Drill Sergeants' Funniest Moments They Couldn't Laugh At

drill instructors drill sergeants of reddit what's the funniest thing you've seen a recruit do that you couldn't laugh at at the quail range on benning march 2009 cycle is almost over and we're all pumped to move into acetate i was behind the firing line with the rest of the jackasses eating chow i had a ds that was built like tyron woodley with scars all over his face and neck told us he was in operation anaconda as a private and did multiple tours in iraq he had a voice like a bulldog swallowed gravel was always angry and was built like a greek god a truly magnificent specimen anyway at the beginning of basic he once said that the gravest sin we could ever make was to fart in his presence so i'm sitting there indian style behind the firing line unapologetically face freaking a bag of chilli mac when all of a sudden i let a silent one squeak out except that i was still wearing your pro and it was more like the horn of gonda calling for aid this dude snaps his head around like he heard me open up a bag of tropical flavor skittles also prohibited and just points at me like a giant black techno viking this guy heard my thunderous butt queef through his own earpro while on the firing line which is super impressive on multiple levels btw what did i do the only logical thing of course i started making raspberry sounds with a mouthful of chili mac like i was b rabbit beat boxing for the underground championship pathetic he put me in the front leaning rest for the entire time we were out there while he was coaching my non-integrity having butt was laying flat on my gut when i even had a hunch that he was going to turn around i'd stick my butt in the air in the proper modified resting position he'd point to the ground i'd bang out like five or six and when he turned back around i'd lay flat again loopholes my friends freaking loopholes three hours later when everyone quelled except me of course he told me to recover and calmly said don't ever crap in my mouth again with it again i was like 100 meters behind the firing line but okay i guess track in dsl boot camp mcrd san diego had a kid with glasses very young did not look like marine material he kept glancing up at airplanes overhead during drill d i noticed and asked him what he was looking at kid replies airplanes drill instructor di says those planes are trying to invade and only you can stop them i want to hear you walk right at every plane until it leaves this depot remainder of phase i of boot camp consisted of this kid screaming at every plane overhead hilarity ensued yes marine recruits called the ice story sounded better the way i wrote it i thought yes the kid in glasses became a marine never saw him again because i went off to soy weston god knows where he went infantry benning 2005 had a guy in my platoon that wrote a letter home saying he got shot in the iba his mom was a 1sg funny enough however drill sergeant intercepted the letter and read it to everyone then another guy in the plt was a great lyricist he free versed who's that man in the pink barry he got shot in the iba drill over here that and it became our new marching cadence we also had a drill sergeant get fired for hitting a private's privates and causing him to urinate blood he would always go around with the plt's gaiden and hit the guys in the nuts he never did it to his own plt though honestly he was one of my favorite drill sergeants i wasn't the ds but the trainee i was in the shower and i heard someone yell my name i thought it was one the guys in my platoon so i responded what can i get five freaking minutes of peace dut next thing i heard was the unmistakable voice of one of our ds shouting what the frick did you just say in the sound of boot stomping towards me i begin apologizing as fast as possible standing but butt naked at parade rest he said if i ever raised my voice again he'd be back naked next time for some vietnam village raid action aka assaulting my anus he then told me i had a letter and to come grab it from his office and walked off not in boot camp but in a school setting in the military in formation one morning i heard a slap and a guy killed a fly or a mosquito or something the instructor started screaming that corman do not kill unless defending themselves their marines or patients he had just killed an unarmed friendly and will give it a proper burial so he made us all dig a human size grave while the sailor that killed the fly stood there watching with dead fly in hand we gave it a funeral and everything without honors and had to fill in the hole we kinda hated that guy for a while unarmed friendly frick that if it was a mosquito it was armed and presumed hostile when i went through air force basic we each had water canteens that we brought everywhere we went i mean it was san antonio around august september we were in a class one day in protocol as you keep your canteen by your feet and not on the table we got up for lunch and so like you're supposed to everyone brings their canteens we eat lunch and then come straight back we were about to get started again when somebody left their canteen on their desk fairly calmly the mti military training instructor reminded him to put his canteen by his feet then he says actually i want you to leave your candy on your desk i want everyone to put your candy on your desk everyone does so and we're all waiting then he says trainee why isn't your canteen on your desk this other trainee shuffles around in his chair a bit and replies sir trainee snuffles reports as ordered i left it here before we went to lunch and now it's missing mti cutting him a bit short says yes i know i have it right here pulling out a canteen do you know what this represents