What's the Stupidest Injury You've Caused to Yourself?

what an injury you sustained and lied about how it actually happened because it was too embarrassing i once semi-dislocated my kneecap in such a way that my leg locked up and i was in incredible pain by sitting down to eat at the dinner table and twisting my leg somehow i hurt myself sitting down instead i told my friends i had fallen down a steep hill on the local heathland but my brother told them the truth and i was promptly mocked okay this one got me laughing so hard my stomach hurts now i broke my toe running from a bee i'm a huge weenie about stingy bugs so when a bee got in my hair i freaked out i ran toward the house lost my balance kicked the concrete step of mom's porch and fell backwards mom was sitting on the porch and i accidentally backhanded her before crashing to the ground she was laughing so hard she couldn't help me up and i was laughing so hard i couldn't get up i was super embarrassed for a while and just told everyone i tripped i got over the shame because it was pretty freaking funny so i don't lie about it anymore a big scary looking man who was trying to buy work boots from the place i was working explained to me that he need lots of ankle support because he had broken his ankles twice the second time he broke them he was working on a roof he saw a wasp and went into a panic which caused him to forget he was on a roof and begin blindly running away he ran straight off the roof i once fell out of bed and cracked my head open on a metal frame blood everywhere a visit stitches etc i was about six years old i still have the scar decades later my mother literally changed our beds even though we really couldn't afford it to safer ones the truth is i didn't want to go to bed so i flung myself out of bed to pretend to be hurt and maybe get to stay up for a short while longer i mean you got to stay up i got surgery a few years ago on my knees as i had dislodged some loose cartilage in the joint and also torn a bit of my meniscus at the time i was playing a ton of ultimate frisbee so i just told people it was that it actually happened when i was getting up from a chair hahaha i dislocated my kneecap playing ultimate frisbee and was embarrassed so i told people i was sparring mma chair ultimate frisbee mma bean bag chair mini golf frisbee golf ultimate frisbee mma lifting whale fallager dragons i got a black eye as a kid i slipped and fell into the support beam of my basketball room my dad made me lie to my other family members and say i got it defending some kids at school he was pretty embarrassed at how terrible i was at basketball lol i kinda skimmed through the comments and misread it as you're hitting your head on the rim thought i found blake griffin's alt account was getting hot and heavy with my boyfriend at the time he reached under my shirt and unhooked my bra and then pulled my shirt and bra up over my head at the same time as he did this the underwire in my cheap butt bra popped out and left a huge scratch right across my forehead i made up some story about digging through my closet looking for something and getting scratched by a hanger i was getting hot and heavy with my girlfriend once a weird thing about me is that sometimes when i am are making love on my back my hands feet and face go all numb and tingly so i didn't notice the handcuffs i was wearing had cut a deep long cut into my wrist until it was too late and everything was covered in blood colon i cut my thumb with an axe the cut was almost to the bone i never told anyone because i was told not to play with the axe this is when i was six years old eugene someone should have told you to be careful with that axe fully took off my nail while playing football i said was playing sport just an intense game of sword fighting on wii sport resort and slammed my hand really hard on a table you should just say you lost it during a sword fight my grandmother noticed a mark on my forehead it was round and just under an inch and diameter she asked me what happened without missing a beat i straight up replied with i burnt my head with my hair straightener she grumbled that i should be more careful what really happened you ask i got my head stuck between the back seat and back arm rest of a car resulting in a friction burn similar to carpet burn while rooting getting laid banged having physical relations in the back seat here in canada we have a store called roots my parents had some friends from australia come visit and they were killing themselves laughing and had to take a picture in front of the sign i was in high school taking my morning shower it was an older house and the shower was a tiled in room with a glass door being the high school dork that i was i thought it would be cool if i ninja elbowed the door open but the whole door spider webbed and one little piece popped out leaving me with a nice gash on my elbow my hand slipped the funny part was that about a week prior my brother sliced his hand open in the same shower trying to open a bottle of shampoo with a pocket knife neither of us are too bright i think the problem was the shower not you kids that sounds like a death trap i once punched a bowling ball because i was frustrated it turns out bowling balls are pretty hard broke my hand it was swollen and bloody told my boss at work i slammed my hand in a door it's still broken this was like six months ago got drunk fell on my face on pavement said the huge gash on my forehead down to my cheek was from rugby to be fair to be ferrari it was during a rugby social freaking figure it out that's what i says i have these really ugly shoes that i wear around the house that my husband