Hello Internet! My name is Daniel *WOAH* Brian And welcome to another episode of Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder The show that.. A show that, like, if it had t-shirts would you buy one? Would you buy and wear a shirt that said 'Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder' on it? In a- In a cool way? Would you buy that? I've been making these videos for, like, five years and they're only gonna let me keep making them if they turn a profit So, like T-shirts? Is that a dumb idea? Gut says 'yes' Anyway! Today's episode uncovers Heyy Looks like someone crunched the numbers and found out that videos with 'Bizarrely specific' in the title did better, on average, than other videos so, let's dig in! Movies with plans or schemes have a hard task in front of them On the one hand, they need to set up the scheme Ocean's Eleven style to inform the audience what every character is supposed to be doing to pull off their heist On the other hand they need to throw in a few false positives red herrings and misdirection so the audience can still be surprised and satisfied by the end In rehersal Ocean's Eleven will show the audience every step of their plan in advance Except the part of the plan where Carl Reiner believably fakes a heart problem Or when George Clooney gets detained "Did you have a hand in this?" "Did I have my hand in what?" They built a realistic plan And then throw most of it out To make it frogsh**t impossible to follow in the interest of surprising the audience Man Movies use so much to surprise and please me and all I do is tell them they're wrong Do you think I'm the abusive one in this relationship? Anyway Here are some bizarrely specific movie plans that shouldn't have worked At the end of Empire Strikes Back Han Solo gets frozen in carbonite and sent to Jabba the Hutt as a trophy/prisoner I mean, it's not a trophy in the way that a standard deer head is a trophy because the deer is dead and Han's still alive And it- It's not a prisoner in the way that a standard prisoner is a prisoner because, you can't like torture or gloat at or rehabilitate or otherwise interact with frozen Han Essentially all you're doing is preserving Han with no overhead cost So, Han could He could- Theoretically live in suspended carbonite for a hundred years He can outlive you, Jabba But Let's ignore that for this episode And definitely make sure we include it in a future episode So Han's trapped In a thing And, literally all of his buddies have come to help him out in one of the most famous rescue missions ever filmed Let's really break down what he and all of his buddies are doing for this plan For this plan to work perfectly Han needs to get unfrozen re-captured and then positioned right in front of a gigantic monster pit made of eating His robot friends needed to at one point show up and pose as service droids for Jabba R2-D2 has Luke's lightsaber in his belly That's important His on again off again princess girlfriend the one who freed him from carbonite and also murdered Jabba needed to first show up as a dangerous bounty hunter And then she needed to get found out and captured and turned into a slave girl His closest friend bear Chewy needed to pretend to be a prisoner of that bounty hunter His new little buddy, Luke needed to show up use magic get captured and, when the magic failed get thrown into a pit with a monster kill the monster and then get re-imprissoned So that he too could be placed in front of a gigantic monster pit made of eating At some point his Buddy? Lando gets a security job at Jabba's palace and ends up pulling guard duty when all the big stuff goes down It all mattered! R2-D2, Lando, Luke, Leia, and Chewy were all instrumental in in Han's dramatic escape But why? And how could a well executed plan involve Luke getting captured twice? Leia strangled Jabba to death But they ended up blowing up his palace Meaning He would've died anyway! Meaning What the f**k was she even doing there? Was her role just 'Unfreeze Han'? Cuz If so Get someone else for that step of the plan! Because if the plan just ended up involving cool lightsaber magic did we need actual princess/general becomes bikini clad slave briefly as one of the steps? And Lando! How long did he work at Jabba's palace undercover for a plan that is essentially Take the thing I want And then blow up everything else Because, remember Their plan ended up being 'fight everybody who is bad' And Instead of just having Luke, Lando, Leia, and Chewy charge in with all their weapons They deliberatly chose a plan that forced them to disarm and in some cases wear a metal slave