When does a man know?

hey Tony Gaskins here got a question that came in asking when does a man know now you heard it on the movies before I remember back in the Twitter days when I was really active on there I started really pushing this concept that a man knows like within the first date if you are his wife then some people started saying or like within the first 15 minutes this what I want to help you understand and I feel like men know this but some men there are exceptions to the rule you know some men may not know if they just grew up that distant from women no dating no real interaction with a woman you will have exceptions to the rule but on average every man from the time of being a little boy has had interactions with women and been chasing a girlfriend chasing women having crushes on women and so this is I feel like it's understood but with women I think that's where it kind of gets a little confusing because as a woman you don't really understand men and I and I'll be honest with you I help try to listen to women telling women about men and I'm just like I just shake my head I just I just have to shake my head because I have not seen a woman who truly knows what she's talking about when she's describing a man and the reason being is because unless you are a man you only understand the men that you've been with and what they've shown you you didn't even know the men that you were with because there's so many things that we do as men that the woman never finds out about has no clue about and so that's one thing that I know and understand so as a woman you own you're sitting over there and you're dealing with this guy and you have no clue what's going on in his mind and how he's processing things and you're you're wondering and you're asking yourself you know okay what is this what are we what is too soon was too slow what's going on and I'm gonna help you understand this so a man may not have a list you know written out on paper but he knows in his heart he knows in his mind his checklist because he understands his personality and what type of woman that he needs so if he's very quiet and shy then he may be okay with a woman who's a little more assertive because she'll bring balance if the woman is just as quiet and shy as him they may not get a whole lot done if this man is very assertive and he has this a type personality then he may not want a woman who has his same personality because he knows they'll be bumping heads all the time and things could get out of hand so a man knows even if he hasn't written it down because he knows himself and he lives with himself and I use myself as an example I did not feel like you know I had some you know heartthrob so I was not looking for a woman that I felt like what made me pass out like that just drop dead just only then I fainted you know I wasn't looking for that I was looking for a woman who is attractive and I could look at her you know I could stomach it I didn't want you know I wasn't looking for somebody that would turn my stomach because of the way they carried themselves or the way they presented themselves in the world and so I've dated women who other women what tell me why are you dating her she is not on your level you supposed to be with this level of a woman that girl looked like and I was like oh really but it was a reflection of me it was a reflection of how I felt and then eventually I stepped it up to my wife I said you know let me shoot my shot a little higher and come to find out my wife was she was okay with me and here's the thing I tell people all the time I knew that was my wife from our first conversation weeping not first conversation but first real conversation when we sat down and we talked them six hours and it was just I was 21 years old so how do I know at 21 years old I've met my wife when I was an absolute dog I was an absolute player so it goes against say oh it's because she was a good guy oh that's because he was quiet and shy no I was quiet and shy and a lot of women been confused when I say quiet and shy a man could be quiet and shy and introvert but one thing he's not quiet and shy about is a woman so I if two people were around me that I didn't know I wouldn't say a word I would only talk to my friends outside of that I was not a talking person but one thing I was not afraid to talk to is a woman and a woman one-on-one I wouldn't be cool just talking two three four five women if they and a group together but if it was just one woman I had what it took to approach that woman being quiet and shy so understand that that's one thing a man is not quite as shy about so when I sat down here with my wife at 21 years old being a player being a dog I was able to identify my wife from that state of mind in that place in my life and that is why I do not make excuses for the men that women are dealing with who are 30 years old 35 years old 40 years old even 25 years old the age of a counter ability not literally but a man is a man at 25 years old 18 should not be the age of adults for a woman yes but we should we are not equal a man is way more immature than a woman a woman could possibly be a woman at 15 and some of you have been some of you had to become the mother of the household at 12 13 cooking and cleaning so you know exactly what I'm talking about some man had to do that as well but on average a man is really not a man until 25 and I'll be honest with you that kind of is an above average man a lot of men today are not really truly a man until 35 years old so if you're dealing with a man under the age of 35 you kind of dealing with a grown boy in most cases and when I say most cases I'm talking about 80% of cases I'm out here amongst men I know men so it's men who have not hit 35 yet but they over 30 they might even beat 30 to 33 and they still cheating and it might be a man in the community they may may be still cheating may be still doing their thing maybe still dividend dabbling with you know certain substances and still living like that and but they haven't hit 35 years 35 becomes that real age of reckoning like a man knows that 25 really that