CHRISTIAN COMEDY with MICHEAL JR.

well ladies and gentlemen i would like to welcome to the stage you've seen them on jay leno you've seen them on jimmy kimmel you've seen them all over the television i want you to stand up and put your hands together for michael jr thank you so much well why y'all stop clapping i don't understand i'm just glad so we're gonna have some fun um my name is michael junior i'm gonna do some jokes um but they're not going to start right away though i just want to point that out so because for me comedy is like it's like dating somebody that you really really like you know um and i don't want to rush this you know i just do that i used to come up on stage i would do a joke right away jump right in you know but but i got hurt man so let's be honest right i'm sure you've seen a lot of comedians in your day you know i know if i had my share of audiences you know but it didn't last so i just i want this to be different so we're doing comedy at a church like like how is this going to work out really i mean some people like i just came to see this thing explode what's so amazing about doing comedy at church when i was a kid laughing at church was illegal you couldn't laugh at church i remember one time laughing at church because this lady was jumping around and her wig fell off though that stuff was funny her wig fell off and in my ground i laughed my grandmother would pinch and twist i could understand a pinch you're going to twist that's the devil [Applause] church was the worst oh my goodness church lasts like six hours dude on stage is mad at everybody i can't figure out why he's so angry seven years old i figured out why he was so angry he was angry because he has some phlegm caught in his throat it's at the end of every sense he tried to get it out he'd be like the lord said act like [Applause] i'm like grandma he need to gargle grandma i'm seven years old man church lasts six hours too let me go in the basement and eat a sandwich and come back up i'm like what was that at halftime or something actually i'm gonna be real with you there's enough black people here it was always chicken why we always got to eat chicken every single time i know i had to tell them i'm sorry it was we at church you know and tuna at the end of church they would access it i was like so you wanna go after this we all gonna go to the sister church i don't even like the brother church one time i get to church seven years old there's a dead body in the front it's a funeral nobody explains that to a seven-year-old michael jr i'm thinking that's how they roll like every three weeks or so they bring a dead body in as an example or something and the dude on stage yell at everybody in the audience like they the ones that did it i remember asking my grandmother i'm looking for some explanation i'm like grandma what happened to the man in the box what happened to the man in the box her whole explanation was he in a better place i'm like what kind of box did he live in before [Applause] dude on stage said he went to see the king that was his whole explanation he went to see the king i don't understand what that meant they never caught a kid's choir to sing i was in the kids choir not because i wanted to be in the kids choir i was in the kids choir because i was a kid and it was a requirement and what song we got saying soon and very soon we are gonna see the king don't want to see the king oh was he the king you ever go to a funeral and people are always talking about the person in the box like they sure he going to heaven and then they tell you and then the people get up there they're always talking about them and the last thing you know like to do stabbed three people when he never prayed one time in his life and all of a sudden everybody like he going to heaven like i'm sure uncle john is looking down at me right now and he's a little tears going down his eye i'm like he's probably looking up at you right now that's a sweat bead is what it is and sweat be rolling [Applause] i just made that up right now i just made that up even as a kid growing up we were poor we weren't even poor we were po we couldn't afford the other letters man [Applause] we had no mo i was actually being sponsored by a family from haiti [Applause] when you're poor your creativity excels like it really really excels i remember i wanted an action figure when i was 10 years old i wanted action figures so bad my birthday came along my dad hands me a box i open it up it's empty he said it's invisible man i was like that is awesome i played with that thing for like three weeks man my brother hid it from me couldn't find it nowhere man i knew he took it we played games we just made up games we played this one game called uh talk about you the instructions were to just talk about you that's all we did we talked about each other my friends were talking about me but michael jr got some big feet and i was good at this game i was like oh yeah well you so dark skinned i bet if you ride a motorcycle you get a ticket for tenant windows [Applause] it's hilarious white people looking for black people make sure they can laugh [Applause] it's okay you sure no we had no money man we had to my parents were buying some stuff but they couldn't pay for every like we had the game operation right we had no batteries then my cousin