Hey, hi. Hello there before the video begins. I just want to- no! get out-get out of here! Skip ad' button. This is not an ad. Well it is. it's an ad for the Jacksepticeye How did we get here live show comedy world tour If you didn't know I'm going on tour very very soon at the end of October I am starting the European leg of my tour and it will probably end up being the last leg of my tour at least the Last leg of the how did we get here tour. It's a great show I'm very very proud of it and a lot of people that have seen the show already Have a lot of nice things to say about it and it's been wonderful. It's such a fun experience So if you want to come in Europe and come out to see me I will be going to a lot of different places and you can go to WOW Jacksepticeye.com and you can get tickets there. Wh-Why am I sending them to jacksepticeye.com?JacksepticeyeTOUR.com! Jacksepticeye.com also links to the thing. Yeah, I know but they don't-You're still here, good Well, go to jacksepticeyetour.com to get your tickets today I'm going to a lot of places in Europe places like Amsterdam places like Paris, Cologne, Berlin, Tilburg, Norway, Sweden, UK, Scotland, Ireland, I think that's actually all the places were going to. Did I get it right? Did I nail that? Damn! There's no one over there, I'm talking to nobody. I'm on my own here That's cold that's disgusting that was horrible who who put this here Still no one Top o' the mornin to you laddies, my name is jacksepticeye and welcome to a game called two-point hospital. I just found this on Steam it's new I have no idea what it is. Well, I know that it's kind of a hospital builder I think it looks like I like these types of games I've played like the school one where I build my own school and things like that So I I wanted to try it out it looks it looks kind of neat The music's kind of cheerful and I am knackered right now. I am running on like three hours of sleep And I'm so tired, but I wanted to record something anyway, and be nice and chill So why not build a thing where I have to be in charge of a lot of Announcer: At two point Hospital over 52% of our patients believe they leave healthier than when they arrived. Our precisely calibrated equipment is operated by Compassionate healthcare practitioners many of whom have thought of medical school or watched ER. If you suffer from turtlehead Let us ease your worry, and knock it gently out of your body J: Ah this is great! Is no laughing matter put your trust and oversized shoes in our capable hands We're building a brighter safer future and hardly anything will stand in our way You deserve the best so join us Two Point Hospital we're open for new staff new patients and a new you You deserve the best BOOM Boo doo, boom boo doo. Oh that was great. I didn't know it's gonna be funny. Art style is nice Welcome to to point County. I'm Albert crank. What's up? Cranky boy. I'll be your trusty advisor on this journey Okay, you can just stay up buddy You just say up on screen you don't have to keep going down dude come back, sport Okay, let's do this let's start Hogsport begin your career as a hospital administrator learn the basics Learn to read faster. Two point Hospital. Welcome to Two Point County. Are you ready to start building your first hospital? I sure as shizity sham am First things first. You probably want to have a look around move the hospital. Yeah. Yeah Weee. Yes okay. Getting the swing of it Here we go Are you happy man? Alright, I have two hundred thousand dollars Why build a hospital? Just take the two hundred grand and go Just go buy enough drugs until you think you've built a hospital The first thing the hospital will need is a reception. Patients will head here when they arrive in the hospital. Let's build a reception desk near the entrance. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam Click on the items, okay neato And wait no no, how do we, how do we we rotate? Oh wait hold left mouse button drag left, right. Ah Zero X that's way handier Click the left mouse button Alright do I just I'm copying what they're showing down here. Alright is This looks shit. Great we need an assistant to run a reception. Are you are you sure you don't need a receptionist? Let's hire one now sure thing. Where do we go to the higher market? Ok, higher or lower. Hahaha Do we want Tabby Blancmange Josiah Gamgee, or Gregory Funkle Haha You've two of these. Customer service, customer service, you've two customer services. You have a stamina training. Ah but this dude's just happy. This dude is just rocking the PMA Gregory Funkle is down there with his positive Hospital attitude Ummm You cost way more. Increase happiness plus 10% happiness Cool, but you have job satisfaction. I'mma go with Tabby Blancmange Cause he's middle priced, but he also has three things. I wanted to hire fucking- Announcer: Earthquake, please stay still Earthquake? I wanted to hire Samwise Gamgee over here but I can't. Whoa! Weeheehee Hahahahaha This is the