Writing a PTE Essay in Real-Time - with Jay

hello everybody my name is J I want expert teachers here at e to language what we're going to do today is something a bit different I'm gonna write a PT essay in real time and I'm going to sort of think aloud so you can understand what it is I'm thinking while I'm planning out and writing each of my paragraphs in each of my sentences hopefully this will be a good way for you to sort of get inside my head to see how I sort of think about structure content grammar a little bit I'll explain a little bit about grammar as well so it might be an interesting way for you to see how to write well-structured and hopefully a good essay and after it we're going to look at the scoring of the essay and will determine whether or not I have actually written a good essay using the e to language structure cool anyway let's get started so this is PT writing right essay so first thing I want to do is look at the question in prompt now I wrote this question prompt I haven't thought about it okay I really have not put any thinking into it so although I wrote it I haven't considered what I'm going to write about so let's read it together it says some people believe that success in life depends upon hard work while others believe it depends upon this or depends on the social circumstances you were born into okay so what's going on here so we've got two sides of the coin here I've got success depending on hard work and success depending on social circumstances okay let's do it again success depending on hard work discipline motivation etc and success depending on where you're born what your parents do whether they have money what sort of society or country you're born into etc okay and it says discuss both these points of view and give your opinion support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own experience or observations okey dokey let's have a look at this this is the structure that I'm going to use this is the e to language brain essay superstructure so I'm going to write four paragraphs an introduction paragraph one paragraph two and a clue my introduction will have three sentences or three parts not necessarily sentences first sentence is I'm going to rewrite the general statement so I'm going to take this here about the belief in success depending on hard work or social circumstances I'm going to rewrite that into my own in my own words into a sentence here sentenced to I'm going to mention scient one and two so I'm gonna mention how some people believe that success depends on hard work and some believe it depends on where you were born sentence three I'm gonna give my overall opinion I'm actually going to choose a side so I might actually say I believe for example in paragraph one I'm gonna restate side one so I'm gonna talk about let's say hard work as the cause of success I'm gonna give some reasons give some examples and I'm going to conclude that paragraph two I'm going to talk about how social situations can lead to success will be the cause of a success same thing I'm going to give reasons examples I'm going to go I'm going to conclude that paragraph then in my conclusion I'm going to rewrite the general statement again in a different way and then I'm going to give my overall opinion okay so this is how I'm going to structure my essay now I'm going to do this and think aloud as I do it okay so what I effectively want to do here is take this sentence here some people believe that success in life depends upon hard work while others believe it depends on the social circumstances you were born into what I'm going to do is not rewrite this I'm going to write a general statement about this so I'm gonna write something like alright let me think I'm gonna write something about success obviously I'm gonna keep it pretty short and to the point there are various ways that one can be successful in life okay that's fine that's just a short simple sentence here based on that topic okay sure that'll do in fact I'm going to stop there that's fine sentence 2 I'm going to briefly mention side 1 and 2 so here we go so some people believe that success depends on hard work so application motivation diligence for example others to think of others believe it depends on social circumstances so where you're born which country you're born into what your socio-economic status is so let's write this down here so success largely depends on two factors the first is your application in life come up or how hard you work okay so if actually I'm not writing a single sentence here I'm actually going to write three sentences but that's fine it's it's a part of that sentence two for example so the second is the situation into which you were born or let's let's like make it a bit more specific here the socio let's make it socio-economic because I believe that's it the socio-economic situation into which you were born okay cool so I've written that part here okay sentence three give your overall opinion choose side one or two all right so what I'm going to do here is I'm gonna say although your socio-economic no I don't want to repeat that word okay I don't want to fall into that trap of repeating the same word so although your suit although where you were born you were born influences whether or not you will be successful I believe that hard work no I have repeated that already I've used hard work I've said how hard you work I believe that your determination there's a nice synonym is essential is most essential for success okay cool I've written my opening introduction there so I'm gonna put the sentences together now and let's have a read of this here so there are various ways that one can be successful in life success largely depends on two factors the first is your application in life or how hard you work the second is the socio-economic situation into which you were born although where you were born influences whether or not you'll be successful I believe that your determination is most essential for success it's okay it's pretty good it's pretty good I think it's on top it's definitely on topic I would actually go back and sort