♪ You can put me on your salad ♪ ♪ You can put me on your fries ♪ ♪ But don't eat me every day ♪ ♪ If you want to stay alive ♪ (all laughing) (bell ringing) - What's up, guys? Welcome back to "Try Not To Laugh, No Harmonica, Bare Mouth Edition." - Bare mouth edition! Welcome back. - Nothing in your mouth,
no harmonica, no water, just your teeth and your tongue. - And no smiling! Not even a little crack. - But if you do smile, I
encourage you to smile and laugh. I need it for my self-esteem. Oh my God, whoa! What are you wearing? - What the hell is this!
- Whoa! - I've been camouflaged like
Solid Snake for a clear minute. - Wow, you were in the background! That's crazy.
- You're dripping! - It matches our set at smosh.com. Go there. - So who wants to go first? I mean, it seems like
Damien is just sitting here. - [Noah] You are so properly
placed in the chair. - I'm so going to not laugh, though. Do you really want to start on that foot of non-laughter?
- Do it. - [Noah] You know what, no. - I'll start, I'll go. (all cheering and clapping) - I'll go after Jackie, let's go. (foot tapping) - Look at me. Hi, I'm Captain Morgan,
but you can call me "Cappy Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo!" Would you like a sippy-sip? (beep) But I'm Captain Morgan, but you can call me "Cappy Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo!" Come on, this is so good. (group laughing) (sighs) (laughs) (all laughing) - Just the last (sighs)... - I literally had nothing after that. Thank you. (goofy music) (group snorting and chuckling) (group laughing) (all laughing) (group clapping) (dance music) - Hey, welcome to Trader Joe's. - I hate you guys! - Did you find everything okay? - Why did I volunteer to go first? - Wow.
- Wow. - Oh, wow. I like that you picked out some Joe-Joes, Hey, what's your favorite
kind of Joe-Joe, Claus? - Oh, my favorite's the big Joe-Joe. - I like the little Joe-Joes. What kind of Joe-Joes do you get? Those are a good choice. - Here, let me get some
paper bags for you. - Are you having those for a party later? Let us know. - I like how she looks
like she works there, too. (all laughing) - My father was the lion. (group laughing) My father was the Tin Man. (group groaning) I'm sad. (all laughing) - [Noah] Introducing
The New Real Housewives of Catalina Island! - Hi, I'm Trisha Crabs. My husband is this crustacean slipper. His family... Sorry, we'll take it again. Hi, I'm Tisha Crab and my
husband owns the ocean. He's also this crustacean slipper and our son is this wiener, Hot Dog. And this season, to help me
to read between the lines, I won't, 'cause I will snort all of them. (all laughing) Thank you. (group clapping and cheering) - Hey, I'm responding
to your Craigslist ad. According to your-
(wheezes) (group laughing) Wow. I didn't even have to- - Sorry, let me go again. - I guess I get to save the bit. - No, no. - This is exactly what you wanted to a T. Starting now, your 15 minutes begins. (wheezes) - Sorry, go! - I guess I'm not gonna do the bit. - No! Give me a third chance. ♪ I got a very poopy butt hole ♪ ♪ And I don't have time to wipe it ♪ ♪ Use your thumb, use your thumb ♪ ♪ And wipe it on a bum ♪ (laughs evilly) - I have robbed all of the butts! (group laughing) (whoopee cushion farting) (all laughing) No, no, my prize money! (all laughing) - What? (whoopee cushion farting) Where did you find these? - It's fine. - "My prize money!" - Hello, Shark. Today, I'm introducing you to my product. It's unpatented and unlicensed. It is called long-thong. Have you ever had a
thong that is too short? Yes. Have you ever had a long butt? Yes. Therefore, I invented this
product called long-thong for the long butts and the long pee-pees and poo-poos out there because sometimes, we need to be advocated for. Therefore, this long-thong
is very easy to put on. You put it next to your
pee-pee and your poo-poo and you hang it up, tie
it around your waisty. And then you have this. I am asking for $1 million for a 6% stake into my company. If you don't, I will kill you. (buzzer ringing) (group singing dramatic music) (props thudding) - You been to these calls before? Yeah, Broadway is hard to be on. You know, I've been in some workshops, but I've never been in the show. It's never opened. You know the sort of shows I've been in? "Flintstones: The Musical!" (singing wordlessly) It didn't go up! You know what other musical I've been in? the Concussion Musical,
you know where Will Smith has the concussion, and he
plays a Nigerian athlete, and he has the accent. They didn't get a name for it, but it was called
"Concussion: The Musical." (all laughing) It didn't open. (football thudding)
(laughs) (clears throat)
(strums banjo) - Thank you all for coming to Barney's. We're Hot November. One, two, three (playing banjo badly)
(off-beat drum banging) ♪ Last November ♪ ♪ My heart sunk ♪ ♪ You had me ♪ ♪ And then you left the movie ♪ ♪ At AMC, we saw it ♪ ♪ It was R-rated and my brother ♪ ♪ Bought the tickets ♪
- Hello. I am a very, very famous rich
record producer named Jones. (both gasping) (sputters)
I want to tell you you suck.
