Cops, When Couldn't You Resist Laughing on Patrol?

police officers firefighters emts nurses offered it when have you laughed when you really shouldn't have nsw i was an intern firefighter back when i was in college and we received this distress call from the senior home one day apparently there was an old lady about 70 75 years old who was p drunk and she broke her hip walking through the hallway when we got there she was on the ground covered in her own crap the thing i laughed at was what she was saying while on the ground old lady get the frick off emmy captain mom you need to hold still while the ambulance comes old lady hey hey oscar her housekeeper is that you you captain yes mom oscar is right here old lady well frick you oscar can go suck a dong i had a gentleman commit suicide by placing a clear plastic bag over his head and running a line from a helium tank apparently it's one of the least painful ways to go you just get sleepy and pass out no oxygen starvation anyways me and my partner are waiting for the deputy since it's clear he has been dead a while we start talking in the bathroom with the body so what do you think his last words were goodbye world said in a mickey mouse voice ill never forget that i had hiccups for two hours after we got done laughing our asses off the report and dealing with the family was super awkward amt working a standby at one of our mennonite clubs a couple summers ago i come back from handing over a transport to find a man with a hole in the front of his jeans all covered in blood he was sitting calmly next to his friend joking and having a good time ask him what's going on and he admits to drinking and taking quite a bit of sea he states that he is not in any pain but worried about all the blood we expose his crotch to find that he had apparently impaled his scrotum on the cleat of a pool umbrella and now had a testicle protruding from the hull his very british friend saw what happened and yelled bollocks me mate your bean is out of the bag i had to excuse myself for a minute had a pregnant lady about to pop and brought her upstairs the l d nurses at this facility were pretty snobby and always seemed to have an attitude problem i gave them my report and told them that according to my assessment they needed to prep for delivery asap the charge nurse rolled her eyes at me and began condescendingly interviewing the patient telling her she's sure that the patient will be able to go home tonight about five minutes go by they finally get her over to the bed from my stretcher i get my paperwork signed the nurse goes to check for dilation and lifts up the sheet only to find that the patient is crowning she immediately starts yelling for help and gives me a dirty look i whisper told you so winked and walked out as the rest of the nurses walked in to help not my most professional moment but i had a good chuckle my dad's a police officer and has always been known for his dark dad humor one unfortunate day a motorcyclist ran a red light at an intersection just before a truck stop and was run over the rider's head and helmet were caught under the wheels of the truck and hopped as he tells the story lt lieutenant shows up and asks what happened here what are we stepping in that's so sticky and i was like well the rider lost his mind i thought it was funny as did my dad apparently the lieutenant did not when i was an emt i had a psych patient that had been picked up at the airport by the cops after he was found wandering around barefoot my report from them was quite vague so i didn't really know what to expect when i was asking him questions he didn't seem very oriented and kept drifting off to sleep i asked him if he knew what year it was and he said 1985 and he suddenly yelled 1.21 gigawatts i was so startled i couldn't help but laugh i still don't know whether he was messing with me or not but either way he must really like back to the future run for it marty it's the libyans i was an emt we responded to a call at a nursing home for a psychological get the info from the nurse that the dear little old lady is apparently hallucinating cats i walked into the patient's room and asked me what seems to be the problem here my partner and the nurse ran from the room i found them literally on the floor laughing in the hallway i lost all my professionalism in a heartbeat i'm a social worker so i interview a lot of children one of the standard questions is asking if children know where their private parts are and asking if anyone has ever touched them there so i ask this 11 year old if anyone has tried to touch her and she says no i ask if she knows what to do if someone tries to do that she tells me that whenever she goes to a friend's house she has a pair of scissors under her pillow for protection i chuckled a bit but maintained my composure i asked the girl if she would tell anyone she says she would tell her mom and tell that she didn't kill them on purpose i lost it i couldn't continue the interview after that i told my supervisor about it and she just laughed sniff that's a story that makes a daddy proud i hope my kids take that approach a young lady admitted into the air embarrassed to death with a small piece of plastic from a toy stuck in her lady parts while getting an iv from the nurse she complained about getting jabbed with a metal needle the nurse started to explain how the iv catheter is actually plastic to which he responded i've got enough plastic stuck in me right now thank you back in my army days we were in the process of doing an 18-mile ruck march it's pretty hot out all of a sudden one of my squad members collapsed to the ground the medics rush to him and start sticking an iv in his arm while asking him questions do you know where you are do you know