- Hey guy, welcome back to
the middle of the jungle. Someone please help me, I'm stuck. If you've been wondering where I've been for the past few weeks, I've
been working on a stupidly long video about a topic
that's only interesting to me but I was starting to get overwhelmed. So I wanted to kick back and unwind with some good old fashioned social media. So I scrolled through Twitter
for a bit, got bored, headed over to Instagram, checked
out some reels, which are just stolen TikToks and got bored again. Forgot I had already closed Twitter and accidentally opened it back up only immediately to close out of it again. And then I started to get desperate. Sometimes you just got to stare at your phone mouth wide open, brain off. The only two body parts moving are your thumb and your eyelids. While you consume the
most brain dead content the internet has to offer. And then I remembered about Snapchat, the perfect app for this. I was never really a big
Snapchat user back in the day. By the time I was even
interested in an app like that Instagram had already poached
all their good features. So I would just send
my dick pics on there. But every so often I love to come back and revisit Snapchat's discover page because it is literally, and
I'm not exaggerating here, the dumbest corner of the entire internet. You know how when you
go to the grocery store there's all those tabloid
magazines in the checkout line with the most gossipy-ass headlines like, Brad Pitt admitted into
rehab for stinky farts? Jennifer Anniston dumped,
here's why she deserved it. Wills Smith adopts himself? That's basically all Snapchat is now except with the
Kardashians, James Charles, and Jeffree star. and also the Dobre brothers
dressing up as Jeffrey star. It's never anything interesting or that's even remotely a big deal. It'll just be like, Charli
D'amilio messed up big time. And then you click on it expecting even the smallest amount
of interesting drama. And they're like, well, actually what she did wasn't that bad. And no one's even upset about
it, but we did find one tweet of a guy being mad at
her. Way to go, Charli. I love when they do this, Courtney's IG pic made Travis flirty. Okay. I gotta see what
they're talking about. What did he do? And then it's an entire article
explaining how he commented Yes On one of her pictures. Yup, that's five S's, uh
calm down there Travis. That's gotta be the thirstiest
comment I've ever seen. Nobody thought why YK Osiris
would go from singing to this. Gotta see what it is. Must
be something crazy, right? YK Osiris want to be in a
Old Spice commercial so bad. Oh, and then that's it. This is awesome. Yeah, so pretty much everything
on Snapchat is clickbait, and everyone who goes on here
knows that it's clickbait but you still click on stuff
anyway, because like I said, we on empty brain mode. Even the things that
aren't celebrity related feed into this. Snapchat knows its user base so well. I don't want to have to
think when I'm on here just show me crazy World Records. Longest underwater kiss?
He planked for eight hours? I mean, I do that every night, but okay. Guess I forgot to tell Guinness about it but I want to see that dumb shit. Show me fail compilations. I want to see someone fall down and then I want to see someone fall down and then I want to see
someone else fall down. What if a guy fell down, and
what if you showed me a video of someone falling down? People
are constantly falling down. And if I don't get to see that, I'm literally going to fall down. I feel like the headlines
totally miss the point most of the time, too. Like this is that guy who builds a bunch of cool stuff without any modern tools and their big takeaway was
'your own outdoor pool?' Like that's, what's crazy about this. We've all built our own
pools by hand before, but this one is outside?