came over and he figured out a way how to plug it into the wall right it's a whole nother game now the operation roulette is what we called it was operational roulette just played one time we played one time i was like i don't want to play i don't want to play he's like it ain't my turn somebody else better go really [Applause] actually you know what um i made that up we weren't poor when i was a kid i just said that because some jokes are funnier some jokes are funnier from a poor perspective i'm gonna prove it right now you always here's a great example let me tell you the exact same joke from a prosperous perspective watch what happens when i was a kid my parents brought us to game operation um and we played it it's not as funny is it it's better if i was poor so i'm excited me and my wife just had a new baby had a new baby yeah yeah well that's how they come he's new my wife wanted to go to the prenatal classes right and i'm like why i gotta go to class you pregnant i pass you know what i'm saying like a teacher class or something i don't know what you want me but i went to the class because i love my wife right i'm afraid that they're going to play the video i don't want to watch the video i'm looking for bible verses against the video and then the doctor tries to throw in perks the doctor was like so listen um during birth would you like to catch the baby catch the baby doing what what are you talking about i said no no no if you want to you can catch the baby i'm like isn't that your job to catch the baby do i get a discount if i catch the baby what are you going to be doing while i'm catching the baby you went to school to catch the baby i do comedy i shouldn't be catching the baby anybody here ever caught the baby before anybody ever caught the baby anybody dropped a baby anybody drop the baby i asked that question one time a lady raised her hand i'm like you caught your own baby what does that look like [Applause] raw i'm not sure why i growl when i tell that story it's weird cause i can't even tell the story without growling i'm gonna try it again like they could happen every time i don't understand it when ultrasounds come in color now did you know that which is ridiculous i know it's a black baby [Applause] it better be a black baby yo what if you didn't know your baby's nationality until you got an ultrasound that would change a lot right conversations would change you'll be like so what do you want what do you guys want like well um we were kind of hoping for you know maybe a native american you know you know college is so expensive you know now the new baby we're to the point now where she sleeps through the night which is great because i was so tired of getting up at like three in the morning to wake up my wife you know i'll get up with the baby i always get up with a baby and i would take care of a baby and make sure she had all her stuff and also would talk to her about how much i love her mom and how beautiful her mom is because i think it's important that a child feel that security you know what i'm saying plus you know the baby monitor was on so [Applause] when women love babies whenever i'm somewhere with my daughter whenever i'm people just women see her and they just go oh and i'll say anything in her mind anything at all just comes out look at the baby she is so beautiful i can just hug her i can just take a look at her cheeks men don't have this reaction and it's a good thing too that something don't go wrong in our minds when we see babies you know we do like we like other women that's what we like that's what we find cute but that would be weird if the same thing happened right you see a dude with his girl you're like oh what's up man how you doing look at her wow um can i hold her wow this is the only one you got you got any more you know it's awesome man if you ever need somebody stay with her man let me know man it's hilarious you could tell a black woman's laugh you ever notice it always end with whoo be a fan involved somewhere to a homemade fan just as a note this fan right here that some people use actually takes more energy therefore you're building up a sweat so just cut your losses my older daughter asked me to buy her some toms she wants some tom shoes and i was like well you to the point now where you need to chip in at least something 10 you got to do something she's like dad what you don't understand is whenever you buy a pair of toms a needy child gets a second pair for free i was like well you need to sign up for the second pair i mean my wife decided to try to homeschool yeah yeah home school yes but we found out that when you homeschool they don't leave did you know that like they were still there so then we found out the family down the street they actually home school and they've been doing it for a while and they're really good at it so we're gonna see if we can get our kids to transfer to their i had a friend that was homeschooled we were kids man he got kicked out of homeschool that was weird parents you ever want to have to talk with your teenagers because teenagers can be a little bit of work you ever want to have a talk with them you ever want to break up with them you ever want to sit them down and be like listen i think we should just be friends it's not working out it's just not working we are fooling ourselves no