Tim Hawkins - Comedy at Churches, Testimonies, and Autograph Signings

i love what i do i love i love my job it's it's a cool thing and i don't know what i do if i didn't do it so um i uh but i get put in places and i do comedy in places i never thought i would get to you know not too long ago i performed at my first catholic church [Applause] yeah but it was awesome i mean the people were wonderful we had a great show but before i was nervous i'm a catholic church am i gonna have to change everything i do these people understand me like how's everybody doing it's so nice to be here with you tonight what's a catholic audience going to be like this guy's good i wasn't expecting but i'm glad we came yeah it's so funny the next week i was i did a show at a pentecostal church which is totally the other end of the spectrum you know but it was just as fun and the people were just as cool but my baptist mom had to warn me you know before i did the show he's like timmy i just want to warn you pentecostals do things different than we do do tell she says well panic she said it's well pentecostal women they don't cut their hair and they don't wear pants [Applause] that's going to be kind of distracting don't you didn't read that in the contract i guess pray about this but i'm glad you came whatever you came it's just good to laugh it's good to you know notice we're all the same you know we're not any different we're just not i mean i am no i'm no rock star i'm no different than you folks man the only difference between me and you i got a microphone and talent that's the only two things that's it [Applause] it's the only two things that separate me and you common folk that's it i don't know my testimony is sometimes i like wish i had a better you ever do that you wish you had a better testimony in your life you're sitting in church and you're listening to a guy on stage like man he has an awesome testimony i have a horrible one i wish i was addicted to crack thanks god but my testimonies are usually how i mess up man i was doing the show about three years ago and uh it was this big it was about this size almost like 2 000 people and i was doing this show and after i did pretty good and after the show they took me to this room with this table had a pen on it i'm like okay what do you want me to do here and they uh they said well we're gonna let some people in and we want you to sign autographs and i said okay i can do that and they did they opened the door like 100 people line up at that table for my autograph i'm like oh sweet i felt pretty good about myself the first lady on the line she walks up to me and she goes would you put your favorite bible verse under your name for me just your name and then put your favorite bible verse underneath did you take that okay um sure well my favorite bible verse is psalm 34 verse 8 says taste and see that the lord is good happy are those who take refuge in him that was my favorite verse but that night i forgot the verse i just blanked on it you know how sometimes you you know like sir when you dress today you know what i'm talking about it's like your brain isn't yeah it's just not working so i'm thinking i'm like oh it's psalm something i got to pick something and i saw i'll just have to make up a verse here so i did i picked on psalm 38 verse 7 just picked it out of thin air psalm 38 7. okay i did it like an idiot i did them all that way tim hawkins psalm 38 7. hope you enjoyed the show so i'm driving home that night i'm like oh lord i hope that was a good verse oh lord could you change the scripture if it's not just for one night but he did not hear my prayer so i get home and i look up psalm 38 verse 7. and my horror it says lo i have a painful disease in my lines [Applause] oh yuck it up thanks for the help what are there a billion verses in the bible and i chose that one and i signed it a hundred times and sent it out in my own little mission field go take the word don't forget my line problem build schools and hospitals don't forget my line disease because you know those people looked it up you know they did they probably made a big deal out of it come on here sit down kids sit down we'll read this first turn the tv off get over here here it is it's on 38-7 shh it says live first it says low i have a painful disease i shook his hand i shook his hand i shook that part of her head what did i do and i know i see look at you some of you don't get that no i have a painful disease in my line never going to see that verse cross-stitched on a pillow

Channel: Funny Shorts

Views: 40,399

Rating: 4.9309354 out of 5

Keywords: Comedy, Standup, Stand-up, Church, Catholic, Sign, autograph, Bible, Psalms, funny, Baptist, comedian, clip

Id: HL3AG4IEquU

Length: 7min 30sec (450 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 29 2020