- Hey guy, welcome back to
the hottest club in town. So today I wanna do
something I haven't done in a very long time. And that is pretty much
make an entire video about one tweet. You're shopping at your local food market, and you notice this
young woman from behind. How do you open? At first, I was really confused cause I've always been
under the impression that you can't open a bag
of chips in the store. That you have to pay for it first, otherwise, they'll get mad at you, but then I realized, they're
talking about the girl. How do you open the girl? And then I spent the
next 20 minutes scrolling through the joke responses and
having the time of my life. Say, let me get that for you
and then climb up the shelves, pulling them down and injuring both of us. Tell her I'm exhausted from pushing around my shopping cart
and ask her to push it while I ride in the children's seat. But the most accurate response I saw was, op, excuse me, just gotta sneak
right past you real quick. The original tweet was
such a stupid question that got all of the mockery it deserved, but then I realized that nothing
could be funnier than all of the genuine responses
from guys who were like, I got this. I will answer this question and I will do it in the
creepiest way possible. Do you know how many
calories are in that bag? I'll eat them for you. We can have the future
Mrs. X getting fat, can we? Yeah, I think that'll go well. I think that's a good opening line to use on someone you've never spoken to before. You shouldn't eat those. What? Well, if you're gonna be my wife, I don't want you to get fat. That's a good point. Make sure I'm smelling nice, brush close to her from her left side whilst picking one of the lay package, whatever that's, turn, gaze into her eyes with a warm smile, and tell
her I would have handed her that it was written slay because she's slaying. That is weirdly choreographed. He even picked a side. Would it have been different
if he came in from the right? Does he not wanna get pepper
sprayed in his good eye? It's a shame that that went the way it did because he got off to
such a promising start. Make sure I'm smelling nice. Underrated first step. Though now I'm curious to know
how he would have proceeded if he didn't smell nice.
(dramatic music) Run over to the deodorant
aisle real quick, or like go home and shower
and hope that in 30 minutes, she'll still be deciding on chips. Hey, did you know these
are half off today? Check the coupon in the back. I don't see it. It should be there. Do you wear glasses? Ha. I do or maybe I need some, et cetera. By the way, you look familiar. Have we met? Should be able to get her from there. Oh yeah, dude. You are in. I think you've laid all the
necessary groundwork here. I mean, at this point, the conversation
practically speaks itself. I love how many of these
are like that though, where they clearly lose steam by the end. And so, they're just like,
eh, you get the idea. This guy didn't even finish
one sentence before giving up. Hey, I like your style. Did you buy your outfits
from the blah blah place? You know, one of those
stores that sell girl pants. I don't know. I'm so tired. This guy gave two options. Number one, is it cheat day for you? Or have you tried Cool Ranch? Would you call it Cool Ranch? No, I've never heard of that,
but it sounds delicious. What do you say we split a bag in my bed? At this point, you may be thinking that these are all so
bad that surely they have to be jokes as well, right? I feel like the key to
identifying genuine responses in a sea of satire is
to look at their bios. If he describes himself as a
business tycoon or a gentlemen, or you know, some kind of
alpha, he wasn't joking. This is his life. Occasionally, you'll hit
the jackpot of Twitter bios. Cryptocurrency enthusiast
and convicted felon. Well, at least he's proud of it. Like I just can't imagine that an account called Red Pill Maestro that retweets pickup
artists all day every day is doing some elaborate bit
that only he is aware of. Hey, that's my bag. Thanks for getting them for me. I'll take them from here. Top shelf? Naughty. What's naughty about the top shelf? Is that where they keep
all the sexy Doritos? Was just gonna ask if you would mind reaching
the top shelf for me? I always struggle. Looks at me. Obviously, I don't. Hey, why not grab a bag for
yourself while you're up there? The thing she was already doing until you snatched it out
of her hand like a child. The best responses though are
the guys like BowTiedGreyWolf who initiates small talk about Doritos. Alternatively, you could try
this snack similarity approach. Walk up, grab a bag, and say something like
these are my favorite. Glad to see someone else
