Should you pursue a man?

hey Tommy guys here Hotel Chronicles I'm in Atlanta for the singles workshop tonight and life coach certification tomorrow it sold out so sorry if you missed it catch the next life coach certification in Atlanta I come through Atlanta every so often probably once a month to do a training but I want to pop in got a question yesterday and the young lady she said Tony it's a lot of men who are lazy and they want the woman to do all the work and I recently heard that from another young lady she said Tony this guy he wasn't really pursuing me and then he told me it's a two-way street and that I could have you know reached out to him too and today that is happening more and more often and when the one lady when she said Tony there's a lot of guys doing this in my in my mind I was like man you got to be lying you know you got to be kidding me that it's a lot of men that want you to approach them and I wanted to ask her so out of the last ten men you didn't talk to how many of them wanted you to pursue them not not approach them I mean pursue them like you kind of lead the chase but I didn't ask her and because it's hard for me to believe that that's how most men are but I'm not dating men so a woman with no better than me on that but let me help you understand this because I am a man now today we got the swipe right swipe left community meaning with all of these dating apps it's a whole lot of swiping going on and there was a lady not too long ago you know got loud with me about the dating apps and she was oh today it is so many people meeting online why would you say something wrong with online dating and the reason why I say that is because it is not real it's just not real like a serial killer could walk up to you at the gas station and a grocery store whatever but at least you get to see his real face you get to feel his energy you get to feel his vibe you get to see if he follow you to your car it's a lot more advantages to meeting somebody in person then when you meet them on a dating app because when you meet them on a dating app it could be a fake picture y'all could be on the phone talking they phone couldn't conveniently not have FaceTime conveniently don't trust you know the government so they ain't got Skype I just want to hear your voice you hear my voice this is what a real connection is and I'm so tired of meeting all of these women who everything is based on looks that's so shallow so now you're talking to somebody on the other side of the world or living in a mama basement and you ain't got a clue cuz y'all just talking on the phone cuz y'all met on online on a dating app and meeting on a dating app is different than meeting just online now see now y'all told me Facebook got a date now now and that's gonna be terrible for them and you I used to have my teeth and she'll going to a store we live in the south so we have Publix grocery stores Publix is like the rolls-royce of grocery stores so you go in there smell good and public so that published deli my auntie or go and publish and catch y'all fall she'll go and publish and catch our fault you know you know puddle of water she did Oh hit ahead and then get a lawyer on ghetto a slip-and-fall lawyer and didn't get on $10,000 settlement now what happened is they actually just gave a half of it and even started watching the investigation she never saw the other half and probably went to collection for the first half but that story never was told and so just what's gonna happen to Facebook somebody gonna get on there on that day now and jazz catch them a fall and be in their soil being that so on Facebook for a day now cuz cuz they know Facebook got the bag now and it probably has happened with every other dating site too but they're not gonna publicize that when they got to do this settlement and for a system that they even created but on American greed that come on CNBC there's a whole entire American greed about a man who I think he got six million or sixteen million from y'all women online dating y'all women and you know to the women he looked like a glass of chocolate milk you know and they thought he was you know he's tall Hugh muscular used to play sports and he started dating women that was like a man like him wouldn't never even look in these women direction so now they talking to this man they swiping created cars I mean these women was on their time I gave him six tiles and I gave him eight thousand and it just kept going another two thousand other three thousand and they showed him you know he in the club popping bottles you know he wins diamond jury he's driving luxury cost all that your expense and then and here's the thing this why it catches you off-guard is because you looking for law so you just don't go around thinking everybody you meet is a bad person so you giving this person to benefit of the doubt then next thing you know they mama done slipped and fell she need a hip replacement but she don't have insurance and the copay two thousand dollars and you sitting on a savings account sitting on a 401k y'all been talking an hour a day for the last 36 days so you said I long you to 2k he gets yo to K but what you don't realize you talk to him for 30 minutes to an hour a day sometimes every other day he he don't have a job he living off women so he got 24 hours around the clock and he working you hit me he's working he own that phone line so he got Joe to and then he'd go get him ten other too so nine