Bitlife but it is a BATTLE ROYALE

hey there friends how's it going today we're playing bitlife battle royale first name fortnite gamer perfect sorted okay start fortnite's live so the rule of this challenge is everyone i meet i must kill because it is battle royale last one standing wins your mother is calling towards you in a soft voice you feel inclined to respond i'm a gamer i'm gonna spit at you your parents have divorced oh god was that my fault was it the spit that did that oh my god she moved on in a year jesus she got married again oh and now he's pranking me well i'm gonna tell my mom and they got divorced okay i'm not seeing a trend here i seem to be ending marriages right away instead of ending lives oh no don't give birth to more people that means just more people i have to kill oh my mom wants to buy me a car nice we can get some fortnite vinyls on that accept it and now i've graduated i might need a job to you know fund my murder spree all right i got a job as a pornography historian he's quite the resume it's just like i love fortnite and i'm a pornography historian they go together hand in hand all right i only know four people so far so i may as well get started i guess i should go for murder rather than hitman let me try and murder i'll try and poison him bill gamer commit the murder he died yay i oh i didn't get caught i thought i got caught immediately there and we'll donate him to science it's cheap i inherited what about 8 million i didn't even do it for that usually i do kill for money but this time it was just you know for fun for that epic victory royale and well it paid off but i did commit to this lifestyle now should i quit my job as a pornography historian no no he's doing it for the passion not the money okay i think he should be a master disguise so after every murder he just gets plastic surgery i mean with all that money he's got to spend it somewhere so to disguise myself i'll get a penis enlargement surgery i think it was botched well i shouldn't have cheaped out given how much money i had well i guess i'll start a lawsuit with all the money in the world i'm looking for a quarter of a million and i'm going with um this law firm no i'm mature this isn't funny this is a serious lawsuit this is very serious i won yay the money continues to just roll into my account it's a pornography historian for god's sake all right i gotta go kill someone now all right let's get a hitman out on mom i hope this isn't a cop hire him yay it worked planner funeral do i get any like uh what's the word inheritance again 77 000. well mom kind of sucks doesn't she this kevin guy isn't very happy also this kevin guy in the game isn't very happy i guess it's because i killed you know his parent he's my ex-step brother time to get plastic surgery i think i'll have any [Music] okay eyelid surgery please i'd like to think he actually walked in and just looked at the chart doing that there we go great surgery my supervisor says i need to do more hours a week of unpaid overtime well again i'm not in this for the money you know he calls me a mac for doing it i'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult i'll say it's a compliment and move on anything to make me feel better urban dictionary mac this doesn't help at all to hit on flirt with her seduce what what mac to hit on a girl or two eat food intensely okay i guess i was eating food intensely as i responded to him then oh my ex-step brother kevin has fought a boy named jim le cheese all right time to kill him i suppose the more they procreate the more i have to kill can i go with the same hit man he was really good last time i gave him a great yelp review oh my god why'd you have to kill him with that what is it satisfaction guarantee jesus christ i just said kill him like oh no okay pay her the extra 70 000. luckily money is not an issue what surgery will i get this time uh facelift why not i'd like to be a little bit taller wait i think i might stick to the hitman for now that seems to be working out really well i know it'll just backfire but anyway let's go after the sister his name is jesse james okay this guy's a cop for sure but hire him he ran off with the money you know that's fine i'll accept that i don't need the money like i'm not using it for anything other than killing anyway i can't find a hit man well you know what they say if no one will work for you and well you need to kill for some reason you gotta do the job yourself push off cliff sounds good yay it worked uh oh what how did you find me try to bribe them i have so much money hold on let me try and give them a half a million dollars you should deprive the police five hundred thousand dollars they arrested you anyway god damn it well i'll just go back to my lawyers and pay them the 500 000 i am being sentenced to death how will i plea i'm not guilty okay why did i choose to live somewhere with capital punishment these are my cellmates um this person didn't even try that's like a name i would name the child bribe the guards perhaps oh this is just for protection not i really care about that like let me out of myself so i can murder the fellow inmates appeal my sentence and you i refuse to call you by your name you represent me yes you got all returned half a million dollars can get you a lot in this world all right anyway back to crime um i need to get uh my nephew killed he's a toddler so no okay that put off some of the hitmen okay i guess for some reason in this game you can't murder a one-year-old damn politically correct games like invading my gamer time i'm gifting him a gym it's a sign he'll have to uh work it out i'm witty while at a party a neckbeard calls you a ratchet i don't know what that means and i'm still angry attack him uppercut his skull okay that is a lot of damage that i just gave him oh we're going to the casino yes let's play blackjack 10 and 10 hit me hey let's stand okay you tied you know what no i didn't want to play again hold on hold on what no i didn't want to play again i was going to say that's enough for me hit me 16 oh god damn it tend to hit me i hate casinos i always lose my money let's just go once more though 16 again sweet jesus oh i hate casinos i'm leaving this time for good you know no no no i'm leaving this makes me want to kill i have no one to murder okay i need to go meet some people i need to explore the map see who else is still alive and just keep an eye on the nephew as he ages up i'll give him another gift to just freak him out to a dinosaur with a note saying you will be extinct