Best of the Worst: Black Spine Junka 3

[Music] gentlemen you know the game this is junka you'll each remove one tape from the junk of pile replacing it on the top with a copy of nuki whoever causes the junk a pile to collapse is the loser rich you won the coin toss for the coin toss which side will you choose warrior spirit or guardian heart heads uh well this is a lion head so i guess that would be guardian heart guardian hearts guardian heart guardian heart heads that's what i said here we go [Music] guardian heart yeah [ __ ] suck it suck it [ __ ] yeah yeah [Music] shapely secrets getting started [Music] okay [Music] mouth in motion i'm ready i'm rooting for tim to win i completely forgot the rules of the game this is probably the hardest part easy enough [Music] that's that's the tape uh e-i-e-i-yoga [Laughter] it's not official i gotta put a ring on it [Music] infoselect i don't know anything about like jenga theory i'm sorry i don't know anything about like junk of theory should i be taking them from the top from the bottom does it does it matter i think this early in the game it doesn't really matter quick start a program to jump start your real estate investing [Music] true blank oh [Music] true blank what what lies inside we still don't know all right all right what you got rich what you got what do i got yeah i've got oh no i don't know flashers too wild for tv today [Music] power pack take a stand prevention of bullying conflict among peers in violence a parent training video okay okay don't nuke around take one from the top why not why not acupuncture points of the equine equine it's equine right yeah is it it's a terminator tomato [Laughter] acupuncture points of the equine the magic of scarf tying start let's just mess with the stability of this thing there we go cutest cat capers oh that almost fell out of my hand and smashed [Music] target panic it causes and cures it causes and cures no it's okay right starring len cardinal or cardinale i'm pronouncing everything right [Music] [Laughter] cut out the [ __ ] smoke [Music] no this one [Music] how to have a money-making garage sale starring phyllis diller oh [ __ ] yeah the wolf man is getting rid of all of his socks [Music] sometimes get put pressure on it [Music] fundamentals of rowing [Laughter] [Music] learn to read with pehonics [Music] street smarts street talk for kids teens and parents with detective j.j bittenbender bittenbinder bitender [Music] i know i have i know i have [Music] smart choices ideas to help teenagers stay safe a lot of people are just giving up their teenager safe videos we don't need this [ __ ] anymore they didn't work [ __ ] they [ __ ] hate their kids [Music] the brothers fact in reality [Music] what [Music] why not what why not you son of a [ __ ] oh yeah look at that look at that look at that full blank oh blank oh you thought i was gonna rich evans that [Music] he's [ __ ] dancing and talking [ __ ] looks that looks pretty unstable tim yeah yeah yeah i think you better be careful tim oh this is unstable oh you beautiful doll doll collections for fun and profit oh i got one i got one this one's this one's easy this one's look look at that easy easy safe danger zone [Music] nope body for life [Music] stuck oh it's stuck yeah ranch stuck the winning strategy series slots with video poker [Music] not that bad not that bad at all it's a steal see how that worked i stole it out of there and it had steel in it [Music] a woman's survival guide to automotive emergencies i you [Music] know oh sorry i'm sorry [Music] lights cameras bubbles [Music] making it hard for me makes it hard for you oh my god no no yeah no yeah [ __ ] off rich yes how to build a haunted house [ __ ] [ __ ] huh take that [ __ ] nice try [Music] [Music] power aging yes the carry null production the two hour version [Music] don't [ __ ] up rich two hours of aging power oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my we had this [ __ ] sticker on there when we did the [ __ ] bingo and it got caught on the [ __ ] sticker droll yankees incorporated the world's best bird feeders [Music] oh it's shifting oh throw up [Music] [Music] um [Music] i'm staring at one here it says young drivers the high risk years i think i'm inspired six to eight i think i'm not inspired i think somebody's just gotta give up sometimes the kingdom [Music] they give up never give up no they [ __ ] give up stop making a move like that give up never ever give up except in this case you shouldn't really [ __ ] give up no you should give up rich give up [Laughter] oh [Music] good game good game [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] hmm [Music] oh [Music] i mean i know it's comedy but he's too old to be this proud of being a [ __ ] when he was eight years old [Music] oh no he's gonna be a motivational speaker oh no it's even worse this is not a venue it's worse than anything we predicted back down in god's country i know it i knew it it's gonna be christian i knew it i had i i i could spell it unfunny comedy yes little too close yeah that's a lot of people though oh man i can't dance like that i ate mexican food just came from willy wonka wooly woo mexican restaurant down there man my tortillas are swelling no problem john just wanted to touch base listen fred about that pricing well for starters john i got an okay on the package at the price i quoted you on tuesday good very good yeah well it gets better what are you wearing what's the package john oh boy what is that it's an alien planet oh no it's someone's hair what do two children they do so what i couldn't read that you read some of the words that's too confusing techniques tools for bullies not to be bullies victims not to be victims bullies have trouble reading [Laughter] daisy being mean making fun bad language lossy shouting piercing exclusion talking about acting superior being mean not caring thoughtless gossip making fun well they're just describing red letter media now aren't they so what i want you to do is walk up to her and say you are so ugly jesus lady think about what you're gonna do when she says that to you okay all right let's see you do that you're so ugly now chloe what could you say when she says that to you [Music] we're going to take a square scarf and we're going to fold it in half [Music] and then take opposite corners place it around the neck and at the waist just tie a smile this is like a bib now you're ready for the barbecue what the [ __ ] the following presentation deals with archery's most serious problem target panic because you usually recognize it long before that you start saying to yourself okay i'm not going to do that anymore and on the very next arrow you get to see that that you can't bring it in without triggering we've actually torn ourselves to do that it's okay bob ross you're gonna paint it i just shot at a happy tree [Music] yeah this is unwatchable please welcome detective jj bittenbinder [Music] he's definitely going to have a mustache [Applause] he's more mustache than man you see i'm walking down my neighborhood pumping up the good in the trouble i mean my best friend can't visualize who's having to be the competition modifying his sexuality homies as you know my life's really been a mess hey i don't oh god [Laughter] hi i'm joe blittman and i'm a barbie collector i started small displaying a few dolls on the map we can shut the video off now i want to show you today is a whole range of barbie dolls clothing and accessories from mint condition to play with condition which is what most collections are like joe what does your wife think of your barbie collection well you see bubbles around because surface tension pulls them into the smallest possible shape and the smallest shape is a sphere don't get all scientific on me bubble man i don't need to know that [ __ ] oh yes oh boy what the hell is wrong with you it's lit it's literally just footage of people trying to live their [ __ ] life no no they're gonna it's inspirational oh look at that hair dye job grandpa oh boy and i was suffering from chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder that that's just a lady yes that's a woman emphysema bronchitis what's so funny about her it's the inhalers that were full of steroids i think there's something wrong with you what are you even laughing at the background no the things that are wrong i thought you're laughing at the bad backdrop okay let's sing that song stand up stand up your song everybody get ready this is the cycle singing my family yeah this is a big cast set the green shag carpet oh no creepy close-ups yeah there's no like dancing or everyone just sits there and stares in the car so let's look at his eyes that is a cult look he's got him it's them scott bale mixed with uh jason bateman yeah statement bale black balls my favorite i just said [Music] even the animated children are ugly my favorite well this was best of the worst rich versus tim who really won well usually in past junkers we've had like five maybe six tapes that end up on the table out of a stack of a dozen but we got a lot here i think we just forgot how to junka i i think we're like we gotta say a little bit of something about everything i didn't forget how to junko but more tapes just kept getting added to the table here here's the thing though there's a lot of tapes here i don't think we have a lot to say about most of them that's true but there was a little bit we wanted to say i think we're talking too much about how many tapes there are before we start talking about the multitude of tapes that we have let's start with the first one oh my god oh my god mouth in motion this is some kind of a a musical slash comedy routine tape where a jesusy man does like a weird l parody song and then he tells a couple jokes and then there's another parody song and yadda yadda and then we stop watching it super deprecating if you are into