Drill Sergeants, What's The Funniest Thing You Couldn't Laugh At?

drill instructors drill sergeants of Reddit what's the funniest thing you've seen a recruit did that you couldn't laugh at had one recruit paying attention to a bunch of geese rather than us made him get up and chase them all away as they flew in the air we made him follow them for several hundred feet to make sure they wouldn't come back I was dying if laughter on the inside didn't know recruits were permitted to participate and join training exercises with Canadian Special Forces was never a di but I can pass along a classic bootcamp story I was in the Navy and in the Navy your final inspection as a division is before the division officer which is usually some junior officer puke that got assigned that job but we didn't know any better anyway before the inspection one of our RDCs that's what we called the DI in the nav found the locker out of sorts and decided to beat us in our dress blues that was not fun let me tell you wool uniforms if we lost our cover we got beat more it was bad anyway the dew rolls in for inspection walks up to the first dude in formation and he pukes however this guy was a freakin genius he puked down the t-shirt in his dress blues saving the dew from getting puked on and us from getting beat even more the division officer was so impressed at this dudes military bearing that he called the inspection right then and there 5.0 sailors all around we still got beat that night but that guy was a hero standing in formation of Fort Knox about to head to the range and everyone needs their gloves one private comes out without them in the D s screams private where the Frick are your gloves in this thick Tennessee accent he goes well dang drill sound i'ma stop done left them some be upstairs the D s from New Jersey just dies laughing I'm sorry that accent I can imagine it so well just frickin does it oMFG I was going through Air Force basic training and when on guard duty if an unauthorized person wanted to be let into the bunks you had to report it to your drill sergeant our sister flights drill sergeant came up while I was on guard and requested entry so I reported to my sergeant and he had me ask the other a series of questions this particular sergeant had a bushy mustache so one question I had to ask was in what year was Magnum PI canceled he dropped out of view from the window laughing came back up and yelled it was never canceled because I am still here it took everything I had not to crack up so when you start basic your body doesn't know how to handle no sugar caffeine rigorous exercise and sleeping schedules so it's in shock with the shock crapping becomes a problem for a few well every di after the first week is required to ask around if everyone has taken a crap and from there he assigns one recruit to track who has crap and who has not i crap you not pun intended we had one guy who would stand in the barracks at the end of the night rolling off names of people who hadn't crap yet finally we have one guy who is still on there after two weeks and the DI tells him to go to the doctor the doctor gives him and get out of jail free card essentially saying that at any point he says the magical words I got a crap and he can escape any situation well recruit can't crap Weill Colin gets the smart idea that he's going to play his new trump card as long as possible every time that were getting grilled I gotta take a crap comes ringing in from the back of the formation this probably happened six times until our di caught on finally our di devises a plan that when recruit can't crap goes into the bathroom he is going to have a couple of us hold on to his legs and slide him into the stall or Exorcist style the time comes and recruit can't crap excuses himself we all follow our di into the bathroom and slide him under there like he's the spawn of Satan this catch his recruit can't crap by surprise he doesn't know what the Frick is going on as the DI is utterly berating him about lying and using this as an excuse to sit on the toilet then we hear a very audible oh crap from the stall the DI is scared the recruit so much he actually took a crap in there the D I made every recruit look at it and we played played taps for it as we flushed it down the toilet holy Frick come we play taps for it I'm actually going to die laughing while in basic we had a female that loved to smile she was just a happy person in general well my ti training instructor came in and she caught the female trainee smiling t I didn't like smiling she walked up to the female trainee and yelled wipe that smile off your face female trainee stopped smiling the TI continued to yell no literally wipe the smile off your face with your hand trainee does so now throw it on the ground trainee follows orders now stomp on it and screamed I smiled I as loud as you can the female trainee stood there for a second before following through a tiny little voice cracks as she yelled I smiled I and I will say it took everything I had not to bust out laughing had a guy in my Navy do not really a big deal smiler just his facial physiognomy he looked like he was grinning about the second phase of training he made an effort to frown to stop the attention at some point the rdc asked him what he was smiling about he responded with something like not smiling Petty Officer just ugly an RDC in another division asked a guy if he shaved that morning and the guy claimed he had the RDC said recruit you are either a werewolf or you are lying so which is it the guy responded I must be a werewolf Petty Officer not me but I had a great team Sgt who had a floater wonky eye that he was blind and from an injury in Iraq so one