absolutely hate i was taking laundry down the stairs and i fell down the stairs because of the shoes i couldn't tell him that because then he will be correct that my shoes are stupid so i told him that the dog ran between my legs and made me fall a scar across my forehead i got it from hitting my head on a fan as a child and it's still kind of there i always just say that my cat scratched me and it went pretty deep therefore the reason it's still there and now everybody hates the cat i haven't exactly lied about it but depending on who i'm talking to i have been leaving out some important details i got my wife an electric scooter for her birthday the day she got it we went out for a ride i was on my electric skateboard it had recently rained a bit so the pavement was a little wet but not too bad as long as you were careful i got the idea to pretend to fart and get a speed boost from it so i made a farting sound and totally gunned it since the pavement was damp my board slid out from under me and i went down directly in front of my wife she didn't have time to stop so she also fell we both got some scrapes and bruises unfortunately she got it worse than i did when telling the story i've left out the fart boost part of it someone i'm not really close to try adjusting the angle on your rear booster next time i've been waiting 25 years for this moment as a 10 year old boy my friend had a mini hoop on his closet door in his room we would always shoot the ball while playing super nintendo or whatever one day we started shooting and then had a real one-on-one game with dribbling score keeping etc i went for a dunk and didn't realize the closet doorknob was missing and it was just jagged metal jutting out of the door i remember looking down and seeing my shorts torn open and a bloody gash and i was in shock the cut was inches from my man parts this was a close one it wasn't bleeding a ton and i could see fat and other strange crap it was a couple inches long and i was a freaking idiot 10 years old so i got a bunch of bandages from his house and limped home neosporin and bandages four weeks until it healed never told my parents not sure why i have a visible scar to this day not me but my best friend in high school for some reason or another thought that if he didn't poop eventually his body would just absorb digest one hundred of the turd matter and make it into energy admittedly for about the first three five days it was a painful battle but he was able to keep it all in him after that the pains he was feeling sort of went away fast forward maybe a week or two we go to costco for lunch buck fiddy hot dogs and while we're at a table eating i see a look of agonizing pain go across his face he said he has to go the bathroom and that he'll meet me outside now this is when crap gets real he knew that at that moment his experiment had failed and that the time to release the poop was now he got to a stall and started to push except it wasn't all coming out it had started normal enough but very quickly his coil grew and diometer and he couldn't push it past his rim anymore he found out later that what had happened was that his poop had essentially dried up and hardened inside him coming out and forming a reverse butt plug situation knowing that this wasn't going to come out on its own he somehow managed to crab walk from the toilet to the sink take the mirror off the wall place it in the floor squat over it and for sanitary concerns wrapped his hands to his elbows and toilet paper at this point he assumed the position grabbed on with both hands and with a violent push-pull technique released the plug of pressure and everything else that was built up behind it and instantly passes out this is where irae enter the story after almost an hour of waiting in a costco parking lot i go to the customer service desk inform them that my friend has been in the bathroom for a long time and that maybe someone should check on him i was greeted with a very odd look from an old lady at the counter who then followed me to the restroom with a set of keys i then opened the door to see my best friend face down on a mirror pant around his ankles blood and crap everywhere with half of his arms wrapped up like a bad mummy costume on halloween needles to say paramedics were called he had a concussion from hitting the floor and needed multiple stitches in the butthole then he had to explain to his parents doctors costco managers what happened and why he thought not pooping was a good idea but because i was a good friend when everyone asked why he wasn't at school for a week i said we got drunk off of a shot of every bottle in my parents liquor cabinet so nothing looked empty climbed a tree in my backyard and that he fell and landed on the fence this is the first time i've ever told anyone this story this was a wild ride holy crap was out of works for months with this one broke my finger and severed the tendon catching a heavy door to hold for a cute girl what was your fake story i was having some trouble with my heart a few months ago that caused dizziness and occasional fainting passed out while in the shower and sprained my wrist told my coworkers it was a workout injury because i passed out in the shower with a visual i didn't want to give everyone a few answers one i don't know enough about the apple watch to know if it would have helped me but my symptoms are totally in control because of the meds i'm on so i don't plan on getting one two propanol is the medication i'm on it's a beta blocker three a lot of you are asking if my heart issue was resolved and what my diagnosis was after several months of symptoms i finally was diagnosed thanks to a halter