self-care vacation he just sits there and he's like i got a chin i'm thinking about getting me some plastic surgery because i got my paw paws chin my paw paw had a big old chin his first song is is about how he was the class clown and he had teachers and it was all 90s style sang to the song the amy grant yes yes yes yes which the teacher he also played the teacher so psychologically i don't know yes but he had kids in the classroom and a younger version of himself but then the next song was about how he needed to get reconstruct his ugly face [Music] in this world my face in this world [Music] i don't know whether to commend him for not making the easy joke or to chide him for missing the easy joke because he gets the plastic surgery now he's handsome he sees a pretty girl walks across the street gets hit by the car the obvious joke is the horrible accident disfigures his face and it looks like his old face that's the obvious joke which they don't do i i think it's obvious but it's mildly funny which means it's it's far and above anything else in this video they went dark for that joke it's like instead of just mango but it was a dream it was a dream the that's that's the morality lesson that's the irony storyline that a normal person would come up with but his was he he was dreaming of plastic surgery in the waiting room and that's his what happened he got he got his plastic surgery and got hit by a car he got punished for changing the way our lord and savior jesus christ made him the joke yes so really the story sucked and the guy sucked too the guy is a hat oh god he has this goofy faces he is goofy he does the goofy faces he thinks he's funny uh he has this really weird accent it's like southern accent he kind of sounds like leslie jordan i ate mexican food just came from willy wonka wooly i am your guest host leslie jordan mexican restaurant down there man my tortillas are swelling do you know oh i was yeah he sounded like the dad from troll two when i was a kid i had an imaginary playmate too but it wasn't your dead grandfather that too leslie jordan's a good experience it's a texas accent you love that mexican food yeah and then there's like a mega church and they're all clapping and then there's a lot of people we saw instruments behind him like drum kits and and saxophones and we're like we're out that's it more done yeah he might be a terrific human being i have no idea he's a hat comedian and that's all we care about we turned this off in less than 10 minutes we we shut it off before he got to the you know you love jesus wayne oh yeah we didn't get to that oh yeah you know you're a christian when jokes his parodies sucked you might be a christian you might be a christian are you trying to say he's like jeff he's like jeff foxworthy for the for the religious crowd you know jeff foxworthy hosts a religious game show now oh really yeah oh yeah so jeff foxworthy is the jeff foxworthy of christian community yeah yes okay all right yeah yeah yeah bad example i guess i had no idea he's a bill cosby of christian comedians he puts us all to sleep [Music] next tape next time next time let's get going let's get this over with infowars oh info slides select info select micro logic copyright 1989 the very first uh pc organization system i guess i'm talking about this one uh we watched it and it's it's this frazzled guy named fred i think his name is fred fred is uh he's working in an office he has millions of tasks he is stick it post notes all of his computer mess he looks horribly disorganized office worker who has ever existed yes he is unintelligent yeah hello hello technologies uh yeah i mean fred brooks speaking hi john robinson here i must have called you three different times in two days don't you ever get your messages that's the unintelligent way that for him to run his job or do his job whatever his job is boss comes in and says where's those reports numbers if you can't give it to me by lunchtime i'm just gonna have to go with another bid uh just a minute john and then magically info select becomes his way i don't know how it just exists a lady's voice comes in and says well have you worried about info select and then it takes over his computer and he can use his computer to do things like file take notes look up restaurants call people yes i'd like to reserve a table he's using the computer to make a phone call what and he's certain he searched the restaurant somehow before google happened how does this i think this is this is a fantasy this is this like a science fiction film it was basically like an early version of windows i was also going to say the whole tape is like an early version of an infomercial because like you know his comical desk in the beginning where he can't like he can't he can't even do his simple job i'm thinking of like the infomercials like they're selling you like the new fancy blanket and they have a person with like a normal blanket and they can't figure out how to use like a blanket oh oh blankets are okay but they can slip and slide and when you need to reach for something your hands are trapped inside it's like a little more toned down it's like are you like this at your desk at work it's like help me he's got like three phones and he's like post-it notes on his phone there is one really anxiety-inducing pov shot where we're seeing him looking at his desk oh what's up yeah it's like a sam raimi camera for just one shot interesting choice i don't remember that it's it's a you know it's an artistic video now isn't the guy that his client or whatever john john isn't john like a little like you got that thing for me oh yeah there's something going on why oh and listen fred thanks my pleasure john bye but it's like he wanted it but i mean he was how he wanted it he wanted it do you think he was getting that fred was going to meet john at the restaurant and ditch his wife's parents that's great john expect delivery monday morning well that's why he was saying they're going to your the their favorite restaurant your parents favorite that's his excuse to go to a different restaurant with john you know your parents favorite one which one they have a bunch bye i'm leaving now it's that place your parents like i'm not going to say it an italian place that's his way of getting out of dinner with her parents he just says it's that place your friend's like i went to the place i know the other place listen fred thanks my pleasure john bye jay you talk about power pack oh god oh oh kids are mean they're horribly mean bullying and the solution to kids being horribly cruel animals is just to ask them don't do that say that's inappropriate it's a self-inflated egotistical phd named lady whatever your [ __ ] name is who thinks lady egyptian lady and yeah well this is this is uh i guess it started with mouth and motion continuing with this and then throughout the rest of our viewing experience we had lots of uh like personality driven videos so this is the the strongest personality in a bad way how does it feel when someone's mean to you and she has bad advice and she has terrible advice and i think that her secret motivation nice and i think that her secret motivation was that she just wanted to bully children i don't like you and you're not going to come and play with us you are so stupid i am not going to be your friend anymore i think if snl wanted to do this you could make a sketch out of this and jane lynch would be oh yeah jane lynch would be great in this part cause this lady because then you would be like that's pretty funny but when this woman is bullying those kids well she brings the kids up in front of the class she brings two kids and she says you bully this one what we're gonna do is you're gonna make fun of her hair oh my god she doesn't have a pretty [ __ ] up hair she got in this career just so she could bully vicariously [Laughter] if you don't like it don't look at it no i'm not looking at it it just it just pops out right in front of me she said your hair looks like a wig to get yourself out of that situation she just totally dissed her exactly yeah this is encouraging bullying she's giving him ideas say who does your hair helen keller and then as the video goes along the intensity of the bullying increases you're stupid i hate you you're never going to get out of this class there's some real aggression in that to the point where she's like call that one ugly do it do it kid call him ugly and then later the the the worst one is the fat kid has anyone ever called you fat yeah okay do you have choice about that okay so let's find out michael you're fat god damn it this lady's the worst is that true about you yeah yeah no it's not you're not fat you're big but you're not fat and are you ugly and disgusting this is kidnapping this is really awkward not to be he's like he's a girl lady you're kind of right and she's like no no no no that's not right you're just a big kid genuinely doesn't know he just goes silent because he doesn't know how to respond to her because he's being psychologically tortured michael you're fat and disgusting and then she calls up other kids to practice bullying on the big kid okay so leslie say something insulting to michael they're fat the entire class they go off that's where the yeah she's basically like come up and and say whatever mean [ __ ] you want to to this fat kid uh monica come up here okay say something insulting to michael you're fat and ugly did you let that in you're so fat and ugly your hair looks like somebody peed on your head oh [ __ ] i bet that lady told her to say that too now stare into my eyes when i say you're a [ __ ] ugly loom but you're just imagining those words as i say them past me because you're looking in my eyes because it's that easy when you're that age just just don't let it bother you what's your problem idiot you stupid [ __ ] kid how about that's not nice that's