I was dead on and worked fine but he had this one uncle ruckus eye that just did its own thing he was a very physically imposing man with that classic drill Sgt bass filled voice and his crazy I just added to it and he knew it he told a story about his time as a drill Sgt when two privates had sat down on fire watch and were kinda just being real lackadaisical about their duties when he found them so he starts just giving them the business classic Full Metal Jacket style and finally he just ending his rant right before he's about to smoke them for who knows how long when one of the offending privates just says drill Sgt are you yelling at us or the water fountain it stopped him dead in his rage and he just walked away midnight hand that could have gone very very badly a risky move that paid off we weren't allowed to talk during Chow at the galley you had to point at what you wanted another recruit to pass and they had to silently pass it one recruit wanted a napkin and pointed the other recruit asked this the CCS Coast Guard es immediately came over circling him like sharks screaming at him they made him put like ten saltines and his mouth and chew until his mouth was full then asked the first recruit if he wanted a napkin again he barely could get it out spitting pieces of cracker everywhere then they screamed up the first recruit who answer him but we were all silently cracking up sounded like this thief when turn up keen pieces of saltines flying out answer him cracking up almost crying no thank you it was the best I've heard good things about Coastie basic I was a super light sleeper during basic training one night I woke up for no reason the sleeping Bay was dark except for the light by the desk where the two soldiers on fire guard was supposed to be awake and alert both of them were leaning back in their chairs dead asleep I started to throw my covers off to go wake them up if a drill sergeant came through and caught the fire guard sleeping we'd all pay but then I heard a slow scraping sound to my right off in the darkness I froze and heard it again closer a few heartbeats later I almost screamed out loud as I saw the sharp intense face off our Samoan drill sergeant in the darkness his face was covered in full camo he was low crawling underneath the line of bunk beds towards the fire guard he had a bear knit in between his teeth we locked eyes and he silently raised one finger to his mouth signaling for silence I nodded and sat back to watch the show as the drill sergeant resumed his low crawl under and past my bunk in the direction of the sleeping guards I have a bunch of stories of funny crap I did to correct soldiers when I later became and but that image like something straight out of an 80s war movie will always stick with me mind telling us the ending this shoots too good in navy boot camp they call forced PT beatings everyone knows what a beating is Navy doesn't have drill instructors they call them our DC's recruit division commanders one day standing in rank CR DC is going around asking random trivia questions about a test we had to take to make sure we had been studying he gets to a guy who was eccentric to say the least this is about a month and a half into boot camp RDC asks the question guys gets it wrong so RDC yells no wrong beat yourself literally everyone knew this meant start doing push-ups so the expectation is he will start doing push-ups as the RDC moves to the next guy to ask a question I was standing across from the guy and he had a confused look on his face he looked at his own hand for five seconds then hauled off and slapped himself in the face it made a loud crack sound he got himself good I cracked and chuckled trying to keep composure at attention the RDC looked to me then realized why I laughed had to do with the slapping sound he turned back to self slapping guy and asked him if he slapped himself guy says you told me to beat myself cue the entire barracks cracking up it was a single moment during boot camp where the curtain was raised and a moment of unadulterated levity came over everyone the RDC couldn't stop laugh-in so the tough guy but whole persona melted away for a good 60 seconds until he regained composure and made us all do push-ups the push-ups were an easy price to pay for that moment those moments are so genuine it was times like that that he felt human again we had to 5 feet 1 inch his stocky blond guys named Johnson in our company one cycle he different platoons no relation at all but they looked really similar one day during grass week a couple Jay hats made them face each other and go back and forth screaming you're not Johnson I'm Johnson no Frick you you're not Johnson I'm Johnson you have absolutely no clue how hard it was to not break into a million pieces after about five minutes of that I'm dirty Dan boot camp addition I work at basic training ranges and we had a drill Sgt yell at his solid a while they were getting ready to go down a buddy live-fire exercise and the solid or frozen started crying this 18 y/o kid was just in tears for getting yelled at the DES yelled at him some more and he finally gave up cause this kid wouldn't stop crying so he made him scoop tears off his face and put them in his pockets til he filled his pockets up with tears he did this for like an hour it was hilarious in my basic training class I was a squad leader which is essentially just a person who does extra chores anyways for reasons unknown myself and the other squad leaders were doing push-ups in the drill sergeants office now when you do these push-ups you eventually reach muscle failure so you just sorta hang out there in the front leaning rest and try to bust out another push-up