no no it's not like no no we're not seeing any other kids we're not ready but if you want to see some other parents that's just fine we just if you could just give us our stuff back that'd be cool we call it [Applause] i was at the mall the other day right because that's where comedians go to change the subject i'm at the mall and this this dude has on a shirt that said if you don't speak english leave the country but it's written in [Laughter] [Applause] english so i walked up to him i said you're dumb well i said it in spanish then when you're at the mall you always see the girls the girls wearing the skinny jeans you see the girls in the skinny jeans skinny jeans read the instructions you know um supposed to be skinny to wear these jeans they're not called muffin top jeans that's not what they are [Applause] i just hear somebody say that's funny let me see if i got this right instead of actually laughing you just gonna announce your reaction that's how you want to that's like driving down the street and you get cut off in traffic you just like the horn [Applause] wait i got another one i got another one i know you get a speck of dusty eye you just stand there and say blink blink blink blink blink blink blink blink blink blink blink blink you ever be at the mall you see the dude with the white tank top shirt on like a muscle shirt right here got no muscles you're like what is that a life threatener [Applause] was the last time you guys gave somebody the lizard look face the lizard look face everyone in here has done it before you just didn't name it michael jr had to name it so now you know what it is have you ever made eye contact with somebody for a little longer than you wanted to you didn't do it on purpose it just kind of happened now you got to fix things you don't want them thinking that you thinking something you ain't thinking so now you got to do something to rectify the situation the truth is you don't gotta do anything at all it naturally happens you make the lizard look face let me give you an example you're walking along you make eye contact [Applause] everybody does it i don't care what nationality you are we all do it you can't even not do it i dare you when you leave here try to make eye contact with somebody for more than three seconds that you don't know you're gonna be struggling [Applause] when i first started doing comedy i had a guy ask me a question on airplane the guy was like wow you do comedy huh so when will you know that you're a professional that's what he asked me when will you know that you're a professional i was like wow i never thought about that before because like a doctor gets a plaque you can practice medicine an attorney passes the bar officer gets a gun how do you know when you're a professional as a comedian so i told them after i get a certain amount of money for one show that's when i'm a professional then i got the money and i was like doesn't feel like i'm a professional yet fast forward some years later i'm doing a i'm doing a show at a comedy club in the south and i get heckled from this guy in the back of the room with more twang than i can explain you ever hear somebody with so much twang it sound like a speaking banjo you just talk to him hey man how you what you gonna do you're gonna go around that gun burn down down gonna turn back and turn bro you're gonna stop your foot starts stumping you're like what is going on how come i can't control this [Applause] so the dude heckles me from the back of the room and he says this michael jr i wonder why do all black people look alike right and the whole crowd froze so all white audience they know how i was gonna respond or what i was gonna do they had no idea i didn't know how i was gonna respond or what i was gonna do they didn't know if i was gonna throw a chair get mad they had no idea when i said these words i didn't even think them when i said them i was hearing them for the first time he said micah jr why do all black people look alike i was like we don't all look alike you just got to cut the eye holes in your sheet a lot bigger and that's when i knew i was a professional what's your name sir what is it andy cool ed you just changed it it's awesome that's a cool name your name is ed that's the name of travels some names travel some names don't travel like ed you could be a black head or a white head your name travels some names don't travel a name that doesn't travel anybody know a black becky they don't travel do it they don't travel they don't travel anybody know a white chiquita no no doesn't travel doesn't travel it travels what do you do for a living ed i'm going to let me turn the volume up real quick go ahead say it again oh that's great she's got a mic for you that's awesome that was cool what do you do i i do websites you do websites yeah we all do it's called click flick it's awesome ed's unemployed everyone can't get paid pretty good for this boy what's that i get paid pretty good for this toy cool that's awesome yeah can we get a little humility up front please can we get a little all right cool so let's say you're at work building websites right what does your work space look like is there a bed somewhere in there no you actually go to office so at some point throughout your day i'm just used here as a segue to get to my favorite part of the show that's