what month it is do you know what day of the week it is he looks up confused uhhh waffles no you freaking [ __ ] let's get him out of here it's been brought to my attention that something similar happened in a documentary where the guy mentioned hash browns heat exhaustion is some crazy crap it happened to me once i was very confused and all i could think about were mashed potatoes i followed everyone not quite knowing what was going on and ended up in the chow hall standing in line someone must have noticed something was wrong he asked if i was okay and i responded idk just need mashed potatoes they were talking to me some more i don't know what they were asking and all i could do was answer yes they led me to the front of the line turns out they were serving mashed potatoes best dang potatoes i have ever had after resting eating and drinking i was fine though too bad it wasn't meatballs would have brought the whole thread back around i was a newish cna and a patient ctb during my shift the aide who had the woman on her assignment grabbed me and another newbie to show us how to do post-mortem care we undress the body and begin to wash it i'm standing on one side other newbie on the other experienced aid at foot off bed we roll the body onto its side toward me and it moans the newbie gets a bug-eyed look and starts to freak out the experienced aide explains that it's just air leaving the lungs and passing through the vocal cords newbie accepts this but is clearly still freaked out it's her first dead person we roll the body the other way and it moans again newbie begins to freak out again by now i'm no longer on task and just amused as hacked by newbie and then newbie glances at our deceased friend's face in the course of rolling the body back and forth her eyelids had been pushed open newbie starts to panic she's looking at me oh god she's looking at me why is she looking at me newbie then runs out if the room and i just lose it cannot hold it together anymore and start to laugh after the moment passed i felt a little bad laughing while preparing a body for the funeral home but i know that our patient would have found the situation hysterical too ex-corrections officer i was caught on camera laughing wildly while having to subdue a naked man covered in fesses wielding a butt shank he used the poop to paint on peter chris makeup that crap cracked me up shoulder known you weren't a kiss fan when you put on peter chris makeup lewis nobody wants to be peter chris not even peter chris we had an od we responded to that turned into a running joke at the station some chick tried to kill herself and took like two milligrams of fentanyl normal doses are in micrograms not milligrams inejo got her close enough to the ear and pumped her full of narcan and she woke up partner opened the back doors and said all better hun she was pissy about it and bitched about how we didn't know what we were doing i was being a bit of a smartest and said well the narcan was a good guess then to which he screamed narcan don't do crap and now whenever we use narcan it is good form to shout narcan don't do crap while pushing it little old xenophobic white ladies are always good for a giggle too was working with a patient who was pretty immobile and i had just finished showering and changing him and his bedding he then gives me the guiltiest look and says i have to poo i started to react and set up his wheelchair but he stopped me and said it's too late i asked if i could check out the situation and found an unreal amount of poo in his pants i ended up lolling out of shock and frustration i apologized after though and he didn't seem to mind thankfully hey crap happens np here i work both in patient trauma and in an ed i have many stories where we cracked up one the guy who shoved a butane canister up his rectum it was removed in the ore and he made it without a colostomy the surgeons worked it down his rectum till another pulled it out they were very afraid to use cautery butane there were many comments about explosive diarrhea that day hey it was the bomb don't worry it's just the ring of fire two a guy on our trauma service asked our attending doctor who are you and he answered and the guy says i'm not a doctor and i'm a crappy patient and i can tell you i didn't have anyone hold my beer when i did this to myself maybe next time i won't see if i can outdo my brother my intern behind me couldn't help but crap i can do that and everyone was crying from laughter or some source three we had a 17 year old coming with acute alcohol toxicity from bus chugging yes it's actually called butt chugging you get the picture now the answer to every freak up by a teenager is an inside joke they will probably butt chugging for 93 year old woman found altered by her family we do a full stroke workup i ordered a blood alcohol level it comes back for those of you who don't know sweetest drunk grandma ever she loved telling all of us how cute we were she metabolized to freedom and was told to watch the vodka honestly if you make it to 230 at age 93 you are winning and i'm not checking your liver nurse here my hospital had semi comatose elderly woman with a complex hispanic name her family called her loli i was walking by her room and heard her coughing and choking i ducked my head and to see if everything was okay there was my nursing supervisor attempting to feed her with little success lally continued to cough and choke i paused a moment my nursing supervisor looked at me i asked lali gagging we both lost it no la ligand my wife was a nurse dude came in with a light bulb stuck in his rectum they had to fill it with plaster to get it out without shattering she laughed when they filled it with plaster that seems like a reasonable idea but what