every few seconds or so we're all in there dying and the drill sergeant says to one of my buddies private Hudson tell me what's the difference between basic training and being in prison without missing a beat private Hudson says drill sergeant in prison they get to watch TV the drill sergeant cracked a little bit of a smile and then told us to get up and get out of there nothing like some extreme physical workout to get your brain firing during Air Force BMT my flight was practicing marching one afternoon as our flight was still fairly new our marchin was pretty terrible one of the assistant TI's reamed us all out and then proceeded to awkwardly mock us by marching and walking like jar-jar binks while giving a spot-on impression I'll never forget it he just wanted an excuse to do the impression not a drill sergeant but when I was in basic I saw three drill sergeants surrounding a private who was laying down and they were all screaming go the Frick to sleep right now private you take a goddamn nap this very second you poor tired soul not exact words will you get the gist of it I still wonder how he got himself into that predicament cord sleeping can guarantee better than chanting stay awake stay alive for a couple hours not a DI but I enjoyed watching this happen on hikes my D eyes loved having conversations using the recruits as messengers the DI at the end of the formation would send a recruit to the front to give the di a-- their a message and back they would either have stupid conversations or talk trash using the recruit this was something my wrestling coaches did that wrestling camp to make us run more eventually they ditched the facade and just made the person in back sprint to the front every time a whistle blew during FTX the des told me to get a trash bag then go around and collect as many pine cones as I could for like three hours had a bunch of trash bags he then took a little walk around contemplated for a bit then said that he was mistaken and it looks better with pine cones he ordered me to redistribute all the pine cones one guy had a leaf on his ruck after an FTX and got the company smoked for stealing private property from federal lands everyone was laughing a bit even the D s we had this kid who kept P himself one day after the range he informs our di that he had crapped himself right after showers squad-based starts to hold back laughter d IIT is not funny awkward silence di okay it's a little funny but we aren't laughing man never cracked a smile during the whole thing buddy of mine told a story when he was at basic one guy had said yes mam to the female D s earlier in the day so when they were all lined up she was going down the line asking each person if they called her mom earlier the guy who did was fourth in line heard the three previous guys say no drill sergeant and then said in all seriousness no mom I overheard her yes petty officer yes petty officer yes petty officer hoo-hoo-hoo okie dokie petty officer had to make a quick about-face and flee before he busted up laughing it was fantastic in the Academy one of the D eyes had a recruit doing push-ups he told the kid he was going to do push-ups for five minutes straight or something like that as soon as the kid started the DI approached the first di and started arguing that the kid hadn't really freaked up that bad and he didn't really deserve to be punished after some back and forth he agreed that the kid did indeed deserve to be punished the first di then said loudly that he had not checked his watch so he would have to start the five minutes now at that time another di approached and started asking for mercy on the recruit who was by now basically just humping the ground sweetly it went on like that for a while good times when I was in boot camp our drill instructor had a recruit sit in front of his own reflection stainless steel panel and continually ask himself if he really wanted to be here for three fricking hours all while screaming at him to mean it and I don't believe you I don't know how they didn't crack up with hilarious one of my green belts had a recruit stand in the head in front of the mirror and point to his reflection and say I'm not crazy then point to himself and say you're crazy it went on for 45 minutes or so until our senior came in and put a stop to it there was a dumb bass in my basic that after firing he had his rifle up on his shoulder pointing the wrong way towards the DS clearing it with the mag still in the D s 6 foot 8 bodybuilder slammed the sucker into the sandbags screaming at him and then the recruit had to lay prone in the dirt with holding a stick for a rifle periodically saying bang for the next three or four hours somehow he still graduated with us a story from my perspective as a recruit in navy boot camp we had an inspection the following day so our chief was going around inspecting inside everyone's rack to make sure it was squared away eventually he made it over to my section he was checking the rack bunk bed that opens up beside me and had it propped open so I couldn't see his face and kind of forgot he was there he's searching through this guy's stuff and sees his small gloves and he asks you know what they say about small gloves now keep in my mind I don't think any of my Rd sees heard me talk until this point and I said without any hesitation I know that's not true I wear a size 12 boot but I can tell you right now I don't have a 12 dong and my chief slammed the rack shut and looked at me what a Fricke then stormed off into the fishbowl and all you could hear was him trying to hold back his laughter in the office with the two petty officers obligatory not rdc but kind of similar about three weeks into training