(all laughing) I will never, ever, ever sign you. - (laughs) What the- What is happening? - Kids, kids, gather 'round. Daddy's home from work,
I got some bad news. I got fired from the office today. It's those damn J Balvin meals and that battle pass! Taking good jobs from
hardworking Americans! Things are gonna be
tight around here, kids, for a little while, so I guess it's imaginary Christmas this year. Noah's your real dad now, I'm afraid. But you know what this reminds me of? A little tune. It reminds me of a little tune. ♪ I've got a very poopy butt hole ♪ ♪ And I don't have time to wipe it ♪ ♪ Use your thumb ♪ ♪ Use your thumb ♪ ♪ And wipe it on a bum ♪ (baby crying)
- Oh, baby! Chill, please! I'm sorry, just ah, calm down, baby! Oh, baby. (shushes) Be quiet!
(baby crying louder) - Hello. I'm a very, very rich- (all laughing) And you're a very bad mother. (all laughing) And I will never sign you. - Okay? - Okay?
- Okay. - Bye-bye.
- Bye. (claps) (gentle music) - You must be the new kid. (sputters)
(all laughing) Nevermind, you're not worthy. (all laughing) (footsteps tapping) - You ever watch "The Lion King?" Yeah, there's some stuff about
"The Lion King," you know. If Mufasa had sex, if the... (all laughing) If, you know, the king of the pack, right? The pride king, he has sex with, you know, his wife and makes Simba, right? But if, also, he's the only
male that can give, like, you know, and he has all
these women lionesses, that means Nala is also
Mufasa's daughter, right? And so, like, it's a
different movie, right? So I am a product of that. (all laughing) (kazoo buzzing) - Welcome to the Navy, let's do some- (sputters)
(all laughing) (kazoo buzzing) - Damien? Damien? I don't know where he is. What the heck? (all laughing) - [Shayne] Nice. With the speed of a squid,
the agility of an angel, and the intellect of a
Martian, he is your waiter. - Hi, I brought the big
cherry tomato you wanted. (group laughing) (all laughing) Sorry, you made me laugh! (all laughing) - I know there's not a point system, but I feel like I should
get double for that. (all laughing) - The lack of reaction! (toy chainsaw revving) - I'm gonna kill you! (all laughing) That's literally it! (all laughing) - Yes, it was all of it, for me, it was mostly the despair in your eyes. (giggles) ♪ You can put me on your salad ♪ ♪ You can put me on your fries ♪ ♪ But don't eat me every day ♪ ♪ If you want to stay alive ♪ (all laughing) ♪ I'm a bottle of ranch ♪ ♪ I'm a bottle of ranch ♪ ♪ I'm a bottle of ranch ♪ (all laughing) They keep going! So good. (sneaky music) - Okay, you must be the new kid. Listen up. Mountain Ridge High School
is a (guitar strumming). If you want to survive here, you're gonna need to be resourceful. Luckily, I know my way
around here better than a middle-aged woman at a Crate & Barrel. (group laughing) So you're gonna need to listen to my tips if you want to survive. Okay. Tip number one. The Famous Amos cookies
in the vending machine (laughs) are often loose. (group laughing) If you smack the bottom left side, you might get a free pack. Tip number two. Devin Mitchelson is the
biggest liar at this school. Do not trust a word he says. He's probably gonna tell
you some bullcrap story like I sharted myself in
social studies last year. (all laughing)
Do not believe him. (all laughing) Tip number three. This conversation never happened. You never saw me. (group laughing) (all clapping) - Does anybody want a sample of me? Sample! ♪ You can have a sample of me ♪ ♪ You can have a sample of me ♪
(feet thudding) ♪ You can have a sample ♪
(feet thudding) ♪ Sample, sample of me ♪ - Hello.
- [Jackie] Hi. - Did you forget about me? - No. - It's me, Jones. - [Jackie] Oh, Jones. - And you... I just want to bottle you up and package you.