it's time to grow up but that next 10 years could be a little up and down so you got to understand that but that's what you need to know when a man sits down it's kind of like a personality meter so it's is we should fit like puzzle pieces so when you sit down and you're talking to a woman as a man you have some foundational beliefs everybody has foundational beliefs and when a foundational beliefs is like things that alter your life like do you want to have kids that's the foundation or belief your faith that's a foundational belief your views around money that's a foundation or belief your views around politics that's a foundational belief things that alter and determine your life the outcome your future those beliefs are foundational beliefs now you have some other beliefs that can be kind of replaced or removed like what kind of music you like you know what kind of food you eat those things can you can grow you can evolve but when you have those belief systems in you that says look this is what will determine my life like my faith determines my life my belief in Jesus Christ that is what makes me who I am that is what that is where I get my morals and my values from the Holy Bible so that's a non-negotiable so when this man is sitting down with you he's looking to see so for me I want to be married so does this woman want to get married yes she believes in marriage she wants to be married had a hat my wife said no I don't believe in marriage that's not the woman for me the next question is does she have faith do we share the same faith I'm a Christian is she a Christian if the person I dated before my wife was a Muslim but I was not gonna be with her she converted from Islam to Christianity it was a fake conversion so I should have never even you know asked for that to happen or wanted that to happen I should have just went on about my marry wait but the reason why a man who was serious about his faith will not date outside of his faith is because that is a foundational belief if you're not that serious about it and it doesn't mean a whole lot to you then you can date outside of your religion your faith because you're willing to compromise but let me help you understand this if I'm a Christian and I believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that he is my Savior and he died on the cross for my sins and was risen again and I believe in the Father the Son and the Holy Ghost the the Trinity then that is foundational for me that's my core that's how I build my life so if I'm dealing with someone else of another religion and they don't believe Jesus is the Son of God but in my belief Jesus is the way to God that you are going through Jesus to God you know and that is your salvation then we have two foundational beliefs if this person wants to go to the mosque and I want to go to the church then we are split up on our worship so now if we have children our children now are torn because the children say well I love daddy and I love mommy but mommy says Jesus was a good man daddy says Jesus is the way the truth and the life daddy wants to go to church mommy wants to go to the mosque so daddy says God mommy says Allah and you have two foundational beliefs it's not to say that one is right one is wrong other than what you believe you have to believe what you believe so if you sitting down with somebody a person a man who is serious about his faith he's not going just like a man who's serious about Islam he's not marrying a Christian woman because the foundation of the belief is different if this man is a traditional Muslim and he believes in a woman wearing that the doorman and covering up that's not the belief of a Christian woman so he if he's serious about his faith he's not going to be with a Christian woman who was in line with his belief system understand that if a person is a Democrat if a man is a Democrat and he sits down with a woman and she's a Republican and if that man feels like that those parties also have some belief systems in there that dictate or that show you what type of person you are so if this man believes that his political party also is a representation of his belief system and how he lives his life and what he believes in then he's not going to be with a woman of another political party and now some of these things like this may sound like oh well I know this couple that does that okay you know them you don't live with them you don't know what they go through you don't know how much they're arguing you don't know if just because a person wears a title of christian or muslim or democrat or republican if they actually believe it if they actually are really bought in so you really don't know you just outsider looking in if you look at your relationship and you say well old me and my partner we're of different faiths well when you really evaluate it somebody is compromising because if you're not compromising then you just will not be able to be on the same page that is why it's a different religion because there are things in there that you believe differently so this is what a man is doing he's going down the list and I'm talking about a good man a real man on this situation because this is the man who wants to get married so he's going down this list now if a man does not smoke I don't smoke then he's not going to be with a woman who smokes so you may say well I'm single right now and I you know I smoke a little bit every now and then just because it's fun and it's just what I'm doing and my friends do it well when you sit down to talk to that man and he says you know you ever you ever smoke at all like you know what kind of stuff you do for fun he may be throwing you this law he's setting you up and you say yeah every now and then I smoking and you thinking you might as a woman you may be thinking that that's cool that because you see men smoking cigars because you see a lot of men smoking marijuana that you may think that's cool and so now you say yes and he's like check off the list put the X in the box because his belief around smoking is that you killing yourself you cutting your life short you're