and one week he didn't made him $20,000 that is the hustle that's the whole job I talked to a guy I remember when I used to work for somebody I used to work for somebody until I was 27 I retired at 27 and been working for myself ever since which I can't really consider what I do real work I'm living my purpose but when I was on somebody job it one of my co-workers told me now he was from Island he was from the island you I can't remember what Island he was from he's from Ireland man this is a black brother and he told me his homeboys from his Island live up in Virginia and they full-time career it's whispering sweet nothings to two women on dating sites and getting money and he said a raking in the dough he say they making six figures off of fake love scams on online dating and everybody got all the sins okay every woman I talked to have all the sins got all the sense in the world oh well honey let me in eyes do I look like a fool do you think that I'm gonna give up and some money absolutely not and then two months later pocketbook open and you point out all kind of money because he doesn't said everything you needed to hear y'all talking nonstop somebody mana even show you your face show you they face somebody man go on dates with you okay so that is the culture that's what I want you to understand that's the culture today stay off some online dating sites you hit me until I create mine and when I make mine one day I probably never make one but if I do it's gonna have some some fool proof in there it's gonna have some fool proof in yo and to get them clowns up out of there you hear me and it's gonna cause - and they're gonna be not none free so if you come on now you you're serious about date but these sites here and E minutes a good investment they come on the spending at 599 1999 whatever it cost free 99 for 30 days and in 30 days make them 70 connections cold account and now they got 17 women that they just fend to be working on working on working on and if he could get just a thousand year off at all 70 women oh yeah a man could do it because this man that I know personally got nine ten eleven baby mamas so man utilize the 24 hours that God made men can utilize these 24 hours so this the culture that you in this is the culture that you in and this what you have to realize and and what you got to understand about this is this is a microwave society people won't love overnight look at all the reality shows now all the reality shows is and and and I just saw a show on maybe it was on Netflix or something with a Nick Lachey where his wife where they got the people they don't see each other they don't see each other so that right there priming you to meet somebody online and try not to see each other I got I got two clients right now that I just connected I know how both of them look so I told them don't y'all worry about looks neither one of y'all ugly y'all just get to know each other as people so I do that every now and then with my clients you know just so that they can have a different experience that's not based off of looks and don't write me about that cuz this with my clients you know people that do like coaching okay and have paid for coaching and I just have a little network and so this ain't no professional business this that I don't charge for that okay they do coaching or some other type of business with me and I tell them don't worry about how each other look and it just so many times I will be getting messages about what do this person look like what do this person look like tell me what the person looked like and that just goes to show we so caught up on that so now what's happening is like with this reality show then what you got married in 90 days a fiance in 90 days then you got them married at first sight you got all of this stuff and this is programming okay that's why it's a television program because it is programming you so that when you go out here in this dating world you're doing the same thing you happen in the bed you hop in your relationship or you online dating and you trusting everybody that you meet and so what's happening is men today who are online Instagram Facebook or the dating apps they meeting so many women as such a rapid rate it's such a high turnover that men now understand and have a sense of the disparity between the amount of available women and the amount of available man and that is why you coming up with these men who are spoiled because just every time I think about some of the stuff women do and don't know about dating it just it just you know it hurt me to the heart but let me tell you this let me tell you this it is some loose booty when man you hit me it is some loose booty when man I hear that just are so forward and so nasty so fresh so manage so fast whatever word you want to call it and just be who you know just own a man oh you sex it what you don't do I want a piece of you I remember when I used to get text back that like that when I was out in the field you gonna come meal what the cuss word oh excuse me okay but it's a lot of women like that and is growing ever increasingly because you remember how them women in the Bible did they daddy that same energy coming here today you remember how Rachel and Leah was fussing and fighting arguing back and forth over who gonna sleep with Jacob who going who gonna get pregnant I J cook and I remember one of them the sign went out and and pick some fruit I don't know what that fruit was but to me I'm