4 Reasons To Abstain!

hey hey tony guys here wanna pop in and share this video with you four reasons to remain abstinent and i want you to think about this and you probably could come up with 50 reasons but these are my top four now number one is for your religious beliefs like your convictions the things that you feel strongly about based on your belief system because your religion your belief system that's foundational so that has to mean a lot to you and if it doesn't then it's no sense in claiming that belief system if you are directly opposing it with your lifestyle because that would make you a hypocrite and to be one foot in one foot out with your belief it's real dangerous because it is real you know that that belief system it is real so if you if you especially like a christian that is serious so you can't play with your belief system and be lukewarm and that's honestly the reason why i got married because i was living in sin and i said hey i don't want to be going against my belief system you know i want to be married so that when i'm doing this it's inside of a covenant and the bed is not defiled so think about that that may not relate to everybody it may not be you know one of your reasons but it does matter if you have that now the second reason you should remain abstinent is for safety and what i mean by this is when you are not sleeping with people you are decreasing your chance of contracting a disease so as you know things get passed around and we can contract things when we sleep with someone and many people have millions and millions of people have and when you are abstinent you get the opportunity to talk to this person and to build a rapport with this person so that if this person has contracted something eventually they get to the place to where they know you enough and they trust you enough and they can share with you their issue that they're living with and what they've learned about it and how they have to live with this and how it can or would affect you if you're if you aren't mindful if y'all both aren't knowledgeable of the situation and on the same page but if you have a habit of jumping into the bed with someone in the first week in the second week um in the first month or what have you when you do this you jump into the bed with them and the next thing you know you've contracted something and it's because the person that you jumped into the bed with didn't reach a point of comfort that he or she could tell you that they had this the other thing is he or she may not know may not know right away because if they're promiscuous and they sleep around they can contract something and before it shows up or before they have like a physical change or a breakout or whatever it may be could sleep with you and pass it to you and not know now in a lot of cases people will know but there are a lot of cases where people know and they got into the bed before they told the person and although they feel terrible about it it's really the fear of being alone for the rest of their life because of a mistake they made or someone they slept with which they may not even consider sleeping with a personal mistake but the person they were with the person they loved or the person they slept with they contracted it from them and then for them to say because of that one night i'm supposed to be single the rest of my life and they're telling themselves that out of fear and it's just you know negative self-talk when it's actually not the case to where they could meet someone and build with someone fall in love with this person and express their issue and that other person say hey you know i understand i'm okay with that let's learn about it let's protect ourselves let's be you know careful with this and i've seen that happen in my coaching practice working with clients to where someone has contracted something and they meet someone and they tell them and it's not like a day one conversation a lot of times because they don't know if they're going to be with the person anyways so it's it's like if you just tell everybody on the first date you will have told all of these people your business for nothing so they do typically give it a little time even if that's two weeks or a month you know some people if they're just talking and they're not sleeping with this person they're not kissing this person but they're building with this person just to see if they're compatible enough it may come around the three-month mark you know at the latest it may be the six-month mark um i've heard as long as the 12-month mark and it's just the person really not knowing how it will be received how the other person will take it and if they'll see them you know as less than or dirty or you know something and so that fear is kind of is crippling at times so you got to understand if you're just jumping into the bed you're really putting yourself at risk and eventually if you continue that lifestyle just based on the odds just based on the numbers eventually you're gonna attract contract the disease and you don't know which disease it'll be and and what will be the consequences of that where some you can live with and it can be you know suppressed and or dormant or in remission whatever you will call it and it not directly affect you all the time but then some it may affect you quite often so that is the second reason to remain abstinent the third reason is for clarity what you have to understand when you lie down with someone you are taking a piece of them and giving them a piece of you but the way this works is the mind the brain releases chemicals into your body when you have intercourse and these feel good hormones come into your bloodstream and in that moment you forget your pain you forget your worries you forget your fears you forget your doubts and you're in this cloud nine type of experience and so at that moment you forget all of the red flags and you may not even like the person you may not even be compatible with the person but because of that feeling and it feels so good that release it becomes like an addiction and now you want that and so you overlook all of the bad stuff the negative things just to get to that feeling and i've heard people say like well you know he cheated on me and i'm angry and i don't know what to do and i'm like well you should get distance you should cut off you know sleeping together and then i would hear well that's where we bond at that's where we connect that's where we really get along like that's how we really make up and it's like okay it makes sense it makes sense that he cheated on you y'all don't have a bond y'all don't have a real relationship y'all are just sexually compatible and because you jumped into bed you skipped over you went right from lust and to this emotional spiritual and physical bond and it is it's bonding in in all of those ways and and you hear people i saw a young lady tweeting it went viral and she was talking about that people need to stop tripping because there is such a thing as casual sex and that is one of the biggest lies about sex i've ever heard in my life because if it was casual we would be able to turn it on and off if it was casual make