A Racist Uber Driver, Tupac’s Influence & Fake Funerals - Ian Lara - This Week at the Comedy Cellar

I speak Spanish too I'm fluent this man I don't tell people I like to surprise them cuz one of the perks about being black and being fluent in Spanish is occasionally you get to hear other Spanish people say racist [ __ ] about you right to your face that's always a good experience sometimes it could get weird like one time I was in uber and the driver was on the phone and he said something about me in Spanish so he got off the phone I try let him know like yo I understood what you said about me and then he try to pretend that he didn't understand Spanish I was like but I just heard you I heard you speaking Spanish and you're wearing three rosaries I know you understand Spanish Alejandro thank you I'm in a good mood too I like a lot of people I'm always in a good mood that's kind of my thing like I'm always happy I'm always very positive people think it's weird a lot of people ask me like yeah you're never angry are you in therapy like how come you never angry I don't do therapy this hard deal with my aggression you guys could try it if you like before I leave my house I like to listen to at least 45 minutes of gangster rap music that's black people therapy that's how we work on our issues it's not about gunshots and police sirens it's like a white noise machine buzz makes this pill Center you know and I like old-school rap that's my favorite I like old-school like Tupac is my favorite rapper I love Tupac he's been dead over 20 years but his music still makes you relate to things you never been through stuff you never experienced you hit a 2-part talk about it you're like yeah I know what you mean - fine I get it my favorite two bucks on his dear mama dear mama that's only rights to his mom in it he got a line he says to his mom he says even as a crack fiend mama you always wore a black queen mama and I don't think my mom's ever tried crack but that did not stop me from writing those lyrics on her Mother's Day calling Tupac had me inspired I was like wait till you read this my this is from the heart [Music] Venis I like to talk around my mom like that cuz she doesn't understand my mom speaks Spanish that's our language but she was born in the Dominican Republic but she moved to this country as a teenager so she's been living in the United States for over 45 years now still don't speak a word of English people think that's lazy I think that takes skill you know how committed you gotta be to live somewhere for forty five years and not pick up on a single where that takes Navy SEAL level training and I don't know why we say that to immigrants anyway that's what we expect from the girls like if you're gonna move to this country you got to learn our language and adapt to our culture we say that America the country that wanted app to the metric system the international unit for measuring will not yeah if we're not gonna learn that and the rest of the world they try to convince us you ever traveled abroad they try to talk you into it they're like look kilometers it's a lot easier and we're like yeah but we already made our signs I'm sorry you can't change you guys got to change I'm sorry I think not adapted to society is the most American thing you could do and I'm a proud American I was born and raised in New York City and if I ever had to live in another country I ain't adapt in the [ __ ] bring in New York City with me got a New York attitude I can't live anywhere else I could be in the nicest place I could be in Canada I get on the train pissed off for no reason like yo why nobody masturbating in hit nobody masturbates on your trains I don't feel safe take me home I don't like her what are you guys hiding I don't like it I think that's one of the perks about being from New York City a lot of people don't like New Yorkers it's not that we're bad people it's just we deal with so many weirdos on a daily basis it's tough for us to care about what the rest of the country cares about like I traveled now go all over the countries place in this country people are arguing about gender pronouns that's ridiculous people will argue with you about how you want to be addressed that's crazy and New York nobody's arguing about that you want me to call you there I'll call you that there's a crackhead in my neighborhood I got a call Beyonce that's what he go by he told us one day at the bus stop he's like yo my name is Beyonce and they started peeing on the bus I was like Oh Beyonce lemonade we got it we don't got time to argue with you we got to go to work this is New York City I'll call you whatever you want to be called one time it got awkward one time this dude wanted me to call him King he told me his name was King Jonathan and I know project I'll call you King but I wanted to make sure I was like are you sure that's your first name is king he got upset that I even questioned him he's like don't worry if my name is king okay I think a king is somebody who knows their Worth and I know how much I'm worth so I consider myself a king I was like that's fine but Luber says I need to look for a Jonathan I don't know if you want to send them an email and let them know about your kingdom but they probably don't know if you travel to Yoda Corolla that's why I love being from this city a lot of people complain about