ready that's like dates you know some dates you remember the dates that people eat the song went and got some fruit came back had the fruit his aunt T said eighty let me have some of that fruit and and then his mom was like hold on you getting on my son fruit and then she was like please I just want some of the fruit and then the I said it's from the Bible now Rachel and Leah yeah I'm thinking remember to store it right and y'all theologians yeah I'm not asking y'all to come in the con man and tell the whole story and I'll post all the scriptures okay let people go Google this and read it for their self I'm not asking for the theologian comment ation okay so understand that I don't want to overwork you so the mama who saw him when he got the fruit she like how long okay if you want some of this he'll fruit what you're gonna do for it and then the others the octi was like all right yo son give me some of that fruit I let you sleep with Jago tonight like it son reading this right I probably read it wrong huh yes he just bargains some her son fruit and just the tell her sister she could go give us some wow what is the Hunger Games you know a their Bible interesting night it's the Old Testament I don't know I think this muscle with Genesis it probably Genesis well yes there's one but I'm pretty miss I'm like man there's some real stuff yeah and so here you have it that's what's the same energy today women doing that same thing today it's literally and I'm not talking about this polyamory poly amore polyamorous what's the other thing I'm not talking about all that with all the words I'm talking about the regular relationships with a man and a woman and didn't a man go to the strip club and then he come back with a bright idea to his woman let's have us one mo let's have us a girlfriend and then she like okay I guess and then they come in there and doing the same thing Rachel and Leo was doing alright the night Joe tonight alright tonight next night Joe night alright you can live with him at his apartment over there and I stay at the house that we got with our kids and we go flop places this really happening this is really happening you hit me I don't coach several situations this stuff I hear really happening and so what's happening is men are ever increasingly becoming spoiled and so in this microwave society think about the difference now you won't microwave food or you want oven food you won't that's why I say God made love in the oven not in the microwave but today everybody want microwave and don't worry about how it tastes how trash it is but don't want to take the time to have some oven baked love and so that's the problem that we face them so when you're dealing with that now you're gonna be up the creek without a paddle so now you going into the world and it's a lot of men who are spoiled rotten they come from being spoiled by teamahma they grow money on tea and all the girlfriends to you so now this how do you men to take a fixed a mouth to say oh you could pursue me to this this 2020 they're saying 1950 you could call first you could pay for the date you could pick me up the men affixed a mouth to say that and I just cuz I said the man say you could pay for the date y'all gonna try to put words in my mouth I know I'm half you know I ain't never said that it's okay for a man to suggest that the woman pay I say it through the woman on the first date you can offer to pay your half not for the whole date night so let's get that Club oh well Tony I'm just so confused because so now you just said the man said you could pay for the date but you actually told us we should pay for the date ain't tell you that okay let's clear that up so just what you got today you got these four men so what's gonna happen what how you get around is the you get around this is these man gotta realize that you different gotta realize that you still if he called it old-fashioned old-school so be it that's what you will that a man has to lead by courting and pursuing the woman the man has to approach the woman because remember when a man approached a woman that's like a lion on the on the field in grazing the land and approaching a lioness when the woman approaches a man that's like a gazelle approaching a lion a gazelle is Alliance lunch okay a lioness is the Lions mate we talk a Mufasa and assemble know if you've seen Lion King oh it's different between a gazelle and a lioness when you as a woman Pro approaching the man and pursuing the man and you texting him now the reason why a lot of this stuff I teach sound like a science sometimes it's because I'm the relationship scientists if there was such a thing so what I created is the three-to-one ratio I don't know which book I put this in Reilly mrs. Wright the three-to-one ratio when you are dating and what this means is the man needs to approach you if he doesn't approach you he either doesn't want you doesn't like women or he's taking point blank period blank period do you hear me listen to what I'm telling you stop telling yourself oh he could just be an introvert oh he could just be shy no even shy introvert approach the woman that they want trust me I am a shy introvert all my life I've been a shy introvert and the reason why I do this because this is my purpose but I don't want to do this like doing this you hit me and I'm a shy introvert and was an absolute doll because that was one thing that I got the courage on and every man I know if he got the sweat bullets if