Attorneys, Who Was The Worst Person You Had To Defend?

lawyers of reddit what is the dumbest thing your client has ever done during a divorce the ex-husband claimed that he didn't make much or any money and wasn't able to pay the child support we were asking him to pay a few hours after receiving this information he posts a picture on his public facebook of a wad of cash talking about how balan he was needless to say his claim didn't hold up after that in his defense people who post pictures of cash normally are poor that's why they're so excited to have whatever money they do have not my client but in a well-known prisoner civil rights suit the prisoner acting pro say of course filed a motion to kiss my butt in which he requested that america at large and one corrupt judge bend over and kiss his butt the motion was denied i'm going to allow it at first appearance a defendant stood there calmly and quietly when the judge was reading his charges and bond information when the judge asked if the defendant had any questions the defendant gave the judge the finger and said frick you mother sucker go frick yourself and then proceeded to throw down the microphone and walk away the judge who had been on the bench for years replied well i guess i'll let you know when my fan club meets bonus the fan club has its own building with free meals and exercise facilities my sister is a public defender she recently had a sharp lifting case where the defendant was caught in possession of stolen goods which happened to match a list also in his possession entitled crap to steal from walmart so he made a shoplifting list client was an accountant for a good size company during the recession she was laid off and filed for unemployment where claimed she made 200k plus salary real salary was 60k the company received the unemployment claim investigated and found out she embezzled millions not a lawyer or in any way educated on law and court proceedings and such so please forgive my ignorance but i want to ask something say you're in court and your client does something horribly stupid such as gives evidence incriminating himself accidentally confesses what do you do do you just sigh admit you lost and everything stops or is there any way to salvage that just a curious question so i'm a law student but i work at a volunteer desk that helps people complete the forms for court but the awful part is i can't give any legal advice since i'm not a lawyer which means i can't tell these people they don't have a case however the stories are great they're the lady who sues celebrities she asked me to help her sue robert de niro someone else helped her with a suit for matthew mcconaughey she was doing it on behalf of her kids and their fathers for in excess of 100 million dollars she didn't even know how to spell their names then there's the guy who is suing directv cnn fox and who knows who else apparently he's the one you have to thnk for putting color on your tv shows and adding animation he was suing because they hadn't paid him ever finally there's the lady who is suing her former employer for giving her too much money on her last paycheck she told me they did it because they liked her and wanted her to come back there was maybe 60 extra dollars on the check she was suing for 10 000 [Music] not a lawyer but in court for a ticket apparently the cop lost the ticket book so there was no official evidence the judge said the next 15 on the docket i was luckily one of the 15 just needed to say not guilty since there was no evidence one [ __ ] got up there and started to argue that he was only going 5 miles per hour over not 10. the judge looked at him and said son just say not guilty the guy again said but i wasn't going that fast the judge laughed and repeated again son just say two words for me not in guilty the guy confused mumbled not guilty in the form of a question the judge said dismissed everyone in the courtroom laughed and clapped for him i love that i'm 80 some odd in and this is the first one that didn't result in the person destroying their chances in court i'm not a lawyer but the optometrist that i went to had an officer manager that was marking on people's accounts that they got refund checks and crediting the balance then cashing them herself she took 50.000 in a year and got caught when asked why she did it she said no one told me i couldn't airtight argument so i was representing a kid accused of conspiracy to supply crack c he was accused of acting as a lookout warning the others whenever the police were approaching he had a fantastic case and it looked like he was going to win on the day of trial he turned up for trial wearing a huge t-shirt with the warner brothers logo on above and below the wb logo was printed if you see the pigs warner brother he refused to change no blood no white boy tells me how to dress he was convicted not a lawyer but a legal secretary it's illegal to kill crocodiles in australia so our client filmed himself and his friends doing it funnily enough they got caught going to be kind of hard to disprove a video that clearly shows the animal being killed and subsequent celebration plus photos with the carcass what an idiot another guy robbed the pub he worked for stole the work ute drove to the city went straight to the casino parked the work car in the lot lost ten dollars zero zero zero playing blackjack then bought two dollars 500h and was entertaining them when the cops arrested him classic there are probably others but i've been doing this for 10 years so they've all blurred together people are dumb not a lawyer here still in law school but assisting lawyers with cases one day we got involved in a caretaking debate for an old woman her daughter and an attorney were declared legal guardians for her due to dementia and her high age her niece