bathing suit And it worked But, like WHY? "Just stick close to Chewy and Lando" "I've taken care of everything" "Oh!" "Great." The Dark Knight is my third favourite Batman movie After Tim Burton's Batman And, you ready for this? Lego Batman Movie Fight me. It's in my top three because it's fun, and good but mostly because Heath Ledger's joker is so good and watchable He's SO good and watchable that it actually distracts you from the many rediculous plot holes in this movie Joker gets captured by Batman and Jim Gordon that everyone thought was dead But then he escapes prison because he installed a bomb in the belly of a guy he knew was also going to get arrested And at some point He captured Rachel Daws and Harvey Dent and stored them in explosive filled warehouses on opposite sides of town He did this because he wanted to torture Batman Let him think he caught Joker so he could meanwhile kill Rachel or Harvey Didn't seem to matter Somebody had to die Probably Maybe! I have never coordinated and will never coordinate anything that complex Joker, an agent of chaos a guy who claims to not have a plan planned enough to know that he was going to be captured and put into prison at the same time that another guy was in prison with a bomb in his gut while Joker's henchmen were making sure that Rachel and Harvey were trapped in their various warehouses Rachel gets killed Harvey becomes Two Face which motivates the final act of the plot and Joker ends up escaping to continue the rest of his day The plan depends on Joker getting caught meaning it depends on Gordon surprising him by being alive and it also relies on the Gotham police department having corrupt officers that Joker could coerce and manipulate What if Joker didn't randomly get caught by a suddenly alive Gordon and a bat motorcycle What if he successfully rocket-launched Batman to death? As was his plan Would he have just kept living? Causing trouble? While Harvey and Rachel blew up affecting no one Would he still have done the- the boat thing? We'll never know, because Luckily The Joker's plan worked Wherein 'works' means Literally, a few good people died and Batman was kinda sad for a short amount of time We know from Dark Knight Rises that Joker's second eventual capture led to an unprecedented period of peace and safety in Gotham until Bane showed up Like Joker did his thing Which, sure killed Harvey Dent and Rachel Daws, but he essentially disolved the mafia made Batman irrelivent and inspired Gordon to retire because there wasn't enough crime in Gotham Cool plan you painted up butthole Star Wars! Again? Maybe these movies are bad Okay The Star Wars prequels aren't known for their anything positive And sure, they're all bad But, the ridiculousness of Emperor Palpatine's career plan gets special distinction for being so specifically bad Like, bad in a way that takes work not just lazy bad The Emperor AKA Darth Sidious AKA Sheev Palpatine A- Sheev? Really? Elgh! George Ellgh! Anyway At the start of Phantom Menace Sheev is leading a double life as both Darth Sidious the evil Sith Lord and Sheev Palpatine the charismatic senator from Naboo A f**king mostly water planet I think That seems important for some reason He didn't assume someone else's identity by the way He's an active senator who is very distinguished and well liked by his constituants and his fellow senators alike He has earned the trust of the Queen of Naboo He's vocal about how much he looves democracy "I love democracy." Meanwhile he's behind the scenes convincing the corrupt trade fedaration to f***ing invade Naboo or whatever This leads to chaos Or- Not chaos, Confusing political bureaucracy which which Sheev uses to persuade the senate to get rid of Supreme Chancellor Valorum And then- Does anyone like these movies? And then he gets himself appointed Supreme Chancellor which he accepts humbly and with tremendous regret In Attack of the Clones Wikipedia says He "exploits constitutional loopholes to remain in office even after the official expiration of his term" Whew! Is anyone else rock hard over here or what? While his alter ego Darth Sidious convinces rogue Jedi, now Sith Count Dooku to convince a bunch of planets to succeed from the republic and form a new confederacy of independent systems They start building a droid army! Palpatine grants himself emergency powers in addition to his constitutional mind and lightning powers Initiates the creation of a clone army So the whole galaxy which was once in near perfect harmony is now fighting itself in a Droid vs. Clone battle that is run on both sides by Palpatine The guy who wants control but