not nice oh yeah that'll work yeah that'll [ __ ] work wait wait wait that's not nice very nicely done chloe i i have a theory that adults who don't handle the bullying problem effectively the kind of people say well apologize to each other or it takes two to tango or or like this my theory is that i i think they were probably bullies or participated in bullying when they were kids and now they're adults they don't want to feel like they were that bad when they were younger and so they kind of like diminish the problem a bit that's fine just just tell them not to it's fine they're not bad people no no i'm sorry don't do that nicely done good job you're a [ __ ] just this lady i think i think she just likes making these kids uh be pitted against each other well it's like while we're watching and i said especially when they get to the kid where's like call him fat call that kid fat i was like if this was made today or if she was doing this in a classroom today everyone would have their cell phones out they'd be filming her and she'd be all over twitter and she would be blasted into oblivion what i want you to do is walk up to her and say you're so ugly insult him your hair is so ugly you are so stupid she's trying she's trying to curtail like meanness in in like grade three kids and it's like impossible i hate your stupid game that's not nice to say okay she did it again i think in the best case scenario she's just giving completely useless advice like she yeah serves no useful function with what she is doing in the worst case scenario she is bullying vicariously through other children the worst case scenario insult him your hair is so ugly good okay did that did you let that in yeah because the kids that little they were just they thought it was like a play and they were kind of like answering the questions the way they thought she would want them to answer yeah how does that make you feel bad yes well we're in a fake scenario it doesn't really make me feel anything right and we're we were laughing that the little kids were saying much worse things do you think these kids say nasty things to each other oh god and they're just like rolling their eyes they're like yeah yeah come on guys that's not nice what would you say [Laughter] she's smiling your mom is a [ __ ] your mom's they say this the worst things to each other the three of you are friends and samantha's new in the school and so you're talking about something samantha comes over and she wants to play and you two say no she's run out of scenarios she doesn't want to get real dirty she's just like you want to play no that's that's it samantha doesn't have parents so use that to attack her yeah i hate this woman your dad's a drunk utterly inefficient methods that will accomplish literally nothing yeah i hate her she can look like an expert because she's dealing with like five-year-olds right the kids don't know anything very much you're gonna knock his hat off pick it up we're in violence we're getting into violence i don't play that i don't pull me don't play okay yeah well done good job you guys thank you problem solved i guess that's that's that hurts kids form their little groups and they don't want to play with other kids and they call each other so they're stupid they say you're ugly and then they all go back everybody's fine you are so stupid you can't do anything right i can't count on you for anything like this this lady's this lady's terrible i mean to be fair this lady has a phd and none of us do so maybe she knows what she's doing i don't like you anymore and you don't and i don't want you to play with us anymore well why not because i don't like you we learned a lot from that now i think there has to be a lot of footage of the kids just sitting there watching because it's like we catch some glimpse of them and we're like what the [ __ ] is that kid doing to that kid yeah they're like hitting each other oh yeah there's the part where the one kid just like punches himself in the dick yeah that or he's like oh i don't know what's happening with that kid at your house at your house where else um outside playing with your dog what the [ __ ] is that kid doing oh he just shouts out looks like he accidentally punched himself in the ball something happened he wrecked his balls on the chair somehow i shouldn't have pissed myself um but these balls dropped just right in there [Laughter] um and then there were moments where we could tell it's like she was telling him to shut up it's like hey just a minute girls yeah she's like pay attention like i'm weird this is very important eyes up here fatty i'm telling you i'm telling this girl to tell this girl that she's fat it's not for me you're telling her to do it i'm not the bully shut up or i'll punch you but miss last week i took your advice and i told my bully that didn't feel very good and then he said good and he started hitting me harder i don't know what to do my phd well try again didn't cover this my thesis was it didn't cover the bully not not accepting your apology ah my phd it's up in flames look i can do more for you if you convince your school to to hire me back for another program programs programs [Music] just let him keep bullying you i don't care you're fat anyway your hair looks stupid i mean that's what a bully would say to you did you exercise a choice yeah okay good i'm talking about this [ __ ] i hate her i hate her uh oh no target panic oh yes it's causes and mr personality len cardinale and since that's so there are so many things that we just discover are wrong or suspect are wrong almost logically we begin to hold the pin out or if we're instinctive hold above or below our uh on target place or with peripherals like the uncle you don't want to get stuck talking to a family gathering first target panic let's say you're out hunting and you find that perfect dough and you got a bag two dough before you can get a buck just because you know thin the herd right okay it's not just for trophies so anyway you got one in your sight but you're still 12 and your dad is drunk with his friends and like there is [ __ ] shooting that sounds oddly specific shoot it and you're like i want to and it's like shoot it [ __ ] shoot a kid but then you freeze that's target panic and then it gets away and that happens a lot to archers and we lose thousands of archers each year and that's what this video is about this is about the psychology of archers so what you're saying is this video is about erectile dysfunction that's the code that's the code this whole video is about not being able to get a boner it's about choking [Laughter] multiple ways this is uh isn't a funny thing it's something that demeans you to yourself has you have low self-esteem he's not he's not talking about archery [Music] would think of putting it below and coming up and that works for about five minutes and then from the left to the right works for five minutes more and as the months go by you get to see that counting blinking your eyes all the things that have been thought of by most intelligent people all work in the beginning and then fade away into the same terrible experience in short amounts of time a man who sold his soul tooth to the devil to become a top-notch archer can still be haunted by the threats of target panic the following presentation deals with archery's most serious problem target panic and its causes are cannot control your load um [Music] oh uh letting letting your your arrow fly too early early release early early prematurely it was premature release but it was something similar yeah yeah yeah yeah i might add that snap shooting involuntary release [Laughter] [Music] that's it yeah yeah that's right he had a lot of lingo he had a lot of lingo and when you're dealing with like like a phallic arrow and release and aiming and all these kind of like words that can be interpreted in a sexual connotation and it's all coming from the mouth of a guy who looks completely emasculated it's all coming from the mouth of a guy who's missing a 2. uncontrolled release i think i think it's not emasculated i think he's seen too much i think it's like he is the deer hunter he he he was with christopher walken like triggers but he came back and yeah and then he's just like i'm just gonna i'm just going to hunt him folks that target yeah i think he yeah he's he definitely lived through a war i don't know which war both it might have been a just an internal or a psychological war i think he went through world war ii uh korea and vietnam as as like a special ops archer okay like he had like explosive laced archery arrows and he was like like rambo yes exactly his name is latin when something yeah len cardinal carnale and he's the best archer and he's just he's got permanent shell shock one of the first shots where they were showing him like draw knock the bow uh and a few times there was just one where he knocked it back and it just looked like he was like yes and he just forces his face into it and then he lets it go smells like death it's him like he's like he's like feeling one with the chi of the arrow he just knows where it's gonna go he's so good this is the only control i have in my life he's like the lego loss just old and ugly and missing a tooth other than that it's just like orlando bloom look just like he's old because he survived with his archery skills god dammit place your pin where you want to settle down that's something you just couldn't do and now begin to teach yourself to maintain your position hopefully to a conclusion i don't see too many people know to do that uh but putting them in a category that says they instantly let the archer be arrive inside and be able to stay there something the archer just couldn't do and also [Laughter] calm down and think about baseball uh boy this would be a pleasant job and hardly anybody would would continue experiencing the loss of