if you insert an enema balloon over the crest and inflate and pull with lots of lube i.t worked on scrubs working at a hospital we had a delirious elderly woman who would repeatedly yell can't stand it the next time i heard her yell i put on my best beastie boys impression and sang i know you planned it i must set it straight this water gate most of the people at the nurses station looked at me bewildered but the one male nurse nearly fell out of his chair laughing and thank you for getting getting sabotage stuck in my head one of my patients was in her low immune system phase post her first round of chemotherapy she was nauseous all the time too tired to do anything but eat and then sleep barely able to get out of bed and constantly running to the toilet to poop she had never been sick a day in her life and asked me in the most pitiful voice am i going to die gamer dane i burst out laughing and told her that she wasn't in that in a few days time when her immune system picked up she'd be fine two days later she was bright and reactive eating kfc with her family and discharged she's been in remission two years now from aml i held my breath through your entire post thinking please don't be dead please don't be dead i'm glad that ended in kfc as any good story should i'm a police officer had a guy in the emergency department following a traffic crash he'd blown numbers on the preliminary test for alcohol and had also admitted to using amphetamine shortly before driving so we needed a blood sample nurses doing her thing checking him over because hey he did hit a parked car hard enough to shift it a good 30 feet or so now i've got some questions to ask you in case you have a concussion first of all what day is it saturday all right now who was the first australian prime minister junkie driver looks at her like she just pee on his foot and replies i don't give a crap i laughed so hard i cried a little probably not appropriate but couldn't help it no one bloody remembers him unless you are still in primary school apparently paramedics don't ask the current prime minister question anymore because it just got too confusing both my parents used to do volunteer ems and i remember a call coming while we were on our way to church so we got to stay in the car while they went to meet the ambulance at the scene of the wreck it was a grizzly butt scene with dismembered limbs in the median of the highway my parents told us not to look 15 minutes and my dad is screaming and my mom is laughing her butt off apparently there was a rattlesnake near a body part and when it moved it moved the body part then started slithering towards him imagine a burly redneck screaming like a 12 yo girl i think he crap himself a little too we had a dead teenager coming from a tragic collision she had an internal decapitation after a priest crashed into the back of the car a nurse asked in a surprise manner how that can happen i told her i'm not sure because i thought priests only rear-ended all to boys the a doctor had to leave the room because he couldn't stop laughing responded to a doa to confirm death for pd guy was dead laying on his dining room floor on a chair next to him was a shirt that said i'm with jesus no idea why but i lost it and cracked up which made both cops start laughing too thankfully the deceased family and friends were outside i work in an oncology outpatient floor and had a patient that i needed a urine sample for about 10 minutes go by and i get a little worried so i knock on the door he opens the door and his trousers are down and he goes did you want urine or sea men i lost it when i was a cop we had this suicide guy hung himself from a tree in the middle of a large field me and a few other cops are standing there looking up and trying to figure out how to get him down a bunch of concerned citizens had gathered around as well suddenly we hear sirens approaching everyone turns around to cm's come bouncing across the field skidding to a stop right in front of the tree two paramedics jump out with their kit where's the injured party apparently they hadn't gotten the word no one says anything for a moment then one of the other cops points to the suicide he's over there fellas just hanging around even a few of the citizens laughed it was that kind of neighborhood all the time bud i'm an emt my sister's an rn my sister told me that her friend also an rn accompanied an ambulance on a transfer there's a stretch of highway here that's apparently known for a lot of accidents they came across one the ambulance stopped to at least offer some sort of assistance and the rn thought i'm a nurse i got this well she stepped out and went to her car and went to stabilize the c-spine grab behind the head and hold it until there's a collar on the neck her hand went inside the guy's head and she grabbed his brain stem so upon hearing this part of the story i say oh you got a puppet and do a ventriloquist hand motion nurse here while at work we had a patient pass away so the charge nurse and i go in to clean up the body remove any medical devices ivs catheters and other tubes one of the nurses aides who had worked for years as aid had never actually assisted with preparing a body for transfer to a mortuary so the three of us go and stand at the patient's bedside and the a goes what do we do do we pray or do anything special the charge nurse and i looked at each other and both said well you can pray if you want to but we just need to clean the patient and remove anything that is a medical device she seemed okay with the idea and started to wash up the patient when the charge nurse removed the piccc line a really long iv that actually goes all the way to the heart he continued to bleed so she placed a gauze pad on it and asked the