my class was getting measured for our car keys with one of our DC's supervising but somehow the topic of shoe sizes came up and everyone in my class was size 10 or higher our chief piped up I'm an 8.5 small feet may or may not be indicative of other things what's that disgusting crap all over your glasses maggot I believe it's your saliva drill sergeant sir close his eyes and waits for death oh he dead had two guys laugh were not DC walked in so he had them stand almost noses touching each other one would yell want to hear a joke and the other would yell hahaha repeatedly for hours it was hilarious at first but once their voices started to crackle it got old pretty quick dang that is pretty funny on day two of basic training at Lockland AFB my flight was returning with our newly issued gear after having our heads shaved and other hurry-up-and-wait tasks our TI told us to go upstairs and stand at attention by our beds we ran up there tired after attempting to March what felt like two miles each way in the August Texas heat we are all standing there waiting for whatever is going to happen next after about five minutes Donnie Barnes says that sergeant gates isn't butthole am i right and you would not believe what happened as soon as Bond said gates the locker directly behind bonds pops open with a creak Barnes's frozen solid out of the locker pops one leg after another and the three taps of Sergeant gates walks out of the locker and puts his mouth directly next to Burns's ear and shouts in his gravelly voice on your fatherís we did so many push-ups holy Frick I'd think the Sgt was magical from that day forward wouldn't say crap about him even when I'm at home mother would crawl out of my closet on his tee I swear one recruit left his training guide just lying on his rack my lead RDC decided this was punishable by making the recruit stand in the middle of our birthing hold the training guide in the left hand saluted with the right hand and then bring it in and gently whisper I love you training guide I'm sorry I left you out I'll never leave you lying around a game that crap was hilarious especially because we were all put at attention while he did it for 45 minutes first five minutes welder beam gold after that just boredom drill instructor made a recruit stand in front of a tree pointing saying I'm not funny you are when he was caught laughing the DI did actually laugh at that one I feel like I'd be laughing even if I was the one talking to the tree early in Boonton MC RDS D we were post Sharon dat attention for the hygiene inspection wearing nothing but skivvies and t-shirts the DI is walking the line checking fingernails and whatnot when one privates hard-on flops out of his skivvies right as the DI passes him and the DI stops looks the private in the eye and says private I don't even like you much less like you that way now put that goddamn thing away before IT goes off the private in question turned purple with embarrassment and tries to stuff his boner back in his skivvies but his getting flustered as the DI starts yelling at him for being an incompetent private and that if he didn't get if stood in three seconds the privates would be taking a 10-minute cold shower things like do I have to hose you down like an excited Chihuahua should I call the vet good god private is that how you greet your mother at night still your gear goddammit every other private and line was trying not to laugh and the SDI had retreated to his office where we could hear him howling with laughter sir private finally gets his junk stowed and the DI resumes inspection and you could see he was trying his damndest not to bust out laughing no one got much sleep that night there were too many giggle is in their bunks and two men acquired one-liners we had a TI and TI in training with us as we were marching to a class some people were out of step so the T I started screaming don't you know your right from your left did the antenna fall off your house when you were a kid didn't your mommy and daddy let you watch three two one contact the TI in training lost it so did I my fly straining TI was a spitting image of eddie murphy imagine Eddie Murphy teaching you how to about-face not a D s but went to army basic I was in the chow line not about looking at the back of the guy's head in front of me all of the sudden I can feel one of my drill sergeants breathing on me over the separation wall and he yells Shia LeBouf WH o is your daddy to which I responded you are drill sergeant my other D s Sprint's over and says oh yeah what does that make me then and all I thought to say was my mummy drill sergeant every D s and the chow hall was dying and I got the dog crap smoked out on the outside I have plenty more stories either equally as funny or possibly even funnier when I was an eight to be a medic at forts and we had to tilt a line fill bear check stand on a yellow line by your bunk in points shower shoes holding your head card with your tags hanging out we used to frick with each other hard in our band right before total line one of my buddies at one of my shower shoes so I'm an erosion thinking Frick Frick Frick okay I'll just wear the one so I'm standing at half attention in one flip-flop and my bare foot is just kind of tucked away behind me our cardio Thor check comes up and just looks directly down at my feet crosses his arms and says Sheila booth what in Sam Frick are you doing all I could get out to say was sergeant I could not find my other shower shoe for Bette check and I think he'd been saving this one because he started to smirk and just yelled god dammit Shia LeBouf you are more ate up than a chocolate song in a gay bar triggering giggles and Snickers