with good taste as well. Have you tried these? Point at a different variation. Glad to see someone else
with good taste as well. Have you tried the purple bag? I just woke up from a 60 year coma. You know, this might be a viable tactic if it was like some
niche Trader Joe's snack, but they're talking about Doritos, the most common brand of chips. Aw, I love Doritos. Here, let me help you. I talk to women the same way
I would talk to a stray dog. So a lot of great options to choose from, but I have a feeling the guy who tweeted it wasn't asking for advice. He doesn't need it. In fact, he's the self-proclaimed
master opener of women, which either means that he's really good at starting conversations or he's literally opening women up. So maybe just call the cops. After 4,000 approaches, I share my step-by-step sexcalation system to getting laid fast. Is the sex itself supposed to be fast? Cause I don't need a guide on that. Also 4,000 approaches? I find it telling that he's not leading with how many women he's
successfully slept with, which would also be creepy, but just how many he's tried to talk to. But clearly, with tweets like this, all he's doing is prompting
Twitter outrage in order to plug his book called
Conversation Casanova Mastery. If there's one thing I don't wanna do, it's give money to this guy. But also, I don't need to because all of courses
are exactly the same. You see hot girl and you want sex, but brain too stupid. You too stupid.
(metallic banging) For a $20, I teach you how to talk good and now you have girlfriend. Tempting for sure. But given that we've already
seen his students in action, I'm gonna say his book is
probably not worth the money. Speaking of which, his other business endeavor
is called Womanese 101. Because if I wanna know
the language of women, I'm gonna ask some random dude. Women speak womanese. A cryptic language that men
have trouble understanding. Save yourself from years of
pain, confusion, and heartbreak. Get the book now. I love that this guy is advertising a book that's supposed to teach
you what women are saying, and I can't even understand
what he is saying. If you are too sex to make a
move on a woman that you like, the you are pathetic. Your ancestors fought in World War II. Oh my God. The first thing you can do to instantly raise your
sexual market value is to get better at being a producer of emotions that women value, specifically fun, intrigue,
and good emotions. Did Mark Zuckerberg write this? This is the absolute most robotic and insane way to say girls
like guys who are fun. The best part about this
account is you don't even have to come to the conclusion on your own that this is predatory. He literally describes
himself as a predator. That's not a good thing. Needless to say, womanese
is not exactly a hit with the ladies, which, you know, sort of
invalidates it altogether. This is how girls talk. No, it's not. Yeah, okay. I think I would know. But I read a little bit about it. What is it with pickup
artists always implying there's some kind of anatomical secret to seducing women? Uncontrollable attraction
within a woman's limbic system. Yeah, so if you look closely, you'll notice that all
girls have a little knob on the back of their neck and you're gonna wanna
make sure that's turned over to the horny setting, otherwise, you're not
getting anywhere with them. Also, be unfuckable with. That is an amazing word, although I'm pretty
sure they were supposed to cut out the last part. Anyway, after the resounding
success of that first tweet, Mr. Casanova became so
addicted to getting dunked on that he did it again. You're at a college house party and you notice this young woman
leaving the female restroom. How do you open? I would have so many questions. How did I get here? Which college is this? Can I go home? Where's my wife? And who has gendered
bathrooms at a house party? You have a nice body by what I can see, but is the rest of it nice too? I don't know, is it? So the thinking with that
is that she'll get defensive and then be like, yeah, it's nice. Here, let me show you. Oh, wait a minute. You got me. (Drew chuckling) You're such a renaissance man. I almost forgot. One of the responses I love the most to the original tweet was from an account called
Got Pickup Lines App. So this is an entire app programmed to generate clever
one-liners to say to women. The perfect tool for aspiring creeps. But with the power of
technology on our side, this should be the best
pickup line of 'em all. Let's see what they came up with. See a cute girl looking at a food item, go over and grab the same item. Look at her and say, aren't these good? These are so good.
