"WTF Happened While I Was Gone?" Stories

what was your eye was only gone x minutes what the heck happened story i was watching tv and went to my room to get my phone charger i was gone maximum two minutes when i got back a goat was on the coffee table it scared the crap out of me where do you live where goats just appear on coffee tables a little over a year ago my now husband and i were prepping for a move and needed to take a handful of garbage bags to the dumpster in our apartment community we patted each of our dogs a seven-year-old mini schnauzer and a 16 year old rat terrier two small dogs this is very important later on on the head and headed out less than five minutes later we come back both of the dogs meeting us at the door with wagging tails and big smiles all seems perfect until we round the corner into the dining room one of the dogs shat clear up two walls about four and a half feet up across about six feet wide worth of wall i was laughing too hard to clean it up the husband saved the day and cleaned it up but with such force and distance we can only imagine the absolutely gut-wrenching noise that dog still not sure which one had to have made made when it did it's big business we were seriously only gone five minutes we now refer to it as the pooping of 2015. the best part of this is the inclusion of the year as if you need to distinguish it from previous poopings left the mail room to go get my wipes to clean off the scanner glass was gone three minutes came back to find the entire mail room coated in toner and a toner-covered co-worker just standing there looking confused and alarmed never even asked just when to get our boss to go deal with it this visual is amazing the co-worker standing there in shock my dog followed me to the door and then i shut it was in there for about 45 seconds then opened the door to find puddles of dog diarrhea all over the living room hahaha same with me my great dane was house trained and never messed up at all walked out to the garage to get a screwdriver came into huge puddles of dog crap he was trying to hide under the bed fell asleep on the couch for like 10 minutes i swear woke up to mayhem two toddlers had scribbled all over the walls the younger one had begun scribbling with crayon and the older one three became upset he was breaking the rules so she grabbed a pencil and began marking gigantic x's as large as she could make you cannot draw here or here or here i woke up to the entire first floor covered in pencil x's and crayon scribbles everywhere comma fell asleep comma two toddlers choose one not gone per se but asleep i was flying lax sfo my flight was delayed about five hours so i did what any sensible frequent traveler does i went to the club lounge and drank as much free bourbon as they would allow we finally boarded the plane i was in one of the first groups because again i fly a lot so by the time we take off i'm fast asleep the captain comes on the intercom and says don't panic seat belts on etc drunkenly i look out the window to see some smoke and holy crap there's smoke in the cabin the lady next to me explains we have only been in the air 10 minutes and are about to make an emergency landing in santa barbara i have a two-year-old the other day i ran to the bathroom and he was sitting down pacified with daniel tiger and homemade trail mix i came back probably two minutes later to find a mushroom cloud of flour and him standing on top of a bookshelf with a closed jar of peanut butter and covered in flour the thought processes of toddlers minds are still an enigma i wasn't technically gone i turned my head for literally or three five count i was at the pool with my daughter she's too doesn't care how to swim but this is a graded pool where the depth slowly and climbs up to a shore like edge she was jumping up and down splashing in the puddles and i was sitting about 10 feet away watching her while talking to a friend i was watching her and talking when he said something funny and i turned to give him a look i looked back and my daughter in a matter of a few seconds had taken a few steps to deeper water about 1.52 ft and was under the water silently rolling around i never cleared 10 feet so fast in my life i scooped her up and set her on her feet it was shallow enough to stand i'm guessing she just lost her footing and couldn't write herself and panicked no coughing up water barely a sputter she was fine but man when they say it can happen in seconds they aren't kidding whoever they are i was barely phased by it too we continued our day like normal my friend said i know you're okay now but it's gonna hit you later if you need to talk call me he was right that night i replayed a vent in my head and kept thinking i looked away for a second what the heck happened i just couldn't get the image of her flailing so silently in the water out of my head no one else noticed her what if i hadn't i cried pretty hard at the idea of losing her to such a tragic accident and vowed to be much more vigilant at the pool or any other body of water i also got her a life jacket that she hates wearing the end several years ago i was in the process of making dinner and had left a plate of flour tortillas on the kitchen bar went out to the garage with my husband for about 90 seconds to look at something hear a very loud thud from kitchen that thud was our dog jumping down off the bar and now standing in the middle of the kitchen wolfing down flower tortillas like they were going out of style what makes it funny is that our bar is about 42 inches high and the dog was a basset hound a freaking fat stubby legged batted hound to this day we still can't figure out how he got up there or how he got down without breaking a leg there's no power in the universe quite like a hungry dog in search of