monitor my cardiologist had me wear i wore it for two weeks the monitor caught and recorded a ton of irregular heartbeats in both the upper and lower chambers in my heart that were happening daily my heart was skipping beats then doing extra little half beats for lack of a proper medical term to try to compensate i was also having rapid heartbeats which i already knew from checking my pulse my doctor put me on a medication to resolve the irregular beats and my symptoms have all gone away unless i forget to take my meds in which case i feel my heart having irregular beats at times four several people are asking about my symptoms because they are having similar symptoms many different heart problems can cause similar symptoms so please don't diagnose yourself based on my story if you're having unusual symptoms that seem like they're stemming from your heart i urge you to see a good cardiologist as soon as you can you won't be able to diagnose yourself from internet research and you need medical help to prevent any long-term damage if your doctor tells you you're fine because you don't meet the usual criteria for heart issues i.e smoker overweight family history etc get another doctor and advocate for yourself sprained my wrist in the shower isn't the visual you want to give them either i was playing football soccer with a bunch of friends i was 12. since we were all still school kids one team was usually gonna steamroll the other on this occasion i happen to be the keeper on the winning team so i had nothing to do and i was really bored i decided it was a good time to do some pull-ups and so i grabbed the crossbar of the goal post and pulled myself up once i was on top i stuck out my legs for fun and got them stuck in the net i ended up falling to the ground and i stuck out my hands to prevent myself from breaking my tailbone i eventually found out that i'd broken my left wrist with one of the bones inside the wrist being pushed out of position and slightly fractured what i told my parents at the doctor 2lol was that i was running after the ball and tripped over something thus causing me to fall face first and break my wrist tl dr broke risk doing a pull-up on a goal post told parent and doctor that i tripped while running after a football funny thing i was hanging on the goal post one time and it fell over on me i have no idea why but i didn't let go and it came crashing down on my wrists my right wrist got a sprain and my other one was fine told everyone i sprained it from soccer jumped off a 12-foot recreational climbing wall drunkenly to impress a boy and broke both of my legs putting me in a wheelchair for the rest of the summer equals i had a rock climbing accident you definitely made an impression i was crap-faced and fell in the parking lot of my friend's apartment and busted my face wide open at her birthday party the birthday party just so happened to be the night before a second date with this really cute girl i met on tinder went on the date and told the girl that a dog at work had knocked me over and i fell on my face i work with dogs and me being put on my bus by a great dane or some other huge pup isn't unusual and she understood while on the date some guys came up to me and rudely asked me wtf happened to my face my tinder date grabbed my hand and made up some story about how i got in a fight defending her honor and a bar or some nonsense i could hardly keep a straight face while she was telling the story but she sold the crap out of it it wasn't until a few days later i told her the real story of how i got hurt tinder date and i are getting married soon what a wholesome story poured scalding hot grease into my shoe when working in a kitchen had to look my boss dead in the eye and say i was fine because i was scared to get drug tested i waited 10 minutes to go investigate the damage so nothing seemed suspicious worst burn i've ever had i was a dishwasher and someone put a fry basket in my sink without telling me and i reached in to get the utensils that i knew were at the bottom but such a bad burn i still have the scar i have scars on my knees that i tell everyone i got from a bad fall it's plausible i am very clumsy in reality i was freaking a guy the floor of his bedroom and got rug burn on my knees from when i was on top do you wanna know how i got these scars i got a second degree burn on my butt cheeks my friends stupidly let it slip during a dinner with my mom i had to quickly lie and say i was taking a bath and didn't check the water because every human gets in the bathtub but first i really got the injury from pouring oatmeal which hadn't cooled down into the back of a diaper i was wearing excuse me what i broke my dong once look i was tired practically asleep i was about to jump on my bed to sleep i missed somehow landed on the floor with a chub hurt like [ __ ] i just said i got mug and hit with a bat i once gave myself a black eye trying to move one of those heavy boxes containers of cat litter i leaned over to pick it up and unbeknownst to me it was actually empty instead of the full 30 35 pounds i was expecting but brought it up fast and the corner of the container clocked me in the eye thankfully my school and friends know i'm fairly clumsy as it is so they didn't really bat an eye at it once i assured them it was just my clumsiness a fun tidbit i've lived in the same house since i was born and have fallen down the same stairs i literally learned how to stairs on over 25 times in my life i'm 18 almost 19 now como i literally learned how to stairs on ha never heard two stairs used as a verb caught my ex with his hand sliced open told me he was handling knives turned out it was a partial truth