next that's less creative that's just trending i'm depressed now should have kept the dinosaur for myself how could i cheer myself up i could possibly get some more surgery perhaps get a nose job this time okay that actually did help a little and now let's go meet someone um how could i do this go clubbing did i meet anyone no no one wants to talk to fortnite gamer for some reason so yeah the zone was closing in and i hopped in a car and jumped out mid-air 360 no scope across the map and got the epic victory royale learned it from watching ninja turtle first is just like please stop talking to me maybe i could adopt someone who's very old ronnie you're mine now adopt i got rejected because i have no house oh this sucks hold on let me buy a house what's the cheapest thing you got for me a trailer yeah get that and get a mortgage on it for some reason even i have nearly a million dollars okay i would like to adopt the child now yes all right i'll wait till they're 18. change their name to ronnie gamer yeah you gotta take the family name i don't want this name to die out well you will die out so that doesn't help the matter i guess and i don't imagine fortnite gamer will be having any children having said that let's go look for love all right he met someone that girlfriend well that's moving a little bit fast and she won't even get eloped she's of course she's moving too fast and they're not fast enough all right i'm hiring a hitman oh my god a molotov cocktail why are they all about torturing the people they killed i paid my respects at her funeral he's getting away with a lot surprisingly you know what ronnie gamer i've grown attached to you now and i don't want to kill you anymore so i'm going to abandon you and we'll see how i feel in 10 years do i still have a job or no no i'm unemployed why oh yeah the jail thing the dead roll i forgot about that let's get a different job can i be a bishop please i got denied no right an exotic dancer perhaps no okay a voiceover actor oh i want that oh my god he's actually going to get my job that i want have you ever stolen a pen from work i've already stolen to here today they didn't give it to me so i couldn't let him have it i want that i want it so bad and i just couldn't let him have the success that i want all right he got a job as an exorcist this is all becoming a bit creepy his name is fortnite gamer he's playing a battle royale in his head where he needs to kill every other human he knows and he's an exorcist i guess the skill might come in handy when he's trying to purge the spirits that are haunting him all right you know what that means that i got a new job a lot more people to kill a random social media influencer it's a little too meta i think i'll go after my supervisor poison seems to be working well for me so far he died yay they got me i'm gonna try and bribe them no didn't work all right i'm giving you more money all i'm doing is enriching the lawyers i'm being sentenced to death again not guilty yes and bribery i forgot my back i forgot bribery's crime i can't just be like i'll give you a half a million dollars if you let me go are you guys old enough to kill you at 12 no uh seven no god damn it all right i'll go with a hitman then to kill uh my co-workers jasper you're going down it was a cop oh oh jesus christ try and bribe them are you know what never mind i'll just rely on my lawyers they're doing a great job so far i got sentenced to 17 years why did i chance them i should have just bribed them my money is running out this is an issue right i don't suppose i can appeal that i've won the appeal in six years was taking off my sentence and i'm depressed how long more do i have 10 years i guess i could try and kill people in here in the meantime send someone a letter send it to my daughter i'm coming for you write it in blood i'm gonna go after big daddy he got arrested for hating crimes well then arrest me because i personally hate crimes too except in the game i love i love crimes in this i'm gonna attack him uppercut his neck oh my god that's a lot of damage oh no he stabbed my fist oh god at least i'm not dead why did i mess with someone called big daddy why didn't i go after a little daddy the bitterson mafia prison gang is approaching us you to join look at that notoriety yeah join them wow i finally feel included and i'm no longer depressed turns out all i needed was some friends can i kill those friends no you know what i'm not spending any more time in prison i need to get out of here no no no not bribe i don't have the money for that anymore i'm gonna just try and escape yeah there we go i'm out i should probably get some surgery so the cops won't recognize me well no i hope anyway that's tommy talk no i can't be him he's slightly too slim god he looks good how old are they they have killing age yet 14 and 19. oh there you go try to reconnect with her no i'll do it my own way there we go and how will i do it push off cliff yes she died hurray oh i got arrested seven years that's not that bad oh wait i was arrested for just escaping they didn't realize that i actually did the murder okay they thought that she just happened to fall while i was hanging out with her okay you know what i might just do my time what i gave someone a compliment he hit my skull and killed me that's how i die all the bad things i did i killed seven people and then i give someone a compliment and the game's like you know what affect you what are you trying to be nice no that's the death sentence and i killed my daughter just then so i don't even have someone to like continue ass okay you know what i'm gonna pay youro to undo it and then i'll never be nice again in my life all right it's undone and i'm only just realizing now i had the opportunity to go on a time machine and instead of going back before i was arrested i just went back a year before i complimented someone oh god the moment my mark door closed i found myself alive and well again that's right i got resurrected it's a a neat feature of the battle royale i'm suffering from diarrhea um also a neat feature of the battle royale just ignore hillbilly do not engage do not attack do not insult them whatever you do do not compliment them i've been released god damn it i just got an achievement for contracted 10 diseases difficulty sleeping no it doesn't bother me i have so many diseases they're fighting each other and none of them are going to finish me off oh yes my dodge durango is dead i thought it might be him and i in the finals just me and my car alright is my