all throughout the bay thankfully our school Carla were a lot more chill than drill sergeants it's 2019 I can have two daddies drill sergeant story from my wife while she was in BC t they are eating shall one day early on maybe first till second day out of reception and they hear a drill instructor yelling why the Frick are you eating salad with a spoon apparently in reception they had been told not to bother with forks since they had five minutes to eat their meals dude wanted a salad he decided Frick it I'm eating salad with a spoon hilarity ensued drill instructors let everyone know that not using Forks is a dumb fricking rule and whoever told them that is fricking stupid when getting to the depot you get rid of all personal items aside from your wallet phone book glasses and religious items it was second phase and we were drilling on the parade deck we finish and are marching back to the house when our di catches someone smiling he says oh good something's funny empty out your pockets recruit empties his pocket contents a pen knowledge card and lo and behold he has a dollar bill our di was dumbfounded and asked why the Frick do you have money you going to it a tea bar after this the recruit responded with I heard we get to use the vending machine if we do well whenever a recruit would bust but we would make them turn on the vacuum cleaner which meant we would yell who the Frick just crapped themselves this recruit is attempting to attack our olfactory sense platoon turn on the vacuum which would be followed by turn on the vacuum aye aye sir and then all the recruits would suck in through their mouth as hard as they could however one time we had a recruit who immediately answered when we asked who crapped themselves that this recruit crap himself sir turns out recruit Jones crap himself during a late-night drill session in third phase by then recruits are disciplined and almost always put the mission first even if that mission is just executing left face much without asking to go to the head poor kids sat in his own crap for almost two hours thank God I never pee myself not a DI when I went through basic they gave everyone a flashlight with a lime green yellow thing on the bright end that you had to have with you in the morning for PT well one individual forgot is when we all lined up in the morning and didn't say anything till we walked over to the PT pad to the tee I began to the write him and tell him that he is a dumb boss and run back to the bunks to retrieve the flashlight before he leaves the TI yells if anyone stops you just tell them you are a dumb boss well the TI was across the street and saw him running back to the bunks and saw the trainee all by himself so he starts laying into him we could all hear him on the PT pad until the trainee got a chance to respond with sir trainee so-and-so reports as ordered I am a dumb boss the TI walked away and didn't say anything I have another story about this exact airman near the end of basic training depending on your TI you might get what is called an amnesty R it's everyone who has been and basic with you and your ti basically talking to you like a normal person again well out II I opened the floor for questions in the first kid to raise his hand was the kid who forgot his Lockland laser during all of basic when I was there a rumor was going around that a TI had posed for Playboy but now it was a rumor but no one could go on a computer to Google it cause it's BM t the MN stood up and asked straight face sir is it true at t I posed for Playboy RT I laughed and confirmed the rumor and the game sir did you meet this TIR TI responds with no but if I did I would be tapping that without missing a beat this short skinny kid from Tennessee says thank you for not hitting it so that the rest of us don't fall in it I cried laughing Lockland laser not a DES but in basic 2005 we had a recycle come through with the last name foo DS's got a kick out of asking him to spell his name whenever they wanted to Frick with us but D s spell your name Pvt foo poor sad hated soul drill Sgt fu drill sergeant d s commenced his destruction my dad who was an RDC shrugs and says oh I laughed your hat is called your cover it's the first day I wanted some recruits from the back to the front to carry stuff get up here with your covers they went and grabbed their sheets I have to we had a recruit night who just couldn't do anything right he couldn't even put on Kami paint so we were out in the field and our lady eyes had him completely black his face with it I'm talking his ears inside his nose even his lips than they made him walk around with another recruit whose name was also Knight and happened to be black and point at him while saying recruit Knight is as black as night I saw quite a few other D eyes chuckle at that then on our last day before graduation now J hat came in and told us we were our kill hats first actual platoon as a DI and he was going to wake us up on the morning of graduation so he hatched the plan in that morning when the kill hat came out and screamed get online we all ran to the end of our tracks but half of the squad bay was wearing togas and the other half was but butt-naked he basically did a double-take and busted out laughing and then we all did push-ups for about ten minutes if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

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Keywords: drill instructor, drill instructor school, drill instructor speech, drill instructor funny, drill instructor vs drill sergeant, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap

Id: SxW-Mo9bd00

Length: 29min 33sec (1773 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 24 2020