got just involved questioning the motives of the daughter as an assigned legal guardian long story short her motives were definitely questionable she stole ten thousands of dollars and even her mom's vacuum cleaner and silver cutlery which resulted in the poor woman eating with her fingers and the case seemed to be a piece of cake for us then the niece our client took the old lady away to her senior citizen home to guarantee she was taken care of her intentions were gold unfortunately daughter and attorney were still legal guardians and had the right to determine the place of residence in the end our client was charged with kidnapping and we lost the case moral of the story don't ever do anything case related before talking to your lawyer seriously don't my high school best friend's father is a lawyer and i remember him telling me this story years ago he gets a client who was being charged with a dui he asks the client what happened and the client states that he had two drinks get stopped and the police wrongly charged him with driving under the influence my friend's dad then looked over the evidence as any good lawyer would do come to find out there was video evidence from a dash cam awesome his client on video was visibly drunk and he described it as being you be stupid to think he was sober he was convinced there wasn't much he could do with this there's icing on the cake though when the police officer went to give him the breathalyzer his client has heard stating i'm too drunk to use this ding thing i'm a law student but i have internship stories we had the client who was convicted of murdering his stepson before passing sentencing the judge asked if he had anything to say to the court he replied i only fricked up when i didn't kill my wife too life sentence another client upon being pulled over and being asked if he had any drugs or alcohol in the car voluntarily told the office that he didn't but did have the he sold in his hotel room he then kindly escorted the officer there and gave it to him we had a client charge with selling c in order to determine if he qualified for a public defender the judge asked if he had any way he made an income and he replied well you know from selling coke i bet i can think of more too my lawyer brother once got a contempt of court charge dismissed against his client by begging for mercy using a forrest gump like defense ma client is not a smart man immediately after the charge was dismissed the client turned and in front of the entire court punched my brother in the mouth yelling who are you calling dumb client was promptly re-arrested arguing for my client to be released on his own the judge asks him where he is going to live with my fiance he says he spins a lovely tale about how wonderful his fiancee is how supportive did he mention they are having a baby and he wants to get out of jail and take care of his soon-to-be wife and kid to support them properly the judge asks the courtroom could defendants fiance please approach the bench from opposite sides of the room two women stand up and start walking to the front one is about four months pregnant and the other is nearly nine months pregnant they are looking at each other with identical expressions of who the frick are you you could see the exact moment when each of them realized that b is freaking my man the fight started before they even got to council's table pregnancy or not these chicks were seriously trying to kill one another the bailiffs had to stop laughing long enough to break up the fight my client says frick your honor i didn't think they'd both come the judge said he was denying bail for my client's own protection not a lawyer but a paralegal and my the list of dumb i've seen would stretch to the moon the list of mean would be twice as long some examples not a client but a defendant who took revenge on his girlfriend by gluing down everything in her apartment glued pillows to the bed and couch the ashtray and phone to the coffee table and even glued the vacuum cleaner to the carpet going to add another dumb one not showing up for court had a defendant client with a very simple traffic issue but he would not come to court now he had an attorney a good one who had negotiated a sweet sweet deal but since he wouldn't come to court the judge put a warrant out for his arrest no big whoop we find the client arrange for him to come to court on the next available day and file the appropriate motions to have the warrant lifted and guess what he doesn't show so now his sweet deal is blown he's incurred 600 to 700 in additional attorney fees for the extra work and there's still a warrant out for his arrest dumbass the glue thing sounds like art i'd pay to see that not my client but i saw this accused bank robber at a bail hearing was told by the judge his bond was set at one hundred thousand dollars and explained to him that meant he could post ten thousand dollars in cash to be released pending trial he asked the accused if he had ten thousand dollars for bail the accused replied judge if i had ten thousand dollars i wouldn't have been robbing the bank the u.s attorney asked for a copy of the transcript easiest conviction ever client claims she was abused by boyfriend applies for non-molestation order similar to restraining order gets drunk one night while proceedings are still ongoing and goes round to his house and shags him she takes some horrifying pictures of their happy fun time and sends them to his solicitor who forwards to us had to show her the pictures and tell her we can't go any further never seen someone run out of an office that fast 1. guy rob's bank flees scene his clever getaway plan is to jump into the nearest taxi yells at the driver i just robbed that bank now drive driver turns around is cop in haste robber has mistaken police car for