blacking your thought your long to you increasing your chances for cancer you got secondhand smoke that's gonna kill my children I wanna have babies and you're gonna be killing them so he takes and he exaggerates it in his mind you off the list now what if he doesn't get drunk and you get drunk he said you have been drunk you like yeah probably at least once or twice a month I just have a little bit too much it's trying to relax from work but you know how that goes he said nothing like no I don't know how that goes but he's looking at you like yeah yeah I know how that is and the next day you know you in my inbox this guy was talking someone he just ghost me that's why because it was something that was said one of these things that he does not do that he does not want in a woman and he's just gone about his business instead of trying to explain to you and trying to get you to change that's why I say you attract what you are not what you want so don't nobody want to come nobody wants to have to go and change somebody because that chain could be temporary and you got to be fighting with this change and you become a prisoner to them being unwilling to change and now you're gonna be losing control in your life over and over and over again so nobody wants to go through that you got to understand that so in this little sit-down where you had where you're building you're getting to know each other the man who is the one who has to get on one knee it's important that he goes through this checklist and that's what he's doing and so he's trying to see if you are compatible and if you can build together if your beliefs around children around finances I call it the the three elves Faith Family and finances faith me and your belief system and if he's a atheist he's he doesn't want a Christian if he's this he doesn't want that so your faith your family if he wants children and you say I'm done with kids I had to but he wants some more of his own not just raising your ex's children then you off the list and then finances if he believes in saving and having a savings and making investments and living beneath your means if you make 200,000 live like you make a hundred thousand if that's his beliefs because he's thinking about the future and all of this and you believe look if I'm making two hundred I'm living like one hundred and ninety-nine so what you talking about and so he's looking at you and you say well okay I work at this particular job he knows the industry he knows the market rate for that job may pay like forty fifty thousand but you and a $60,000 use mercedes-benz s63 you watch oh means because and you got on Rolex low watch you got on look Cartier bracelet you got on red bottoms but you just told him you work a job that make forty to fifty thousand a year and so you maxing out credit cards trying to look a certain way he'd take notice of that got to go the woman gonna smear me to death now if he okay with spending and splurged and he don't really pay attention to money like that like how I am then he's not gonna you know care about because money he feels like money comes and goes and so this is what this man is going through in his head just what I want you to understand now this way to get a little tricky at this word could look tricky this was not gonna make sense to you okay give you a lady listening to this what I need you to understand is that this here man may not want you as a wife okay he may believe that you are not his wife but what you have to offer him he's willing to dip into that so he's willing to accept what you have to offer okay between the legs so listen to me now so he will if he doesn't have any ready-made options other than you he will go in and tiptoe and he's not super urgent about life he feels like man I got five to seven years to spare he may be with you a year two years three years but from day one told himself this is not my wife and then that is why we have these situation ships where women are with a man who it's off and on I cannot count how many times I've heard the term off and on we've been off and on for three years we've been off and on for seven years we've been off and on for 10 12 15 I hear some crazy off and on guess what you are not his wife he does not see you as a wife a man is not off and on with a woman he sees as his wife Point Blank period I am NOT arguing with you do not try to go back and forth with me on that if you are off and on with a man that is not your husband please hit me what I'm telling you you so listen to me now you have to understand that this man knows I'm gonna tell you something like this right here cuz I'm not gonna put every man on where I'm at you know mentally where I'm thinking because I have to realize that what God has called me to do my mind could have been working in a different way and how I knew that was my wife and one six hour conversation but I'm willing to too bad that every man knows if a woman is his wife can be his wife wife potential wife material whatever you want to call it within the first 30 days within the first 30 days this is an average man now if a man is extremely slow and when I say this I mean literally I'm not talking about you know I'm not saying derogatory but he is slower than average on that area of the mind 90 days tops he knows if you're his wife and the reason being is because it's really nothing that a woman can do that a man can not handle so he doesn't have to see every single angle inside of you because he can just exaggerate it in his mind he can multiply by 3 in his mind and that's what he's doing anyways that's what the rapper told him to do with your body count if he asked you your body counting you tell him the rapper told him to multiply it by 3 so he's doing that anyways so he's looking at your laughter he's looking at your happiness he multiplying it by 3 to understand at your happiest is how happy are you gonna be he look at your attitude he multiplied by 3 to understand if he do something to make you stream ly extremely mad you're gonna be three times as mad as he's ever seen you so if it's five years in are you more