his knees got the wobble his hands got to tremble one thing about this his thing is he gonna get the courage to approach a woman listen what I'm telling you okay so the man got to approach you know if ands and buts about it I get so many questions from women well Toni I'm being in church and I keep seeing this guy we make eye contact I wonder should I go up to him and tell him something say something to him strike up no his girl friend live in another state he in school she in school that's why you keep looking at you and not approaching you or no he'd not approach you because he don't feel it's appropriate to be trying to date in the church because he know he's not ready for nothing serious and he know he'll fall in sandwich knock y'all and then either you had to be switching churches or he gotta be switching churches or y'all just got to be looking at each other like booboo the fool who shot John and forgotten to kill him so that's why he'd not approach you or no he's not approaching you because you are not his type he looks based and he not interested in your personality because he has a picture in his mind and what his type is and you are not it it might be another man that you his type but this man that you lookin at you're not his type that's why he's not approaching you so listen to what I'm telling you when you see this Hill happening not let me cut on like a hill when you see this girl happening now this I'm going down for some reason song goin on y'all forgive us it's good when you see this Hill happening keep on going about your business okay the man has to approach you and then understand this when he approach you he gonna shoot his shot don't worry about how he shoot the shot okay as long as he won't come up and touch you don't worry about what come out of his mouth because that's the hardest thing in the world to do and if you had to do that every day of your life looking for your mate you understand so he might come up and did it hurt and you like huh did it hurt what's it what what are you talking about what hurt sir did it hurt when you fell from heaven and really don't worry about what he say okay just catch the line whatever the line is could be terrible just catch the line okay the fact that he had occurred to come up to you if you single read it and available and he look halfway decent to you he in your type you could stomach the look at him then and you open and you don't know how and God gonna send your man then it's okay to give him your phone number when you give me a phone number this is the other thing that women do wrong never take a man phone number so he came up and gave me his phone number me and do that that is also out of fear that's also a lot of fear now I know you're gonna tell yourself right now oh well the reason why I take they phone you because I don't want to have my phone what if I wanted to call me if you don't want to call you didn't don't give him your phone number just tell them no thank you no no thank you or you could tell them you got a boyfriend cuz right now if he's not the one then you datin Jesus so you're not lying if you got a boyfriend okay cuz you Angie saying doing that yelling in fornication ye in line you your eyes focus on the Lord so because young lady lost her life turning man and he got mad and took a life and y'all have seen that happen it typically it doesn't go that far usually is he curse her out Oh yo stinking such-and-such you know that be you know that oh why won't can't stand y'all not no way you single yeah well nobody watch it that way your man cheat no you're not and so that's typically what you're gonna have to deal with but so but when you say you got a boyfriend that's that says something different to a man because now I say okay a boyfriend could be standing right over there a boyfriend would be sitting the cop so let me just chill out before I get swung on before I get shot but when you did that I turned down then that's when if he happens to be a crazy person that's when you just trigger his crazy because people have triggers you just that was one of his triggers when if you would have said I got a boyfriend that's in a different that helps de-escalate a crazy man and when I say Craig's I'm talking the literal sense okay of crazy I'm I'm talking to literal sense okay and now to play play sense so understand is you give him your phone number and some people and I was like you get if you're in the dating field and you're gonna be giving out your number the hot clip didn't get you a little back phone if people like you get a Google Voice Google Voice still ring to your phone so if you had if you're gonna be dating then you can give me your number and where this online dating an in-person dating get you a little second phone they don't cost you nothing Metro cricket for they're also more or less 9999 second line 999 so do you know this is my dating phone this is my dating phone just the number that I have to leave this phone at home I leave this in the glove compartment at my in my desk at work and if you graduate from this phone now you could get to this phone and the reason why I say this is because if you got the opportunity if you're the type of woman that it's men approaching you then you got to take advantage of that in sense of meeting more men talking to more men but you might not want all of them on your main line to be honest with you that's why all the NBA and NFL players a lot of adult and doing a thing but