nephew of killing age he is great stuff yay there we go strangled my nephew gem he died hooray and now i want to make a big change by altering the way i look um get colored contacts no shave off my eyebrows that'd be cool a casino i don't feel like it i'm already running out of money right i think that's everyone i know dead yay look at all those all right i need a new job to meet new people maybe i'll go back into what i'm best at sorry what he's best at i should be more specific there we go i got the job he got the job sorry my prize skeletor funko pop has been stolen it was chloe okay no it doesn't bother me let's just uh kill her oh my god what happened to me i aged so much in one year i had a full head of hair and eyebrows one year ago all right where's chloe there we go and poison yeah poison has worked really well oh god it didn't work and she called the police oh man you want a million dollars to defend me i've given you so much money is there any discount for like repeat customers they're probably just sick of me at this point all right pile and crap oh you even have crap in your name you're not going to get me out of this but i'll go with it yeah i've been convicted what a surprise all right i guess i'll try and escape again oh wait pile in crappo do you want to do one appeal for me first you lost the appeal wish i could kill pile and crapple next all right let's escape with my two thousand dollars i turned two million into two thousand wow i just walked straight into him and it's been extended by seven years because i tried to escape all right this time this is definitely going to be an escape look at i'm such an idiot extended by seven years that's grand i don't care all right this is the one i'm gonna go all the way around here i'm gonna go up here and he's gonna die in prison you're behind on your mortgage my trailer no it's all i have you will get a refund of 16 grand you know what i'll take it the only reason i bought that was to adopt and kill a child all right you smell that that's the smell of escape there we go got him and my depression is cured amazing what not being locked in a room will do to you oh no you suddenly double over with stomach pains it doesn't bother me he has so many diseases i wonder if they'd hire me back that pornography history and thing i don't understand why they had so many employees but i gotta find her i want to kill chloe but i can't even get an interview now i guess when you're trying to kill your coworker you know they're not that keen to have you back it's a tough job market right now all right you know what who needs a job i'll just find love instead i need someone really rich though oh here we go uh 82 and you have a lot of money go on a date wow they're dating now give her a sewing kit old people love sewing she didn't like that all right look at that she absolutely loves him quickly alone before she dies i refuse to elope god damn it what about just proposing normally then oh wait hold on let me get a ring ah i can't really afford much i can afford this diamond ring but this is like all i have this better be a good investment propose at a fancy resort please don't cost money she rejected me feckin pharah she died i mean it's good for the battle royale but like you serious you couldn't give me the money first all right is there anyone younger who can actually stand this guy because i need a bit of time to convince them to marry first all right 78 hopefully i'll have enough ah they have children that's an issue as well i don't want them getting the inheritance all right go on a date all right just propose fast before she has time to die uh national park art gallery yes she rejected me and then she immediately died what is it what is it about fortnite gamer that people don't like is this the equivalent of people disconnecting in a battle royale because they're all just dying of old age okay this person has a lot of money and they're very stupid that could be the perfect combination god what are they even talking about when i click in conversation he's had quite the life but all of it's bad all right let's try proposing again where do you like an elegant restaurant perhaps why no no you rejected it that's the curse you don't want to reject it you will die oh no no she's suffering from flatulence well at least you didn't die you know so it was one or the other the curse said it could be either of them you got the the long straw there oh no i'm getting arrested for escaping how did you catch me now was it the girlfriend's flatulence that gave him away that alerted the guards like their npcs they should have just said must have been the wind and moved on alright let's just immediately escape this time we'll just walk out of there straight away run run run run run around i ran into a wall oh this one is much easier i just need to walk out thank you game oh i went to hitman out of habit i meant to ask you to marry him she rejected okay let me go to the hitman tab after all you know what i thought of money i'll just do it myself push off cliff seems to work well so far there we go she's dead marriage just isn't for fortnite gamer who would have thunk it you know oh my god is sleep now how many symptoms does he have is there any way of checking all i know is his health is completely empty a housekeeper yeah why not take the job i can meet new people all right supervisor ask for a promotion yes no all right well i guess you gotta die then strangle you call the police any why does killing your co-workers never resolve anything oh he died in prison immediately but look sadly nobody attended his funeral as he outlived his family play the song we got a number one victory royale yeah fortnite we bout to get down an aggressive man fortnight spent many years of his life in and out of jail friends say they suspect he harvard some dark secrets okay that's a lie for two reasons one he had no secrets they were all up front and two he had no friends they were all dead but we're gonna leave it there i hope you enjoyed if you're new consider subscribing would love to have you around thank you all for watching and i hope to see you next time bye for now

Channel: Call Me Kevin

Views: 908,111

Keywords: Call Me Kevin, Call Me, CallMeKevin, CallMe, funny, funny moments, comedy, lets play, gameplay, gaming, bitlife, bitlife callmekevin, bitlife funny, bitlife battle royale, bitlife lets play, bitlife funny moments, call me kevin bitlife

Id: cc9OAytZxZM

Length: 18min 9sec (1089 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 09 2021