comfortable with him you're gonna get angrier than you do in the first 90 days the first 30 day so he's just leaning to his imagination his intuition and this how he's reading you but the key thing is all the extra bells and whistles don't really matter what really matters is if the foundation is the same do we believe in the same faith do we want the same thing as it comes as it relates to children and do can we build financially do we see eye to eye on money if those things are in line then he already knows and let me help you understand all of this I'm not financially ready to be married and all of that that's all a lot it's all a lie and I hate to say that to y'all guys that have been telling y'all self data you believe in that but yes you need to be in the right place financially and if you as a woman want a man to be in the right place fine if you witness man and his finances where it is then obviously you okay with his finances so it's nothing gonna change if y'all dating versus going and getting married now you're just under a covenant and now everything you're doing is authorized and approved of because you have a lifelong covenant now when you have this covenant the man money if he's being faithful the man's money actually is gonna go up because he's gonna start to receive the blessings from heaven because we are created to be in covenant with another human being to move the world forward so that I don't have enough money I'm not where I want to be financially that's all a lot it's all the lies all the myth that men been telling themselves for years when really what it mean and Manglish you know you got English and you got Spanish I'm gonna teach you English what that means in Manglish ears I need you to hold me down meaning to be here with me to give me what I need from you emotionally and support and in support to help me build because I don't feel comfortable building on my own but when I get my money right i'ma leave you that's what that means that you might hold me down girlfriend woman till my money get right well my money get right these little arguments that I'm letting go slip by all these arguments all this fussing and fighting that I'm ignoring that letting happen and not making a move soon as my money get right and these same arguments come I'm gonna throw it up throw that up in your face as an excuse to leave and that we not meant to be but you didn't help me bill the way I need to be so that's what that really means when a man says he's not financially ready for marriage on the exception side of it there's an exception to every rule on the exception side of it it is a guy who was raised very old-fashioned and traditionally and he truly believed that a man has to be making a certain amount of money have a certain car have a house before he gets married he true but that's one out of ten men and unless your man was was raised like literally like backwoods country like just really raised very traditionally then that's not your man if he was raised in a city a normal place that you know it's not super it don't look like little prairie you remember the little show little prairie it's not something like that then he doesn't really believe that because I guarantee you that that same broke man who saying he too broke for marriage met a woman that he really wanted marry let's say like his Beyonce in the real world he'll be down that aisle you hit me he will be down that aisle and he will be building his wealth and building his business in marriage with that woman and he will let that woman help him build if he met his wife the reason why he's not ready is because you not his wife understand that so ladies I hate to break this to you I hate to be this real I hate to be the bearer of bad news I hate to tell you and let you know that if you've been with a grown man meaning ages 25 or older for more than three years and you are not married you're not his wife you are not his wife you may be who he settles for at year five year seven year ten but you are not his wife you're not his wife I hate to tell you that I hate to tell you that I really do I hate to tell you that but it's a rap it's a rap never Elva I could never tell Orca don't condone a woman being with a man who was over the age of tools 25 older so the clock starts at 25 if you've been with him 22 or whatever the clock starts at 25 if this man is old its 25 by the age of 28 if you're not his wife you're not his wife you're not the one but see this is what men are doing this is what man is are going through they really don't know what they're looking for and you are not what he's looking for but you're not so bad that you repelled him you're not repulsive to him so he wants to hold on to you just in case he doesn't find anything better and if he doesn't find anything better then he will settle for you but here's the problem this is what happened because he's trying to hold on to you he has to give you 50 to 75% of himself so he's trying to meet another woman in the DMS or at work with the other 50 to 25% of himself but because he can't give this other woman 100% of himself he doesn't truly get to build with her they may just have enough to end up in the bed and be in he's cheating on you and he's sending her mixed signals and leading her on then eventually she finds out about you and she feels like I'm not gonna deal with this I'm not with this and so she moves on with her life or he finds out that she's not even on your level he thought she was on the outside but when he got a little closer he realized that he sees you like a 70 and she's like a 50 so therefore he cuts her off and he goes on to the next woman so after he does this about three to ten because he's gonna do this at least three times because he trying to see if you are the one but you're not all the way the one so that's why he's curious and he's looking what they say curiosity killed the cat and so he's looking now after a while he realized his role every single one of these women that I have met is not the one what he does not realize is that no woman is the one because he's giving no woman 100 percent