(suspenseful thud) - [Shayne] Damien, you and
I are now tied as the GOATs. - Yes, yes. - Of "Try to Laugh: Hard Mode." - For sure.
(Courtney mmhmms) - Which means in the next episode, we gotta break this tie. (dramatic suspenseful music) - I loves berries! Please, leave while you still can. (Ian laughing) ♪ You are the one that I love ♪ ♪ You are the woman I love ♪ (harmonica sounding) - I'm Tom Hanks! (dramatic suspenseful music) (logo whooshing)
(bell rings) - Welcome back to another
"Try Not to Laugh: Hard Mode!" (group cheering and clapping) If you didn't catch our last videos, I'm about to spoil them for you. The first time, I took home
this very nice GOAT trophy, and now Shayne and I are tied,
and we are the champions. But today, you will have
a chance to defeat us. How does that happen? Well, you get points by
making someone else laugh. You get points for not laughing when someone's trying to make you laugh. But you lose points if you laugh, and you don't get any if you
don't make someone laugh. (record scratch) - Before we begin, make
sure to like and subscribe, hit that notification bell.
- Yeah! - Tell someone you love them. (flames roaring) - Introducing the winning heifer of Tampa, Florida's cow competition. Take a good look out over there, and she has a very special talent. Take it away. - Moo! - Are you blown away by the talent? I know high am. (Noah and comedians laugh)
- Moo. - Yeah, I'm the UPS man. I got a special delivery
for Noah Grossman. Are you Noah Grossman? (Noah sputtering) 'Cause I got a special delivery for ya! (comedians laughing) - No, no, that's my roommate. - Oh, please give him this flower, 'cause I love him very much. (comedians aww and laugh) - That's so sweet. - Hear ye, hear ye! I'm Wolverine! I am a wolf, and I have long nails! I save things, I am a super hero. I, this is my origin story, I have a mom and a dad,
maybe one died, I don't know! Maybe a little sister, it's a wolf sister! Yes! Maybe, I don't know! And then I was cast away. I was cast out and left to, to stay in the rain by myself.
(buzzer buzzes) - That was the "X-Men
Origins: Wolverine" movie. (Shayne sighs) You must be the new hire. Listen up. This Best Buy is a fricking hellscape. (Noah and comedians laughing) The only sane thing
standing between this place and the gates of hell
is us, the Geek Squad. (comedians laugh) You're gonna need to listen
to me if you wanna survive. Tip number one. There is a very fragile truce made between us and the skaters outside. (Noah laughing) As long as we give them
free Reese's Pieces, they won't spray paint choad
on the front of the building. (comedians laughing) Tip number two, never go
to the appliance section. You might never return. (Noah laughs) Tip number three. Kevin Jarvinson is the biggest liar in this entire shopping complex. They'll probably tell
you some bullcrap lie, like I was caught in the
media center watching hentai. (comedians laughing) Not true! - [Damien] Hey, get
back here with my money! - Whoa, hey, whoa, whoa! (Noah sputtering)
(comedians laughing) Whoa!
(Noah laughing) Whoa! (flames roaring) - Oh my gosh. This is, ah, this is crazy! I haven't been inside a restaurant in like a year and a half. This is, oh, this is so cool. Ah, this is all I've been
waiting for, it's just, man. I'm so excited 'cause just things are getting back to normal. You know? I love this. (Shayne sighs) - Hi there, welcome to Applebees. Is there anything I can get you? - I'll tell you what you can get me. You can get right on in here. Come on, yeah, yeah!
(comedians laughing) Mm! Mm, breathe it in! Breathe it in. You smell great. I'm gonna kiss you on your neck. - Okay. - Mm, ah!
- Oh, sir, oh, it went down- - Ah!
- It went down the- - [Shayne] Things are normal! Oh yeah! Yeah! - Oh, it's very real. - Oh!
