason being you don't know this person you don't know this person intentions you have to be extremely careful because now they see the color of your car they see what your car looked like so now once you know a car if you ready to break up especially if you're ready to break if you like tonight this ain't gonna work do not get walked to your car because now when they see you in traffic they can follow you at any day it could be three months from now and they see your car in traffic at the red light get behind you follow you to your house you see what i'm saying you have to think about these things but you don't show your hand you don't let the right hand know what the left hand doing so you got to move wisely out here in this world because we live in a wicked world and we're weaker and wiser meaning that we're more vicious and we mow nasty and it's a lot more going on it's a lot of people that's scamming and they going on dates to scam they going on dates to get close to you they're going on dates to get that little car machine reader by you steal your information steal your car information get your phone number search your records online find your address online find everything i bought you and they come in the scam you don't know so you have to just be mindful of how much you tell how much you show and what you want to do is on this here date you want to pretend you oprah and you getting a expose for the world to hear so you are talking to the person like he or she is the most interesting person in the world so really so oh wow so man so so how did that come about um okay and then what happened what you lying you always got to hit him with that you're lying you are you are kidding me stop lying stop playing this would get them more open get the person more oh what this what get them more open now they talking talking talking talking talk and talk talk now you hear everything now they're over there they comfortable so now you get to see them true colors if they curse like a sailor it's going to come if they drink like a fish it's going to come if they smoke like a chimney it's going to come if they enter the nasty movies it's gonna come because they cool calm and collected because you listening and see listening is humility this ain't about playing a game this about using intelligence this about using wisdom so you seeking to understand by listening you asking questions you want to know about them and then guess what when they ask you about you you answer the questions you ain't saying i don't know you answer the question but you just don't over share you don't over share you don't say yeah i live on one two three back street avenue no yeah i live over there on the east side yeah well my parents they from like 30 minutes away so you know that's where i was born at and we come over here when i was like eight years old and just kind of you know been here and just made it home so now you answering but you're not saying do you know such such neighborhood okay okay so you know the big house on the corner all right that's same that's where i live at wow so you just was over there yeah i'm at the i'm at the end of the street uh the pink house at inner street yeah wow that's great it's a small world so your best friend live right up the street from me wow well that's how you over there stop by you know see you don't want to over share like how i be doing and you want to be able to answer the question and just here's the thing it's your energy you got to be cool calm and collected you can't be too tense too short and then you can't be over the top just crazy because you're trying to you always remember happy medium and ever in your outfit happy medium and your energy happy medium in your conversation happy medium and see it takes humility to shut up and to listen to let somebody else tell you all about their self and if you like this person the more you let them talk the more they're gonna fall in love with you the more a person expresses the more they fall in love the more they get to communicate and just because it'll feel like a good therapy session it'll feel like a good life coaching session it'll feel like a spoken diary and so not many people get that because everybody's so selfish so they used to being over talk they used to somebody telling them all they business and not asking them how are you doing really okay so tell me more about that and how does that make you feel um see they not used to that so on this here first date what you look what you listening for and everything may not come out but if they don't rub you the wrong way then okay that warrants a second date you listening to see do they live at home with their parents do they live with a roommate you listening to see do they get drunk do they club do they smoke you listening to see do they have children you listening to see when was their last relationship how long did it last you know and and so your questioning is it's not drilling it's just oh really wow so how long have you been single because i know single life i know it's been up and down for me it's like it's a lot of crazy people out here and so now they take well i've been single for six months okay and now you know all right you might got a little more healing to do but you ain't got to dive deep enough you know like a real life coaching session but you just take note you see they don't order one drink okay if you drink socially it's fine to order you one drink but see with your one drink you just sit slow you let that drink get you through the whole meal and you see if they do the same thing they get a second drink okay all right mm-hmm okay they're saying it's not the end of the world if it's if it's real fruity and it's not that strong and a third drink okay so yeah so okay see you keep on talking but now you until now they get uh yeah um i'll be right back a little smoke break i'm getting a little smoke break because it's like stuff in here and ep on smelling all this cologne i give a little smoke break okay now you don't smoke all right you took a little note or they coming out yeah you got to forgive them i'm a little high i'm love cause they think oh it's legal it's all normal these oh okay you crazy you don't say what you got high before the date it's like remember this not your husband this not your wife you don't have no arguing no chastising no debating just whoever they are let them be that they do not know the data you collected and when you when there's a no judgment zone out when your guards is down and to them and they don't know that you adding all this up they're gonna show you exactly who they are who they are she know you paying for the for the date and she want to get the item on there that got the mp beside it that stand for market price she's showing you something you got now you know she finna be a bag chief and if you not know big spender if you're a little frugal now you know