taxi in my country taxes are white so it is feasible but extremely dumb two guy is being questioned had seen of recent burglary as suspect when asked for occupation he says burglar 3 this is morbid but guy kills girlfriend after a fight at her house because he is smart he then takes off all his clothes leaves them on the bed next to her body and sets it all on fire to destroy any incriminating evidence because he is really dumb he does not realize until after running naked to his car that he left his keys in his pocket because he is really really dumb he runs back inside and tries to somehow retrieve his keys from his burning clothes becomes overcome by smoke and jumps out the window police find him lying outside with burns he claims he was coming to visit his girlfriend saw the house was on fire and ran in to try and save her is asked so why are you naked cannot answer edit english not a lawyer i watched a case play out in traffic court where the guy who went up before i did for something stupid that should have been a small fine completely lost his crap and started hollering about in the injustice of it all and was carrying on about how america was going down the drain and being taken over by communists when finally the judge lost his crap right back it went something like this judge be quiet not one more word i've heard enough no more silence but your honor long silence judge looks down at the guy but your honor not one more word but i see this is difficult for you to understand let me say this exactly one more time a last chance so to speak not one more word you're balaf so after watching the idiot getting hauled out of the courtroom the judge bangs his gavel and it's my turn i walk up to the judge's desk and say well i had this well thought out defense as to why i was driving without a license and expired tabs but i'm just going to go with i was an idiot for forgetting both of them oh well happens to the best of us show me your license and papers are current and we'll forget about it after i showed him i asked him so what's going to happen to that guy who went before me probably going to sentence him for picking up trash on the side of the highway for a few weeks which was pretty dang funny considering this is alabama in the middle of the summer hahaha defendant is at a preliminary hearing for a domestic battery charge alleged victim his wife girlfriend whatever failed to show up so the prosecution dropped the case the judge told the defendant it was his lucky day and asked if the defendant had anything to say about that a defendant starts to explain his point of view on what happened and just about talked himself right back into that domestic battery charge indeed if the judge hadn't been in such a good mood he might have rule of thumb if your charges get dismissed stfu and gtfo this happens constantly guy hires us to defend him against charges by an ex-girlfriend that he is stalking harassing her we get girlfriend to agree to drop the criminal charges if our client agrees to have a restraining order entered this prevents the client from having a criminal record and or risking jail time after this is all worked out and the restraining order has been entered guy contacts girl i spent the summer after my first year of law school representing children and the public defenders abuse and neglect docket basically situations where kids are taken away from their parents because of abuse and neglect the parents and the government are also represented parties in these proceedings now the bar is set very low for parents basically they have to have adequate food shelter and supervision with no abuse when kids are taken away the moms almost all parents in the system are young single and poor mothers are told they can get the kids back by holding down a basic job getting an apartment testing clean for drugs and breaking up with whatever abusive douchebag they are seeing the number of mothers who couldn't satisfy these requirements were astounding failed drug tests bad relationships quitting jobs arbitrarily i saw it all and my heart goes out to all the children who drew those straws in life and ended up in foster care institutions and felt unloved what about stupid lawyers how about this one friend of mine wants out of business with stupid partner hires a highly recommended lawyer to handle contractual issues he hands him over business keys credit cards and mobile phones so that he can return them through proper channel over six six months former business partners lawyer keeps sending threatening letter asking for return of said keys credit cards and mobile phones eventually sues dumbass lawyer doesn't allow friend to come to the hearing call him's one minute before it starts and never mentions he had said items all along at the hearing friend loses and has to pay damages oh and lawyer sends bill the same day then goes on vacation for a couple weeks needless to say friend is hiring new lawyer to both appeal and sue former lawyer my aunt is a lawyer and this isn't really stupid on the part of the client more on the part of the door but they let a group of staff handle a critical piece of evidence before they had analyzed it without gloves ruined the case for them client got off client was friends with the dir remember when burger king had those commercials that featured a guy with little hands who didn't want to be seen eating a whopper i had a guy come into my office and wanted to sue burger king for defamation because he had little hands to the guy's credit he did have little hands i had a client get popped for dui the officer didn't do a good search so my guy ended up in jail with about 30 ecstasy pills and a gram of c afraid of being caught with that stuff in jail a felony he snorted a few bumps took some extra sea and gave the rest away the deputies