control uh in their archery everybody's standing i'm just picturing you editing and just putting splat sound effects everywhere subtitles put the word archery in quote where the loss of control is so bad sometimes it becomes quite unbelievable real quick the man himself is uh he's national treasure he's a national tre he's long gone i'm sure at this point but he's an amazing archer not such an amazing public speaker that sums up his whole life um [Music] um [Music] um um amazing archer not so good public speaker and okay husband it was like staring into the abyss we've never seen a man with no soul and that was our first time but those eyes were hypnotic yeah and and uh he oddly oddly kind of felt like a mafia hit man yeah at some point yeah so you can execute your shot in there um cardinale is kind of italian-ish kind of sounding he came off like yeah an extra on the sopranos yeah yeah and you know he would he would shoot an arrow right through your [ __ ] throat if if you crossed him or slept with his wife anyways or uh have no idea he's like he's contemplating even continuing why am i here why am i doing why am i doing this you'll be a great like mafia hitman like the archer you know yeah the archer get the action he's making a video we need him you want me to kill vinny okay donny the skewer capella [Laughter] he shot someone in new jersey all the way from manhattan well everybody we've come to the crown jewel of the night uh street smarts straight talk for kids teens and parents with detective j.j bittenbinder bin binder the famous the famous jay and this is my turn as as two chicagoans uh uh kids who grew up in chicago the chicagoland area we we uh we are required to talk about jj bittenbinder even though i don't remember him you sort of do i i'm sure i have probably seen this man on tv for something at some point he looks familiar yeah and that's probably helped by his kind of unique look yeah yes he's he's a he's a detective a cop he has a giant mustache he is slightly out of step with fashion wearing a 1970s three-piece suit sharp as [ __ ] though he he looks sharp i'll admit it he looks stylish he's a he's a well-groomed man uh but it's the 90s and he looks right out of the 70s that's his style man but he has the thickest most detectable chicago accent and they took them up and down the streets and they took them into an alley and after they were they took them out of the car they supposedly to go buy some marijuana they took them not that it's hard to recognize a chicago accent chicago not dead not that look if you tell your daddy or you tell your mommy i'm going to poison your whole family and um apparently he's been on oprah he's been on no i don't know larry king cnn tv shows oprah was in the chicago area he might have been on oprah first because now he's a local guy and but oprah was national and somebody else probably said oh this guy's interesting i'll i'll have him on my show do you think he ever showed up on svengoolie show he was the original cookie fun fact thus the cookie duster but the late 80s early 90s was the era of stranger danger kidnappings uh dare all that kind of crap when you put your hand on the body of a dead child and you still feel the warmth from that body that penetrates and that's why i do this stuff because i love touching dead kids jj bittenbinder doesn't in fact uh we learned doing a little research we we often check to see if people are dead in the videos that we've watched um it's morbid but true it's morbid but true and we're like at this point it's worth looking into bitten binder born in 1943 still alive and in fact mr bob odenkirk uh has a character on mr show based on jj bittenbinder hello i'm ff woody cooks on take back the streets tonight we're gonna shake the crime stick and i think bob odenkirk is from chicago so he probably grew up in the era when this guy was on tv a lot he's a very like he's a very very memorable personality it was called street smarts street smarts that's it it happened every year it was a guy named detective j.j bittenbinder yes and yeah right so he came every year and he by the way he wore a three-piece suit and a pocket watch and he also had a huge handlebar mustache that's not important but it is he's got his amazing suit but you know you know when it's time to chill out and relax wow he's also got his gilligan outfit he's gilligan cosplay yeah when he wants the rat he wants the rap with that's his casual attire he's been wearing it for the last 15 years he never changes out of it he's worn that to bowling night every night for the last decade and never washed it don't don't try to do a chicago accent i'm sorry i'm sorry you got a gang sign who can throw a gang sign let me see a gang sign no drugs gangs gang signs who knows gang signs yeah he talks about that oh yeah this is early 90s you see lots of kids with like air jordan hats not a single space jam t-shirt in the whole video so marvin the martian caps though there are marvin the martian caps yeah that was pretty oh no that's later that's brothers oh that's brothers yeah oh boy another uh it's gonna be a long night oh yeah yeah hey we're doing pretty good we're doing good we're doing it we're doing good i don't feel exhausted yet where i'm like can we please move on so that's good uh so jj bittenbinder uh he is a cop a no-nonsense chicago cop who've seen it all and and he has a mission and you know what uh compared to uh the the horrible power pack uh uh phd lady who's cheryl cheryl jj bittenbinder seems legitimately like on a mission and concern to help children yeah he's like listen he don't go up to the [ __ ] van okay if a guy says help me with my dog i'm missing my dog say [ __ ] off and leave and he's like don't would you help me find my kid my kid i think it's right down this gangway would you come with me and help me find my cat it's on your face drugs drugs marijuana they alcohol you don't know just say no don't do it it'll [ __ ] your whole life up you'll end up in jail or you're dead once you're dead you're dead he's talking to these kids he's talking to these kids like they're real people yes like they're adults that lady uh seems like she's never interacted with children before and doesn't understand like the psychology of children right children are they're not fully formed mentally but they're also not idiots you can talk to them and explain things in a blunt real way and they will understand what you mean it's an important message delivered seriously it's like the usual tactics we see with these these kids safety videos is they get some goofy mascot the giant costume and it's it's all sugar coated and i don't know i really i legit don't know if that's more effective than this which is just blunt which i i feel like that would be like scaring me about the dangers that seems like it would be more effective to me but i can't put myself back in the the shoes of a child where they say for sure yeah yeah what would you think when you if you were in that studio audience listening to this weird man with a mustache is the singing is the singing dancing alien costume going to make me more afraid of stranger dangers or is the the cop who looks like mike ditka telling me about the the the desecrated child corpse he found is that more likely to get me to listen to his advice i'm going with the the cop that looks like mike dick yeah i think so yes because when he says like a man in a van wants to touch my my baby bathing suit area yeah i'm like he had that as tasteful as he could too that goof was not after that little girl for her history book on the night of may 14 1994 two goofs broke into a storage facility on the outskirts of chicago well at first he there's a segment in in early on where he's like talking about like he interviews like one girl and he's like he's like oh you're in a gang i wasn't a gang when i was eight and and the other girls were nine and i was telling those [ __ ] what to do and you're like he's like okay everybody was like involved in gangs and so of course i ran right to it and i got involved too i was really attracted to it because i had so much power i could do anything i wanted or at least seem that way i mean i was 12 years old and i had girls who were 15 16 years old feet taller than a foot taller than me like listening to what i was doing and i could tell them anything now that i look back on it and think it was stupid and i don't understand now was she really in a gang i would just think she was if he's trying to touch you on an area that is covered by your bathing suit it's wrong even if you don't have the suit on you know the areas i'm talking about at a certain point he he early on he's like you're don't let them touch you and your bathing suit by the end he's just like they're going to rape you he gets a little more blunt here's a story about a girl who was at the at a train station she was approached by nine guys six of these guys raped her nine guys went to jail the three that didn't rape her went to jail five guys started a burger joint after raping the gun guys like burgers in the middle he's like he's like when you love your boyfriend and your boyfriend loves you you guys go in your bedroom and you have a love time but when a man comes along who's not your boyfriend and says have special love time with a man who uh [ __ ] it if someone tries to rape you bite their lip balm when you get sucked into a gang and a guy tries to pimp you out as a prostitute and you gotta [ __ ] men for money and uh while watching the bears and i'm like oh my god men who rape don't kiss the ones who kiss you [ __ ] bite them you rip their lip off you [ __ ] right and what i tell the young ladies to do is reach up with your little mouth and offer to kiss him and when he kisses you back you grab a hold of his lower lip and you bite down until your teeth meet jesus you're ending the relationship is what you're doing