this is not the one for you because on the very first date she getting lobster tail and fillet mcnaughton i know it's filet mignon she getting lobster tail and then she oh yeah can i and also can i have a side of um um oh it's escaping me right now i'm getting power forgiven um scallops scallops yes can i have a side scallops with the lobster tail and the filet uh filet mignon and and yes can i see your wine list one more time now she going to do all that right now and then i want to hear it by oh what does she eat like that that's how she eat that because she got that kind of money she could pay for herself okay all right well i hope she finna offer to pay for her half and not just finna take that man pockets all the way through the wrangler on the first date it's like man come on you couldn't get no grilled chicken salad like my goodness like i'm is i hear a dating so it's like okay what if i got another date tomorrow and i need to i got to go to am scott get a payday loan but that's something to pick up on if a person finna just ring your pockets through because they know you paying see it's a little stuff like that that you want to see a person's modesty you want to see their humility you want to see their communication skills you want to see their decency you really want to pay attention to how he or she treats the waiter if they treat the waiter like a servant that's a red flag that's a red flag see i could go i could do a whole seminar on this for y'all singles and see y'all got videos but when we when we do a seminar in person y'all make sure y'all get y'all ticket come on not and let me know in the comments if you wanna if you want me to do one of these here live in atlanta the way we do a whole day you just getting ready and then i'm and then i'm answering your questions now gonna have to be a little higher because you can't have no whole lot of people in there now so i got to be exclusive got to be for the ones who really want to be there but y'all let me know and actually don't let me know because y'all be sending people off for failure yeah i'll be there i'm happy there and then soon the tickets come on sale uh yes i just want to write in and know if mr gasket had any free cop tickets because my tire just went flat yesterday and i'm just in the worst season of life and everybody's sending them soft stores online these people to beg me to no end to do a seminar not everybody hollering by they ain't got four at all right let me get my butt back online so yeah i'm standing right here on the hill in the neck i believe in my family i'll be spending on thousands of dollars renting out a place because everybody's i'm like hey dudes online where you gonna do a seminar then seminar come and everybody oh i just had to pay for this but listen to me make sure you go to the playlist and you watch all of these videos you get these in now i can break it down deeper but i don't talk too much in too long and then i don't want you to be too in your head and overthinking things because he here's the cool here's the key on this right here you cool calm and collected you just naturally normal and all you're doing is you're just paying attention that's all you're doing you paying attention how many drinks do they have how many curse words do they say how many times do they cut you off when they're talking how do they treat the waiter see what i mean how are they dressed you're just paying attention and then what you could do after the date as soon as you get home or in the car just like a doctor turn on your voice recorder okay just finish this here dave went out this level this will happen dude just remind yourself you get home you get on mymentor.life you go on there you click find a coach you click on the filter then you click dating coach or relationship coach boom you find somebody that you can afford don't worry about how the picture look don't worry about what the bio say you just need another human who is a neutral party that you could bounce this date off of and get some feedback point blank period get a t-shirt under the video that's all you need it gets you some feedback anybody gonna be able to see it if they're on the outside looking in the reason why you don't just want to go talk to your friend or to your mama or your daddy is because they're gonna be biased they're either gonna be overly protective or you of you or they tired of you being single and they gonna lie to you and they're gonna ignore the red flags that they clearly heard and they ain't gonna say none to you about it because they know how you are and they know you quit to cut people off so oh that's amazing you know what that ain't no problem like it's so many men today smoke like that is no issue like everybody smoke you know pastor johnson smoke and you know barack obama said he used to smoke you see a little purple yeah girl and listen i think rocky's mo love motorcycle [Music] and look how he did that with michelle so listen don't even worry about that but so now you got this bad advice because you went to your friend or your family member and they just biased for whatever their reason is so you always want to make sure you go to a neutral party whenever you meet somebody new whenever you get in a new relationship whenever you hit a little uh bumping the road you want to get you a professional to bounce this off of so now you get that feedback i'm dealing with my clients and as i'm talking to my clients i'm like why you ain't asking me about this when you met the person why you meet the person get with them live with them have a baby get engaged do all this and then everything hit the fan then you come to me like i'm supposed to fix everything i'm like you need the ounce of prevention instead of the pound of cure you got to come to me before when you meet the person the analyzer because then i would have told you long no you're wasting your time but you want to do that on your own because you want to hear nothing and then when everything blow up now you want to come talk about no can't do nothing nah it's too late so listen pay attention take you some notes watch this here another time watch this again watch all the way watch it again get it in your spirit and just understand cool calm and collected no judgment no arguing none of that no chastising listening you're paying attention then you doing the doubt after hey there's tony gassin god bless i gotta get on up here to the football game i got my got my sweet again this year so i'm going on up there if we wanted to hit her vid i'll be the invited somebody you know fight y'all wanna down here but you know with this hill delta variant you have to be careful god bless

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 17,340

Rating: 4.9566879 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: N60rPazEsDA

Length: 27min 39sec (1659 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 15 2021