all i'm doing at some point throughout your day do you get to take a break yes exactly i've been standing up here for like 30 minutes now i'm on break let me explain to you about michael jr's break time my job is to do stand-up comedy now i'm on break it's kind of like imagine if you were a janitor or some right and somebody who spilled something on the ground you could clean it up but you don't have to because you won't break same thing here man something funny might happen but i ain't trying it's cool looking people what's your name we actually have a mic all right that's awesome what's your name melanie melanie cool travels it does travel we all know a black melanie at least i do what do you do melanie um i actually work here you work here let's use somebody else because this will look staged it's awesome hey let's go uh three down to the end let's go to the end they're pretty lady in a way let's talk to her real quick on break time she's cute she got dimples i love dimples on women it's so cute only in the front let me say that though [Applause] it's break time whatever what's your name julie travels what are you doing julie i stay at home with my kids well did you just lose your job tonight or something i'm not sure she was like i stay at home well okay just broke out awesome i just talked to somebody else what's what's your name pretty lady what's your name you got yeah right here with dimples are you what's going on right what's going on sue cool what's uh how you feel sue huh um full no i mean i'm just you're gonna have to say it first though [Applause] woody i've been hurt before we're expecting oh okay cool yeah yeah awesome so [Applause] expecting what you're not gonna set me up okay um a baby a baby yes yes by birth okay cool i'm just making sure you ain't setting me up i did that one time i was like congratulations the lady's like what but listen this is a 100 true story i said congratulations to this lady she says for what but i was so confident she was pregnant i said on your pregnancy then she says for real she says i'm not pregnant she have a big stomach and i walk funny i had no idea what to do after that it's a true story you could tell it's not that funny at the end so what'd you say your name was again sue sue awesome what do you do sue i'm a stay-at-home wife stay-at-home wife and probably going to be a stay-at-home mom in the future that's awesome as a stay-at-home wife do you actually stay at home because some of them some of them don't i'm just saying maybe one man come home like where is dinner [Applause] stead home wife is gone awesome that's your husband right there cool that's good because if it's not he's gonna find out you guys are together that is awesome how long you guys been together could be four years the 29th wow how do you know that dude no because most of the time you ask a guy how long have you been married this is what the guy does automatically he can't be talking to me but you knew he was like four years on the 29th that's awesome dude you happy yes sir awesome y'all giggling he's happy all right cool yeah let me talk to the pre little girl right here talk to people though is okay you want to talk because he's so cute what's your name yeah mia wow that's awesome that name officially travels right now cause before you it didn't i gotta be real with you mia how old are you mia six six wow that is awesome and about to turn seven this november wow she just outdid you dude you thought she knew some stuff wow so what grade are you in um first first grade cool you gonna do it again i did that a couple times you want to try it again no okay you can do it that way if you want whatever you know what i'm saying a little mia whatever you know are you having a good time here have you been to a comedy show before mia okay are those your parents next to you awesome which one you like the best [Applause] don't answer that mia don't answer it [Applause] don't even make eye contact with them you were awesome mia's all pretty and stuff all right so break time is running a little long you got any questions for me mia you sure all right so this we're gonna do it's a two-minute window you're gonna ask me any question you want any question at all here are the rules you have to say michael jr i was wondering and i'll give you an answer a response a reaction some comedy could be created on the spot with that being said the window is open now any question at all just raise your hand or bring your mic it'll be awesome you're my man right here in the green got a question are you you're running too right okay there's some hands up if you want to get them all right cool no um what's your whoop the rules are simple it's michael jr go ahead michael jr i was wondering what's your favorite joke [Applause] my favorite joke it's not even a joke it really happened my son the four years old looks at me out of nowhere he says dad i want to be a doctor i was like yes yes then he said or a dinosaur [Applause] it's my favorite right there all right my man in the back what's your name wyatt wyatt that's an awesome name doesn't travel ain't no black wyatts it sounds too much like white i'm just saying nobody is the black wyatt make up your mind awesome wyatt what's your question hey michael junior i was wondering do you like to dance wow let me think about that you want