6 Celebrities That Can't Figure Out Basic Human Activities - The Spit Take

hello the internet and welcome to another episode of the spit-take my name is Jack O'Brien I'm the editor-in-chief of cracked and many famous people are defined by what they can't do as much as what they can Claude Monet's eyes lost the ability to focus and he invented Impressionism based on their movies you'd never guess that the height of most male movie stars prevents them from writing most rides at Disneyland they use their careers and wooden boxes to overcome the literal shortcoming that's dogged them their whole life sometimes the thing celebrities can't do are so weird it's kind of impressive they've been able to function normally in society at all many dicks cumber babies as we call them in Hollywood broke through playing a version of Sherlock Holmes who has 1,000 fully articulated thoughts racing through his mind at any given second but there's one simple word that the real Benny and the dicks can't articulate no matter how much time you give them this was cut together from a BBC documentary about the South Pacific by YouTube user Graham Hughes and it's mind melted is penguins crested penguins parent penguins heading home so why are these woodlands so attractive to penguins now it's important that you understand those it takes they went with after the director gave up those are the best ones there was a 30-minute long real-world rendition of that scene from Hail Caesar where ray Fiennes goes back and forth with a cowboy trying to get him to deliver the line wood bit it was we push my mom was it was us would that it was this would that it was society but once you say that when he's at will but with the director saying all right mother penguin and Cumberbatch saying pan loans pain legs that's what I said because pen Ling and penguins were the closest they got all day he finally got it right on the Graham Norton Show after explaining his performance on the documentary like this right I got it wrong repeatedly in the documentary with it wasn't a documentary about said animal yet somehow it annoyingly makes him more charming penguin you man all right I love Kanye West music I find him endlessly fascinating as a performer but if I could have one of his gifts it would be his complete inability to feel awkward see a lot of stuff people hand-wave away is craziness is actually just a dude who can like stare you in the eyes and be like hold on I didn't like your video as much as Beyonce is the author's video was much better here I'm really happy for you imma let you finish but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time without feeling even a twinge of the butterflies and Harper and the rest of us experienced in awkward moments arguably the greatest illustration of this nonsense is a little team video taken by a complex news anchor Tamara Adia from the st. Pablo tour for context that toward gimmick was that Kanye performed the whole show on a stage that hovered around the stadium like a slow-motion magic carpet being on the floor felt like being in a mosh pit in the Blade Runner universe and being up above was equally cool looking but on the night in question midway through the show he just said turn the lights up show's over I can't let y'all have a show where I can't perform I'm sorry now I'm the sort of person who wouldn't cut a date short if I was actively bleeding to death under the table I would just die quietly with my eyes held open to avoid seeming rude but Kalia stops the show because he can't go 100% and I think everybody got their money back so it's almost admirable but what happens next is truly amazing whether he realized it or not he decided to cancel the show when the stage was at the complete other end of the stadium from where docked and so with the lights coming on and thousands of people staring at him he has to slowly float out of the stadium if I walk into a room with more than five people in it I become self conscious about what to do with my hands but this dude just takes that slow-motion ride over the heads of thousands of increasingly pissed-off fans like he's just waiting in line at a movie I cover cracks Deva watch beat and my girl by mamma tur started picking up chatter a few years back when Ariana don't call me venti grande stormed off the set of a photoshoot because the photographer insisted on taking pictures of both sides of her face then her bodyguard confronted him in the parking lot and told him he had to delete all the pictures of the right side of her face he news anchor giuliana rancic who apparently doesn't know how to spell her first name came forward saying that Grande's people had actually made her switch spots it in a word show so ariana could hide her right side and show off her lect now the fact that she has a right side to her face would seem like something Ariana would one out there being something she has in common with all but her most unfortunate fans but the diva watch research squad was able to uncover a couple of photos of Ronda with her right side showing and whoof that clump of seaweed and shower drains spunk appears to have eyes you guys know obviously she looks great on both sides which kind of makes the whole thing weirder Daniel Radcliffe suffers from a mild case of dyspraxia a disorder that affects handwriting shoe tying and other fine motor skills it also causes his eyes to kind of misfire and go off at different times when he blinks which I feel bad making fun of because it's technically a condition but not too bad because there's no need to be ashamed of blinking prowess my wife can't wink and watching her try is one of the most adorable / hilarious things I get to do on a regular basis she goes terrible so why should it be any less