of edit this but I'm gonna move pretty quickly through this okay I'm just gonna move this so it doesn't overlap here okay now I'm gonna read I'm gonna write paragraph 1 so I'm gonna make some space here excuse me paragraph 1 okay sentence 1 restate side 1 so let's think about side 1 so I'm going to be writing about whether hard work results in success or not ok that's that's what this paragraph will be about I'm not going to talk about social circumstances in this paragraph so I'm going to say something like quite clearly one's level of one's level of white one's level of determination when I've used that word that's a cow can use it again one's level of application in life results in or can result in what's another word for success can result in life achievements something like that that's not great let's keep going sentenced to I need to give reasons let's say something like although society can be unfair there are numerous examples people who have made a success of their life despite their situations now I said I wasn't going to talk about social circumstances but I am but only in the context of talking about hard work we've made a success of their life despite the situation through I'm gonna say hard work again although I'm going to repeat it that's fine so I'm going to put these sentences together sentence three I'm going to give some examples ok so let's use let's use an example now I'm not going to use a specific person I could the first thing that comes to my mind is Steve Jobs for example who was who was adopted I believe at Birth he would be a great example of someone who worked hard despite his situations now what I'll do instead is I'll just say there are many entrepreneurs entrepreneurs oh my god how do I spell that entrepreneurs for example who have achieved enormous enormous what have they achieved which Eve let's just say great things in their lives by applying themselves applying themselves to a particular task okay cool it's yeah I'm gonna write this this essay in about ten minutes it's not great but it's it's certainly using the structure and it probably to be honest it would probably receive a a top score anyway now I'm going to conclude this side okay and now this is my opinion so I want to conclude with a pretty strong opinion here or a strong emphasis on my belief that hard work pays off okay so I want to conclude this okay so let's let's say something like let's let's use a little discourse marker like in short there are numerous euro numerous that's not right there are numerous examples of people who have succeeded I don't want to use example again instances there you go there are numerous instances of people who have succeeded in life because of their application determination hard work I definitely don't want to use hard work again because of their devotion to a particular in particular what a particular to a particular task to a particular subject to a particular well this isn't quite working so I'm gonna go back and delete that who succeeded in life because of their dedication that's nice because of their dedication to their work okay cool I'm kind of happy with that that's not too bad let's go back and read paragraph one quite clearly ones level of application in life can result in life achievements although society can be unfair there are numerous examples of people who have made a success of their life despite this situation through hard work there are many entrepreneurs for example who have achieved great things in their lives by applying themselves to a particular task in short there are numerous instances of people who have succeeded in life because of their dedication to their work it's not great but whatever I hope this is a good example for you okay let's do a paragraph two now now I'm going to talk about social situations you know say something like there is no doubt that this situation you are born into can make your can make your life can make it easier to succeed in life however this is not always the case okay now I need an example for example or yeah I can just start for example many wealthy many people many people who are born into wealth may still struggle to attain to attain success ah this work to attain achievement what else if I go let's just say worldly achievements after all money cannot buy let's say money cannot buy cannot buy talent okay whatever I wrote that in two minutes so let's see there is no doubt that the situation you are born into can make it easier to succeed in life however this is not always the case for example many people who are born into wealth may still struggle to attain worldly achievements after all money cannot buy talent okay cool not bad let me just shrink the size of this text here now I'm going to write the conclusion so what I'm going to do here is rewrite this general statement again something some sort of overall general neutral statement then I'm going to hone in on my opinion which actually came in paragraph one about my belief that hard work is the thing that leads to success okay so I'm going to rewrite the general statement and let me say something like in life it is difficult to be successful now I have used the word success many times this is a different form okay it's the same way a bit successful as opposed to success so that's okay you can use different word forms and it's still in a way it's still a synonym so in life it is difficult to be successful I want to say whether it be I want to say something about you know whether it be socially financially so let's maybe put some of these in here in life it is difficult to be socially or financially successful okay cool that's fine that's not a bad little opening statement now what I'm going to do is really hone in on my opinion it is my belief and it's by the way it is fine to use personal pronouns like I or my not too many times but you can certainly use them it is my belief that the level of effort there you go there's another word for hard work it just came to me it is my belief that the level of effort you apply to your life is a better indicator of success is all it is it is it sorry let me read it