What Is Your "Bullet Fricking Dodged" Moment?

what is your bullet fricking dodge moment saying bullet freaking dodge really downplays the seriousness of this situation when i was in my early 20s i went out to the bar with some friends one night my friend was dede and i was drinking i had a very solid buzz going on when i bumped into someone i knew from hs who was clearly flirting with me i ended up leaving my friends and catching a cab back to her apartment the next morning i found out my friend who was supposed to dd got drunk then behind the wheel he ended up getting into an accident and while no one had any critical injuries there were a few broken bones etc i could have very easily have been in that car instead i had fricked my now wife talk about fate yup i dodged a lift home one night where they crashed one guy died and another was in a coma for months thank frick when i was back in high school i was walking near the field when they were practicing their discus throw one of the discus was wrongly thrown and was headed for my head a friend who at that time was walking towards me saw this and yelled for me to duck the discus went past my head and landed behind me then i realized that i could have died if my friend haven't warned me imagine a two kilogram flying disc lands right on your forehead i dodge a bullet by not marrying my ex-fiancee i can't have kids and i told him that early on and when he did propose i asked him again and multiple times thereafter if he was sure that he would never change his mind i don't want someone marrying me and then resenting me feeling like they're missing out he reassured me time and time again that he didn't want kids and never really had five months before our wedding he broke up with me with this big story about how he felt like we had been growing apart and he didn't have the same feelings anymore and maybe he would want children someday and blah blah blah i was devastated of course and then furious when i found out the real reason he had been cheating on me and knocked some girl up they got married a few months after the baby was born and then not long after that she got pregnant again before that baby was born that butthole that complete and utter piece of crap contacted me and had a big long sob story about how he had made a mistake how his life was sueru hard how he didn't like being a father and how i was so much nicer and his wife was such a bee probably because she actually needed him to help around the house and with the baby and get a freaking job instead of sitting on his butt watching youtube all day not sure why i ever wanted to marry this butthole in the first place tbh then has an afterthought he threw in that he missed me i told him to frick off he and his first wife have now divorced and he is married to yet another woman who he knocked up on accident their kid is a little under a year old and word on the street is that he is still a cheating lazy butthole i am so freaking glad that this crap all happened before we got married instead of after the broken engagement was brutal but much better than if we had been married the night of the aurora theater shooting in colorado some friends and i had planned to go to the aurora movie theater for batman as we are all huge batman fans one of my friends convinced us to go to a different theater that was closer to her since she couldn't get a ride couple people we were supposed to meet up with in aurora were in the theater but luckily got out unharmed guess that's a bullet dodged i read a verified thread on reddit from a woman who was in the theater it was horrifying i'm glad your other friends were okay when a friend who i hadn't spoke to much at the time of this story changed his profile picture to him and his mum i was going to comment something jokey about how she was good looking like who's that stunner next to you however i hesitated as i hadn't spoke to him in a while and it would seem weird thankfully i did hesitate and objects to doing it as when i saw that post on facebook the next day it was flooded with messages wishing him strength as his mother had just died of cancer who's that drop dead gorgeous gal next to you sly dog i once took a girl online out to dinner at a nicer place in our town she was horrible to the server and actually got her skipped out because she called the manager a c after that we were walking out and she wanted me to go back to her place to watch a movie which i refused and went home the two months later i was reading the paper and saw her in the police blotter for assaulting her boyfriend with a golf club good thing she didn't ask you to go clubbing with her then was bouldering unprotected in the owens valley like an idiot descending slipped fell six feet down with outward momentum onto a 10-foot wide shelf only just stopping myself before the 50-foot drop to death injury pain still spooks the heck out of me to think about boulderers are too scared of heights to be in that situation lol i just survived a heart attack on thursday so there's that btw i'm 33 way too young for this crap to all of those asking not overweight skipped class to watch a segment on a morning talk show with my favorite actor avoided a school shooting had i gone i would have been in the cafeteria right when and where the shooter started his spree crap i literally forgot about the time when i faked being sick and stayed home to watch tv and some guy ended up stabbing people during my lunch period i don't think i would have been one of the people he targeted knives are a little more specific than guns but yeah totally forgot that happened i had a co-worker who was an avid runner he was really thin and in good shape i ran into him in public with his family for the first time he was with an obese woman who looked to be much older than him after greeting him i stupidly naively was two seconds