What Does "That Guy" In Your Neighborhood Do? (r/AskReddit)

what does that guy in your neighborhood do he says that's how we do things around here it's only me and him that live on my road example my dog chocolate lab got out one day and made his way to Gina's place he shows up with my dog and bangs on the door he says next time this dog comes around my house you'll never see him again that's how we do things around here a couple months later his dog came to my house I loaded him up and went and banged on his door all aggressively he answers and I I say here's your dog back he wandered into my yard he just stares and thanks me then I say no problem I'm glad I found him and he didn't end up in some [ __ ] yard turn and leave there's an old man who will without fail get his motorized scooter stuck in the drain down the road from me on a Sunday afternoon I keep an eye out the window and when I see him trying to floor it out of the drain I go and give him a push you write tongue yeah alright see you next week Tom yup it's going to be a really sad day the Sunday I don't see him out there he's getting on in years I've got a neighbor wheel called Jim Jim is one of those guys that doesn't give a [ __ ] about the exterior of his house most once every couple months garbage all over etcetera needless to say drives me nuts as we are in a decent neighborhood and I'm a bit anal about my yard I built four hundred feet of privacy fence just so I don't have to see it anyway one day I'm on my deck when I see Jim get them over out I call a girlfriend onto the back deck to watch we figure it'll be entertaining watching Jim struggle to cut two foot tall grass with a push mower so thirty minutes in we realize there's something in the middle of Jim's yard it's a down comforter how that got in the yard is still a mystery but where the things have happened over there we figured Jim was going to move the comforter and finish mowing Jim never moved the comforter he approached it stopped for ten seconds mower running and staring at it Jim gave a perceptible shoulder shrug and ran it over the comforter literally exploded it looked like a flock of beasts had been sucked into a seven 147 engine feathers 20 feet in the air falling like synthetic snowflakes the mower obviously chokes and dies due to the king-size comforter now wrapped in the blade Jim let's go of the handle like it's on fire and stares at it for five minutes not moving Jim walks inside leaving this mower slash blanket slash feather pile in the middle of the yard and didn't touch it for three weeks needful weed he rides a shiny gold mobility scooter along the pavement at like five hundred miles per hour forcing pedestrians to leap out of the way we once asked him where he's going he said he's off to buy cannabis hence the genius name he's a solid 70 and likes to retrieve his mail mow his lawn and stand on his porch in nothing but boots and tall white socks makes his kids play basketball in the street and yells obscenities at them if they move full traffic if a car honks at them to get them out if the street the guy barrels off of his porch with a baseball bat and makes a scene until the car backs up and leaves that guy in my neighborhood has a quad with us now play on the front any time there's a heavy snowfall he plays every one sidewalk on the street my neighborhood is [ __ ] awesome Park sister cars truck and boat in the road when his driveway is totally empty why I III I [ __ ] why iiiii we have chess man he travels around the local pubs challenging unsuspecting victims to a game of chess the only word he ever really says his chess in an inquisitive tone followed by again after the game is over he almost always wins lots of practice and everyone else doesn't really care I've seen him lose once he didn't like it and refuses to acknowledge it ever happened if you bring it up we have the mayor of Elm Street he always walks his dog and no matter what you will see him with a big smile and he waves at every car it's rare that you can see someone who looks so happy a few years ago he started walking into the middle of the road whenever he saw a car he was diagnosed with late stage alzhiemer's now his wife always walks with him she is obviously not as comfortable waving at all the strangers but she humors him all the same you have to slow down to a crawl whenever you drive by him because he walks directly in front of your car to greet you he almost is in such a great mood even if it is obvious that he has no idea where he is but it really gets me on the days that he looks down there are days when he just stares at the ground and looks lost I can't imagine not knowing who I am or where I am but he has one of the best attitudes I have ever seen in someone with such a tragic disease he feeds pigeons from his balcony by throwing bread on the ground problem is that I live in the apartment below him on the ground floor so I wake up every day to the sound of an all-you-can eat dry bread buffet for pigeons he also threw three potted plants off his balcony one day that was weird we just realized that guys our room at after the cops and FBI raided the house they took all of our computers and swept the entire house later the neighbor came over and suspected kiddie porn and said the neighborhood has been thinking it for a while I don't know what he did still they had a no-knock warrant for the house his work and his parents house haven't heard from him since description of room at 50 years old creepy overweight man who only lives here because he's a family friend wears the same cargo pants and NASA shirt with nineties grandpa tennis shoes every day he also acts like he's on crack and steals my dirty tampons so I had to start flushing them 80 something-year-old veteran rides around the neighborhood in his Americana golf cart he has his show winning border collie in the passenger seat and an American flag waving in the 8 miles per hour lined sidenote I was recently walking my very old dog when this man slowly catches up to me in his cart walking and talking I walk he talks I hear about his dogs best-in-show win in the very local dog show mind you this dog has the proudest derp face I've ever seen before he and his B collie ride off into the sunset he tells my dog to hang in there and without thinking I say you