somehow doesn't know he already has it Palpatine then gets his ass captured by some droid separatists? on purpose And has Anakin murder Count Dooku Remember him? And so now he has control of the senate and also, I guess runs the separatists? Then they kill all the Jedi Including And espescially the babies And then Sheev Sidious Palpatine re- r-uh- reorganizes the universe, so these two opposing factions are now all together? They stopped fighting They go back to how things were like before Only now he's in charge of all of it And then he has a Death Star built Cuz, like, what if some motherf***er ever wants to step to him? With an equally convoluted plan? Spoiler alert! The opposition will never have an equally convoluted plan! They have the one plan It's the- the 'Blow up the Death Star' plan That's it Now if you're still with us you, like me, are confused Why would the Emperor manufacture a war that half of him was bound to lose? Why would he want total control over the galaxy if the only thing he seemed to want is the ability to blow up planets with the Death Star? How would he know that the path to owning tha galaxy runs through him being the beloved senator of a sh**ty frog planet in peace time for years? "I am the senate." Remember the reason the senate allowed him to get total control over everything means that they trusted him Meaning, he did something to distinguish himself and appeared to be an incorruptible politician for years "I wanna run the galaxy one day," which means a lot of great work in the local political sector of a sh**ty frog planet, for like A decade Also His plan relied on Anakin killing a bunch of people to help consolodate his power and wipe out the Jedi competition Anakin killed Dooku cut off Mace Windu's arm, and slaughtered A ton of Jedi children He was integral to the plan How could Palpatine have a plan that by design required a magic baby to just appear on his doorstep one day? Setting aside, for a moment the fact that the plan makes no sense Palpatine, Sidious, Sheev, What are you even in this for? You're a gross pale goblin that everyone hates and now you've got a bunch of clones and robots and huts you don't know what to do with! Are you just sitting around waiting for Jedi to kill? Find a hobby! Look at birds or get good with f***ing knots or something Write a book about your time in politics Profiles and Corison I don't give a sh*t You built Death Stars to fight the rebellion the rebellion only exists because you took the entire galaxy tore it appart and then rebranded it as 'The Empire' Those people were fine! "The Republic will be reorganized into the First Galactic Empire!" Star Wars movies are, like, bad I dated a woman a few years ago Who had never seen any of them before And I was like, "What? Stop! We're watching all of them right now" Like, that was the date We laid down on my couch watching the original trillogy and we finished Empire and she was like, "Should we do the next one now?" And I was like, "Actually, you can skip it." Cuz Actually You can skip it If you think Star Wars is perfect watch it with someone who has never seen it before and try to explain to them Why it's perfect, and you'll realize It's just mostly like, meh, But I love it! But like, meh. I'm so happy it's part of my life and pop culture history But Skywalker and Solo were never cool names They were busy loadbearing names Way too on the nose Can't wait for the stand alone Solo movie, though Or, the next two in the new trilogy Or whatever other f***ing Star Wars movies come out from between now and when I die which will be Never! I'll see them all! You can skip 'em Anyway That's all for now Join us next month when our topic will be The show sells a ton of t-shirts, so much so that we don't need to do the show anymore? Oh! You've put me in quite the difficult position show that seems to know the future Okay! So I need a bunch of you to buy t-shirts and duffle bags and whatever the f**k else we're selling these days But I need some of you to not do that Because we need to stay hungry or else we'll get lazy, so Audience Uh Divide yourself in half and half of you buy stuff The rest of you next month's episode will be about I don't know, Flubber? Anyway, Bye! Hey, thanks for watching that video If you want to subscribe hit that big 'C' in the middle And if you want to watch more videos hit one of the boxes on the right I can verify that they're all the best Also don't forget to hit the stupid little bell icon so YouTube will notify you when we have a new video And, if you'd like my autograph just fake it on something No one'll know Who's gonna know?