from saying in this must be your mom before he cut me off and said silas meet my wife laura it was around christmas and i had heard he was having relatives visit dang you didn't dodge a bullet that guy saved you from a bullet not me but i had a hand in it knew this guy in high school peripherally he was in the cool crowd of rocket type guys and i was a nerd new girl arrived at our school from another town she and i became friends and a few months later she started dating him at first she seemed cool and we would talk about everything at one point however she starts talking about how she has been hooking up with her ex-boyfriend behind cool guys back just before the end of the school year she tells me she is pregnant and that she knows it belongs to her ex-boyfriend she is laughing and really proud of herself because cool guy is going to do the right thing withdraw his college application and go work at the local gas station to support her and the baby her ex the father of the baby is kind of a loser so she thinks it's the best thing even that she can freak him while making cool guy support her i didn't really know this guy that well but i got his phone number from an acquaintance of mine who knew it cool guy knew i was friends with his girlfriend but was still pretty surprised to hear from me i told him all about her ploy and said get a paternity test it isn't yours this guy was incredibly stoic but after a sizable pause he just broke down crying for a few minutes then thanked me they broke up and cool guy went to college and made something of his life i think this and the goth couple are my favorite stories this one you're just like an avenging angel coming in at the worst moment of the dude's life to tell him now you can carry on with your plans bro you're done good opie when i was seven i got lost in spain without my family i had been lost for about five hours really late at night and had been going down some dark alleyways and car parks i started asking random strangers if they spoke english but there were only middle-aged men walking around alone one guy didn't speak english but gave me a cuddle and took me back to his house around the corner at this point i'm crying my eyes out and just appreciated the help and kindness when i got to his house it turned out he had a family and the son was learning english in school he got out his school workbook and asked me my name then they took me to the police station my parents picked me up about 10 minutes later as they were driving around in a police car that man could have been only one and i could have been kidnapped and never seen again not your ordinary bullet dodge seriously when you said cuddle i was scared for you on temp job i'd made several hours of corrections on a long document saving version after version when finished i deleted all the extra copies and emptied the trash only to realize the one copy i saved was the untouched original it was a busy office but as my heart sank someone announced everyone stop what you're doing we just lost funding on the project you'll be paid through the day but you're free to go never empty the trash you are a sibling sir by deleting all those files you completed the spell that caused the project to be cancelled not me but an old friend perhaps 15 years ago he dated a girl for a year or so she was totally out of his league they planned to get married and all that but he broke it off after she went downhill in the mental department a few years back her and her husband murdered their children and killed themselves when i was about 23 i was asked on a date by a brazilian girl who was maybe early 30s we went on a date but it wasn't the most interesting evening we didn't really click in the language barrier meant we couldn't really get past basic conversation i was a little resistant to go on a second date and felt it was fair game to say sorry i didn't think we clicked next time i saw her in person though i was berated with a bunch of insults heard she claimed we were supposed to get married and have kids and that i was the one very glad i was able to back away slowly and dodge that bullet back in the day read dial up internet and expensive desktops i downloaded a malware which asked for credit card details i was young and didn't have a card so contemplated nicking my dads and putting in the details i didn't want to get into trouble thing was the malware was asking for payment and rubles at that time i had no idea what that was was it a different currency some other adult speak so i came clean to my parents and they sorted the rest they also deleted my lemur i assume your parents created you aren't allowed to download anything off the internet rule after that going into our second year of university a group of us were looking for houses together we'd found one we liked and was sitting down with the estate agent to sign the paperwork out of nowhere one of the group started hysterically crying and ran out of the room shouting i can't live there it's got mildew and i'm allergic we didn't end up living with her but the people who did had a year of her brazenly stealing their phones money clothes and boyfriends bullet dodged new teacher started at my high school at the start of the year integrated fine students were assigned a pair of teachers to pay special attention to their academic needs he was one of mine because of this he knew i had a tense relationship with my parents because of the occasional sensitive material we covered in his english class which i also took he knew i had a telling sensitivity to carnal violence as a teacher he knew i was a troubled kid with a shaky support network he gave me off base but evidently well-intentioned advice about managing my controlling parents worked with me and my other overseeing teacher to try and make school less nightmarish for me and overall seemed like a warm