the cost of living here which is true cost of living is very high rent is very hard but that's one of the benefits of having a high cost of living nobody judges you by what you do here if you're surviving New York and New York people kind of just encourage it look I get it how you could get it you know like does this do it on my block that sells waters he sells those dollar pulling spring bottles or water he's been subtle waters for like five years I never bought a water from I always kind of just walk right by them the other day I was walking by he stopped me was like hey man do you live on this block and I was like yeah I live right up the street and he's like then you should definitely buy a water from me cuz I could easily be on your corner selling drugs I was like you easily could be some immature hugs then you should be selling drugs like this is New York City you got to have ambition to make it in New York City [Applause] I'm at a good place to and I'm trying to figure it out right now I just turned 29 I'm 29 no kids not married my family thinks right now is the perfect time so I'm thinking about having a kid because I come from a very traditional family like my grandparents they just celebrated in 59 years of being together yeah I know I know and they're Hispanic so they're thinking about getting married my grandmother my Peter one you know I'm 20 now with no kids but to be honest none of my friends have kids neither I think Millennials just decided we not gonna have kids well I guess society should just end after us like it's been it's been a good run we're like this is it it's gonna it's gone on long enough we'll make up any excuse not to have a kid you haven't smoked up millennia by having a kid they get offended they take it as an offense start a family's offensive gonna have my boy I was talking my boy the other day he's like in with everything going on today I don't know if I can bring a baby into this world I'm like what do you mean he's like you don't watch the news this country could go to war at any minute I was like yeah but things got to get pretty out of hand before they consider sending your baby off to war what exactly are you worried about how and my dad gets mad at me because he was 26 when he got his first kid I'm 29 okay he's like yeah you don't get tired of working all day and not having something to come home to like as a man don't you want something at home waiting for you when you get home a reason to come home after work and I was like yeah so I got Amazon Prime I don't know if y'all know this before 125 dollars a year you could get the same happiness the kid gives you delivered on your thoughts to have in 48 hours especially chocolate pressure on you to settle down I think they forget that data today is way harder than it was back in the day I mean meeting is easier today but back in the day you don't stop to think when your pants within you can do whatever you want nobody would know there's no cellphones with HD cameras to capture everything you could be married have another family right across town nobody asks no questions it was no proof even if you got caught red-handed somebody happen to have a big eyes camera on them and they took a picture of you you'd have two weeks before that picture even got development that's why we older mentor I've talked to me about de- seconds I'm like sir you don't gotta face the challenges that young man gotta face in modern dating like you never had to video chat with your girlfriend at a funeral because she didn't believe that you were at a Funeral what's up a woman doesn't believe you when you tell her that somebody died and you got to go to their funeral and the crazy part is you really weren't going to a funeral so now you got to pull up to a random funeral home on your way to the club so you could take a picture about a corpse and save your relationship that wasn't dealing with that back then and the issue is millennium you put a lot of pressure on the people we date that's one of the body Sunday now we expect a lot for my partner's I read an article the other day that I said that the number one turnoff for women right now is men with bad grammar which goes to show you how much more sophisticated women are than men the fact that you wouldn't sleep with a guy cuz he has bad grammar that'd be like a guy not having sex with a girl because she has I can't even think of a real reason not to sleep with somebody guys don't care about grammar that's one of my boys I was like yo you care about a woman's grammar he was like what do you mean like her period I was like nevermind guys I mean like you got some dope thank you [Music]

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 1,094,147

Rating: 4.9358335 out of 5

Keywords: Ian Lara, This Week at the Comedy Cellar, Comedy Cellar, Ian Lara comedian, Ian Lara stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, comedian, spanish, uber, uber driver, therapy, rap, rap music, Tupac, new york city, new Yorkers, pronouns, gender pronouns, king, language, marriage, babies, family, millennials, kids, children, amazon prime, grammar, funeral, facetime, funny video, comedy videos, funny, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, humor, best comedy, best stand up

Id: WSHAfzpvCCk

Length: 11min 15sec (675 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 30 2020