but when it becomes a criminal act you've got to take criminal action and that's what you do she's defending herself she has to be firm if she's got to slap him slap him if she's got to bite him bite him and and she'll know and he'll know and the word will get out real fast don't [ __ ] with her well that was the date rape specific advice because the date rapist would be expecting a kiss yes the mother says what do i do when my teenage daughter is in a compromising position with her boyfriend who's a little too handsy he's like well tell her to bite his [ __ ] lip off him spit it out [ __ ] punch him in his crying [ __ ] eyes i tell you that much spit his little bloody lip out and say packers suck oh oh oh oh i've given up i've given up with metaphors and any kind of nonsense [ __ ] it [ __ ] it no more nonsense from this here guy when i'm talking about your bathing suit area i'm talking about he wants to come after it this this [ __ ] sicko from milwaukee wants to [ __ ] you on yours in the back of a van because he's a filthy packers fan he's probably a packers fan and he wants to [ __ ] your kids oh oh detective bittenbinder what did we sign up for if you tell your mommy that i took you you know i'm gonna this will just be our secret you know just between you and me you know whether he's you or he's making him or whatever whatever is going on there is no secrets i hope he's happy in his probably retirement he's in his late 70s now he's almost 80 43 according to wikipedia all right he's pushing 80. he's he's golfing he did his job he warned kids as best as he could about stranger danger drugs gangs etc did his best he said here's here's the real deal this is it and the screen van pulled up and goes like my puppy is lost can you come help me find him and get in the car with me come help me find my puppy and asked her to get in the car with him but she knew it she goes i'm sorry but i can't she ran inside well i'm sorry he never would enter into it you know i would not say i'm sorry but you did right by not getting in that car and so did your friend your friend was you they never tried to get you in the car was your friend ant-man never found his puppy [Laughter] he doesn't tell a single kid to call another kid fat he doesn't no he doesn't i'm impressed he would tell them to shoot the other kid look if they call you fat you pull out a glock and you just start plugging that kid it's tough but that's life on the streets it's not gonna ease up on you you get some friends and you all have baseball bats you find where he lives and then you go here one night make sure you got alibis then you knock his [ __ ] door down and beat his braces [Laughter] did you feel like you'd been called on being a bully yeah yeah okay good thank you good job all of you and you don't need no [ __ ] advocate [Music] and the word for what you're gonna learn is being an advocate oh yeah we didn't mention that she says [ __ ] that and you then use those advocates to say when you say you just learned the word advocate [Laughter] to get your own goddamn problems [ __ ] advocates take care of your own goddamn bully problem you are so stupid kick them right in the ditka that is not nice advocates advocate means advocate be an advocate and be advocates advocate raise your hands if you think you could be an advocate because you got to go out and teach everybody else about being advocates don't you who gets this one oh boy the brothers the brothers talk about this for five seconds uh uh yeah five seconds this should be easy this is a a trio of of like 12 year old white boys who rap about jesus cut the clips [Music] [Applause] what are these kids doing now drugs we get it moving on oh you beautiful doll dial collecting for fun and profit featuring barbie trademark this is a video about a guy that collects barbies and he explains his collection of barbies he has catalogs and magazines and magnifying glasses magnifying glasses and magnifying asses that's good that's good other than it being slightly funny that like an adult male is collecting barbie dolls hahaha it seems just a fairly well put together informative video this guy knows his [ __ ] this guy knows this [ __ ] about barbie joe was his name um and he seems to have a genuine passion for it it doesn't seem like didn't we watch a beanie baby video once and just felt like because the whole beanie baby thing was a giant scam nasty old ladies how to make money how to make one around for money cents and blah blah blah blah blah blah i bought it for a penny this wasn't made for the money this was made for the passion the collecting yeah i love these things i want them all yeah he's genuinely interested in the history of barbie and collecting barbie and he goes to the different uh phases of them the originals were made in japan and they painted the eyes like this and next year they wanted to go slightly different directions so they painted a different color of blue i'm sure it's very interesting to somebody that isn't us the ponytail made in 1962 is just like the number five except the lips and nails were available in many more colors than just red pink coral peach and the shade of blue used in the eyes was a very deep royal blue a color unique to 1962 with sixes mattel added ash blonde and platinum to its variety of hair colors the sixes that came out from 1963-1960 [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh it took me a minute to remember what this was it's a steal uh tim oh it's a steal this is oh boy i can't do this anymore the circle square okay help me with it no no i just mean in general it's a steal now this is from circle square which is some [ __ ] cultists canadian uh sometimes we'd rather say nothing say something ah you're creeping me out [Music] some people say it's just what's wrong with these memories they're turning into demons they look where every kid looks worse than the last i feel like i bought an acid are they all slowly turning into puppets [Laughter] it's circle square we had never heard of it but you texted our friend in canada colin and he was aware of it yeah he said he kind of remembers seeing it um but he wasn't aware that it was a weird christian cult or a tinedale christian video okay okay i mean yeah he did he wasn't aware of the religious english why would you because they don't lay it on thick they're just like hey we're some [ __ ] odd and yet descriptive looking kids uh and and don't be a bully okay don't be bullied no no no i'm sorry and i accepted don't [ __ ] punch you so uh it starts off like in a clubhouse and it's very 70s yeah and a television show clubhouse the point being that it was 1988 was it 88 but it looks like it looks like 1972. yeah it looks like canada 1988. okay that's fair canada 1988 looks like america 1972. that's that's okay and there's some green shag carpeting everyone looks like they're from the 70s yeah but the coolest kid walks in and he's wearing some terminator shades and they're like what the heck and he's like i totally [ __ ] got where did you get those terminator shades they look like they're from 1988 check these out wow nice sunglasses i bet they cost a pile but uh then they then the friends were like no we're gonna sing you songs about how that's wrong and then take you into the way past so american 1962 but canada 1868 yes yes yes the general store the general store the uh perfection the sleeve garters yeah everything is hard candies didn't even have the soda fountain yet no no he wasn't known plumbing the general the general store it was described as a general store but when they go inside it's it's a confectioner it's a candy man from willy wonka not ed no that's all they had in the store nearly as your extravagant that was the wonka no no no not as good as that one but but it was 12 years old yeah he had candy and that's it and then he had carrots well we've got some carrots here and they're full of vitamin a maybe that's what you need what is that tray in front of them it's got carrots it's carrots yeah look in in canadian candy stores they sell carrots it's like poutine there but the point is canadian what that doesn't make sense i don't know i think carrots is something equivalent to poutine this joke i was trying to make but what is poutine the four the four white kids with with 70s haircuts they have they have they have slacks on and they have like western style shirts tucked into their belts and the four kids form a gang and they say they're very intimidating ugly short kid who's in bread in order to be in our gang and to be one of the cool kids you've got to steal from the general store and we're going to distract the confectioner the candy man by talking about our need for more vitamin c in our diet you're going to stick rods of peppermint candy in your crotch no there was no peppermint candy but he was taking something the video quality was so low i didn't know what he was posting there was a grape and there was like there were candy sticks they what kind of what's a candy stick a candy stick like those rods yeah but there's grape flavor how do you know what the flavors were they were because they [ __ ] said the flavors the one kid thank you he stuck he stuck them in his crotch they were crotch flavored hot was he like ooh or everything is grape or whatever the flavor until they go into my [ __ ] and then that's what the flavor is [ __ ] he had a cast why didn't he shove him in his cask and then they taste like cast i think they were trying to disguise the fact that his father broke this rustic you need to talk about the actor yes he just showed up on sun oh jesus what happened i fell down some stairs my dad had too much poutine and he broke my [ __ ] arm okay billy my dad was so mad that he married his sister he broke my [ __ ] arm okay billy steal the peppermint stick [Music] they're the first like robot children this is an early experiment but the johansson