food back in grade 11 i had my friend and his girlfriend come over to hang out on a night that my parents went home the worst part was that we weren't drinking we were all playing mario party i got up and went to the bathroom for literally 30 seconds i come back and they are completely naked and freaking on my bed i had a baby pet turtle i left sherman myrtle in a tub aware dish on my nightstand i come back maybe five minutes later turtle is on top of a separate dresser out of his container one of your siblings or your folks was messing with you or it was a hobo that lives in your attic either way i actually have that moment to my friends i was outside at a house party and needed to pee there was someone in the bathroom so i told my friends i was going to go around to the side of the house to pee where no one could see a few minutes later i came back all bloody and dirty and they freaked out what i didn't know was there was a steep ditch right next to the house being a female if i pee outside i try to support myself by doing a sort of wall sit so i don't wind up peeing on my legs or clothes so i pulled my pants down and tried to do the wall sit on the side of the house i was crazy drunk so i lost my balance due to the incline of the ditch scraped myself up on the brick wall trying to catch myself and tumbled pants down in the ditch i pulled myself up went back to my friends and said i think it's time for me to go home [Music] just last night after putting the kids to bed and having a bit of a workout my wife told me to shower off and get to the bedroom i jumped in the shower scrubbed up rinsed and was out in a matter of minutes she was already asleep there's nothing more fun than trying to go to sleep once the launch sequence has been initiated this has happened several times with me and my partner i go off to the bathroom to initiate liftoff only for her to ask why i was in the bathroom for so long you were fast asleep honey and now there's no more fuel left in the tank years back i had a little thing celebrating my new apartment just a few close friends and a couple of not so close friends we were having a good time drinks were being had and eventually the need for greasy takeout food was too strong to ignore everyone was pretty marinated some more than others but driving was out of the question me and my bro take everyone's orders and we stroll to the taco place around the corner when we return most everyone is on the porch having smokes everything seemed normal when i walk into the apartment there he is we'll call him waldo passed out on my couch vomit running down the side of his face vomit dripping down my new couch vomit on my brand new rug apparently when we left they started chigging whiskey which obviously didn't agree with old waldo i only went for tacos next time waldo goes for the tacos just today a friend of mine went to the toilet and when she came back her boyfriend had dislocated his elbow and been sent to the hospital i got up to get salsa and when i returned my plate was upside down on the floor and both of my microwave burritos were missing and my cat was nowhere to be found i went upstairs to pee and my cat ripped through a mcdonald's bag and ate my entire cheeseburger in the three minutes that i was up their equals so my wife is pregnant right now first trimester is pretty exciting we were at our friend's house and i was helping my bro cook some burgers wife was hanging out in the kitchen with my buddy's wife and was holding their baby i'm walking back and forth between the grill and the kitchen get a fork get a plate oh get that seasoning etc etc anyway i'm in and out of the kitchen for less than a minute and see my wife puking into their kitchen sink with the entire front of her clothes covered in baby poop i guess their baby decided to drop the mother of all poop bombs right in my wife's lap first trimester so she's totally sensitive to smells and whatever but she totally lost all of her cookies right in front of everyone at our friend's house but she totally lost all of her cookies right in front of everyone at our friend's house don't worry that memory won't even register on the big list of embarrassing crap i promise i was cooking dinner one night i let the dog off his lead in the backyard and went back to cooking i was only gone for two minutes when i went back outside the neighbor's bull mastiff killed my dog and was making his escape i was too stunned to her to do anything i reported the neighbor to animal control and the offending dog was taken away ever since it's been a daily contest of wills me wanting to throw bricks at the guy's house i have an internal conflict every day months later and still do he was the best dog i ever owned someone used a fire extinguisher to put out a grease fire and it was the carbon type so the cook thought it was the proper fire extinguisher and regardless of it being the right kind it was still the wrong thing to do the problem was there was a huge vat of grease at the bottom of the rotisserie and when you turn on a fire extinguisher the spray comes out with such incredible force it splashed all the grease out of the rotisserie then that grease is all over the floor and it reignited spreading fire all over the floor when you have a huge vat of grease burning there's only one of two things you can do close the door to the rotisserie and let it burn itself out or toss a bucket of cold grease into the fire there was a bucket of cold grease near the fire and i kicked it over put the fire on the floor out then i closed the doors to the rotisserie to let it burn itself out now a lot of people are thinking why is cold grease so effective at putting out a fire isn't it like tossing gasoline onto a fire the answer is no it's nothing like tossing gasoline onto a fire a cold