me to do a dance for you that's what you're looking for a little i don't think so okay sit your little why itself down somewhere how about that all right we gotta give him some free stuff or something because he was hilarious yes awesome let's not ask any adults apparently your what's your name olivia what is it olivia olivia your name travels all right what's your question michael jr i was wondering why'd the chicken cross the road that is so racist i can't believe she asked me all right you ever hear somebody tell you an amazing story about how they almost got killed i know it sounds like it's a skirt in ireland look that's how black people say it kill you know man if i would have turned this way man i got killed something told me to go the other way i didn't want to be a christian either for a long time because some christians are creepy there's some creepy christians it's creepy everything's creepy muslims but some christians is creepy you ever had somebody they talk about god they voice change all of a sudden like yo man how you doing i'm cool can i tell you about the lord what is wrong with your voice what's wrong with your voice when somebody start praying in the middle of your conversation you was just having a conversation you see the game that was a good game man that game was a good god we just thank you for being so holy lord it's so awesome like are we praying right now you are creepy before i became a christian i'm used to i would ask a girl out in this this one girl i remember she said to me she said i'm dating jesus i didn't know what that meant now i realized she was just saying she want to get closer to god before she started dating back then i had no idea i thought she was dating jesus a month later she called me up and said you still want to go out i'm like did you break up with jesus i'm like i don't know for sure but i think it was your fault whatever happened it was your now you're coming to me you are confused you better go back i'm telling you he forgives you for everything and you get free wine you better call them [Applause] you better go call them because what if i'm the jealous type right i walk in the room she praying i'm like who are you talking to [Applause] because you got different types of christians that's what i found out you got christians who are cool you can hang around with them iron sharp and iron relationships right then you got christians who may have a little limp and they walk they got the hat on but the shoes don't match they ain't got christians so i'm just gonna put this out there you ever know somebody that was over saved don't look at them don't look at them you can't even have a regular conversation with him he's like hey ma'am thursday thirsty thirsty for the lord thirsty for the lord hey i lost my keys could you help me find my keys you need the keys to the kingdom like i didn't drive a kingdom yeah i drove a toyota i know as soon as i said over save some of y'all had somebody in mind but if you didn't somebody had you in mind you could be oversaved you ain't know it now i gotta let you know that you oversave couple indicators to let you know you oversave just a couple indicators um if you don't mess around with computers because they got a cursor [Laughter] [Applause] i'm sorry if you rebuke vacuum cleaners because it's a dirt devil i got an aunt us over save she messes up television shows for us we're watching extreme makeover home edition the beginning of the show they always tell you the sad story about the people my aunt gonna start praying for them lord help them get a new house laura just they're gonna get a new house they're gonna get a new house she's like yes you gotta believe i'm like you gotta have cable is what you gotta do you are messing up the program right now i like reading the bible i was reading the bible found out uh i don't know jesus had a little brother anybody know his name james when i read that i was like how much pressure was that jesus your big brother how many times do you have to hear why come you can't be more like jesus james because you know everybody probably thought that james could do the same thing jesus could do but he couldn't he was just james he won james christ [Laughter] remember the wedding banquet jesus turned water in the wine everybody was amazed but they don't tell you about the next banquet jesus left early they started running out of wine everybody looked at james it's like man last time this happened your brother made some wine do you you just gonna stand there with your sandals on you're not gonna can you make some kool-aid or something man you're not gonna do anything you know james had problems just like any other kid had problems he would try to follow his big brother around so everywhere jesus went james followed that's what little brothers do so if jesus went there so did james i bet one time james almost drowned [Applause] oh you just got that joke just now didn't you jesus walked on water and james tried to exist i'm sure james had problems he would go to his parents with his problems and his parents especially his his mom was trying to throw him a bone once in a while they pray over their food lord we just thank you for this food in james name [Applause] james had problems he would go to his parents with his problems you know what they would say he'd be like