company there's some excellent songs there's puppets there's some [ __ ] interesting the specimens interesting schmidt's is specimens what are some really weird use of puppets yeah the puppets are very minor in this exactly they just kind of hang out behind you you have puppets there's two pup those three puppets but there's two main puppets and they're not like fantastical creatures or animals they're just just like a middle-aged couple puppets yeah but the thing with the kids are is they all have weird mouths and they don't blink now what about the sprocket and uh doc characters there was like the [ __ ] old dude and then oh colonel sanders colonel sanders where they have a laugh track for just like two seconds and that's it yeah yeah it's like was that no i don't know they're different reoccurring characters you have to watch other episodes of square circle to understand that we didn't mention square circle by the way the symbol uh is very cult looking it looks like some sort of like cult it looks worse it looks i don't know it looks more like corporate to me though it's not like a happy funtime logo for kids so you combine that with these close-ups of these kids looking right into the camera with their data creeping it's very [ __ ] out yeah it doesn't have like a cross or like a dove or something it's just like corporate art we've got to go now but we hope you enjoyed today's show and learned something from it i did you know a lot of people think it's smart to take things without paying for them but if you're really smart you'll do what god wants you to do and don't steal look for for a religious thing there's nothing wrong with that it wasn't excessively preachy i mean they they mentioned god and you know whatever it's it's not as cringy as the brothers and it's not as embarrassing as mouth and motion it's fine the message was don't steal that's a fine thing but i think everybody can get behind sure my bigger concern is what the subliminal message of it was what's that behind all the symbols and the puppets there's more going on you think so i think there's something else i think you need to start like a website yeah yeah is this like pizzagate it's there's something going on poutine gate poutine squared circle a nun [Laughter] i'd like to thank the lord for loving me even when i'm bad thanks lord yeah that's amazing [Music] uh lights camera bubbles it's a [ __ ] weirdo with surfer hair that blows bubbles for children and god damn it he's very passionate about it and he's very talented when it comes to blowing bubbles he's he's good great next [Music] oh you can't measure that with a ruler 13 millionths of an inch is a thousand times thinner than a sheet of paper he does know his bubbles he's like the barbie guy yeah that's yeah all these videos is like one person with a very intense interest in bullies bubbles and barbies you do a show oh yeah i do a bubble show the guy falls in line with our weird uh uh personality personality driven video yes the bubble man he has he has a specific inflection that he gives to every line yeah he gets tired some actually it comes across like he doesn't really know how to deal with kids and here we go and the next member of the bubble family is the brother bubbles and the next member of the bubble family is the sister bubble everybody count to three and even better than a square bubble a square dancing bubble we're all gonna see jessica's bubble brain right now and the sister bubble does a dance called the bubble butter [Music] bigger bigger bigger well this guy's career was over during kovalev [Laughter] [Music] ah [Laughter] but he's trying he's trying but he's trying now he knows a lot about making a lot of age jokes it's like these kids are seven or eight it's like why'd he put an age to that bubble oh that's his own insecurity sneaking in yes and the mama bubble starts out as a 30 year old girl bubble what and there's a 30 year old boy bubble [Music] and they go to the beach and they meet and they like each other so they go on a date and they kiss whoa it's love at first sight look at that why did you say 30 year old that's because that's the only time you should really start making babies yeah yeah see that's why because as a baby seven months nine months and baby bubble another baby another baby a huge family oh millions of babies martin short is very embarrassed of his son's career you can still be 30 and not have a kid yet you still made a lady fight somebody somebody's almost 32 years old and he's just now having a kid he's hitting 35 he's not married yeah yeah it's i still have a lot of hair well you see bubbles pop when they get really old and thin on top oh kind of like your hair my hair is not thin on top 30 year old man and a 30 year old woman could still make a baby baby what are you talking about mister i just want to play with the bubbles i wish i had babies i'm the one of you being my kid no lady will date me because i'm a creep you know it's amazing what you can teach yourself once you start dreaming about bubbles cause they blow bubbles i'm a failure on every front except for blowing bubbles i went to bubble college i went to bubble college that was a horrible mistake i know everything about bubbles but i'm making this video i thought it was a wise investment but then the bubble burst she's getting smarter oh the big bang we blew her mind oh no jessica no brains left [Applause] [Laughter] production power agent the two hour version uh this this is something i really enjoyed you're get i think gary null i don't know if it's gary knull is the guy who's hosting the infomercial yeah he is he's like he's like he's like a 78 year old man who's trying to look like he's 60 by putting the hair plugs in dyeing his hair like a like a light brown like paul mccartney light brown color awareness and he's got cool shirts and he's got that purple shirt with the weird style on it he's trying to look youthful yeah and he and you could tell he had cheek implants to push his cheeks up i'm younger i'm gary no and he's talking about like mitochondria and dna and free radicals and all the things in your cellular structure that age you how can i live as long as possible how can i maintain must maintain you can do it too and then he's like let me highlight people that are super old so you feel better yeah and this is where you perked up and then uh our first character was cocaine man and uh i would make coffee three times a day i was working from seven in the morning till ten o'clock at night so i would make more coffee when i got in in the morning have another pothole no kidding oh my god now i just do coke and speed i drink so much coffee it's stained by dentures that's actually his name legally he changed it to cocaine i think i think all these men are coco b died yes it's all these guys they're they're poisoning their brains with their hair dye this guy's like he what is that what they said it was like 60. 66 66 and he looked like he was 86 well you think he's like he has these he's like he's drinking his hair dying i can't be healthy his hair dye's poisoning his soul and earth brain it's poisoning his coffee no no i'm getting to the coffee his hair dye is poisoning his brain and his he drinks so much coffee it stained his dentures yellow and it gave him high blood pressure to the point where he almost died and he's like oh my god i almost died from drinking coffee every five minutes and they filmed him like thank god i calm down now he's like on the subway and he's drinking coffee and he's like i had to supplement coffee by by juicing and and i'm i'm putting lettuce and kale and vegetables in this the juicer and i'm so much more relaxed now and he's like he can't stop moving before i had macular degeneration and i walked with a cane but now i'm juicing increasing the vegetables because like it's like the first few times that they showed him like trucking down the street he had the like legally blind stick and then they showed a few times where he was like you know what [ __ ] the stick yeah he drank a bunch of green juice and yeah i reversed my macular degeneration with vegetables yep and and then we move on to fr uh fro line sausage ball yeah aka hitler's ex-girlfriend as a young girl when i was she's a classic witch yeah definitely a dumb sheep yeah yeah that's what her title card said classic witch so i had to do recreational sports and i continued i am now dashed thank you for watching my video just my trophies are in the landfill my life means nothing thank you like [Laughter] my my custom jewelry necklace is in a goodwill for 50 cents thank you my vig is in the big store and i am dust when i left hitler he was a mere lad i did not know what he was going to do [Laughter] tantric aerobics or something i don't even know what you're talking about but praline sausage the lady she's she's got like the haircut and she's got the trophies of her exercise she's like an olympian a gymnast yes yes a literal witch the one that rich very astutely said looked like an actual witch we said a house would fall on her and her feet would curl up the the horrible woman who refused to shoot that basketball into the basket it wasn't a basketball i don't give a [ __ ] if she was just like ah all you wants is actually keep away with the sausage from my rat vilas keep away from my sausage ball [Music] so graceful so old i just want her to throw it in that basketball hoop it's behind her and it's driving me crazy behind her and she why is that framed behind her because she's just in the gym but there's a basketball net right behind her and she has a basketball that's not throw it that's just a ball shut up you want to do it she's a [ __ ] tease she's a sausage ball tease her i don't know what her her particular aerobic thing skill was it was it was like i say you try to move that ball underneath your arms and i really don't remember much beyond