(buzzer buzzes) (comedians awwing) Dang it! Dang it. - I do so love a good masquerade. Why, everyone in the town
could be anyone! (laughs) You see, this is a night where we leave our labels at the door. Such as a prince, or John,
the local sex pervert. (laughs) Anyone could be anyone! You don't have to be labeled with something like,
(chuckles) get out of here, you local sex pervert! Ay dios mio, he's back,
get the spray bottles! (Jackie and comedians laughing) Your hair smells good! Mm, your hair smells good! - Ooh. Ah, dang it. - Hi. (comedians and Jackie laughing) - [Shayne] All right. - [Jackie] Oh no! (laughing) Somebody. (Tommy grunting) - Yeah, your baby's not buff. I came, I took a look at
him, take a look at him. See this? I want you to think for a second. This baby, weak as shit. (baby cries) Now, you're gonna need
some Appendix salve, salve. Now, that stuff's gonna
get your baby looking nice and buff like me, I'm three months old. (comedians laugh) How old are you? Probably old enough to
have a baby, six months? Seven months old?
(comedians laugh) Anyway, my name is Car. (comedians laughing) (buzzer buzzes)
Dang it. (comedians clapping) (Tommy laughs) (Jackie laughs) (comedians laughing) (Jackie laughs) (flames roaring) - Look, look. (gasps) Droom? (comedians laugh) Dram! Banjo. (Olivia laughs) Binjo!
(comedians laugh) Glator. (comedians laugh) - Why? - Gator!
(comedians laughing) It's a gator! (Olivia and comedians laugh) It's an inside joke
from "Try Not to Laugh" number 32, everybody. I think, I don't know. - I don't remember ever
seeing this before. (comedians laugh) - Bangos. Bingo? - (laughs) Yeah, yeah. - That's my favorite think of ours! - Yeah, I know, I know, I
know, it's really funny. - Wow, wow, wow. Is it hot in here or is it
just my yeast infection? - Oh my gosh.
(comedians laughing) - [Shayne] Oh my God, this. What the hell? - Wow, wow, wow. (comedians laugh) - Um. (comedians laughing) - Wow. - Yeah, I know. - Yeah.
(buzzer buzzes) (comedians laughing)
- Time! (comedians clapping) - Wow. - [Tommy] And now, footage
from the actual moon landing! (footfalls clunking) - Don't tell my wife where I am. (Olivia and comedians laugh) (comedians clapping) - Okay, this is my impression of your dog when they clearly did some (bleep), and you just got home,
you know what I mean? Okay, so here we go. (Shayne growling) Oh my (bleep)ing God. What have I (bleep)ing done? Why did I do that? Why did I do that? - Bruce, I'm home. - Hey, oh, hey, hey. - Bruce.
- Hey! - What did you do? - Oh, hey, I love you! - Bruce. - Oh, oh, I'm gonna
love you from over here, I'm not gonna greet you at the door! - Bruce, what did you do? What did you get into? - Why am I not doing it this time? - Bruce, Bruce-
- (laughs) Hey! Hey, I love you! - What did you get into?
- I love you! - Aww.
- Tell me about- (Olivia and comedians laugh) - Oh my God.
(comedians clapping) (electronic dance music) (comedians laughing) (comedians laugh) (comedians laugh) (comedians laugh) (Olivia and comedians laugh) - Yeah!
(comedians clapping) - I (bleep)ing hate
this, I hate this person. (flames roaring) - Moo! - You're gonna eat these beans! You're gonna eat all these beans! Yeah, I'm gonna force feed you each one of these black beans, and then we're gonna follow
them with pinto beans! - Moo! - And then you're gonna
eat some kidney beans! This is what happens behind the scenes! - Moo! - Have you seen this one? (Tommy and comedians laughing) - It was the eye contact. That was some really long eye contact. - Hey. (bells jingle) Broccolini. (comedians laugh) (stool clunking) (briefcase clicking) (comedians laughing) - [Damien] No. (buzzer buzzes)
- I'm sorry. - Oh!
- Oh. - Goddammit.
(comedians clapping) Goddammit, that was (bleep)ing great. - Whoa, that's a big one, whoo-whoa. Ooh-hoo-ooh. Oh. Oh. (Jackie clears throat) I see this ocean, it's a big ocean. Yeah, I was in a plane crash. I survived.