well what would jesus do you know then they gave him a bracelet they gave him a bracelet and um then he started selling those bracelets you know make some money selling braces what would be cool is what would james do bracelet right same initials different meaning completely different meaning you driving down the street you get cut off in traffic you fuss em out your pastor's gonna be like yo you gotta what would jesus do brace you know like uh-uh that's what james do driving an imaginary car for a long time isn't he also found out when jesus was 12 years old mary and joseph lost jesus they lost jesus and you know the first thing they had to do was pray i wonder what that prayer must sound like joseph probably did the prayer he was like oh god [Applause] dear god um oh forgiving god you remember that messiah you gave us you got another one somewhere man real that was the only begotten son okay we're gonna find them we're going to find them we're going to find them i was reading i want to know about the blessings of abraham so i'm reading the bibles like genesis and one thing's a blessing about abraham was the obedience of his household his name used to be abram and one day god told him to change his name god changed his name and told him to go home and circumcise the entire household even the servants the bible said he went home that same day and did it that is obedience because i don't know if i could have been a servant i'm just saying i had a couple questions first like wait what happened what happened you changed your name i don't think i know you then i don't know you i don't know you okay okay can we just talk for a second can we just talk okay can you stop sharpening that rock while we talk though is it's distracting it's distracting look i'm trying to focus i'm trying to focus okay what exactly did god say his words please okay circumcised and the flesh of the foreskin you sure didn't say your skin [Applause] go back up there and check man come back with a note and then going to church can be a little intimidating sometimes like you're trying to look for the right church you'll never find the perfect church so you just stop looking for the burger church because you ain't perfect i went to one church and uh the pastor was like i want you to pray with your neighbor i'm like my neighbor don't go to this church [Applause] you want me to call my neighbor on the phone that's creepy so they explain to me your neighbor is the person next to you i'm supposed to pray with some lady i don't even know what i'm supposed to pray about lord help them hairs and stop growing on this lady chin lord i don't what i'm so sorry about i don't even know her she went first man she must have been john the baptist auntie or something man because she prayed all good she was like dear heavenly father you said in your word in the sixth chapter the third third verse lord of the book of matthew lord the 601st word on page 1297 lord lord you said seek search lord you're the alpha niece jehovah jireh the king of kings i'm thinking man she even know his nicknames now she's looking at me like it's my turn to pray well i'm not gonna let her out pray me so i'm like all right dear god god it's just you i just i just can't fight this feeling anymore no you know cause i know lord that nationwide you're on my side god and because there's choosy moms choose jesus lord you know that's the rockets red glare lord okay prove to the night i believe i could fly [Applause] amen yeah then i got baptized man i just want to go on record to say it's a little more on it when black people get baptized because we don't like water i'm not gonna say that all black people don't like water i'm just gonna say all the black people i know don't like water i don't know what it is about the water invite a black person to your pool party some of you have done this before what happened they showed up with all their clothes on talk about man i'm just gonna eat man i ain't getting in the water we just don't like i don't know what i know what the black women is to hear black women do not want to get their hair wet you could rob a black woman with a square gun take it [Applause] just take it just take it well i don't like water we don't like water i mean when i got baptized first let me tell you i learned how to swim i'm fishing off a bridge in michigan when i was a kid i'm 11 years old i'm fishing off a bridge i love to fish so i'm fishing off a bridge the fish not biting my dad comes over he's like they're not biting arctic i was like nope he's like well let's have some fun uh that's how i learned how to swim fast forward right like 10 years ago i'm about to get baptized i have not been submerged under water since the bridge standing in the water dude gonna push me right i'm like you know what i'm not ready yet i'm not all ready dude gonna push me again i'm like there's gonna be trouble in the water there'll be trouble in the water come on if you want to right and i'm all creative i'm like wait a minute it's a white dude he got on a white sheet oh no this is right are you gonna let me up are you gonna let me up this is not a eight minute baptism when they baptize you what do they say in the name of the son the father the holy spirit dunk you under the water i'm reading the bible that jesus got baptized i was like well what did they