her story the man who had caught too much coffee he was the best juicing uh it's more memorable than hitler's ex-girlfriend you see part of getting away from depressive situations is to get out there and mix our mix with people and mix with a variety of people people who have a variety of interests start fights i dance with younger broads that's how i stay young think when you're that old you should be forced to wear a mask out in public so you don't depress everybody else with how old you are [Laughter] like you see that face oh my god hey he looks happy are you dracula just scaring my children where did sausage come into play because you said that like she was holding the ball just above the screen and so it looked like it was just a sausage there she goes to 15 i focused only on gymnastics and i excelled to the point that i made it i thought she was throwing around a hot dog i saw i saw the bottom of it for a second look like a hot dog i love throwing the sausage sausage [Laughter] this is a very german sport she was holding it at the top of the frame to where it looked like a curved shape of a giant sausage and i thought she was holding a big hot dog until it came into the frame and then i realized it was a sphere a ball so then it became a giant sausage ball which seems appropriate for like germans let's not forget our third character which was uh barbara and barbara looked [ __ ] old she didn't look like oh she's the one that was in front of the the fish tank she's like this is when you lost your mind i i admit i like crap i don't remember this one is this before a dance dude sounds yeah like literally you just started laughing just because she was old well no it's because they listed all of her ailments on the screen they appeared on characters were introduced tastefully and then it was like barbara cut to barbara the the the the german uh uh sausage balls sausage ball lady the she was she was a she was a exercise enthusiast the first guy was like coffee coffee and then they're like barbara and she's like and bible osteoporosis and arthrosis and it's like here's barbara and here's her 45 different ailments that are on the list it just made me laugh you you do realize mike i just want you i know i don't i know we're both in our mid 40s i'm in my early 40s [Laughter] we are currently passing into old ourselves no no no no no oldest 70 or 80 or 90. yeah yeah yep i'm not england literally once you make it to your 60s you plateau yeah i'm not you were laughing at a 66 year old man earlier today mike shut up i'm not looking at you embrace it i'm not looking at you i i'm going to be in a gary knoll production complaining about all of my ailments you're going to be eating so many carrots i'm going to be juicing like like sal i would make coffee three times a day i don't know since i was there for another so i would make that i made another one out of coffee i felt you know what i felt a connection with the first guy because he's just drinking coffee non-stop and i was like this is my future until you realize that all that drinking coffee caused super high blood pressure just damaging your organs yeah you gotta cut that caffeine out never i'll [ __ ] die before i stop drinking coffee when do you want to die jay when when it becomes like miserable physically i think when i'm when i'm like out in public if i'm at like the grocery store no like when i'm at like the grocery store if i'm out somewhere and i see like one of those people walking around where it looks like it's miserable to walk yeah i know what you're meaning and they're doing this then i'm like i never ever wanna you saw me at the grocery store when did you see me why did you say hi because he looked like you were in pain okay so i didn't want to cause any more stress that's rare why didn't you help me with my cart it was so hard to get back to my car i began to see my energy come back not only my energy come back i don't think you have an energy problem sir i think you're exhausting with or without coffee or vegetables and shortly after that my wife decided to join a power walking club i thought he was gonna say divorce me i missed you on the coffee your roots are showing herald i just can't handle you anymore harold i want to knit quietly in the room no intention at all harold just stop talking shut up well everyone it's that special time of the night we watched a whole bunch of black spine tapes more than what's on the table more than what's on the table even um and it's time shout out to scarves sorry oh no no but shout out to [ __ ] you scarves for scarf tying because it was mostly just clipping that's true yeah scarf clippings scarves then take your clip take and clip it down clip it down once again clip it down uh but we have to pick the best of the worst as the show title suggests um i'll i i'll start with rich aj biddenbatter that's not the proper name of the film street street smarts uh straight talk four kids teens and parents with detective jj bittenbinder and why because he's awesome he's just he's just a [ __ ] badass for a goofy looking rip taylor looking man he's a [ __ ] badass you know what would be the greatest thing ever if j as i hold the caliber press coin here uh this commemorative coin whatever it is was sent to us by caliber press the company that made surviving edged weapons but surviving edge weapons famously was filmed in milwaukee yeah and uh detective jj bitten is from chicago and wouldn't it have been great if he was somehow in surviving edged weapons this is like my dream bittenbinder takes out his gun drop the knife you [ __ ] creep it just starts taking out bunks and it's like it's like wisconsin accent versus chicago accent no i won't put it down eh you put down the [ __ ] knife you're out of your jewish dictionary you're just addiction this is packers country this is i'm from chicago i'll plug you right in your polish sausage no no you're near lambeau oh god and then start killing each other but but that would be great and he shows the scar it's like it's like this is the knife scar that he got from an edged weapon when i was in a bitten binder went up to lambeau to watch packers and bearers and he got stabbed he got stabbed he survives the next weapon he survived an edged weapon up in lambda he would not renounce mike ditka he would not [ __ ] the fridge [ __ ] the fridge i'm gonna go the uh the the the opposite end of like the i'm gonna go the the the power or the power pack the power because power pack because really it's the best the worst because it's like it is an adult obviously like like relieving herself on her children's feelings and it's just like oh my god and this is and they mass produced this and sent it out to many places it's just like i will treat the bully of your class like this i will it's like because uh if you give me to a kindergarten uh one is gonna eventually punch them themselves in the balls or or or something uh but like something happened to that kid's crotch so we don't know what it is he he both hands on both sides front and back [Laughter] my pants exploded but it wasn't my pants which was but it just banned i'm gonna go which is gone do you have a target pop like a bubble [ __ ] mean jane lynch uh jay uh i gotta go with jj bitten bomber bitten binder you know i you don't even know his [ __ ] name is bittenbinder he's a legend he is a legend and that's why i'm picking him for best of the worst you gotta go with power aging [Laughter] for a second i was like power pack no no he went with me yeah we had two videos with power in the title i i love i love jj bittenbinder he is as you should he's a man's man he doesn't care that it's no longer the 70s he can't compete with your fetish [Laughter] he doesn't give a flying [ __ ] that it's no longer 1970 he will wear his three-piece suit with bell bottoms and his gold chain absolutely to the the pre-taped meeting to teach teens about gangs and drugs and tell them about the harsh realities of life on the streets of chicago um but i can't explain it i laughed and i couldn't breathe laughing so much so i don't know i'm sorry that you know what you're entitled to your opinion it's it's a it's a really really tight pick between street smarts and uh power aging well street smart still has two votes it is the best of the worst best of the worst and she's explaining to her father she says daddy i almost got away but that book bag is so heavy he'd be like but would you rather come home without your backpack or your underwear moving on the mustache goes in the hall of fame i think i think it should can we maybe write a nice enough letter he'll send us his mustache after he's gone [Music] we just have to be patient would you have to be patient but i would love it if he would will us his mustache you know what considering his his legacy uh being the inspiration for a skit on mr show by bob odenkirk and his fame he's been on oprah show he's and he's still live at 80 and probably i would assume living in the cargo land area yeah i mean it's drinking juice it's what it's just juicing it's not without the the realm of possibility that we can go and and meet him and shake his hand and say thank you sir for your service as a chicago police officer and detective or whatever the hell you were thanks for yelling at all these children about rape thank you for saying it like it is mr jj bittenbinder would you mind hanging out with us on your back deck sockless with a red collared shirt yes i'm sure he still has that shirt we could crack gilligan out would crack open a couple of cans of old style with them everyone but you yeah you don't get the drink with jj bittenbein you [ __ ] i can't wait to shoot you in the face [Music] i can't wait to let you [Music] is [Music] [Music] exclusion teasing talking about being mean acting superior making fun being mean not language not caring lost thoughtless down gossip piercing