earthquake alright well Here you go little buddy, hop on in there General Practitioners Office. Great. Before we officially open, we'll need a GP's Office. Patients will, hey Yeah, yeah. Oh look at him Look at them go. Tabby. Look at you go Tabby, you're doing great lady. Umm, GPs office. Let's do it So I have to build out the room. Where do I want the GPS office to be? How big do I need it to be? Drag out a floorplan, minimum of three by three. All right. How about we do it like here No? Was that, was that, was that a bad? There we go. Oh and it automatically makes you place the door. This is fantastic. I love this We put it over Mmm yeah This is fucking wonderful! More games need this! Wait, which one? Okay, this is the doctor's one. I'm trying to put it like oriented properly. That's the filing cabinets Whoa I'm a genius! Doctor Whom? Excellent. Now we'll need a doctor to run the GP's Office. You don't need a doctor for the doctor's office, ya crazy Jonathan Humbug got- Announcer: Hayward to the Sheriff's Office Dr. Hayward doesn't work here. Mia Fingers Mia like-a fingers. Or Rosie Hero. Oh god, you so many things though. I want to hire Mia Fingers. Oh, but captain finger guns over here looks great. Oh wait, you change your poses. Fucking Mia Fingers is finger guns right now Hell yeah woo. You're gonna need a doctor after this Okay, you cost a lot okay, so you better be good Good news everyone. Our hospital is now open for business! Patients are starting to arrive. After they register at reception They'll be sent to the GP for diagnosis. Sick Fucking reception desk in the middle of nothing. Can I move it? Yeah, okay come on over here Tabby Oh, I've coffee here ready to drink but it's a little too warm, I'm gonna let it cool off a bit. Oh, I have to do these things. Pitch the camera? Oohh, hello, yes Diagnose a patient, cool! Come on in. What are you, what's wrong with you? You've a serious case of ugly face? God Almighty. A serious case of can't walk in heels? That's cool. What's your name? Oosha Fenton FENTON Remember that video? Ah, Jesus Christ Nice! We did great! We've diagnosed our first patient, the GP has sent you a message. Ah I have friends Our doctors have discovered a new illness, Grout Isn't that like what you put between tiles Grout is, do you mean gout? Grout is frequently transmitted in bathrooms and modern medication is effective Unlike earlier times when it had to be dug out painfully with a screwdriver Okay. The patient is..build a pharmacy and hire a nurse Okay, what do I do? It will cost seven thousand six hundred dollars to build patients seeking treatment we need a pharmacy, okay Get patient to wait Can you be patient? Okay, we need a pharmacy Ummm How much, what does the pharmacy have to be? Cause I kinda want to make it like this big But this is probably way too big I'm kind of just putting shit down, aren't I? Announcer: Attention What Announcer: Please lower your expectations For love, okay. Got it. All right now we need to hire a nurse. All right nurse! Simon Payback I'mma hire Bert Waters. It's not often that you get people who are just out of prison Announcer: Welcome back to your favorite radio station with a vastly overqualified Sir Nigel Pickleworth I am here to inform, to entertain, and to bring some small measure of sophistication to your drab little lives Should any of you have any requests for popular tunes, as I believe people like to call them, do not hesitate to repress that impulse. I have no intention playing any that drivel. Jack: Any of that drivel Okay, we've got a little bench-a-roo going on because people are gonna come in and start waiting. They are patient after all. Oh I can five grand for that Give a man a hospital. Yeah, give a man a pill and he'll go home and overdose Give him at a hospital and he'll overdose way faster Patient cured. Oh look. We've cured our first patient We've earned some money and the hospital's reputation has improved which will attract more patients When a doctor or nurse treats a patient their ability will influence the chance of success, some illness, Illnesses are tougher than others. Continue diagnosing and treating patients to keep the money coming in so we can expand the hospital neato Announcer: We just cured our very first patient Cool. Imagine you were the first patient coming through. You walk in, the place is just newly open and you come out and it's like Wow, they were great and it was like we just cured our first patients like oh god. I was the first huh, that's uncomfortable You could have killed me. All right. Good job Fenton. Hop on in ace Ah, Oosha's got a fucking swagger going Now that we've got some expensive machinery We should think about looking after it. Machines will deteriorate with use, and will need repairing from time to time. If a machine falls into disrepair It could be a fire hazard. Okay, so hire a janitor to maintain machines while you're at it Okay You got it. No problem. Harry Blizzard Okay, look at this! Whoa, you