sure you look on the community page i think i posted the link to the podcast one lady she told her story and it kind of expressed how by the age of 21 she had slept with over 30 men and she was talking about how when she finally got with a guy she kept feeling this tug to go back to guys or her past and that was the like a emotional tie that she couldn't understand and she was doing it and as i was reading it that's what jumped off the page to me there's nothing casual about it because if it was casual we can turn it on and off and we can say hey we can talk to our brain and say hey this is about to be casual so the release that you would normally have don't have that so like the substance that's in a man that comes out of a man don't release that that what is created and drops down in a woman don't release that and what a man's substance does inside of a woman let's not do that let's not make that happen but the mind cannot do that it goes through the process to reproduce life in all of the spirituality emotionality physicality everything that goes into it it goes through the full process because that's all it knows it doesn't know casual from intentional it's all intentional because it serves a purpose and the purpose of it is to reproduce life so the man's body does what it does and the woman's body does what it does and if and if the woman's body is not you know in that moment doing that thing still the other things that can happen so if it's casual and a person has a physical contraction meaning they've contracted and a disease that shows up in the physical on their pelvis or what have you and you make contact their body is not going to shut off the transmission of that disease because you said and they said it's casual your body is not going to not contract it because you said this is casual if it was casual without consequence without intentionality then we would be able to turn it off so you have to understand that do not play with that do not believe the lie that the devil is trying to push around the world or whatever you call it the evil force is the power that be to trip and trap people to just become more reactive chasing a nut like a squirrel so we become squirrels and squirrels don't really use their brains we just chase in a nut men and women that's why when you're driving down the road the squirrel runs into the middle of the road and commits and you're like what in the world why would you do that you hear the tires coming you hear the road you feel the vibration why did you just run into the road and play that right there kind of rule that like what is going on squirrel doesn't really have a brain or if it has a brain it doesn't use it in that way and so that's how the world has us to where we start to believe oh this is casual this is casual so now you're just seeking a thrill you're seeking a thrill but you start to feel empty you start to feel lost you start to feel down so what that does that makes you a consumer on steroids because now any ads you see all the shopping everything you're just overly consuming and spending because really you lost hurting and broken because you have been led to believe that what you do in the bedroom is casual and that there are no consequences that there are no repercussions but that is one of the biggest lies you could believe so understand that it is very very real now the fourth reason you should be abstinent is to build a real bond you have to understand that the way the mind works the largest sexual organ is the mind it is not what's between your legs it's the mind and it's not the action that's pleasurable it's the thought about the action that makes it pleasurable the feeling itself whatever you feel when you are doing the act it can be painful it can be humiliating it can be disgusting it can be repulsive if your mind is not open to the action think about it if somebody comes on to you and it is not what you want and y'all go all the way and do that and you did not ask for this you did not this isn't consensual that's not going to be enjoyable so a lot of people say oh tony it's not just created to reproduce it's created for pleasure no it's not created for pleasure it's created to reproduce you can have pleasure if your mind is positioned to want it and appreciated and to view it as love making an expression of your feelings for the person you're lying down with but if that's not in the equation then it's not pleasurable it is a chore and and not even a chore it can be tremendous not sure if that's a word sound good we're going to use it right there and so you have to understand this that you need to talk to go on dates to facetime to talk every day to to build you need to have distance meaning you have somewhere to stay your partner has somewhere to stay if you take a trip you have a hotel room your partner has a hotel room you spend all day having a blast having feel good hormones released into your bloodstream you feel like you're on cloud nine just this next level feeling and then you go to the hotel you have dinner and you go to your room your partner goes to their room you can get in the room shower get in the beds and facetime each other for another hour making love to the mind making love to the mind and when you do this what you're gonna start to experience is when you abstain and you make love to the mind and you create a real bond when you come together in your marriage when the bodies come together because the mind is so primed because the mind is so connected is so invested when you bring your bodies together that is the icing and the cherry on top because the mental connection is the cake that bond is there so now your body is ready to have an immediate release because of the mental stimulation and where the mind is where the mind is at in relation to the act that is taking place so being that the purpose is to reproduce it's not intended to take an hour it's not intended to take five minutes it's intended for the deed to be done for the bodies to react and to have the feeling of the release based on where the mind is at and how the mind views this interaction but in order for the mind to truly be primed truly be prepped truly be ready true to be at truly be at ease and relaxed and able to function at its highest level as it relates to this action you have to be in love and in order to fall in love you have to abstain for a period of time and build and when you do that that's when you fall in love so me and my wife we fell in love in marriage we weren't in love before marriage and we were living in sin but in marriage when life starts to happen you get busy marriages that are healthy can go three weeks to four weeks without sleeping together not meaning not sleeping in the same bed but meaning not coming together for that act three to four weeks healthy marriage is where the couples are in love you know how you know why that can happen because that act is a plus not a priority and a lot of people think it's a priority that it's a non-negotiable that it has to be if you are in love it doesn't matter near as much as you think it is if you think it does it's because you've never really been in love when you really