I've never heard of that. My pools are always inside,
right next to my bed. So when I wake up, I accidentally fall in, and then it's like I'm in my
very own fail compilation. One thing they do, that's really weird too is they'll randomly throw in stories from people you don't know or follow and make it seem like that's news too. Whoa, I got to see what
this guy has to say. Ooh, Okay. Yeah. I'm really glad
this is on my homepage. It never really ends either. You just keep scrolling and
scrolling and scrolling forever. Okay. I made it into
the foreign languages. So it looks like we're done. Oh, we're back to English. Okay. I guess they found some more. I like to think that
the Snapchat employees can see you scrolling. So they start desperately trying to throw out random shit just to fill the space. - Oh shit, they're almost at the bottom. Quick, think of something. - There's something
about your fingerprints? - Perfect. Put that in. - What I really love about
Snapchat right now though is all of the familiar faces
that are starting to pop up. There's the Magic Show, a
series headed up by none other than friend of the channel
Rick Lax, more on that later. And then of course, a lot of
you'd been messaging me lately that they'd recently partnered
with the hooked app to show that Trevor and the Virgin
story that used to be advertised before every single
YouTube video for a year. It's now been rebranded as a Snap Original called First Time's a Charm, even though it's actually the second time because it's the same exact videos but split up into shorter episodes. Martha's night takes an unexpected turn. Unless of course this is the
30th time you've seen this in which case, the turn was very expected. The only thing new about this is that they've cropped the
whole thing into portrait mode which makes for some
awesome extreme closeups. I'm not going to like watch this again cause I already did that. But I am curious, what's
going to happen when they run out of clips to use they're
almost at that point are they going to film
more or is it just going to keep getting syndicated
on different platforms like they're Seinfeld reruns? I'll give it about six months until we see this pop-up is a Facebook Watch exclusive. It's kind of redundant for Snapchat to even add in these hook shows. Cause they've already been
ripping off their format with their own series called phony texts which is a funny pun because it's like saying you
sent a computer-y email but these texts are phony
because they're not real. They all tell different stories
about a variety of topics. Sometimes it's Prince
Charming being a douche bag or someone's parents
for getting to tell them that they moved like six months ago and sold all their stuff. But this next story is one that I truly think is Oscar worthy. If one of the Oscar categories
was text-based Snapchat Films It's called seeking. And there are so many
insane twists in here. I'm watching it like, um
M. night Shyamalan who? - Oh, he's a movie director. - What? - Yeah. He made like the
Happening, Sixth Sense. - I know who he is. That's, that's why I brought him up. - Oh, I thought you had put a comma after his name, like,
M. Night Shyamalan, who? - That's not how people ask questions. - Yeah okay. - I just meant he's known for always throwing in crazy twists. And this story also- - how's this for a twist. (dramatic choral music) I guess, I guess I should
probably take it from here. So the story starts off with this girl being like you hickeyed
to me, how dare you. And they're flirting back and forth. The whole thing's pretty steamy which is probably why I got a notification that my heart rate spiked. She catches him in a lie here
by pointing out his location which is important to
remember for the future. So file it away. Do not forget about that. And then comes twist number
one, a text from his wife? I thought he already
was talking to his wife. Either his story takes place
in Utah or he's been cheating. Got to say pretty good
character development though. So far you already know two things about him that he cheats, and he lies. He just lied to Elizabeth. And now he's lying to his wife about being home with his daughter. So he's a bad husband, boyfriend and dad. So far, not really rooting for him at all. I hope he is punished by the universe. Yep I'm home. Oh good. I was getting worried. Julia isn't responding to my texts. She is just finishing her
homework. Very focused. Oh, good. You guys hungry? Happy to pick something up. Okay. Let me check. Hi my princess. I'll be home in a minute. Told mom you finished your homework. Oh, and do you want food? Hello Dennis. Haha, hello Julia. We have your daughter, Julia. Twist number two, there's
been a kidnapping. Again though I don't really feel too much sympathy for this guy. I mean, I didn't want his
daughter to be kidnapped but like it is kind of entirely his fault. Answer the phone Julia. Julia can't talk right now. Call me right now. Oh, okay. Julia, is this a prank? Did you set the camera up on a tripod and then get into a trunk
with your hands tied up and put it on self-timer
so it takes a photo of you. And then from four feet away, send me this picture in a text? Dennis is starting to freak out. So he threatens to call the
cops until twist number three. He can't call the police
because he's being blackmailed the kidnapper, or Julia
talking in third person and still doing a prank knows
about his secret girlfriend. And if he calls the cops they're going to send that picture to his wife. Classic conundrum. Not right now wife, I got
to figure out more lies because of the trouble I've
caused with my other lies. Hello? Do you want food? Oh no, that is okay. Julia and I are going to
run out and get some food. I feel like I don't get
enough father daughter time. And then he uses the
default smiley face emoji which no one has ever used before. Okay. When will you be home? Love you! He's nailing this. So then Dennis finds out the terms of the blackmail, $10,000 by 6:00 PM or the daughter gets it. Elizabeth has no idea that
any of this is happening. So she's still trying to flirt. But this is where that location feature from earlier comes back. Did you file that away like I told you to? I swear to God, if you forgot. Anyway, using the help of
Elizabeth and her two hickeys they find out that Julia is two hours away at a place called Burger Palace but something's not adding up. The kidnapper said if he gave
them the money by 6:00 PM they'd return her safely
home immediately afterwards. But how could they do that
if they're two hours away? Change of plans we are tired of waiting. Please. You will get your money. When? Before 6:00 PM, like we agreed please don't hurt Julia.