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 807,245

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans

Id: JVtcfjF6geQ

Length: 103min 24sec (6204 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 27 2022

Reddit Comments

[u/Inignot12]

Mike losing it to the old people is up there with his famous Christmas crack-up now.

[u/Mahaloth]

No joke, that lady enjoyed the verbal bullying.

[u/Imjusthereformemes]

Mike cracking up at just the sight of elderly people is a new low and I'm right there with him

[u/syphilis_sandwich]

103 minutes? Is this Junka: The Motion Picture?

[u/Kiruvi]

I had that and several other Mark Lowry tapes growing up. He's definitely a notch above a Christian Jeff Foxworthy, but in my sheltered Christian upbringing, he was the funniest thing I'd ever been exposed to. I had tapes, CDs, books, saw him perform live several times; he toured with one of my mom's best friends for a few years so I even got to meet him in person and have dinner together a couple times.

My life as a child is a foreign country to me, because hooboy seeing those few seconds of his act was more than I cared to see.

[u/bkarev]

The kid sitting on his balls made me laugh until I cried. We've all been there, buddy.

[u/Tarlcabot18]

"Black balls! Mm, my favorite."

[u/Hyperactiveyouth]

Since Jay asked...The Brothers grew up and formed the band Family Force 5.

From Christian rap to Christian scene kid rap-rock. I kid you not.

[u/ActivelyDrowsed]

Been dying for a third Junka episode. It's their best gimmick don't @ me