grease just doesn't catch fire easily it has to be heated up first which takes time the grease cooking in a rotisserie has been heating up for several hours the reason why the grease in the rotisserie caught fire wizard grease is extremely hot and something pushed it over the ignition point grease does not mix with water so water can't put out a grease fire but grease will mix with other grease if you dump a bucket of cold grease into a grease fire what happens is the temperature of the total volume of grease becomes a compromise between the cold and hot depending on the both heat and volume if you have enough cold grease the temperature of the burning grease will be lowered below the ignition point putting out the fire if you have a vat of burning grease if you spray a powerful hose of anything directly into it it does not matter what kind of fire extinguisher it is if it's powerful enough and most of them are will cause the grease to splash out of the vat and spray all over the kitchen setting your kitchen on fire so keep that in mind if you're using a fire extinguisher don't jam it into the grease fire stand back and use it from a distance well crap till had a hotel room on bourbon street went back to the room at bar closing time waiting for the bartender we'd met to get off work to take us to an after-hours party since the hotel locks the outer doors i go down to the street to check if he's made it when i went into the hotel bourbon street was full of fun and merriment when i went out a few minutes later it looked like a freaking post-apocalyptic video game screaming h men fighting small fires that super bowl where janet jackson was topless well lucky me i had to pee right before the half-time show fiasco because it was getting really boring i whipped my dinghy out and everybody started screaming and hooting and i had a mini heart attack and peed on the back of the toilet now anytime i feel myself get bored i think about that day and it forces me to stick through the boredom in case there is suddenly boobies i hate that incident first time we're carolina in the super bowl with an exciting fourth quarter score a tone and all everybody remembers about that game was janet stitt i was clientside apm on a construction site basically there to help oversee construction and make sure its impact on the school was minimal we're moving a laboratory sink to build a new classroom relocate the old one there's an escutcheon on the sink pipe that is preventing us from removing it from the cabinetry i tell our foreman hey don't worry about this right this second let me talk to our build maintenance engineers about it knowing they had the tool that could help i also wanted to get them to turn the line off because it wasn't as easy as they had said it would be to remove it the foreman turns and looks at his left hand guy says okay we won't do nothing until you return i step out of the classroom and go maybe 20 feet down the hall to radio engineering when i hear holy frick what did i just say the assistant started poking at something in the pipe a ceiling ring something and somehow knocked something off in such a way that the entire line opened up and literally started shooting out water at fire hydrant speeds across our very very expensive science room i stood for nearly 10 whole minutes in front of the stream trying to catch as much as much water as i could in one of those plastic waste paper basket and then dumping it down the bathroom next door i was basically trying to shield anything built into the room that was used by the science class from a fire hose all i can say is frick that guy and frick engineering the valve to shut the line off was in the classroom below but took them 10 whole freaking minutes more damage then when they drilled straight into the vertical water main in the building my girls were like four and six years old one summer evening i left them at home with their dad while i ran to the store to pick up a few things i couldn't have been gone an hour when i pull into the driveway and get out of the car i can hear both girls screaming and their dad roaring ice i snd straighten my shoulders and walk into the house braced for whatever disaster is awaiting me i go through the front door round the corner and see my husband lying in the hallway holding his head his roars have subsided to a painful groaning i hear scuffling behind the girl's clothes bedroom door i step over my husband's prone form and burst into the bedroom and catch the girls in the process of climbing out their bedroom window i got everyone settle down and finally got the story out of them it seems my husband thought it would be hilarious to scare the girls so he got out the scream mask put it on and tiptoed down the hall and stuck his head through the half open door before he could make any scary sounds a six-year-old glanced up and saw him and immediately leapt to her feet and slammed the door pinning his head when he recoiled from that impact he staggered backward cracking the back of his head on our bedroom door frame and collapsed to the floor the girls were planning to escape next door the moral of the story is don't mess with defenseless little girls sometimes they will freak you up your girls are awesome and did exactly what they should do if there was an intruder if you have had small kids this question has come to your mind more than once the one stuck to my mind is when i was cooking dinner for my visiting sister and his bf they were on their way to visit my four year and my pregnant ex-wife i left the pan for 45 seconds to do something else and came to my four-year vomiting over his own poop strategically positioned in front of the entrance door and my pregnant ex-wife vomiting over the pan because she couldn't deal with the smell site oh and my