She's my whole world That's why I lied to my wife
and left her home alone. She's my whole world. Eventually he admits it's all his fault and realizes he has no
choice, but to pay them. So he opens up Venmo and starts to put in the name of the recipient. And before I show you
that, I just want you to guess what you think the
account's name is going to be, preferably something subtle because you're about to pay a shit ton of money over the internet to some stranger. And you don't want to draw
too much attention to this. Got your guesses? If you guessed 10,000 for
Julia, you were right. I like picturing the
kidnapper having to set up a new Venmo account while
all of this is happening. - Dammit, I already used that email. - Hello? - I guess I can use my business account. Now what's a good password - But then just when Dennis
is about to send $10,000 to the account, 10,000ForJulia with a note that says Julia, he gets
a voicemail from his wife. Are you guys ready to hear this voicemail? I know for a fact that you're not, but I'm still gonna play it anyway. - Hi, honey, where are you? I'm getting worried. Why aren't you responding?
Please call me back. - Welcome to burger palace.
May I take your order? Okay. I got to go call me back. - And that's the biggest
twist of them all. The wife kidnapped the daughter herself. She's been in on it the whole time. I got to say that's the
most on the nose reveal I've ever heard in my life. Julia is that someplace called
Burger Palace. That's weird. - Honey is everything
okay? Where is our girl? - Hi, welcome to Burger Palace - I got to go. - The only thing more
on the nose than that would have been if she
was leaving the voicemail and you heard the daughter
in the background like, mommy are you done with
your blackmail yet? So Dennis, who is, for some reason the protagonist in this starts
piecing together the details and figures out what's going on. Pay now, or she dies. Do it, kill her. What? This is your last chance. Stop this. I know this is my wife. I know you are at Burger Palace.
I heard on your voicemail. and they are really
spelling this out for us. And then detective Dennis, now relieved he won't have to deal
with the consequences of his actions tries to
turn the tables on her. Why are you doing this? I am taking our daughter. Whether you pay or not.
We're starting a new life. Is that why you kidnapped her? So you could get all
our money and run away? I'm doing what's best for Julia. What? I love you both so much. We are a family, just because
I lied to you and cheated on you and lied to our daughter
and abandoned our daughter and told you to kill our daughter. Doesn't mean we're not
a perfect loving family. You destroyed our family.
When you slept with Elizabeth. Oh. How long have you known? What, is this a surprise to him? What did he think was her
motive for pulling this stunt? She's just feeling kind of silly today. So she's like, no, you can't fix this. You can't apologize. Send me the money anyway, because
you made me feel worthless and I want you to see how it feels. When you have nothing, I
will consider coming back. Okay. I will send the money. You will? If I lose my daughter, then
I've already lost everything. You can have it all. And then the mad lad actually does it. He sends her $10,000. He gets a voicemail from her
where Julia kind of sounds like she really has been kidnapped. - Hi daddy. I love you. And I miss you so much - Again. I don't know how
he's the good guy here. All he did was ruin everything constantly but that's it, that's the end. But honestly I think the
best endings are the ones that are open to interpretation. Does his family come back? Or do they abandon him
like he did to Julia? Does Elizabeth find even
more hickeys on her body? And what did they end up ordering? Was this all just an ad for Burger Palace? Do they have milkshakes there? These are the questions you'll
just have to answer yourself. The discover page on Snapchat is filled with all sorts of
channels like Phony Text. It seems like most of them are creators from other platforms that just kind of reformat their
videos to fit on here. One of my favorites is reaction time a YouTuber who somehow has
15 million subscribers. And if you thought his
YouTube content was lazy wait until you see this. - I break up with him like last week but - Oh, you did? - But you know, he like loves my son. - Hello buddy want some water? - Say something! React! - to show him like a
restaurant down the street. - Fuck no. - he's airing himself with money. Look at that. - I'm with you if you're
here with your son. I'm not about to just sit like, Oh - Did he just put those
glasses on just to say that? Okay. I think I understand it now. Some people can't see without glasses he can't speak without glasses. It's a very sad disorder and
I hope they find the cure. - Wow. Sorry to see that, bro. She was a Gold digger. - And that's going to wrap it up. Thank you for watching,
and I'll see you next time for more episodes of