(Drew laughing) I wish I could eat them all day. Oh, they taste so good. Tums? The ultimate seduction tool. Have you ever thought to yourself,
what should I say to her? What was that line I read? Sadly, what usually happens
next is you end up staring at the girl without even
talking to her and yeah, bro, she sees that as creepy. But you know what's not creepy, constantly stopping mid-conversation to look down at your phone and say whatever an app tells you to. So where'd you go to school? That's a good question. You don't remember? No, I do, I just,
(phone keyboard clicking) gotta type in school. Type into what? University of Tennessee. Really? Cause you're the only 10 I see. Holy shit. No, wait, I went to Yale. Seriously? I was worried if I told you
you'd think I was some kind of nerd. Because you went to a good school? (dog toy squeaking) No, that's like the only good
thing you've said so far. Yeah, I guess it is. So what did you major in? Pussy. Oh my God. Then he goes on to cite
a social experiment done by someone whose name he spelled wrong that allegedly confirms that you can teach
someone how to flirt well as long as they have higher social status. So if you're having
trouble picking up women, just have a lot of money or be a prince. Now, if you were worried
this website wouldn't turn into a rant against woke culture, don't be because it does. Sure, us guys have had to
change the way we communicate with females, both in
and out of the workplace, especially when it comes to
telegraphing sexual interest. We've learned to make
verbal advances in code, using covert language
known as sexual innuendo, to be able to interact with
women without triggering those who are more easily offended. Jesus Christ. I tell you what, sometimes it feels like
you're not even allowed to grope your coworkers anymore without someone getting triggered. That's not called being triggered. That's being sexually harassed. Even if you're hitting on
someone using covert language like some kind of horny detective, that's still inappropriate. You're still gonna get
reprimanded by your HR rep. You wanted to see me? Yeah, so I heard from Jessica that you've been telling
her how much you want to put your hot dog in her bun. Uh-huh. You can't say that. Oh, what, guy's not
allowed to talk about food? Clearly, you weren't talking about food. But I technically was. You also apologized in advance if the mustard comes out too fast. It's a sensitive bottle. That's disgusting. You're fired. Fine, all right. I don't care. Oh and by the way, sorry, I triggered you, only on Netflix.
(audience applauding) Side note for anyone
who needs to hear this, innuendos are not some
sort of secret doublespeak that only geniuses can decode. Usually you're just coming up with a different word for penis. It's not any more clever
than a 12-year-old boy who ends every sentence
with that's what she says. So anyway, now we're at a point where the how do you open tweets are just popping off left and right. So even more alpha male
Twitter accounts are getting in on the action and somehow they're worse every time. You are in a restaurant with your friend where you spotted this hot
girl on opposite table, how would you open? Well, I think we can all agree that there is only one right answer. You know, according to psychology, a person who sits alone in
restaurant can be addicted to be alone. She reply, so what? Then I say, so I can help you
to not get addicted to it. You're at the beach and it's sunset time. You notice this young woman vibing alone, and you've identified that what she actually is doing is
begging for your attention. How do you open? I'm sure we'll get some
nice, normal responses here. Sup, mamas. Me likey what I see. (horn blaring) What's your evening plan, babe? Maybe we can go back to
my crib and see what's up. Oh, what's that? Why yes, I am single, he-he. I know there's plenty of fish in the sea, but I never imagined I
would find one so thick. She will smile slash laugh and say, are you calling me a fish? Don't respond. Wait, don't respond? But it was going so well. Don't respond, just ask
her name and number. Trust me, she will give it to you. Trust me, she will say that and she will give you her number. I'm sure of it. See, this is the problem with
a lot of these guys' mindset. It's not just that they're
enacting the protocol they learned in How to be a Creep 101, it's that they've already planned out how the girl will respond. Like she doesn't have the free
will to say something else. You can't script out both
sides of a conversation. Your life is not a rom-com written by you. What if she doesn't say the fish thing? What if she's like, who are you or go away, then what do you do? Panic, ask the director to yell cut? This isn't a movie. But the reason they think that they can drive a conversation is because at their core men like this don't view women as people. They're taught by all these