engaging guy he gave some people the willies but i felt fine around him then middle of the week a few months into the year he doesn't show up we're told he's not employed here anymore no official details as you may be guessed turned out he had an alleged history of physically shaming and abusing students at past jobs i don't know how it had been handled that they were able to find this out without him having tripped any of the flags i assume exist in the screening for potential teachers but i guess better late than never i don't think the school ever got like prosecuted for freaking up or whatever so i guess it was an understandable miss but yeah that would have been pretty freaking awful i got lucky me and any other kids he might have been charming ro i'm so happy to hear you got lucky a teacher at my high school just got charged because he would groom girls decades younger than him to frick him in his classroom he would always go for the vulnerable girls i love in and very impoverished area high culturally forbidding area my best friend was super close to him and she is a very strong girl so he tried but did not succeed just happened my ex-fiance of six years and i was set to be married this october two weeks ago i found out he's not only had an on and off again with a married woman who has two kids for the past 10 years but he's also been soliciting older married women off of craigslist puff etc for freaking hot wife group sex for the last three years yes i kicked him out immediately and yes i got tested thank god all negative also came to find out he's got six secret credit cards and is in immense debt yes i'm an idiot and clearly not as intuitive as i believed myself to be but god dang bullet freaking dodged work it network security 4 dollar sign medium retail company someone mentioned finding a flash drive in an envelope in the mail you wouldn't believe the sigh of relief when i managed to get hold of it right before mangleman decided to try plugging it into their terminal for those wondering manglement isn't a typo i intended to say it that way to accurately describe how things were with said individual in the management dated this guy briefly in college he got into a horse riding accident early on in the relationship horse fell on him broke his ankle pelvis and hip apparently had a prior addiction to pain pills i was completely oblivious too he quickly relapsed and turned into a crazy butt pill popping psycho tried sticking it out and helping him i did my best and i couldn't handle it when i told him i was done with the relationship he proceeded to call me the worst names in the world begged me to forgive him and then tried asking me to come hang out after he had called me the biggest s in town wtf he then started doing m and has been involved in a hit and run accident the guy he hit died x moved the body fled the scene dumped his truck in a parking lot that had a surveillance camera in it he did get caught for it talk about bullet dodged i've had some pretty crappy relationships apparently almost married a marine and then found out six months later he was caught martialed for getting wasted freaking right off base and then went a wall yeah he landed in jail not sure if this counts since i was still injured but i narrowly avoided being killed in a car accident i was preparing to turn left from my residential street onto a highway and didn't see a car coming was t-boned but the other driver ended up hitting at exactly the right spot on the front of my car so that it took the majority of the impact he ended up with bad whiplash a fractured shoulder blade and some spectacular bruises but if i had been going even slightly faster or the other driver had been going even slightly slower he would have hit my door and i would have been killed on impact i was 17 at the time don't know if it's a dodger bullet moment but it felt like i did afghanistan a few years ago having a smoke late at night with our local cultural advisor lca and a bullet whistled right over our heads for my very first time i looked at our lca and asked him what the frick that was in as he took another drag from his smoke unfazed he said with a thick piston accent you freaking idiot that was a bullet you should sit down with me before you get your head shot off by the next round and well what can i say my lca saved my life because as soon as i did sit my butt down on the afghanistan dirt another bullet came whistling by thank you belal little bullet dodged so yeah i'd say that counts really crushed on this girl she rejected me about a year later she had a baby with a guy turned out she'd been poking holes in the condoms because she was obsessed with having a baby i once went on a date with this guy who used the entire conversation to try and figure out how much i would be missed the hairs on the back of my neck were tingling for the only time in my life as he asked me about every friend family member co-worker roommate how often i saw them how long i would go between texting and calling needless to say i suddenly had five overprotective older brothers who were pies and cops fell while climbing when i was 19 and the gorge in kentucky 120 feet full through a tree line which slowed my decent painfully only to land in a soft bed of dead leaves from water run off five feet to the right or left i would have landed on rocks hit the ground so hard my shoes came off and were a few feet perfectly in front of my now bare feet concussion and whiplash zero broken bones i dated this guy for about five months he was charming and sweet he said he had just moved into town which was why he didn't have many friends other than family members well some red flags started popping up and he was starting to become overprotective and extremely jealous he also invited me on a float trip with him and his brother and when i went he told me that the float