cost a fortune though Let's hire Benji Cups Benji and the cup machine All right Revenue is $6,500 expenses are $6,700 Okay, so we, need place two fire extinguishers. God damn it. Okay place one Place one on you No Kinda, kinda, not really There's one and then I'll put another one, boom Janitors will be called to repair a machine when it's maintenance level falls below 50%. You can also request that a janitor repair it immediately. This is nice. This is like a casual type of Uhh Sort of builder game, cuz a lot of these games are like you have to put down everything You have to manage everything you've to get everybody to go everywhere but this is like you put down the room and then it automatically picks the things you need to put down in the room I like that. It's just a nice turn off your brain and build kind of game Perfect for me It's important to keep your staff and patients happy to ensure the hospital runs smoothly Patients will get bored, thirsty, and hungry over time. They might get a little bit horny as well So remember that. Make sure they have access to entertainment food drinks and a comfy Masturbation closet when they're between appointments if they become unhappy blah blah blah, they get sad whatever they're in a hospital What you doing there bud? Oh, you're the janitor, okay. Got it. Good old Benji Cups Righty so what are we doing? What a, place two benches. Alright I have to put down another one. Christ, I thought one bench would be enough Okay, we put a bench down here I really wish Q and E were to change that Cuz I don't need Q and E to turn the camera, you know. Place one drinks machine okay I place one snack machine I'm guessing Perfect Oh everything's coming together like peanut butter and jelly on a sandwich Quite quirky looking characters, I like them. What's your name? Daisy Codpiece Announcer: Doctor patient confidentiality is not practiced in this hospital Okay Staff energy break. Staff get tired as they work and will eventually go on a break. A staff room will help them relax If you make a room larger and fill it with interesting items, it will be considered more prestigious People are using a high prestige room will become happier. They get a nice sense of air about them They become assholes basically. Thinking they're better than you. A nice staff room will also help staff regain energy faster. Okay This is way too big this whole area here. Can I change it? Edit. Okay. Nice. Oh god, oh god. No, how do I, how do I make you shorter? Add to room Announcer: Wholistics is apparently going to open another of its nature communes for sick people with more sense than money Fortunately, I have equal amounts of sense and money Jack: Good for you. Nice. Okay. I made the room slightly smaller. By slightly, I mean it's way smaller guys Alright, righty ho ho I don't know I'm gonna put in here, I didn't think about this actually No, it's Okay, so I need a break room is that what you told me, a staff room. That should be big enough You guys don't need anything bigger. Oh, god sofa Sofa so good. Hahaha I wish I was dead. Okay, put that down. What else you need? Is that it? Maybe I need some stuff in there A beanbag A punching bag An energy drinks machine, ah they're locked. Okay, I can't even use them even if I wanted to. All right, I'm gonna put a bin here Cuz you know cleanliness is next to godliness and all that. A locker? Do we need that? I don't know. What are you doing? Yes, I'm afraid to say you do have the AIDS Cool Staff will head to the staff room when they're on a break fill the room with- you told me this Fill it with interesting items. Okay. What's interesting to a staff? Fire extinguisher that's pretty good. Plant? Everyone likes a fucking plant Charlie Work. Drinks and snacks are great for keeping people happy, but they can lead to littering if there are no bins nearby. While we're at it, staff and patients will get pretty grumpy if they don't have access to any toilets God, it's just thing after thing after thing for you guys, isn't it? Maybe I can make like mini toilets here I'm gonna move some shit around huh? What do you guys think about that? I think it's pretty good, good job me Cuz I like stuff all being together, you know Is that enough? Is it uni-sexual? Build the toilets, okay boom, baby. Nice! Ah, this is starting to look good. Oh, no, I could just move you over here. Sorry. Sorry get off the fucking bench Sweet This is looking great, I like this a lot. We're hearing reports of some new illnesses in town. These might be harder to diagnose It's an illness called iilllmmm- No, come back. Leave. Come back tomorrow I'll have better jokes I swear We may need to build a new diagnosis room if GP isn't certain, they will send a patient for further diagnosis. Okay Got it. Cool. All right. I need to fill this room with nice things Cause my people deserve the best What? everything keeps popping up all the time! Now it's cold enough to drink I have a tiny little baby mouth. I can't drink hot