suddenly had two dozen guys tripping balls in the receiving hall they do a search and my idiot client still has the baggies in his pocket he was also so freaked up at that point that he licked one of the sheriff deputies which got him him a battery on a peace officer charge tacked on not a lawyer but someone i went to high school with was arrested he served his jail time and ended up out of jail on probation he couldn't find a job to pay for his probation and court costs so he decided to rob a bank he walks into the bank and hands a note to the teller saying he's robbing the place and give him money she doesn't he leaves she flips his note over after he left to find that the piece of paper he used was the backside of his probation papers with his address and info all over it he was back in jail shortly thereafter call me every day for 30 45 minutes at 175 hour asking the same questions each time just for reassurances on his case his bill was over ten thousand dollars prior to trial while these aren't as flashy as most of the stories told here i see them from my clients almost every single day one criminal confess to police immediately following arrest every dang day two civil pay me thousands in retainer and then refuse to do even minuscule things to further their case it would amaze you the amount of times people have complained about their billing but have paid me hundreds of dollars an hour to fill out simple forms for them that is simple name address social security forms and to go through credit card statements and bank statements to list the account numbers on a divorce property statement etc simply because they are unwilling to do it i have to call and conference with them and go through each blank on the form because they simply won't do it and return it in a timely manner in more involved divorces this can cost them thousands when all they need to do is sit down and list their assets liabilities you hire an attorney to do the legal work you can save yourself a ton of money by taking care of everything that doesn't require legal expertise on your own throwaway account i was a new mediator at the time mediating a small claims landlord tenant issue in a courthouse hallway limited civil jurisdiction mediations usually get their own room but it's common for small claims to be done any way you can grab space outside the courtroom the two individuals were about 20 feet apart and both sides were really upset so i was doing a lot of going back and forth listening and trying to drill down to common interests and what they could live with as a settlement eventually the tenant starts getting more friendly and says he might be willing to compromise which was really surprising to me after some of the things he had said i chalked it up to my excellent mediation skills and went to speak to the landlord who appreciated the tenant's gesture and said she'd think through some options we had discussed i returned to the tenant who by this point said man you know what really it's no big deal let's just do what she wants it's fine this also surprised me but after a few more minutes of me making sure it's what he really wanted we had a mediation agreement signed lining up pretty much with what the landlord wanted as i'm saying goodbye to the tenant i look down and see him holding a joint by his side he had managed to stand pretty close to a vent plus i was super naive at that point in my life and thought i had only been smelling weird b.o upon quickly looking around it was clear the hallway was relatively crowded with streams of attorneys clients and bailiffs the guys with uniforms and guns going by we were about 10 feet from a courtroom door it wasn't until after he walked away that i realized he may not have had capacity to sign the agreement a tl dr smoking weed in the courthouse hallway with bayless walking by and negotiating a binding agreement while increasingly high on a site inspection with opposing councils experts expert can we please see the bolts that failed causing the plaintiff's death client no those are broken they were made out of cheap metal that's why they failed i almost slapped my client frankly i'm sad i didn't my dad once had a guy get caught for vandalizing and he was caught on tape this guy wore the same exact clothes into court that he wore on the video since we're telling dumbest criminal stories a girlfriend of mine was married to this piece of sleaze who had a dumb piece of sleaze friend dumb friend gets himself jailed because he robbed his own local bank branch where he did his banking despite wearing a cunning disguise a ski mask a teller recognized him from his frequent visits to the bank and told the cops so he's righteously locked up my girlfriend gets raided by the cops at 6am looking for the moderate crop of plants they've got planted in the backyard she asks how the cops detected it and they told her apparently dumb friend had written them a letter from jail dear piece of sleaze and fargo's dumb girlfriend how are you i am fine how is your crop doing i can't wait to get out so we can smoke some bitching weed the drug supply in here is very unreliable so i hope you are looking after that crop real well haha say hi to everyone for me love your friend one of the dumbest criminals ever all mail was read by the prison census so they informed the cops and my friend and her piece of sleaze husband got busted the judge ordered you not to touch anything in the storage unit where your husband's stuff is so don't even go there breaks into the storage unit and pours bleach over everything my dad is an attorney and these stories are somewhat relevant backstory father's office is robbed and the guy took a bunch of our ids passports social security cards act that we kept at my dad's office a few years months later not sure of the timeline my dad