truly fall in love you will realize that the act of having an in-depth conversation about anything something that's meaningless or something that is substantial to your life that that act of that conversation actually feels better than the act you do in the bed and and the act you do in the bed could actually could be like fireworks it could be so amazing it could be i mean just both people super into it both people have their release and guess what the conversation will feel better when you are dealing with someone that you are in love with and if you have not experienced that you have not been in love and i want you to know that and a lot of times people speak from a place on podcasts and everything speaking from a place of lust speaking from a place of a situationship speaking from a place of average basic relationship and not real love so understand where i'm speaking from is being in love these are facts and you will experience it when you fall in love and your partner falls in love your spouse meaning your husband or wife falls in love with you so listen if you're if you have decided to abstain even if this video helps you confirm the decision or you decide to start today stick to it don't let society trick you into believing that you have to sleep with someone before marriage in order for them to stay that is a lie men wait every day women wait every day because we want something that's rare we want some somebody that's different so although that wasn't the case when i was dating as i'm a professional now and i see this happening i realized that had i really if i had i had this message we didn't have youtube we didn't have these kind of messages every single day that was bombarding us with these messages we didn't have a trend of abstinence when i was dating where i was dating that yeah we knew it was wrong we knew we shouldn't have been doing it but you can know something's wrong but if you're not being reminded of that if you're not being held accountable if you're not hearing that message over and over again it just kind of falls to the back of your head and you you operate from your flesh you do what you want to do and you rebel but when you know better because you're being held accountable you're being called out you're being challenged now it's gonna be harder for you to just go jump into bed because you know what you're risking you're risking your life you're risking your health you're risking building up you're risking the ability to build a real bond to form a real bond with someone that if you if someone has to go through something to where that act is not possible due to a health issue something happen in your health season of life whatever it may be even if it's a seven days five three to seven days a month that a woman goes through when her body is you know going through its cycle and you don't want to you know sleep together during that time out of respect for the body's process and what have you belief system then even in that time you are abstinent abstaining from the act itself abstaining from the other acts that's in that same arena abstaining from angela and whatever you may call it abstaining from those things and allowing just conversation to happen where you can build and just get to that place get to that place and build from there and what you're gonna see is you're gonna see that you build a real bond and that when you get married and you come together that is fireworks that your bodies are releasing at the same time and it may be a minute it may be 30 seconds it may be two minutes three minutes and but it's because you're so committed you're so invested you're so into it you're so in love that the mind says we are we we're we are relaxed we are ready we are all the way in and your body responds in that way so hey tony gaskins here y'all forgive me uh my sound is a little off i ain't have my microphone plugged in today so hopefully you heard me okay turn your phone up some sometimes your phone you got to make sure if you got it on stereo or if you got it on whatever the other option is you know because sometimes depending on your audio option will determine how your sound plays so hey this is tony gaskins god bless you thank you so much we'll talk soon oh you know what i forgot to say today is on september 17 from september 17 through september 26 any purchase on tonygaskinsacademy.com i'm giving that to my wife for her birthday which is september 26th giving that to my wife so the courses are listed at 50 off so when you go you don't have to put in a coupon code the price is not going to change the price you see is the discounted price so if you missed out on the last blessing that i gave on labor day this is your opportunity and i want to give that to my wife who i call a queen not in a you know uh traditional or any regional way i just saying queen meaning that she is god's daughter and i treat her as such and so she sacrifices so much time for me to be on here anytime i'm talking to you on here is an hour or 30 minutes or 15 minutes i could be talking to her and i'm talking to you and so because of the time she sacrifices not just the time that i work with you the time that you know we're spend we're spending but also the time that my friends and family that have known me and see what i'm doing in the world come to me as their personal life coach free of charge and that's still hours that i give away on top of the podcast the instagram q a the youtube videos the live q and a's all the time that i spent online the live instagram things the tweets all the time i spent online on top of that is still so many people tugging and asking i need this i need this and my wife is sitting there with supporting me encouraging me so when it's her day like mother's day her birthday i try to be the biggest blessing i can because she has everything money can't buy but you know how it sometimes retail therapy retail coaching whatever we'll call it just being able to get something that you want being able to you know get a gift that you've had your eye on you know how that feels so whether it's a hundred dollars a dollar a hundred dollars a hundred thousand dollars a hundred million dollars whatever this person whatever you have the ability to spend when you spend your money on something you want it just it gives you a good feeling because it's like okay this is also a part of living you know treating myself and so i want to be a blessing to my queen the queen and so i want to let you know that that the course you get from the 17th through the 26th that's you saying happy birthday to her so hey god bless you will to oh and also i forgot again somebody sent me a cash out i sent that out on the email what i'm doing for my wife and somebody sent me a cash out i want to say thank you because it is it came and hey this is for the queen thank you very much it means more than you realize i don't take anything for granted thank you so much god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 8,323

Rating: 4.9771647 out of 5

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Id: GjA3FlN4hVg

Length: 27min 30sec (1650 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 17 2021