things Hospital level. As you expand the hospital with more rooms and staff, the hospital level increases. A larger hospital attracts more patients And a larger hospital requires more patients. As the hospital gets busier, queues may start to get long. It's okay. I'm from Ireland. We know how to do that really well We may need to build more GPs offices, okay just expand naturally I've played a video game before Okay, where the fuck can I put this thing? No where? fine I didn't want you in there anyway screw you Okeyday. Do I have a thing that I can just look at to show me everything at once? Staff, patients, and illnesses. Use the staff list. Yeah Cool? I can read a staff list. Cue to ten minutes later, I'm like, how do I know this thing? So happiness level. People are happy you're not but that's probably because you haven't pineapple still up your ass going to talk to Mia fingers, um She'll tell you all about it Patients are reminded not to believe in ghosts health staff happiness We've exhausted all forms of diagnosis and a patient we still don't know how to treat them. Oh crap cure to patients Well, I don't know what I'm doing. Oh Wait, I need to get out of the visual is that Visualisation mode general diagnosis, okay shit now stuff isn't really going according to plan I'll put you here. Bench Nice. Ooh All right. Well, then the hospital level has increased keep expanding to attract more patients and staff, okay Do I need to hire another doctor then? Olivia Man-Jack Clubb. Dirk Bungle. These are some fantastic names Dirk Bungle is real cheap. You guys are expensive as all hell. Oh Wait, what oh I need a nurse. Oh That's Cristiano Derp or Tex Spafford. Tex Spafford. Come on down Okay. I hope this game does not get out of control on me It feels like it might start to get out of control on me. Why? Are you gonna break? Oh Damn it It's all going wrong lads unlock d-lux clinic Okay, I need a la. Oh, no, I don't believe he's office a higher to dr. Sigmund Sir Nigel reviews today I take a look at the new fine dining establishment list souffle tryst and what a delight for the experienced palate This is the scrambled emu eggs on pickled toast are particularly. Good I Did it for salt chicken? Okay, you sound like Stewie Griffin All right, I need to hire another doctor I Kind of want to hire Turk Bongo, okay. He's just a guy out for zest in life. He's a student talkative reason 56 years old Oh Jack home looks pretty good. But you cost 51,000 Maisie Pugwash. Come on down, Maisie Pugwash you're adorable All right, I need to get my hospital to level four and I just need two thousand dollars, yeah Things are running very nicely. This is a great hospital. I like this what again? New illness misery guts discovered misery guts is the enemy of the PMA my doctors have discovered a new illness Misery Goods chronic grumpiness due to nihilistic semicolon. We will send the patient for treatment in our pharmacy What a promotion Bert waters is ready for promotion from student nurse to junior nurse Promotion from the student nurse it all for a pay rise will keep staff happy. Okay a little bit a little bit Okay, cool Are you doing You got promoted. Are you happy Bert? Oh, yeah But it's so cute you awkward Okay. I'm actually making money I'm making very little money, but I'm making it I make you $39 Hell yeah, that's enough to go to McDonald's and bite meals for half the fucking town. Actually McDonald's pretty cheap that's why we have a health problems cuz Shitty food is easier to buy than healthy food, hahaha Stay in school everybody Ok, I might make this room a little smaller Doctors have diagnosed a new illness Bogg warts It's where it's like the knockoff Hogwarts a rather disgusting skin condition caused by filthy toilets Well clean yourself. They can be cured an expensive cocktail of drugs carefully prepared in the pharmacy or with witchcraft Let's build a witch room Ok, I want to edit this room Can I pause everything I can cool. Alright, let's take away This much Take away the door and put it here. Nice. Wait. Can I not do that? Okay So the room needs to be a certain site Well, let's see if I move you here and then I can take away some of this. Oh You're not even in the room anymore. I know just a safe space Move you here. Damn. I don't have enough space for this stuff now That's fine I just move this here Meat Okay, I'm maximizing my space. Okay, maximizing my utilities. I Want to put down a few more bins? Yes, I also put down another fire extinguisher over here they're cheap but they're helpful, okay you need them This is a little weird just sitting out in the middle of nowhere, but you don't build walls you build rooms which I haven't seen a game like this do and I'm kind of into it. I like how easy it is let's put Two plants in here I guess Actually, you know what no no no, no. No, what am I doing? Let's move you down here Then you can spread your joy All right. I might have to hold off until I start making more money Cool oh you're not