again it is my belief that the level of F you apply to your life is a better indicator of success than the socio-economic situation you are born into you know what I'm gonna write another third little sentence here I'm gonna say something like life rewards those who try hard okay cool there is my essay and I've written that in about how long about 12 minutes so on test day of course I would spend much more time sort of thinking through each of those sentences but I didn't want to bore you I just wanted to write them out so what I'm going to do now is what I would do is I would do an edit so let's do that let's make sure I haven't done anything stupid so let's start with the introduction there are various ways that one can be successful in life success largely depends on two factors the first is your application in life or how hard you work the second is the socio-economic situation into which you were born although where you were born influences whether or not you will be successful I believe that your determination is most essential for success good I think that's the sort of logical paragraph this one I'm not so happy with I'm I don't mind this one I don't mind this one let's have a look at this one quite clearly one's level of application in life can result in life achievements although a society can be unfair there are numerous examples of people who have made a success of their life despite this situation through hard work okay I don't like this hanging off here I'm gonna okay I'm gonna move this I'm gonna say we've made of successive their luck I made a success of their life through hard work despite their situation that's better or I might even make that plural that's much nicer there are many entrepreneurs for example who have achieved great things in their lives I've just keep using this I'm gonna delete it out great things by applying themselves to a particular task let's put in this nice little adverb here assiduously okay that means to have like great application or great effort applying themselves assiduously to a particular task now there are I've used this twice haven't I I've said there are many entrepreneurs and here I've said in short let's change this I'm going to say I'm gonna just be really absolutely I'm going to say in short people succeed because of dedication okay people succeed in life I don't want to say that people succeed in their jobs or in their social lives because of dedication okay that's a bit better let's read this second paragraph there is no doubt that the situation you are born into can make it situations you were born into are born into the situation you were born into think I'll put that in the past it is easier to succeed in life however this is not always the case for example many people who are born into wealth may still struggle to attain worldly achievements after all money cannot buy talent money cannot buy talent or dedication or money cannot buy talent or I don't want to add something here money cannot buy talent or mm determination what's the let's put motivation in there just to mix it up in life it is difficult to be socially or financially successful let's get rid of this comrade think it don't need it it is my belief that the level of effort you apply to your life is a better indicator of success than socio economics then the socio-economic situation you are born into we're born into life rewards those who try hard cool now let's make sure I've actually written on topic here so some people believe that success in life depends upon hard work while others believe it depends on the social circumstances you were born into I mean here now I sort of think that maybe I could have mentioned like not just the financial situation but whether your parents were well-educated for example but anyway it's too late here is my essay let me just check the word count briefly cool alright so I'm actually within 230 words that's fine it's above 200 it's below 300 that's rock and roll okay let's now check my essay against the criteria or how you're scored so content does my response address the topic yes development structure and coherence does my response demonstrate good development of ideas and a logical structure not bad on test day I would have had more time so I would spend more time sort of this one is really about fleshing out your ideas okay so my paragraph was a little bit that first paragraph was a bit repetitive so I would go back and sort of you know add some more into it so it's not repeating the same idea okay it's about fleshing out ideas length did I write between 200 and 300 words yes general linguistic rayon does my response use language that precisely conveys my ideas yes I think so grammar yes mine's correct I have correct grammar there was a little bit of a funny thing on live or lives life sorry life or lives that's always a bit of a funny one in English plural or singular there but otherwise I've used correct grammar throughout vocabulary range I was very conscious not to repeat words does my response demonstrate command of a broad vocabulary range yes and did I spell everything correctly I hope so I think so if you need extra help with your essay then what you might want to do is submit one through our platform an e to language comm for feedback it'll take 24 to 48 hours to receive your feedback you'll get an indicative score and lots of pointers on what you're doing right and wrong if you need additional help you can get a tutorial it's one on one 45 minutes with one of our expert teachers and if you do want to take a mini mock test which includes writing feedback and speaking feedback check it out at e tu language comm anyway let me know what you thought of that hopefully it wasn't too boring that was me writing an essay in real time that's how I would do it they are my thinking pattern as I write I'm thinking about structure etc cool hopefully it helps you out thanks for watching [Music]

Channel: E2 PTE Academic

Views: 35,640

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Id: hswN1wL3FwU

Length: 23min 18sec (1398 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 09 2020