(comedians laugh) Kinda thought this would
be my final destination. But it's not. I might make it to land, or I might drown. You know, I saw the first couple, and death might come
to get me at any time. Oh, another wave. (comedians laughing) Pff. (Jackie retches) Oh, that wasn't it, I
just have a condition. (buzzer buzzes)
- That's time! - Oh, that's time!
- Ooh! - Well, thank you for coming
in today, Mr. McGillicutty. I wanna take a look at those vitals. I want to assure you that
even though I am a chimp, I am quite the professional. Let's take a look at that heartbeat. (comedians laughing) - So stupid! (laughing) God, that was so stupid. - I so know! - [Shayne] Okay, Williamson Middle School, we have a guest speaker here today talking about vehicular safety. (comedians laugh) - Hey everyone. My name, my name is Charles. Now, when I was young,
18, I owned a motorcycle. Now, we're gonna talk
about vehicular safety, because if you're not careful,
you can end up like me. (Olivia gasps) That's right, I got in an accident. I hit the road. (Tommy and comedians laugh) - What did you do, lose? - And they had to put my ass on my face. This is my left ass cheek. (comedians laughing and clapping) Thanks.
(Tommy laughs) (flames roaring) - Hear ye, hear ye, I'm Thanos! I have two daughters, one named Gamora, one that has a blue face! I'm in the business of making ashes! (comedians laugh) I'm in space! I'm Thanos! (comedians laugh) Hear ye, hear ye. I haven't gotten through the
rest of the cinematic universe, so I don't know what to do! (buzzer buzzes)
- Time! (comedians laughing and clapping) - I'm in the business of making ashes. If Zack Snyder directed "Avengers,"
he would have said that. - Hey, so I didn't really
have a bit with a prop, so I figured, what's
the most offensive joke I could come up with in 180 seconds? And so, this is what I have. Okay, Shayne. So, what if people from Florida had names like the great native
tribes of North America? (comedians ohing and groaning) We would have,
(comedians laugh) we would have Gargles Meth, we would have Hugs Cousin, we would have Tractor Trailer, (comedians laugh) we would have Four Teeth. We'd also have Truck Nuts. And finally, I think
chief would be a Poo Come. (comedians gasp and laugh) Would be a Poo Come. So, I'll go back and I'll
figure out a real joke, but I just thought I'd share. And that's, we'll just, my name wasn't
attached to that, right? Okay.
(comedians laugh) I'll be back. (buzzer buzzes)
- Yeah! (comedians clapping) - Oh my God! Dude, I got this. Okay, here we go. - Ohayo onii-chan, and
welcome to Bennigan's. (Shayne and comedians laughing) - No!
- Oh my. - This is for you. Can I get you started with
some choo-choo chicken fingers? (comedians laugh) One choo-choo chicken fingers. - You actually wrote it! (comedians laugh) (Damien groans) (Shayne laughing) - Fiddle-dee-dee, dumble-dee-do, it's an unnamed kids' show!
(tambourine clinking) Well, hi there, kids. (comedians laugh) Now, you might notice
that our favorite kid, Jeffrey, is not in the show anymore. The set fell down yesterday,
(Damien laughs) but that's okay, 'cause we got story time. Everybody loves story time. This is a great story. Jimmy Henderson, 2011 to 2018. (Shayne and comedians laughing) - Yeah!
(comedians clapping) - What, this is the darkest
round I've ever sat through. (comedians laugh) Even Jackie's joke was about Thanos. (comedians laugh) - Mine was about Bennigan's. - For your, sir, with your
mocho, choco, mico loco, what type of milk would you like? - (growls) Gimme back my milk! (comedians laughing)
(Olivia growls) - Oh my God. - Go back in the suitcase! - All right. I've gotta go now. (Shayne and comedians laughing) The caw-caws. Why'd you bring the suitcase? - I don't know, dude. - [Noah] To put me in? - Yeah. - I really gotta make Damien laugh now if I wanna have any chance of this. So, Damien, get ready. - Okay. - Okay!
- Okay! - Okay!