that's why they have to three phones somebody ain't got to do it dogs I take that back and reel that back in but a lot on how to phone simply because one is for associates and colleagues and an old high school friend and one is for agent family they warm and a wife you know they cheered and so you split that up you are a business you were entity ain't got to phone just because they rich got to phones because got to managed a time and in something and a lot of the pro athletes then gave me two three numbers and and I'm like well which one you want me to call you on man come on now I got one two three Emma phone then I got to put man then I got to put nude then I got to put nunu all these different numbers you keep giving me man and ya know y'all know I'm a life coach for pro athletes I ain't just cuz somebody mind beating went yeah oh you didn't athlete no I coach athletes so this way I learned this run and I'm about to get me a second phone I just got me one phone might give me a second phone cuz I need this I need to start separated you know associates and all this and just have a phone that see right now when I'm talking to you on my phone this is my phone it's my one phone so if my wife needed to reach me she can't even reach me right now cuz on do not stir so I'm getting me a second phone you understand the points of a second phone so if it's emergency she could call this phone and it's only three four five people had that number you hear what I'm telling you so that's what you're gonna do if you single and you dating you need to do that you see the commercials all the time second line nine I'm gonna kill you and then once this man here graduate from the back phone to the main line nah he could call Jesus on the main line and called you on your main line and y'all could start to bill y'all could start the court you hear what I'm telling you and this is what he has to do the man need to get your number and he need to contact you within 24 hours if he is serious he gonna contact you within 24 hours it might be exactly 24 hours it definitely it got to be within 48 hours that suggests that's just being nice but if he's serious when a man serious by something he gonna contact you within 24 hours and then if he's serious about you and he really looking and you look like you you check all the looks off you look like his wife now he want to get to know you to see if you look like his wife on the inside you hit me on the inside and so he's gonna be very assertive he gonna be respectful but he's gonna be intentional and he gonna contact you within 24 hours and then he's gonna contact you every day and the reason why I say the three to one ma'am I mention the three to one and I know you over there rolling your eyes Tony when you get to the three and one you didn't say it three and one what does that mean the three to one you know what a ratio is three to one this means three contacts from him to your one this is a three to one ratio does not have to be exact but it need to be exact you get what I'm telling you don't don't say don't get down to one two one two two one at the worst it could get worse four to one five to one but it don't need to go less than three to one what this means is he called you on Monday he called you on Tuesday he called you on Wednesday on Thursday you could beat him to the punch hey how are you back to Friday he might be waiting on you cuz he thinking Thursday was a trend he thinking Thursday oh this son knew he'll what's he okay see the hit me uh okay yeah what's going on with you baby hey yo you don't so Friday he might want to get in his comfort zone the grown boy might be welling up enemy he like Oh on the little hit me again I got on the hook nice she like me nice she loved me and then he said enough right then he like okay when I'm fine I'm going rang okay let me check make sure you miss some okay and call my mama hey mama oh hey call my phone right back let me see if it rang all right oh yeah it rang it hello all right mama anything I talk to you look like and so now he's checking cuz he wonder okay she hitting on so then he gonna hit you he's gonna hit you hey how you doing he he like you he's trying to get to know you now he's not gonna hit you with no attitude and nothing like that if he liked you and then he gonna hit you on Friday he could say okay yesterday was a little fluke then you know see that's it what she owned it you sad they hit you Sunday Almighty and I see what I'm saying you ain't got to keep up with this now listen cuz I one day I learn about women y'all take stuff lift her raw you'll have a calendar okay you know Tamara my head okay Tuesday okay let me hit a third okay boom I just you're getting the flow of it you're getting the floor work let it be natural just make sure you ain't hitting him if he's not hitting you that's what I mean by this but let him set a little trend let him hit you let him pursue you so that you know he's into you and then what you doing is you just Frank another love reciprocation of the contact every now and then so that then he knows that you also interested in him so listen I got to get going on my team coming up here getting ready for the event tonight I got to go teach tonight three hours at a single workshop in Atlanta I bring one back and no I'm not taking no other cities just because you know this I'm losing money I'm paying them to be the other night basically but I just do this just connect with certain people you know