aide to hold the patient's arm so she could put some tape on it of course the aide grabbed his arm and the quickly made the comment of oh my gosh his arm is so heavy the charge nurse and i looked eyes and started to snicker the aid just really wasn't getting what we were laughing at so i said that's why they call dead weight she never looked at us the same after that the only thing i miss from working at a hospital is nurse humor great stuff vet tech i work emergency and critical care and my favorite cases are marijuana toxicity because of the clients and we don't get a lot of the thc cases that end in comas i try to be professional but my god some of these people the two that stick out was a guy telling me the story of the dog eating a bag of weed a mile a minute and showed up eating doritos he was really upset that i was laughing and a bit ago we had an elderly couple bring in their cute pug mix that was high as frick grandpa was probably orbiting the moon and just kept telling my co-worker that the dog was like really nice grandma seemed oblivious and was concerned that something was wrong with the dog they let us run a test which was positive for thc grandma tells the dog he is grounded and that's where we lost all composure i read pug as pig at first led me to believe that an elderly stoned couple had a small pig that they believed was a dog had a patient in a hotel take what he thought was mdma turns out his dealers sold him some flacca anyway we get there police have him handcuffed and hogtied halfway in an elevator we give him a bunch of verse but flacco is a heck of a drug and nothing touches it so this guy is just going nuts rambling nonsense and threatening us but every time he completes a sentence he ends it with being like an elevator we get him tied to our stretcher rabbit he's just screaming i am gonna kill you dying that sounds hilarious and terrifying okay so we get called out for a lift assist no big deal we get on scene and the family is gathered around this guy in the car they say he seems really weak and can't get out of the car i do a quick assessment and he's not breathing and has no pulse i don't know why maybe i was tired maybe my filter malfunctioned but i turned to the family and asked you all do know he's dead right you can guess how they took it not my proudest moment in case you're wondering we did get him back shortly after that so i'm not a total loss i was working in an impatient psychiatric hospital one old guy said to another older guy when the second guy came out of his room hey butthole how you're doing butthole i'd shake your hand but you've probably been jerking off all day i was laughing so hard i was in tears when getting a graft put into my bicep i told my surgery team don't be [ __ ] give me a bad butt robot arm instead them must be liking those drugs eh anesthesiologist nope i haven't started them yet they all laughed teenager tried to commit suicide he drank some dish detergent cops didn't help when they started saying guess we aren't going to wash your mouth out with soap while on route to the hospital kid starts to puke the emesis bag fills up with bubbles the back of the ambulance starts to smell a vomit and lemony fresh dish detergent i start losing it i can't keep a straight face and i have to stick my head up front so i don't laugh in front of the patient at the hospital giving a trigger report to the nurse i start off with this here is and he tried to commit suicide today when the nurse becomes caring and asks how i pull out the bottle of dish detergent in the emesis bag and said i'll let you guess she almost lost it that is my most memorable call ever in 10 plus years as a paramedic when i was a medical student i would go to a red cross center in mexico we were allowed to practice suturing patients so this drunk was brought by the ambulance because he passed out and fell asleep and crash into a tree nothing too big happened to him just a small scratch on his forehead when he starts to wake up he sees the doctor beside me and asks him doctor where am i and the doctor answers i am not a doctor i am saint peter and you're in heaven when i heard that i couldn't keep it together i was laughing for like 10 minutes straight i'm a navy corpsman i laughed when i had to pull the catheter out of this huge marine he was like six featuring something and had all these tats he was holding his friend's hand and everything one of the funniest things i have seen in a while so i was deployed to redacted a few years ago i spent a few years in the u.s army as a combat medic we were stationed in the middle of nowhere redacted doing medical aid as a first response team basically if crap hits the fan we would get casualties first attempt to stabilize them for flight and then send them out of country there was one time where we had a patient come in who had been pretty whole why i honestly have no idea how he survived even long enough to get on my table well he happened to take a few rounds to the face and one of them happened to take his nose clean off keep in mind he was unconscious my roommate was the other medic working on that particular table with me and took one look at the guy looked at me put his thumb between his first and middle finger and whisper to me i got your nose i laughed my butt off typically i wouldn't but it has been such a crap flick of a day that my stress level was out the roof we medics have a sick sense of humor but you do what you have to say you can stay sane this sounds like an r-rated m-a-s-h joke i can see hawkeye doing that if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot

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Id: Lu0dtR4v47Y

Length: 24min 23sec (1463 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 18 2020