except his hand slipped since he was trying to sneak a chunk of my cookie dough i had frozen without me finding out i lied to co-workers no reason to lie to family my injury was one night a group of friends were walking home from the bars early in the morning i ran ahead for some reason and then i needed to pee i went into an ally between two houses and it was pitch black i pee but on my way back to the street i triple a trash can lid i ended up spraining my ankle so bad that a bone in my foot broke apparently this is supposed to happen i had to limb home to make matters worse i was new to this job and had to take the train i had to walk to and from the train station going up and down a ton of steps tough couple of weeks told them i heard my foot playing sports feel down the stairs cause i'm old i told everyone there was ice on the top step but there wasn't i have no idea how i missed the step or what i did i just know i was on my back and thankful i didn't also smash my head against them friend of mine broke his dong while rolling over with morning wood off the bed he got his super hot gf at the time to say it happened during intercourse this was not the kind you could hide he was laid up legs spread open for a month and another two before he could walk again it was six months before he was back to normal his wife same girl just married him later told us the truth during a christmas drinking game he married her just to keep the lie safe between them and then she ruined it tl dr xbf left a handprint bruise on my face told my parents and other friends and family that i hit it on the steering wheel an ex-boyfriend and i were once getting kinky and he was repeatedly slapping me in the face while choking me granted it was a little harder than i prefer he was also coked out and in my experience people don't always realize how aggressive they're being while on coke but it wasn't unbearable or anything he suddenly stopped a few minutes later eyes wide in awe did i do that he asked do what your face is all bruised it's fine i'll look at it later i said dismissively later comes around and i look in the mirror to see a purple handprint outlined across my cheeks even the lines of his hands were painted on my face in broken blood vessels my parents didn't know i was dating him and they certainly didn't think i was freaking especially like that on my way home i stopped at ulta and got color correcting makeup piled it on using the mirror in my car and wore my hair down and slightly over my face my parents could still see some bruising though and when they asked what happened i told them this absolute whopper i was driving home from work and dropped my water bottle it started to roll as if it was gonna get in the way of the brake pedal so i bent down to grab it while i was still kind of bent down a cat ran into the road and when i slammed on the brakes i hit my face on the wheel the tl doctor makes this story sound much darker than it actually is not me but once had a friend lie about how they broke their wrist he was only about 16 at the time but told everyone he broke his wrist by falling down the stairs turns out his mum walked in on him nsw so spoiler fingering a girl and he jerked his arm away in an awkward position causing the break dude i once fingered a girl so hard that well long story short i broke my wrist was driving along at night and wanted to use some nasal spray i'd bought earlier for hey fever reached into the glover box and got the bottle out and while driving along took a big hit of the nasal spray i immediately felt an overwhelmingly burning sensation in my nostril and had to pull over through teary eyes i checked the nasal spray thinking it must have expired or something then realized i'd picked up and bottle of super glue and honked a good squirt up my nose would not recommend that to anyone told my missus when i got home i'd hurt my nose in the gym because sniffing glue is not something you tell people i broke my wrist in gym class playing kickball when i was 16 or 17. the grass was wet the girl on first base was a big and lazy girl and i was in the short start position so when i saw a kick go straight along the baseline i knew what to expect girl didn't even bend down to try and stop it just kinda waved one arm at her side so i was running to try and get to it stopped it with one arm but the grass was super wet and my feet just kept going i fell down hard and had my left arm behind me to brace the full the only cool part of the story is that i finished out the rest of the game with what should have been a very obviously broken wrist i went to the gym teacher afterwards and asked if i could go to the nurses for an ice pack before getting changed he was just like oh oh hi oh crap that's broken he flagged a kid to escort me to the nurses and after a bit of walking and going up the stairs and the adrenaline wearing off i went into shock and fainted i told everyone in my first few years of college that it happened playing high school soccer instead of gym class kickball i didn't play soccer in high school honestly you should stick to the original story any short stop with the range to cover a play down the right field line is god tear i definitely would have had words with the right fielder and second baseman though if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video bye for now

Channel: Updoot Studios

Views: 20,742

Keywords: stupidest moments, stupidest moments ever, stupidest self inflicted injuries, self injury hospital, self injury scene, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub

Id: PPciGFIxT-k

Length: 23min 45sec (1425 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 12 2020