trainee this holds water water brings life you're saying you forgot your source of life yes sir little info note here every trainee keeps these little pieces of paper called 340 ones and they're taken by mtis for either good behavior or fuck-ups usually ups haha enough fuck-ups could result in you getting recycled into a previous week of training with an entirely new flight of people all right then trainee i want you to come down and get your canteen i'm curious have you ever seen indiana jones yes sir you remember how he gets the treasure he swaps it with another objects doesn't he yes sir not just any object though usually it's of relatively the same weight right how many 341s do you think it would take to equal the weight of the seer canteen he briefly shakes it around revealing quite a bit of water is still in it maybe five or six he said not sure of how this was going to go down five or six are you sure this went on for a bit and then he agreed upon like three all right come down here and show me how mr jones does it in the movies his battery is to the front everyone else is thinking this is the kind of crap we've been waiting for he does his thing but he doesn't do it quick enough so he took an extra 341 funniest crap i ever saw in basic absolute madman of an mti never saw him again after that class but holy crap was he a legend several years ago i had a soldier who was taking food back to our barracks fellow platoon drill sergeant found it and told me about it call the entire platoon downstairs form them up and inquire to the entire formation about this red dfac apple in my hand soldier confessed immediately asked him why he replies with i was hungry drill sergeant i follow with okay private i'm going to make sure you don't go to bed hungry eat this apple bring him to the front give him the apple then turn around to address the platoon commence to dusting the should i i it of this platoon i mean i'm trying to break their body down as quick as possible inform him they will keep going as he slowly takes his first bit by now i'm excited take your time only a few moments later drill sergeant i'm done i ask where the core is i ate a drill sergeant by now i'm in disbelief and search in throwing distance for this core nothing i ask him why he ate the core because you told me to eat the apple drill sergeant this terrified man ate the entire freaking apple i mean that green leafy crap stem that crunchy crap for the seeds and the seeds i stopped everything and told everyone to disappear immediately i couldn't believe it nor have i ever seen anything like it before or after i have a ton of stories but this one always brings tons of laughter also oxygen tends to reach and grab soldiers feet as they run literally trip from the oxygen snatching them one dude forgot his shower shoes in med hold so instead of going back downstairs downstairs shower was broken so we had to go upstairs to an unused dorm he's advised by a fellow trainee to wear his socks to the latrine take them off shower and put them back on to minimize his contact with that disgusting shower floor as the dorm was unused it wasn't cleaned regularly this guy was kind of slow so he wore his knee-high whiter snow socks into the shower it's not nearly as funny without seeing those beacons of light in a sea of naked dudes trying to shower as fast as possible now that i'm actually writing it out in navy boot camp we were in school circle in the birthing and our second rdc was teaching us a powerpoint of some sort we all had our recruit manuals and pens writing down notes for our test in a few days one of my buddies was very fidgety and sitting cross-legged for long periods of time he would often start to fidget and wiggle around like a worm he was especially frisky today so i whispered to him chill man click your pen a few times to help your fidget he starts clicking and i mean clicking click click click click click our rdc started to twitch after every click until she lost it and beeline to my row with my buddy next to me he's still clicking away reading his book and our rdc lions roared his name and he stood up so fast it was like he sat on hot nail she made him do push-ups and mountain climbers for 30 minutes then after he was tired she made him stand up in the back of the birthing and gave him two pens one in each hand and told him to hold his arms out to the side like the t and keep clicking until she gets finished the lesson fast forward 1.5 hours and he's still clicking she forgot about him and our third rdc somewhat nice saw him when she walked in stared saint him blinked a few times and turned around and giggled our second rdc came back in pt uniform and told him to stop we heard her in third rdc laughing in the fishbowl [Music] so not a ds but this is from my time in basic also this is gonna be long my battle buddy got caught getting a bj from a female in our platoon the ds didn't interrupt he just walked out of the laundry room where they decided to do the deed he did wait outside for my bb and the other soldier to leave the laundry room all he did was tell my baby to come get me so we could have a chat with the first sergeant we go into first serge's office and our ds just starts laying into the guy a few minutes the ds pauses sticks his nose against my bbs looks him in the eye and in this low menacing voice asks where did you nut private it took every ounce of willpower i had to not double over with laughter bb was gobsmacked he started stuttering and just couldn't get a full word out then after being silent the entire time our first sergeant hall's butt across the room and yells you freaking heard him you hardcocked freaking waste of a good mouth where did you freaking nut bibi starts crying between sobs he blurts out eye in