8 Quirks Of Famous Actors You Will Never Unsee - The Spit Take

hello the internet and welcome to another episode of the spit take my name is jack o'brien i'm the editor-in-chief of crackton we've mentioned before the bizarre way that tom's crews and hanks always managed to find a way to sprint and urinate in all their movies respectively [Music] well it turns out there are lots of stars with bizarrely specific go-to moves they make look so cool you didn't even notice their careers were basically an excuse to do that one cool thing on camera let's start with a simple one so david caruso gets a lot of credit for making the taking off of one's sunglasses tremendously uncool but few people realize why he thought it might be cool in the first place see val kilmer has been quietly making d sunglassing look awesome for as long as he's been improbably pulling off val as a boy's name [Music] over the course of his career brad pitt has consumed more calories on screen than the sarlacc pit and all the jaw sharks and jurassic park dinosaurs combined doesn't seem that strange until you try to think of a single other actor putting actual food in their actual mouth in a movie it's actually super rare presumably because most of us eat the same way so even in a diner scene your actor's time can be better spent discussing the ethics of tipping or having a fake orgasm nobody's sure why this rule doesn't apply to brad pitt some say it gives his hands and mouth something to do well the rest of him is being easy to look at unfortunately for that theory brad pitt often eats like it's hurting his face [Music] or maybe it's to make him more relatable like don't let his godlike appearance fool you he eats human food just like you [Music] uh which is of course not true brad pitt subsists entirely on honey eucalyptus and the perspiration of gazelles look back over his most acclaimed role suggests he might just be working out a really severe oral fixation like in 12 monkeys he plays a person whose nail biting is so out of control he has to be institutionalized and in his oscar-nominated role in moneyball well he eats popcorns french fries christmas cookies a twinkie and a cheeseburger but the real showstopper is this scene where he leaps through a scouting report prepared by jonah hill [Music] so he either has the fastest drawing fingertips in the history of fingertips or a debilitating oral fixation or he's trying to jonah hill of course nobody can blame you for doing something repeatedly if you make it look awesome enough this is based on precedent established by the way martin sheen puts on his jacket in west wing known officially as the president bartlett act of 1990 all of [Music] them [Music] nobody would ever accuse harrison ford of disappearing into his characters if anything his characters kind of dissolve into his harrison fordiness and one of the most important elements of harrison fordosity is his ability to say you [ __ ] with only one finger i don't care what sign language says that is how you communicate the word [ __ ] with a hand gesture extra points if you're crumpling a piece of paper while you do it you broke the law he makes that look awesome all right this next one's like a magic trick jennifer aniston has been doing something that should have been driving me [ __ ] crazy for her entire career and that i never noticed until crack writer eric jerome pointed out in a recent column here see if you notice it what did he say well how did i not notice that she managed to make me miss a verbal tick that is itself the universal sign for pay attention to me see that's how you know you've landed on a secret weapon they do it so naturally you don't notice it at all it's like playing that game where you see how many times you can say meow in a sentence without anyone noticing if you played that game with an actual wizard um lately i've uh no i've um all right that's plenty well i'm never gonna be able to watch another jennifer aniston movie again huh happy day the laughter died everyone but i know what you're thinking anyone can ruin the work of an actress who hasn't been on tv for years i've already squeezed every last bit of juice from the grapes of ms aniston's work what about someone who i will conceivably be seeing on tv for the next 24 years can't you render them completely unwatchable well it turns out jimmy fallon has a peculiar way of punctuating his jokes that i'd never noticed and will never again not notice for as long as i live see if you can spot it uh guys good news for our pal toronto mayor rob ford in a new interview he said that he will return home from rehab on july 1st when asked what he'll do after he gets out of rehab four said probably hang out with some friends and then head back to rehab and it was very that's very nice i appreciate that because of lightning in the area apparently god was like no tebow no football that's the word i guess that's what happens when you play at mile high stadium that's how you get it say what you will about the twilight films kristen stewart was actually great in adventureland if you're a hollywood director what you'll say is probably action cut print it a star is born because k-stew stays working based on our imdb page she is in 70 of all movies i've never heard of and in every single one her lips are apparently delicious that should be way too obvious to work i mean as a master seductress myself seductor seductro as a male seductress i'd always assumed biting my lower lip would be too obvious like where i'd uh bite my lower lip you wouldn't be able to think about anything besides that man is making love to the camera this one actually bleeds over into reality suggesting that her lips might just genuinely taste really good is that a creepy thing for a 30-something male to speculate about no right cool i knew it and finally we come to john cusack an example of flying too close to the sun with your secret weapon see he learned the hard way that if you do your awesome thing too often you start to look like a crazy person from the start of his career cusack made it a point to brave the elements the sure thing put him on the map and featured him meeting his love interest in the rain but he became a star and say anything in which he goes out of his way to stand outside of a phone booth with an electrical device pressed to the side of his head in what appears to be the inside of a giant dishwasher on rinse cycle he's presumably lamenting the fact that the stupid core barely reaches outside of its human-sized rain protection box as this amazing montage by avril halley demonstrates he spent his entire career since then combining and recombining this formula of braving the elements [Music] the problem is that as he continued to find ways to get his characters caught in the rain the romantically forlorn vibe gave way to the impression that john cusack doesn't understand how rain works [Music] obliviousness to the weather looks cool in romantic comedies but when there's a serial killer on the loose it's just a stupid reason to get your gun wet he fails to learn simple rules about how ram works such as stand under the umbrella don't ride a motorcycle roll up your window don't go rock climbing ray liotta knows which side of the gas station overhang is dryer because he's a human being and not john cusack turns out precipitation dysmorphia isn't the most versatile of character traits since it only makes sense in movies where the entire premise is the weather does stuff that's genuinely confusing and if you think this is all an accident you probably haven't seen his highest grossing film 2012 bravery in the face of inexplicable weather conditions [Music] hey guys please come out to ucb sunset to see the next live cracked podcast it's going to be december 10th and we're going to be doing our year review app uh we're calling it the year in review in review what does that mean i actually legitimately don't know yet but i'm gonna figure it out before then and it's gonna be awesome hope to see you there

Channel: Cracked

Views: 2,172,404

Rating: 4.5498562 out of 5

Keywords: brad pitt, tom cruise, tom hanks, Martin Sheen, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Fallon, Jennifer Aniston, Val Kilmer, kristen stewart, The spit take, jack o'brien, cracked, cracked.com, sketch, comedy, funny, spoof, humor, satire, parody

Id: UkaiEr0u8sc

Length: 9min 58sec (598 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 02 2016