even against the thing There we go, because now that I know how big rooms need to be some of them have just been way too large Okay, make me my money for 20 remaining Blanket has just returned with a camera crew from another field trip As to what she was reporting on I cannot say nobody tells me anything Our doctors have discovered a new illness bed face a quite alarming contortion of the face caused by sleeping at a strange angle Doctors recommend always using a bed protector to monitor your sleeping ankles The patient is seeking treatment. We will need a ward in order to treat them The patient - wait, okay rooms. I have a ward now apparently Let's put the war down here And you can go in there Okay Done ah Patient death Warrants can be used for diagnosis. Also the street range of illnesses. See now everything's out of order Everything is out of whack. A lot of you are judging me right now. I can sense it I can feel it burning into my skin that you want break room near the bathrooms and some dead At multiple baths or beds to a war to deal with more than one patient at a time happened How'd you die sad news our first patient death patients can die if a treatment fails or if they're awaiting too long and their health deteriorates the Pay the hospital reputation will suffer as a result. It's also a chance the patient will return to haunt Hospital fucking Stupid Hospital ghosts. I Don't need them. Actually. I'm gonna befriend the ghosts. Call it Casper On a patient day sometimes a part that remains The most horrifying part sadly this can be quite upsetting for those of us still clinging on to life Yeah for us mister, for those of us who are still alive. Seeing dead people is really bumming me out. That is not VMA They also have a habit of dematerializing and popping up elsewhere who should call a janitor with a ghost captured qualification. Of course Clever Okay I guess I just hang around and wait. Sorry my ear hurts something on it All right, you need a bench up here bro - she's been hanging around there sit on down buddy put a bench there Are you gonna hurt break what happened? Treatment failed transit success was 68 percent 68 percent. We still failed There he's got a big old case at the grumpy sides doc Okay that I unlock anything no Hi, I'm making a shit ton of money now, alright Now this stuff is kind of getting out of control and I don't know what to monitor Alright, so we might need like another GP room Hospital star rating the to point health ministry or the TP HM as we like to call it in the biz is Keen to recognize the achievements of every hospital in the country if we can build a hospital that satisfies the needs of the local area the hospital we will be awarded an official star rating a Michelin star you can eat in our restaurant Hospital this would be great for our organization unable Abba blah blah blah blah, okay Alright, I'm gonna build another Room up here at De-lux clinic here's patients with lightheadedness. Okay, let's put this up here then Fuck yes this badass. Jazness Okay you go. What the fuck? Okay What kind of staff member do I need for this though? cure three patients with a lightheadedness. Okay, I can do that now. Oh, they actually have a light head This game was delightful oh Oh, I want some cheesy gubbins some cheesy gobbins and some burp Okay, you tell me if I needed a staff member for this right I can't remember Kudosh. By completing objectives and challenges our organization's earns. Kuuudosh. that's my money We can use this to gain access to new items take a look at the items list Okay. Oh Wait any item with a padlock can be unlocked using K? Ah, so don't wait for them to unlock I actually buy them to unlock them. Our doctors have discovered lightheadedness. Okay? I have a massive hospital still yet to fill, but you know what? in time They've been An aircon unit, okay Let's get an aircon unit and put it in here Keep the place nice and chill Sweet. Okay. I'm still earning money. All right. Yes people are working in here cure that lightheadedness The D look, so luxe You wrapped your fucking head off Okay, what kind of head are you gonna get? Oh my god, this is horrifying Right as rain I Hope there's no kids watching this that's horrifying Right. What else are we gonna do? Let's build another GP room In a GP office we'll do it probably do it Off this one They don't need to be terribly big Is that not good enough - I need more what what is happening Why am I not allowed build it why Oh, Oh, did I just don't have enough size? So my room not girthy enough Okay, did someone have- noth RADIO ANNOUNCER: There's nothing like a burp SEAN: oh that's you ANNOUNCER: and now burb soda comes in three new flavors Delightful okay. My money's not going terribly down here Maybe yeah, I thought did Ludwig sperm Olive rueful lump You cost a lot of money for having fuck off for call Quinton peach Look kissing kissing They put their faces together make it even lists Alrighty, there's another ward what else could