her mouth diaz i lost it ds lost it fs lost it good times all around tldr fellow private got caught getting head while in bct drill sergeant and first sergeant geld where did you nut and my bb started crying during a field exercise some of my squad mates decided it was better to take a crap in the woods at night near the male sleeping tents instead of using the latrines that was farther away they had a pretty good system in place by picking out a designated spot and making sure they buried it in dirt when finished unfortunately one of the guys forgot to bury his so the drill instructors found out about it and unburied an entire pile of crap for the next several weeks the drill sergeant would periodically yell where are my crap birds at and wherever they were the crew was forced to sing the gwen stefani line this crap is bananas beer in her anna's while walking forward doing squats or some balls we could just be sitting there doing some drill or eating lunch or whatever when the drill sergeant called it out randomly and they'd have to do it it was hilarious when you'd hear the singing from like three four dudes coming from disparate parts around you either near or far away when i was a went through basic during red phase they had a strict three latrine break deal where you could only use the latrines for like five minutes before having to get back in formation it was usually after eating chow and when you're running around in the summer heat you drink a lot of water to stay hydrated well like the fourth day in we had a classroom day where this kid really had to pee like doing the pissy pants dance for like an hour before he stood up mid-class and said drill sergeant i really need to use the latrine and this ds was a hardcore mother infantry drill sergeant combat infantryman's badge 101st airborne deployment patch and the ds just said sit the frick down private 10 minutes go by and this kid is getting worse like red in the face sweating a bit he stands up again this time louder drill sergeant it's an emergency dias interrupt my class again and i will smoke the dog pee out of you sit down finally this kid sits down and after like two minutes he pulls this little ziploc bag you get for sensitive items like a protractor hand sanitizer stuff that you're always supposed to have on you for inspection and dumps it all on the table unbuttons his pants and pisses in the bag sitting down fills the whole bag zip locks it up and sets it on the table in front of him the drill sergeant stopped teaching and stared in or this kid i thought for sure he was going to get fricked up but he just said calmly diaz private did you just pee in that bag pvt yes drill sergeant d s so you're telling me you had your dong out in my classroom pvt no drill sergeant d diaz then how did you pee in that bag if you did not pull your dong out of your pants pvt very carefully drill sergeant the ds smirk just a little just a crack never saw him smile ever again but he just said go throw your bag off p away private and the kid sprinted out of the class with a bag of his own pee i imagine it was probably pretty hard for the ds to maintain his composure dated a drill instructor i was a high school girl's wrestling coach and my big girl job was orchestrating grounded troops blah blah he and i got way too in the habit of screaming ridiculous things out of the blue seeing as he was trained to in the car silently driving for hours crap b i love you pull over so a man can use the tin cluterium hilarious guy but i'd never seen him at work one time he specifically requested i visit him during drills i didn't know this was legal or if he was serious so i stayed invisible until he called me out by name his problem was internal bickering and drama with his guys he'd lamented me about this for weeks he addressed them introduced me and i was feeling lost as heck this here is wendy not my name since you're all acting like lost boys wendy here is going to tell you how to behave and we respect women isn't that right yes sir wendy here is a mama to a bunch of teenage girls what do teenage girls do from formation wine sir make noise all the time sir gossip sir cry over boys sir play with makeup sir get pms sir etc and that's what all you all have been doing acting like little girls wendy is going to be our inspiration today our spiritual guide you will address wendy's sir yes wendy sir you will love wendy like your very own mother we love you wendy sir so i can be cruel and clever and all of that but this was about momming and shame i was out of my depth but here we go i told them during drills they were not allowed to leave formation or rest until each of them had brought up a legitimate qualm with another private and talked it out full volume then they got to buddy that person and tell them something vulnerable about themselves until they had something in common at the end they would call the private by name and tell everyone something they appreciated about them my dude was facing away with his eyes closed vibrating with laughter i thought he was going to choke to death best day ever and a handful of legit friendships were made that day not a drill sergeant but some private in my platoon who will call cf and that's another story and of itself somehow got the bright idea of eating everyone's mre gum well i think it's a laxative always cleared me up he then started bragging about how big his crap was i saw it pretty impressive and someone got the idea of putting bets on how big it was cf got some rubber gloves put on his pro mask and pick up the crap and measure it a 13-inch crap and he made 175 off it next morning before pt word made it to our company first sergeant he pitched an absolute be fit and tacked on some extra duty in our bay our drill