sex-crazed Twitter predators that if you just turn the right knobs and press the right buttons, then you'll be in control of her. Or is this guy put it, they treat women like they're NPCs who's sole questline
revolves around marrying you. Just look at some of these tweets that have way too many
likes for what they are. She's like a robot. She blindly follows her female
psychology software program. Never take what a woman
says or does personally. On an emotional level,
she is just a child, which is why we talk to them like one. Aw. She doesn't know what she
truly wants, desires, or needs. She just goes along with the
flow of the emotional moment. Unlike men, who are
notoriously level-headed. I do wanna point out a
little bit of hypocrisy here cause on one hand they'll say things like, you know, don't compromise
anything for her. She doesn't deserve it. Show interest, not desperation, but also you should
take an astrology class because that's where girls are. Fuck what she thinks. What matters is what you think. Have supreme confidence in who you are and what you stand for. And then the very next tweet, like 20 minutes later, to establish a strong
emotional connection with her, find what she's really
passionate about in life and connect with her on that. Learn what she likes and
pretend to like it too. Or wait, I thought I was
supposed to be myself. I'm so confused. Do I demean and belittle women or do I spend thousands of dollars on a class I'm not interested in just to be in the same room as boobs? But that's kinda the inherent irony to all these Twitter accounts, where they're like, I'm a big, strong guy. I'm in charge. I'm in control. And I have dedicated my entire personality to tricking women into talking to me. Jokes aside, all of this
is genuinely disturbing. Not just that accounts like this exist, but that thousands of men follow them and hang on to their every word like some kind of incel religion. Being single is hard and
getting your heart broken sucks, but there's not some secret you can buy to make women start falling all over you. And it's so much easier
to deflect the blame onto everyone else than to admit that maybe you're the problem. Women are evil. They exist merely to torment me. And the problem with all
these dating books is that they're capitalizing
on those insecurities to make money off of lonely dudes. And then in the worst cases, it emboldens those men
to blame women even more cause it's like, well, I bought the book. I did everything I was supposed to do and she still won't talk to me. They really are the problem. And now you're like this lunatic who approaches every interaction
like it's some challenge to see who can be more manipulative. What a healthy dating life
you have ahead of you. You're like a self-fulfilling prophecy on failed relationships. If I could offer any advice, it would be to just imagine that women are like human
beings, just like you. And then once you do that, you could try connecting
with them person-to-person. And if she still doesn't
like you, that's okay, at least you were authentic. Maybe she's just not the person for you. Try again. Don't just give up and
start resenting all women cause that shit's not gonna work either no matter how much the
Twitter guy told you it would. Oh, also don't hit on
people in grocery stores. No one wants that. All right, well, I've
been talking for a while. I can feel myself starting
to lose some steam. So I think I'm gonna toss
it over to pre-recorded me to take it from here. Hi, I'm trapped in a well, and I'm founder and CEO
of pictureofhotdog.com, the world's most popular
website that isn't porn. I get over 4,000 DMs every single day from people congratulating me
on my one-of-a-kind creation. And today I just wanna say thank you. And I know, it's honestly
better than Google. So to celebrate almost two years now of changing people's lives, I've decided to add yet
another new topping trophy. (audience applauding)
I couldn't have done it without you hot dog, but I also couldn't have
done it without the help of today's sponsor, Squarespace. So you wanna build a website, but you don't know how. That's where Squarespace comes in. They've got all the tools
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off your first purchase of a website or domain. Thank you so much to Squarespace for sponsoring today's video and shout out to all the
people who've used my code in the past to make a website because you're the reason they
keep supporting my channel. All right, now, back
to me from the future. Thank you guys so much for
watching today's video. This is my second time recording the outro because the first time I did it, my microphone wasn't on. Anyway, thanks for making it to the end. If you liked this video, be sure to unsubscribe from me immediately and block me on every
social media platform. Now, I wanna end this
one a little differently than I usually do, so I figured let's play
a game of hide and seek. I'll go first. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. I'm counting to a hundred,
eight, see you guys next time, 10, 11, 11 and a half, 12, 13.