we build Dino clinic general diagnosis? Your own kadosh for your organization by increasing the star ratings Wow dear hospital administrator 1 star hospital Congratulations, your hospital has been awarded a one star rating That's one out of a possible three by the two point Health Ministry I have retrieved your file from my bin to celebrate Continue to develop your enterprising hog sport for further esteem and trinkets if you believe that you're capable of more Alternatively run before you can walk and begin to expand your organization by opening a new hospital and lower bollocks The choices they say is yours Who says that? We talking to there's no one else here cool Late headed poster unlocked. I don't care about that your 25 patients earn $200,000. Okay. I'm just going to stick in my domain right now Hygiene 100% What is this comfortable? Room attractiveness is 50% Okay So let's put some stuff in here Rise & grind gamers happen to be in lore books this morning Watch out for the gathering of Druids Dalek rock bands rang in a total coincidence The town will also pay host to a psychology convention today, which it all work out nicely. Ah Fucking great such a good game I'm heavily enjoying myself. Alright, I'm just gonna go back in here I'm gonna make sure that this is good first before I expand too far. Alright, I need a Nurse to the ward, thank you We were Piper MacGuffin Lola peach or Wilber baffled. Oh We're gonna need to get a Wilbur baffle right? Wait, you're you have really good ward management Yeah You're worth less than him as well. You're worthless Piper ooh There we go, hold on the hospital has increased get outta here captain mustache All right, I think we're doing pretty good so I need another nurse wait that's you get back on duty bitch If you're 20 patients in total each cure boosts our reputations we eat I need to cure 25 people though I need to make $200,000 but that's easy when you're amazing. You can get a drinking fountain For a sweep dispenser. Let's get a sweet dispenser. Y'all know your boy got that fucking sweet tooth Put you, right? There nice and I put one in here as well just to make sure that the staff are happy Hurray! They cost $300 Holy bagoalies a magazine rack found yourself at a loss as to the correct usage of the English language You may enjoy my popular guide to core grammar a public service I perform with no shortage of humility. I Would do one to improper enunciation as well play fear. You're underdeveloped vocal abilities would make this quite impossible Security alert? what What's happening Quentin Peach is ready for promotion from student doctor to junior doctor, okay? Quentin Peach Wait, which one of you is that Quentin Peach? He's pretty happy right now. So I'm not gonna oh Okay, he's new salary's going up anyway alright As long as this doesn't get away from me real quick That's always to worry when you're playing a game like this that you're you're doing great And everything feels nice and it's going along perfectly, but then all of a sudden it just gets real hard You can go to the bathroom. It's right here bud. Hop on in. What go in if you need to go in it's great, Just go in and take a deuce. Oh no! What happened you have a serious case of bed face and The chance of success was 84% and your bed face was still bad enough Lord Almighty. Don't sleep on your face then Silly bean award season two point County health care award ceremony Hello everybody and welcome to the two point County Health Care awards ceremony I am your host Jack septic penis here for the nominations is What's happening the burp award for doctor of the year is presented to Mia Fingers Okay, like loot boxes The nurse of the year is presented to Burke waters your prize is $5,000 and job satisfaction Let's just open all of them You know awards are bullshit Anyway, you should do your job for the love of the work not for the fact that you're gonna get an award out of it Honey look at this cocky motherfucker. I like you look straighter stuff Kendall Fopp. You guys have the best names gordon tornado. That's a superhero right there Alright, but I think i'm gonna need this first episode of two point the hospital here. Was that the name of the game I'm all confused To start to point, huh? I believe this game here. This is delightful. I love this. I Like these types of games anyway But usually they get really hard really quickly and then I get bored of them because I can't keep up I know my staff is doing a thing. You guys know, there's another bathroom over here, right? But it's nice It's nice and casual and feels like I can actually just like sit back and relax and build a thing and just have fun And do well at least I like to think so, but for now Thank you guys so much for watching this episode if you liked it punch that like button in the face LIKE A BOSS and, high fives all around But thank you guys and I will see all you dudes in the next video! Best thing that this game has given us...Names Bendle Fop. Bertle Fam!