- Okay! - Okay! (roaring flames) (Tommy singing goofily) (Tommy breathing heavily) - Hello there, sisters. I never thought I would have
to make a video like this. (comedians laughing) I have made some mistakes
in the recent days, and I am taking the time
to think about them. Do you believe me in my sincerity? (Tommy laughs and goofily sings) (comedians laugh) Sister. (comedians laugh) I know I'm not gonna make you laugh, so I'm backing away, sister. (comedians laugh) (buzzer buzzes)
- That's all right. - Oh.
- Oh. - All right, it's the first
class of Beginners Hip-Hop 101, and I'm gonna teach you the rundown. If you wanna learn how to dance, you're gonna learn it from me. Lemme teach you some hip-hop. Are you ready for this? This one's called the two-step. Watch, keep it with me. Find the groove. You ready?
(comedians laugh) All right. Say it with me, one, two, step. One, two, step. One, two, step. One, two, step. Your turn, lemme see you-
- That's time! (buzzer buzzes)
- Do you wanna get into Julliard?
- I do! - So. (comedians laughing) You must be the new Padawan. Listen closely. This Jedi temple is a fricking hellscape. You need to listen to
me if you wanna survive. Tip number one. The tall water fountains are super busted. (Damien and comedians laughing) - Okay, um, yeah, um, what's up? Um, yeah, I'm really excited
to be on this date with Damien, I can't wait. My name is Jeanette, I am 32. I am a Pisces, clearly. (laughs) Yeah, and I just, when
I heard about Damien, I was super excited because I heard he's into "Demon Slayer," and I am ready to be
(bleep)ing slayed. (laughs) (Damien and comedians laughing) Yeah. (laughing) Tell me! - Oh, okay, that was good. It's a good show. It's a good show, Jackie. - Okay, I heard you! - [Tommy] Have you ever been
on a run and this happens? - Oh! - [Tommy] You don't have to worry anymore, all you have to do is
open your water bottle, and either take a poopoo
in there or a pee! (comedians laughing)
(Olivia groans) That's the end. (comedians laughing) (buzzer buzzes) (comedians laugh) - Wait, Olivia, did you, what? (comedians laugh) - That was an original piece by Olivia. - I was so close! - Very good, very good, very good. (comedians clapping hands) Listen, we're all winners here, except there's only one winner. With two points, we have Jackie. (comedians clapping)
- Yay! - Very good, very good.
- Sexy. - With four points, we have Noah. - Yay!
(comedians clapping) - It's all money, it's all money. - A never before seen three-way tie. (Jackie gasps) With six points. - Ooh? - Is me.
- (gasps) Yay. - Olivia.
- (gasps) Yay. - And Shayne.
(Jackie gasps) - Oh! (clapping hands)
- Whoa! - Which means, with 12 points! - Whoa, what?
- Whoa! - Damien Haas!
- How? (comedians clapping and cheering) But how? - Damn. - That's how the points works! - Damn, Damien!
- Damn! Will I date you! - I'm friends with your boyfriend. - I know!
(comedians laugh) - [Tommy] We got a fight, we got a fight. - Girls, get in line. - Congrats, that's awesome. - Thanks, Shayne. - That's really cool, man. - I just wanna say that even
though I doubled your score- - Yeah. - I still consider us
equal in the most things. - Right. - Not "Smash Bros," not this- - Okay, okay. - But anything else, well, no, well, not, pretty much anything else. - Yeah, yeah, okay. Well, congrats to Damien,
who is now the champion three times in a row.
(comedians clapping) - We love you, Damien.
- Thank you, thank you. - Someone has to come for this belt, someone has to win it. - Let's hire a clown! - I love clowns! - Oh, he loves love clowns. - But I don't think they're funny, I just wanna give them a hug. - Anyways, guys, let us know what other "Try Not to Laughs" you wanna see. "Hard Mode" will be back. It's gonna be fiercer than ever. But until then, we got more
videos down here for you, so check them out, keep
laughing, keep having fun. Congrats, hey, congrats! - Thanks, Shayne, I
appreciate it, thank you. - Congrats, man, that's awesome! (comedians clapping) - Thank you. - That monkey bit was so good. - Yeah.
- It was good. - It was real good. - All right, bye!
(comedians laugh)