of him so it's his fault not the woman's fault but he is too immature to realize that so therefore what happens is because you got to him first because he got to you first he gave you the most of him first and he gave you the most of him initially so it makes it look real to you you think is real and you don't understand why it's taken three years four years five years six years seven years for him to marry you you think is just a natural process of a man and it absolutely is not because who in the world want to be with somebody that takes five six seven years to make a decision and yes it's a big decision but and yes it's your life but you're making other decisions for your life in split-second you made a decision to smoke in a split second you made a decision to have unprotected in a split second you made a decision as the get drunk in a split second all of those things can ruin your life could end your life so you're making all these other decisions in a split second that brings you no benefit why is it taking you five three years five years to make a decision on a woman who will bring you benefit so who wants to be with somebody like that I'll tell you who y'all women sitting out up under this musty man let him drag you through the mud take you all through this in the name of love that is not love that is hate that is self hate he hate his self and you hate yourself and the two of y'all feed each other's self hate both of y'all reinforcing each other's self hate and that's why you up the creek without a paddle I hate to be this real with you but I gotta be so listen to me if it's been three years in your relationship you need to sit down today and have a real conversation and you need to get some straightening at this point right here this is the point where your life is on the line because you wasting your life just three years five years six years seven years ten years you never getting back there's no rewind on this so at this point you don't ask a man where are we going and what we doing it and his marriage in the future when we said in a wedding date in the first six months you don't do that but at year three you still there really you could act this at year two to be honest which if he over the age of 25 but a year three that's the deal breaker right there at that point you've given it all you can give you wasted everything and some of y'all at that point you already got a towel so now you really feeling crazy now you really feeling dumb because you like man I think gave this man a child and he still ain't gave me a ring so how did he make a decision to put a child in you which is something that's irrevocable that you irreversible you cannot take that back so he made a decision to put a child in you but he won't make the decision to put a ring on you which is reversible because he could divorce you if you're not the one or if you flip the script and you change he could divorce you so you see how this don't make no sense how he making the decision to sleep with you unprotected where he can catch a disease that changes his life forever and he also can have a baby with you which is a life-altering decision how is he making those life-altering decisions but won't make the decision to marry you it's because you are not the one it's because you are the one he sees you as good enough to be an egg donor but he doesn't see you as good enough to be a life partner that's point blank period I know that truth hurt I know it hurt but guess what air man listen it is no I'm not telling a lot now he's gonna tell you I'm lying he's gonna tell you I'm ruining relationships he's gonna tell you I'm doing this for money he's gonna tell you I don't know what I'm talking about he's gonna tell you I'm cheating on my wife he's gonna tell you all that but he's not going to tell me I'm lying he's not gonna he gonna tell me I'm lining these comments so that he could shown you so that you will believe it but he won't tell me this one-on-one as a man with no cameras and no recorded calls because he knows that I'm a man he knows that I've done more than he has done he knows that I'm capable of doing more than he can do with these women he knows that me and no man so he knows that I'm telling the truth you hit me listen to what I'm telling you listen to what I'm telling you so the date if you and one of these career dating relationships it's time for you to get your pink slip ready and fire this man or fire yourself it's time for you to make a decision because change need to come like Sam Cooke you need to make a decision because while you sitting here with this indecisive man that can't decide left or right if you his wife you blocking your blessings because it's a man that wanna be with you and want to marry you and want to ride off into the sunset and do life with you and you got that man sitting over there on hold while you dilly-dally with this man who is lost broke and hurt and confused and need to be turned over to the everlasting arms of the Lord so listen to me what I'm telling you today it is Tony guys can god bless you make sure you check the links in the description and go set you up a coaching session on my mentor that's my month my latest tech project it's near and dear to my heart coaches being booked daily and it's going great if you are a coach and you want to meet some some new clients go get certified if you're not you can take the link in the description to be certified and if you already are trained as a coach and you know how to do a coaching session then by all means you got a nice picture create your account on my mentor and also click the link on there for those of you who have not secured your family if you have not secured your family yet you don't have life insurance click the link in the description to get a free quote you're gonna be shocked how affordable it is it is Tony Gaskins god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 146,175

Rating: 4.9222307 out of 5

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Id: 74jnU_DbHlA

Length: 37min 59sec (2279 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 17 2020