too but good news he's still ripping up those streets in his America washes his car in a speedo while screaming at his wife in a foreign language nobody can figure out every Sunday all summer my neighbor mr. Burke has a 90 plus year old Irish man who sits in his garden and bellows cheery greetings to all who pass I can hear him now actually from inside my house going he'll oOoOO neato hello and have a good day yes sick god bless he's the best editor wet fun fact about mr. Burke is that he has lived on my block for ninety one of his 93 years when he was 16 he lied about his age to join the army spent two years homesick and came right back when he could edit to clarify mr. Burke is Irish American sorry for the confusion I mentioned that because we are in an italian-american neighborhood so that makes him a little more unique we live in Brooklyn another fun mr. Burke facts since you all love him so much his front garden is planted in the shape of a heart because he likes to make his neighbors smile I basically live on Sesame Street he writes not one but two neighborhood newsletters half of it his neighborhood news the other half is his personal diary slash soapbox it also contained some of the worst spelling and grammar I've ever seen typically includes a detailed account of what he and his granddaughter did at some local event playing backseat traffic engineer he once suggested that painting lines on the highway was a waste of money because everyone knows where to go and that streetlights are redundant as a side note one intersection in our town was recently named the most dangerous of the US because among other reasons poor markings and poor lighting some random rant about national politics complaining about how people won't pay for his newsletter makes noise complains by phoning police and telling them he hears domestic abuse I was woken out of my sleep once to assure two officers that I was not being held hostage because apparently my husband was making too much noise while cleaning up the kitchen he longboards around in his pajama pants in the middle of the day with his giant earphones and singing at the top of his lungs Counting Crows songs he has long dreadlocks and always has a cloud of weed and both following him around he keeps a bunch of random [ __ ] on his lawn and has a bike tire hanging on his tree in his front yard walk almost all day around our building yelling can't understand any [ __ ] he just walk and yell if he sees a bird he yells if he sees a cat he yells if he sees a trash he yells then punch it to death with a rage and of violence you've never seen that [ __ ] will sneak behind you without you realizing it and yelled like crazy after pissing your pants you will start looking at him rushing to the nearest trash / tree / cat to yell some more and give a few hits he is crazy as hell and I have no idea why he is still allowed outside word is that it's schizophrenia I have no idea but I'm pretty scared one day he will savagely hit someone and maybe kill this person for [ __ ] nothing a weird couple lived in my parents neighborhood before I met my husband and moved they once paid me to check on their cats while they were out of town their kitchen was filthy scum and other unknown substances were growing over the counter dishes in the sink etc one day the woman's husband brings home a kitten he found the woman confronts me in my front yard and demands that I adopt this kitten at the time I already have two adult dogs who dislike cats and am busy with my college classes I can't have a new pet she calls me closed-minded and says I'm not thinking clearly she insists that my dogs will grow to love the cat just because her dogs grew to love cats after I refused again she confronts my mother next time my mother tells her the same we can't have a cat when this couple finally got pregnant I think they were in their early 40s my mom babysat for them while they went to a concert the kid began screaming and freaking out basically acting as if he were dying she called the parents multiple times before finally getting an answer they had forgotten that the kid has regular panic attacks roams the street in a wheelchair all day he is in fact not physically disabled and moves his wheelchair by dragging both feet on the ground he usually moves himself to the middle of the road to get people to help him off of the road his preferences females who I believe he likes to sexually assault ask grab even go as far as try to get them to push him to his nearby home I can only assume to attempt to rape them he looks like he hasn't washed in 20 years and is a fat worthless perv who I believe is better off dead I live with my dad stepmom stepsister and stepbrother that guy lives about a half a block away from me normally he just wanders around 24 / 7 by himself I've seen him almost every hour of the day sometimes he peeks into people's windows a few months ago he probably in his late 60s told my underaged stepsister that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and wanted to marry her and start his taxidermy business with her when she turned 18 he claims to own the local McDonald's and has told everyone on our block that he wants to throw a huge block party that he will cater from his own establishment when we inquired at said McDonald's the owners had never even seen him lastly we had left a bag of clothes out one night for Goodwill but the next morning we get a call from the charity saying they had to cancel the morning pickup but the bag was gone anyways fast forward a few days and that guy is strutting around the neighborhood wearing some of my stepmothers clothes who knows what else he wore that was in that bag [Music]

Channel: ToadFilms

Views: 250,453

Rating: 4.8975015 out of 5

Keywords: That guy, guy, that neighbor, weird neighbor, that guy in your neighborhood, neighborhood, weird, reddit, askreddit, askreddit funny, top posts, top posts of r/, r/, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, top posts of all time, askreddit question, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, askreddit reading, subreddit, reddit stories, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, Updoot Reddit, TZ Reddit

Id: OOGMd_DxXGY

Length: 12min 55sec (775 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 17 2019