Reaction Time. Peace out. - That's going to do it guys. Thank you so much for watching. I'm sorry that I forgot
to make even one remotely interesting observation
during the entire video but maybe episode 42,
I'll think of something but the most notorious
Snapchat channel right now is the one I mentioned earlier. The Magic Show. If you like to watch nothing happen you're going to love this. I don't even know what, like the thesis of this show is. It's on season two now,
and the first season was at least kind of magic related. It was a lot of Rick Lax life
hacks or life lax for short. But at the very least you could say that there was some slight
of hand involved, sometimes. Mostly it was all the fake bullshit that I made a video about already. But at least they had a theme. In season two, I don't know what the fuck is happening anymore. I don't think these people
know what the word magic means. It's mostly just pranks that I've already seen other people do before. Funny eyebrow pranks,
popping out a hole prank. - I would like to plead
guilty, to loving milk ooh. - A whole video of me pranking my friend. Who's definitely not aware I'm doing this and is just doing that normal
thing that everybody does where they take a fully clothed shower and completely ignore their surroundings. Everything else they do is just lie. And yeah, that's pretty much what Rick has made a living doing so far, at its core a magic trick is just an elaborate lie. But I still don't appreciate it. Especially because
everything is so long-winded, it seems like they
intentionally try to ramble on for as long as possible before showing you the
inevitably underwhelming reveal. Wow I can't wait to see
what this dress looks like. They've been hyping this up
for like four minutes now. It's going to be really good I bet. Here we go. - Here we go, your new wedding dress. (gasp) stop it. This is so cool. - Isn't it amazing? - Just looks dirty. - Because of the smoke bomb and like air, you know like cause the way air moves. - Yeah. - Like air has like a really flowy - So cool. - That's true air is so flowy. The worst thing they do though. And frankly, all of them should be put in jail for this, is these
nasty cooking life hacks. They throw all these
disgusting ingredients together as like this five minute family meal. This going to save you so much time. Listen, I'm a busy mom, just like y'all. So I'm going to let you in
on my secret pasta recipe where I pour uncooked Spaghetti Os into a pie crust and then
cover it with cheese and bread - Just a small dash of milk, just enough to get it kind of juicy. I kinda eyeball it. - They reel you in with
some insane bullshit that makes you think, well this is gross, but surely this is going somewhere. I'll be surprised at the
end when they reveal, it's actually delicious? That's why they're showing this to me? So you watch the whole thing. Maybe even sit through
some ads on the way there, waiting for that M. night Shyamalan twist. And then they finally pull it
out of the oven and that's it. They don't cut into it or take a bite. And they're certainly not
about to eat this off camera. They understand this is a total
abomination they've created and they don't care. So I guess this account is
satire now? Is that what it is? Is it all just a parody? It's not really advertised
as that. So who's to say. One thing it's definitely
not though, is magic. - Ooh! - In conclusion, I know
that all social media apps are designed to be a massive waste of time but Snapchat's content
is so aggressively stupid that it makes me angry
at every single person who has a hand in creating it. Yes, Twitter and Instagram,
both feature similarly pointless stories and headlines,
but at least those come with an element of discussion, Snapchat's trash garbage doesn't even have a comment section. So all I can do is assume that
everybody else hates it too but I don't get to see
people make funny roasts or try to defend it and get ratioed or end up in completely
unrelated political arguments. This isn't fun, this is bad. You know, it's funny all this
time, I've been scrolling through the app while
going to the bathroom. I didn't realize that the real poop was on my phone this whole time. I'm going to go wash my hands again. Hey, in the meantime,
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the end of my last video I sarcastically said that I
would be back the next day with a video where I break
down the stock market, which was a lie because I don't
understand the stock market. But a lot of people were
messaging me seemingly upset that I never uploaded
the video that they thought I had promised to them. Anyway, I feel really
bad for duping you all. So I will be posting an
in-depth apology video tomorrow. Please be sure to subscribe
so you can check that out. Thank you. Bye-bye. (Jazz music) (music cuts out)
Drew McGooden.
The voice of the people.
I have been waiting for some commentary on the Rick Lax show on Snap.
Iām glad it was Danny who finally said something.