adorable that he can only wink let's check out this video cut together by a crack writer Eric turn Oh gross stop that no that that's bad you've got a demon or something man you need to get that fixed bro alright quick lightning round thanks to last year's Oscars we all know Nicole Kidman can't clap but wait till you see her try and run the daughter from Gilmore Girls forgot how to hold things between the end of the show and the beginning of the Netflix movie no actors know how to type but the granddaddy of them all apparently to get admitted to the Screen Actors Guild you need to first prove to them that you can't throw a baseball worth ish together notice how celebrities who reveal themselves to be human monsters an old age can't seem to figure out how to use YouTube probably not since despite their ultra a huge fame only like a few people have watched Bill Cosby or Donald Trump's YouTube channel and there's actually a really good reason they don't understand just how anything on YouTube works as Cody pointed out in his video about Trump flogged for being the most famous person in the world and someone who just used social media to hijack Western civilization it's weird so many of trumps videos have like no views although it's easy to understand why nobody gives it about as well first of all it's buried on the Trump Organization YouTube page under hot playlists like Trump International Realty Trump the next generation I Star Trek reference nerds Trump golf Donald Trump jr. which obviously only has like three videos and then one helpfully named just Trump the playlist from the desk of Donald Trump contains 66 nearly identical videos of Trump at his ask unleashing just ice cold takes on subjects I'm pretty sure nobody even gave a [ __ ] about at the time like Ryan Seacrest getting ashes dumped on him as part of Sacha Baron Cohen's publicity stunt at the Oscars for some reason Trump becomes fixated on why one security guard in the background should be fired and the security guard that was standing to the right he ought to be fired immediately and I only wish it the security guard that allowed it all to happen number one gets fired and number two go to school learn about being security you don't know man thus ends Donald Trump's brief but memorable attempt to make you don't know man his next hit catchphrase later on in that same video we get to witness another staple of his vlog Donald Trump asks himself questions and pretends other people are asking them a lot of people are asking me about the Academy Awards bizarrely he uses a fake question not as an opportunity to talk about the Oscars like the fake people are demanding but to claim that he heard the Vanity Fair after-party was boring I hear that the absolute worst party of the evening was the Vanity Fair part because he's a man of the people and also he didn't get invited because he wouldn't be caught dead at that party and they know it and it was boring and people were sleeping and probably all wondering why he wasn't there anyways that's just one of the more popular of 66 nearly identical videos on the flock which since Cody made fun of it has mostly been made private weird the least popular video that still public is Trump pretending people are asking him questions about who good presidents are and China one of you have asked when was the last time we had a leader a real leader in Washington another person as what are the long-term liabilities if we continue to allow China to do what they are doing to this country been viewed fewer times then Trump tweets in a day because it was released at a time when nobody gave us what he thought about the presidency or international relations a stark reminder of how quickly a nation can lose its King mind hey speaking of losing your mind Bill Cosby seems to think YouTube some manner a phone here he is without any context whatsoever quietly saying yes and then announcing videos over 11 seconds later yes presumably when YouTube didn't answer him for because we just watched Bill Cosby shooting his pants heels gross Hey look another one well sir here's my face and it telling you to the title of that video here's my face and it's in Italian - yes those sure are the words you said hey was that a bad dream they can't capture bad dreams and put them on YouTube yet can they so yeah it's not really clear what Bill Cosby thinks YouTube is some places he seems to think at the phone others it seems like he thinks it's just where you go to read out of context punchlines to Garfield comics I eat myself into this and I'm going to eat myself out of it either way before any more of our celebrities get much older we should check their YouTube channels because YouTube blindness is apparently a symptom that they'll turn out to be historic villains and a third act plot twist I don't know why those two things are related but as a wise man once said you don't know man yeah I already said I didn't know man it's just not a very versatile catchphrase [Music] hey thanks for watching that video if you want to subscribe hit that 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Channel: Cracked

Views: 887,957

Rating: 4.5999522 out of 5

Keywords: Celebrities, Basic Human Activities, The Spit Take, Celebrities That Can't Figure Out Basic Human Activities, Benedict Cumberbatch, celebrity, Kanye West, awkwardness, 6 celebrities, Ariana Grande, Nicole Kidman, actors, actresses, hollywood, sketch, comedy, funny, spoof, humor, satire, cracked, Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter, celebs, parody, hilarious, Donald Trump, Bill Cosby, cracked.com, jack o'brien, comedic, infotainment, YouTube, famous people

Id: ROlbyB-oZMQ

Length: 11min 49sec (709 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 10 2017