small group of people that people who really serious about their growth and I try to do that you know as a teacher make sure that you click the link in the description my mentor got life book a session with your coach with your new coach or become a coach on there y'all know I'm gonna keep telling y'all about that because I need everybody to get on this mental health bandwagon and really work on yourself and growth and you could try a different coach each week or each month whatever your budget allows until you find your fit and then just rock with them and you might do four sessions straight then you might do one a month then you might take a few months off and check in every now and then but you need to have somebody that's holding you accountable my feet is not always affordable if you're in a season of budgeting but it has to die you know my mind has to be higher just due to the amount of work I got to do and the limited time that I have and the amount of demand that that's coming at me I gotta separate to figure out who series because sometimes if somebody watching online or something like that they'd get on the phone and just really wanted to meet you in hand and then they want to talk about so that's why my feet you notice my feet it's higher than average so um listen back through this if you didn't get it if you say Tony I needed hour-long video listen to this twice then let's do this twice and here go your take away never ever ever never ever pursue a man never pursue a man under any circumstances never pursue a man I don't care if he had double amputee he still control that you to you never man okay and never be called an old man leading in the conversation calling him all the time let him call you if he got a problem with it that's not your husband because your husband y'all got to remember Jacob were 14 to 20 years for his wives okay we only get one in this day and time under under the new changes of the New Testament we only get one wife and so if a man could work seven years in a hot Sun just to get him a wife the men could get on a smart phone and dial your number and you got to dial your number and just hit your name in the contacts come on nine that ain't asking that's not asking too much and if old sorry man don't want to do that Gil much broom and sweep it but right on not your life listen to what I'm telling you do not break that rule and go to pursuing and chasing a man and shooting your shot that's not how a man is wired a man is wired to chase to go after to pursue and when he's telling you to pursue him that's because he want to put you in a position a boo boo the fool he want to put you in oh castmate roll extra he wants you to be an extra and he gonna use that desperation against you and had you given him money had you paying for the dates the whole day ain't paying nothing how he gonna be living off for you gonna be cheating on you because he know you desperate and you thirsty and you lonely and you hungry and you would do anything to have you a man and that's why you were so ready and willing to go against your nature and also to avert his nature and go to pursuing and chasing him and so men and women get it wrong and they say well I'm gonna pursue him well I shoot my shot I don't mind walking up to a man if I see what I like and I like what I like ain't gonna let it pass me guess what that's your problem because what you like don't like you and everything that you want ain't good for you so if he don't want you didn't let him keep going just because you like him don't mean he wants you and if he wants you he will come and get you believe that that's every man you hear me that's four five year old boy they will go get what they want trust me when I'm telling you this and so don't go into that role because that's your desperation that's your thirst that's your that's your unhealed pain and trauma and stuff from your past that make you so thirsty and desperate that you gonna go shoot your shot at this man just cuz he look good to you and you tired of being single dang the will of God that's not the will of God that's not the way God created a man he created him to come to you so understand that and if that poses any questions that come up from this video put in the comments I might see it did this question I'm answering the day I just saw it yesterday so that's how that's how I work I ain't got all these you know planned out and say I'm gonna talk about this that day I try to be in the moment and flow and be fluid with you so that what I'm talking about is on topic something that's relevant that you need in this moment so don't be afraid to post your questions in the comments if I don't get to it that just mean I can't speak to it hey this Tony Gaskins god bless you for those y'all who come into the singers workshop tonight I'll see you down let me know if you remember the Blessed trot when you get there and tomorrow the life coach certification and then Sunday I'm in Orlando if you near Orlando self-love workshop I'm not the only speaker I'm just doing the keynote 45 minutes to an hour and so you can go to my website Tony Gaston calm for slash events and get your ticket for Sunday because I think it's a few left on that one hey god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 75,546

Rating: 4.9347181 out of 5

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Id: tk9WcePhaw4

Length: 39min 57sec (2397 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 21 2020