- Oh! - I think I want to make you a star. - Oh, my God, my big break! (laughs) I'm getting out of this Costco! - Oh, my God! - Hi-yah, take that! Got another one. It's me, Van Hellsing, the
very polite angel hunter. Most people think demons
are bad, and they are, but I go for angels too because they think they're better than you. Go, Chauncey! He's on a scouting mission. (laughs) - Dang it! - I'm going to kill you! - You look way, way, way
too much Like Tommy Wiseau! - What are you talking about? Lisa! Lisa, her name's actually Lisa. - [Courtney] Yeah, Lisa! - You're tearing me apart! This is shape alpha male. (laughs) (all clapping) (imitates bird cawing) (imitates wings flapping) - Yes, you raven, watch as I cook. You see, for the evil I seek, a brew I need, so I mix
five witches fingers, one frog brain, a princess's crown, and a rat, as well. (laughs) - Continue. - Also, this apple. - No, it's a cherry. - This cherry. And you see, the devil I need
shall rise to give me power! - Oh, God! (laughs) - It's me, Jones. And I'm a hungry for some crickets! (laughs) - Come with me and I shall aid you. (screams)
(group clapping) (clears throat loudly) (yells gibberish) (yells gibberish) - Hey, I'm Skinny. (snorts) - No! - Hey, you ever wonder if you're surfing on the
wave and you shit yourself, are you riding the wave, or the momentum of your own defecation? - Oh, my God! - I'm searching for my long lost love. (laughs) And I will give them this rose. Goodbye. - Goodbye, Skinny! (all clapping) - Mama, Mama! Mama, I've been real
good like you said, Mama. I've been real good, okay? I've been, you know, keeping
my urges to myself all week, Monday through Friday. And even a little bit
more on Saturday, okay? So it's Sunday, so can I please do murder? (all laughing) Is that a yes? - Yeah.
- Thanks, mom. - You're welcome. (screams) - You smell so good. - Thank you. - [Noah] Now introducing
the brand new sport that protects freedom of speech that everyone can get behind! Blintendo football-tenni-hock-a-ball! (ball thudding) Hey everyone, welcome to the court! I think that everyone has the
right to their own choices! - Four! - Oh, God! Oh, that's two points! Two points for Denver! (groans in pain) (laughs) - Four! Four! Four! Four!
- You got the points, Denver! Denver, you got the points!
- Four! - Denver!
- Four! - Denver, that's not how
the rules work, Denver! - It is a human! I have not seen your kind in many years. (laughs) Very few venture up to
these mountains anymore. Quickly, human, I must ask. Can you do me one single favor? - Yes? - I need you to kill me.
(all laughing) End my life and my suffering. I crave death. - No, I love you, I love you!
- Please! Will your love kill me? (laughs) Please, everything hurts. (groans sadly) - I laughed. - I'm leftovers from the
time God tried first. - I laughed, Damien.
- All right. (yells incoherently) - Any bug catchers out
here, or Pokemon trainers? I used to be a champion! I was the champion with my
best friends, Cock and Misty. (group laughing) Pikachu! Pikachu! (ball thudding)
- Oh, my God! - I caught myself! (screams) (all clapping) (humming affirmatively) - Hey. I'm Jones. (all laughing) I'm a big, big, big, big, big boy producer and you're never gonna
make it in this city. - You saw right through me! (sobs loudly) - That was amazing.
- Oh. - You can make it in this city. - What? No, he's not. (laughs) (group clapping) - [Shayne] Next week
on "The Real Housewives of the Slaughterhouse!" - Yeah, I'm the baddest
bitch on the block. - [Shayne] Next week
on "The Real Housewives of the Slaughterhouse!" - Yeah, I don't know
about that other bitch, but I'm the newest bitch on the block! (all laughing and clapping) - Yes! (all cheering) - Wow, great job, everyone! - I like that version. - You guys all just made
my jokes even better, so thank you. - Oh, you're welcome, niblet.
- You guys are so funny. - That was very fun. - If you guys liked this,
let us know in the comments. Let us know what other
"Try Not to Laugh" ideas you guys have. We're willing to try them all. - Except laughing. - Except laughing, we're
trying not to laugh. That's one thing we're trying not to do. Also check out smosh.com. We have plenty of cool
clothing there to wear, like Damien, who's blending in. - [Courtney] Camouflage.
- Where is he? I still can't find him. - I'm Solid Snake, now. - And you can like and subscribe. You can also watch these two
videos we have down here. Wow, Look at that, so easy. One of them is a trap. - Oh!
- Yeah. - I'm not telling you which one. - Please trap me! - You have to click the right one. - Let the right one in. - Yeah, that's right. No, but actually click the left one. - Let the right one in.