sister was ringing the door's bell i had to call for a pizza baby powder everywhere i'm talking in the silverware drawer under the couch inside the couch on top of the pictures frames it clogged broke the vacuum i slipped on a thin layer of it trying to get the vacuum out of the closet baby powder on tile is very dangerous i hate baby powder i wanted to try tattooing bought a gun practice on some oranges and stuff had some friends come over and one of them volunteered to get a simple little bomb done on him did it turned out good went for a smoke break for five minutes and then came back into the rest of the guys tattooing themselves with the same dang needle one of them tattooed a circle on their arm by literally holding it like a child holds a crayon and just did overlapping circles imagine you do a light sketch with a pencil to make a circle and the other tattooed his ex-wife's name across his forearm in a similar fashion it started okay but slowly got bigger and worse near the end of the name serious wtf moment you got some dumb friends dude a regular day in the gym was working out my back a couple guys were doing flat bench and shooting the crap i had to go take a leak was gone for two minutes tops come back to see one of the guys sporting a peck tear with a spectacular purple bruise blossoming on it he was crying practically balling while a doc tended to him turns out while ego benching he tried to do 405 and paid the price was at work went outside to grab a smoke come back and one of the receptionists that i had a crush on is blushing and everyone else is laughing i asked what happened and they let me know that she got her belly button pierced the night before and wanted to show everyone but was wearing a dress she decided to flip up her dress to show everyone anyway and forgot she wasn't wearing any underwear still can't believe i missed that one susan do it again i wasn't watching here's a depressing one my mom picked me up from middle school at 11 a.m for an orthodontist's appointment she dropped me back at school at 12 30 p.m i walked back into my classroom to see that the entire room was silent and most had red eyes from crying the teacher quietly took me aside and told me that one of my best friends had been horribly injured in an accident in the gym and likely wasn't going to make it he died while being airlifted to the hospital i wanted my wife to have a good morning so i made breakfast for her it was pancakes with her favorite syrup and a glass of orange juice i thought it would be nice for her to be able to eat it in bed so i woke her up and brought her the tray i realized i forgot to napkin so turn around to go get one and as soon as i make it out of the room i hear silverware hitting together and a really sad voice say oh come back i turn around and there's orange juice everywhere pancakes on the bed and she's looking at me like i did something wrong evidently she reached over for a kleenex and her juice started tipping on the tray and she panicked and overcompensated trying to make her day nice made it awful story of my wife's life one night in college i left my apartment to go to a party at my girlfriend's place i headed over early maybe h to just hang out and drink beer because college girl parties are weird and dumb and start at 11 for no goddamn reason but i digress about an hour later i realized i'd forgot my weed so i walked back to my place i hear music thumping and figure there's no way it's my apartment my roommates weren't big party people get outside the door and it's def my place i open the door the lights are off a strobe light is going where techno-ish music is blasting most of the dudes present are shirtless seemingly tripping balls and totally covered in red paint for some reason unintelligible yelling in my direction as i walk in just need my pot you guys have fun i have to go now bye bye my wife had to be induced for our first child we had been sitting in the hospital for about nine hours when i asked her if it would be okay with her if i went and got a drink she said fine so i went to the lounge that was about 20 feet from our hospital room put in the money grabbed the can that dropped and walked back to my room to see a nurse stationed at my wife's feet telling her to push while mom too we had started lamar's breathing i had been gone less than 30 seconds i swear those maternity nurses were just lying in weight i was at a wedding helping my cousin set up chairs my uncle left us alone for about five minutes he came back to find my cousins and i being escorted out for trying to catch the goldfish in the fountain we're all in our twenties i successfully caught the most by the way i left a patient who was not confused alone for like five minutes came back to all three ivs ripped out blood and pizza sauce everywhere while the incredibly obese patient hiked his leg over the bed rails firing crap all over the floor and screaming bombs away jesus freaking christ i was a highly tense family gathering of my wife's family and was congratulating myself on having during the three hours we were there kept everyone from yelling at each other as we prepared to say goodbye and i popped outside to see if i needed to ask someone to move their car so we could leave in 20 seconds i heard very loud shouting involving my wife her sister brother and mother she still isn't talking to her sister or mother this was four years ago if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Studios

Views: 128,440

Rating: 4.9433508 out of 5

Keywords: what happened, only gone for a minute, im only gone for a minute, i was only gone for five minutes, just missed it, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub

Id: fQUo1Cg_dG8

Length: 24min 15sec (1455 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 10 2020