was to spread his mother's ashes because she had just died i had no idea she died and i had no idea this was the plan for the float i ended things with him after this and then found out a week later from his cousin who i ran into at a bar that he had been in jail for three years previous to our relationship for domestic assault of his then girlfriend and two-year-old daughter all of this i had zero idea about he lied our entire five-month relationship bullet back in my raving days in the early 2000s before it got trendy i got deep into ecstasy use and subsequently became a small time dealer small time over the course of a few months rapidly became pretty big time one night after re-upping buying more ecstasy to sell i went over to my buddy's house to play counter-strike until the early hours of the morning on my way home i got pulled over i had 2 500 green triangle ecstasy pills in my trunk i pulled out my license and registration laid it out on my lap before the cop came to my window and proceeded to be as polite as possible the cop asked me why my eyes were red and asked if i smoked herb i said absolutely not i never liked weed weird i know and i told him we were playing counter strike for eight plus hours and that's probably why he ran my license which was clean came back to my car and said okay drive safely and let me go i left that scene crapping bricks had he looked in my trunk i would have been arrested and looking at a distribution felony and at least 12 25 years not to mention it would have destroyed my life i stopped dealing and raving after that today i have a lovely wife my own home good health thriving business healthy toddler and another one on the way talk about bullet dodged my life and the life of those i love would have been drastically different if it played out the other way it should have i am the lucky one i lose sleep often thinking about that tl dr i should be sitting in jail my life should be ruined for drug trafficking but it's not it's the opposite yeah i dodged a freaking bullet for those few who are critical of my choice to slang ecstasy you need to realize that my customers were all adults with free will some prominent doctors lawyers teachers etc the choices they we all make in life and the consequences of those choices fall on us period i didn't make the drugs or import them i didn't force anyone i've actually cut people off many times today's society is too quick to blame everyone else but the person or ourselves stop that for those saying i got a lucky pass and need to pay it forward i totally agree my life has changed from that day on check out my comment in the threads below for more almost slept with a girl in college i was pretty into her and ready to go but had responsibilities in a final the next day so i didn't bite but kissed her good night went back to my dorm studied for the next four hours before my ra calls me and tells me there's a girl down in the lobby looking for me i go down to find her with a 37 page love letter front and back she had written about my kiss she proceeded to hang outside my dorm room for the next four months i had to start crawling out my window to get to class and eventually ended up dropping out and moving to another state to avoid her flash forward to when my space came around she sent me a message telling me she reads everything i post on there even though she wasn't on my friend's list that was seven years after i had moved to another state so interesting that people like this exist i once had a psychotic one week rebound with a very damaged recently former stripper she told me and i believed that she couldn't get pregnant the whole thing blows up and i only get a ut some time later i'm sitting before a movie with my future wife and see a very pregnant version of said former stripper my wife says the face i made as i frantically counted months was beyond hilarious it had been over nine bit less than 18 so no way the current or a previous kid could be mine near death experience somehow i failed to mention she had herpes i guess her telling me up front made the non-pregnancy claim seem more legit so i had learned it's harder to contract if they're not having an outbreak figured unprotected was fine so i guess this is actually a two-in-one bullet dodged made the ut a lot more stressful googling symptoms your wife sounds hilarious lol i ran out of fuel once normally that wouldn't be so bad but i was flying a cessna 152 over the mojave desert at the time it's really not a bad glider i had to land on the highway the landing went perfectly the chp pilot with whom i was in communication during my unpowered ascent landed at the nearby airport and brought me 10 gallons of that gas i climbed on the wing and dumped it in the chp blocked off both ends of the road fuse as a runway and i took off into the sunset i was using a stake knife to try and unlock a bathroom door by trying to move the metal thing i'm sure it's got a name but i don't know what tumblr maybe holding it into the door jam stupidly i was doing this from the bottom with as much pressure as i could manage so when the knife invariably slipped the blade slammed into my skull a tiny bit above my left eyeball it took me two minutes to pull my hand away to check if i could see i thought i had skewered my eye for sure and definitely deserved to bullet dodged i mean glad that you didn't stab yourself but this might be one of the dumber things i've read here if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] so bye for now

Channel: Updoot Studios

Views: 141,598

Rating: 4.9280157 out of 5

Keywords: bullet dodge, bullet dodged reddit, bullet dodge meme, by the thread, avoiding the puddle, avoiding, barely escaped, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub

Id: FDJ8TyOhv9E

Length: 24min 32sec (1472 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 11 2020