sergeant joked and laughed with us about it man i miss the army there was some total bulls things that happened but the brotherhood is what i miss the most while in boot camp during ash wednesday recruits who wanted to go to church were allowed this left about half of the recruits in the barracks the only drill instructor with us at the time was our kill hat evil drill instructor he made us sit on our foot locker and read knowledge we did this for about 15 minutes until someone laughed about something our drill instructor heard this and came charging out and started smoking everyone we were all on the pt deck getting killed all of a sudden he asks for the four strongest recruits and tells them to go to the front he then summons our scribe who is maybe 100 pounds soaking wet he screams at us to continue our mountain climbers and he disappears with the selected recruits about five minutes later we hear the sound of beating drums our drill instructor is using the trash can to set the beat out comes the strongest recruits carrying a makeshift xerxe style alter the recruits are only wearing their skivvy shorts while carrying the scribe who is on all fours with an apple in his mouth screaming like a pig on top of the platform he screams this is your new god our scribe begins squealing like a pig again this time with more ferocity this caused our kill hat to run away in laughter the frick i've heard of some weird butt crap but holy freak when i was in basic we had this one guy who laughed at something our mti said mti stands him and says you wanna laugh then laugh guy starts and then finally settles down but mti says to keeping laughing so this kid is standing in the middle of the room laughing with the saddest face i've ever seen we all think this is hilarious but someone actually starts laughing out loud mti has him stand next to the first and tells him to laugh like bozo the clown another laughs and he gets told to laugh like the joker for maybe 10 minutes i'm watching three guys go hahi hahaha and hoo-hoo-hoo and i have no idea how i held it together not a drill sergeant but when i was going through basic at fort leonard wood my dad told me when we do the cs gas room volunteer to go first just to get it over with as he went through it when he was my age as well so i do and once i get through the most intimidating drill sergeant said soldier get over here he waved me towards the window on the side of the building we looked into the room and my platoon guide was this stuck-up rich white chick that had told us previously that her parents bought her a brand new car and was mad at the color so she's going to demand they buy her another she took her mask off puked turned to her right then puked on the guy in front of her i laughed my drill sergeant laughed i laughed while doing push-ups for laughing it was a good time we were pulling a 50 stroke 50 fire guard one night because somebody on shift fricked up half of the platoon has to stay up for three four hours then the other half takes over until wake up i was on the first shift and by the second of the third hour a good portion of us had retreated into the bathroom and were either sitting on the sinks gossiping or straight up sleeping beneath them i remember i was crap talking with a few guys when all of a sudden this kid walks into the bathroom wearing full battle rattle body armor helmet eye protection everything he even had his canteen asked what the frick he was doing the kid bless his soul replied i'm cold i was in navy boot camp and one of our rdcs was giving some kind of instruction order to the four girls who did the in-house laundry in the laundry room he finished speaking and you hear the following yes petty officer yes petty officer yes petty officer okey-dokey everyone froze stared at the door where we could see p.o cobble just standing there looking like a vein was about to burst in his neck we thought he was going to explode with rage instead he clenched his jaw turned on his heel and walked out faster than i had ever seen someone move in my life he managed to get into the private office before he completely broke up in hysterical laughter we could just barely hear it through the walls the one who said it was affectionate nicknamed light bulbhead and just about all my favorite stories involve her in some way doesn't quite fit the question but damn it basic stories are funny standing in line outside waiting to get haircuts about two-stroke three through boot standing around like rows of ducks this one guy who had just gotten off of bed rest due to pneumonia or black peg or whatever you know the type you could see his cheekbones sunken eyes all the halloween prettiness he had to pee so he broke formation and walks up to where the 2d eyes were standing talking one d.i takes one looks at him as he comes to attention and yells at him in her best diy voice the heck do you want trainee skeletor was worth pushing earth just to watch my d i break control and have to hide behind his hat before he could stop from laughing the rest of us were dying as we bench pressed the ground never was a drill sergeant but when i was going through u.s army infantry school 2004 we were taking showers when one of the drills came in and called us to toe the line when i got out of the shower i found someone had stolen my pt uniform and towel so i grabbed my shaving cream and covered my dong in cream then walked out to my bunk the drill came up to me asking what the frick i thought i was doing i told him my clothes and towel were gone so i did the next best thing he said you know what you're going to do all 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Id: DldemfkcCNY

Length: 25min 8sec (1508 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 23 2020