is in court for another case meeting a guy enters the courthouse going through security for a hearing for some unrelated charges my dad gets called from his meeting and the security guys were laughing hey get a load of this mister dad this guy says he's you i believe he was then charged with robbing my dad's office another story my dad is in a beating with some guys who were unaware that my dad fluently speaks their native language they were telling him one story in english then would switch to their native language to confer about covering up the truth my dad let them go on like this for a while before finally cutting in in their language and asking them about the real story they were externally dumbfounded and busted this will probably stay buried but hey it's out there nyc criminal defense attorney here all inmate phone calls at the city jail rikers island are recorded i remind my clients on a regular basis that somebody is listening to all their calls and that they should never discuss the case or call anyone related to the case from jail i had a client who was charged with stalking and harassing an ex-girlfriend the thing about these charges was that this was the first and last time i had seen a legitimate case of double jeopardy defendant being charged with the same crime twice the defendant had already pled guilty and done a small amount of jail time for the same incidents i walked into court on our first appearance supremely confident that my client would be walking out of court a free man to my surprise there was a second indictment charging new crimes my genius client had called his ex-girlfriend and the door had recordings of him threatening to beat her if she came to court to testify against him we took a plea right there and he served three years for witness tampering and contempt if my client had only listened to my advice and let me do my job he would have gone home three years earlier than he did on the other hand it seems like the system worked perfectly in this case not a lawyer but my daddies his client was facing the death penalty and wanted to take the stand in his own defense basically the guy was a crazy mother any words that came out of his mouth were six kinds of fricked up my dad and the other three lawyers on his team advised him not to do it kept him from testifying for as long as they could but if a client wants to talk they can he gets up there and proceeds to read a 12-page letter 12 pages of gibberish about how he wasn't crazy he's on death row i'm not comfortable that it's appropriate to tell stories about my own clients so one recently i saw a defendant appear in federal court wearing a t-shirt saying two in the pink one in the stink two i prosecuted a bank robber i think he pled guilty mostly to avoid having my show bank surveillance cam photos to the jury see he robbed a bank while wearing sagged pants when the tried to leap over the half door that separated the teller area from the customer area the pants came off and tripped him and he fell on his face the camera is captured in exquisite detail the change in his facial expression from bravado to concern to terror as his pants came off actual case i defended women using drive-through ordered a regular-sized value meal at mcdonald's the restaurant had run out of smaller soft drink cups and without telling her first gave her a large soda rather than saying thanks she sued claiming the unexpected weight of the large soda tore her rotator cuff litigated it for two years sexual harassment case our client the business owner went into court looked the plaintiff up and down and said you'd look better without the skirt it went okay wasn't my client but i saw this happen defendant moves to remove his public defender apparently listening to advice from a cellmate death your honor i would like to represent myself judge very well will you be changing your plea death yes i would like to plead not guilty by reason of insanity judge do you have a mental disorder death number after a brief chat with his former attorney defendant reinstated the public defender as his counsel my guess is defendant listened to council when he said that pleading not guilty by reason of insanity means admitting you did indeed perform the acts of which you were accused posting my mother's story on her behalf she was a public defender and once got a client who was charged with reckless endangerment for the nth time can't remember how many she tells him to basically be quiet and she will talk to the aider and see what can be worked out they end up getting in front of the judge and the client just starts trying to tell the judge his story wherein he complained that he had just stopped at mcdonald's and so had a big mac in one hand and a large coke in the other hand his cuff holder wasn't easily accessible so since both hands were full he clearly couldn't control the fact that he was going 90 plus on a winding country road with a 30 mile per hour speed limit our defense for crack possession rested entirely on constructive possession in that the defendant didn't own the car he was pulled over in and thereby didn't know there were drugs in it what he failed to tell us but freely disclosed during cross was that he had sold the car that morning for cash and then borrowed it for an errand a crack air and evidently i hope vince gilligan is reading this because there's enough here for at least the first season of the soul goodman spin-off if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

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Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh, reddit stories 2020, lawyer stories, lawyers of reddit, reddit lawyer stories, defense attorney, court stories

Id: 1wQchXUn0wI

Length: 30min 32sec (1832 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 21 2020