say to him there's like there's like you your dad and your best friend i was on a show at this club in los angeles in los angeles there's this club called the comedy magic club it's a very prestigious club it's really hard for comedians to get into this club like every sunday night jay leno performs here it's a really hard club to get into some brand new in town and uh this comedian named george wallace takes me into the club now george wallace if you don't know who he is my favorite george wallace joke is he says he was in china and he bought a pair of shoes and he looked at the bottom of them and it said made right around the corner i love george wallace george wallace takes me into the club and in the green room is gary shanley and jay leno now george wallace i'm like oh snap these are some soldiers in comedy i'm just happy to be in a room with them right but your gift will make room for you so i'm sitting there and at the time were working on a joke a football player had got hit in the eye with a flag anybody remember that he hit an eye with a flag he was suing a league for like 400 million dollars now jay leno george wallace and gary shanley are all working on a joke for jay leno's monologue for the tonight show like the following week i ain't saying nothing i'm just happy to be in the room then it got quiet and they looked at me i was like oh snap i was like all right so let me see if i got this right he got hit an eye with a flag he lost his vision in one eye and he saw in the league for 400 million dollars he's not going to see half of it so not long after that i'm headlining down at the club right now i headline there on a regular basis now a little while back i'm doing a show there and right before i got on stage god changed my mindset about comedy when a comedian gets on stage he wants to get what laughs that's 100 true that's exactly what i was about god changed my mindset and said don't go up there to get laughs from people go up there to give them an opportunity to laugh so it changes everything so i do my show we have a great time i leave i'm outside i'm talking to the people they want autographs same thing every time i leave this club but this time i look across the street and i saw a homeless guy i had never seen a homeless guy outside this club before ever but that doesn't mean he wasn't there before it just means that my mindset was to get laughter from people so why would i even notice a homeless guy then i noticed him i was like yo what about him how could i give him an opportunity to laugh and then guy was like you really want to know and i was like nope then i said yes you know because i was getting on a plane the next day um i said yes and we went and did a comedy tour like no other tour before first place we went to was fort worth texas there's a place here called there's a place called the samaritan house the samaritan house takes care of people who are homeless and they have hiv we went in there we did a comedy show for him and then after the show this guy walks up to me and he wants to talk to me now the facilitator already told me that this guy i think his name was his name was steve's he doesn't talk to anybody but he wants to talk to me i'm like why do you want to talk to me he goes on to tell me that until that night he hadn't laughed in over 20 years i'm telling you i almost started crying i was like back up we leave there we go to montrose colorado a place called the dolphin house the dolphin house takes care of children who are being abused by their parents who are on drugs and his grandmother tells me the story of her grandson and um she tells me about how he's been abused by his mom and one of the things she's doing is she's pulling out his toenails and then she explains that uh her grandson is so afraid of his mom everywhere he goes he wears a spiderman costume everywhere he goes i hear his story and i hear all these other kids stories and now they bring them all together and i got to do comedy for him only with god's strength was i able to get up on stage so i get up there and i started doing comments sitting right up front spider-man full costume i know his story and i got to do comedy so i started doing comedy an amazing thing happens when a room full of people start to laugh you open up and reveal who you truly are and i hear a voice come from this part of the room right here and the voice says my name is ronan this little boy pulls off his mask and introduces himself to me and he starts talking to me for like nine minutes like i'm not doing a comedy show he talked about spider-man talked about batman he said batman has a belt and i was like well i got a bell too if you don't sit down somewhere right it's exactly what happened the whole room laughed in fact it was the biggest laugh of the night now listen i can guarantee you it was not in my notes to do a joke about whooping kids [Applause] in a room full of abused kids [Applause] but that was a joke that needed to be done god knew and the elephant had to leave the room we had an amazing time we leave there we go to skid row a guy says to me i've been homeless for seven years on crack cocaine for five years i was beaten stabbed and left for dead i could really use a lab michael jr same dude has to use his left hand to keep himself from falling out of a chair and laughter we filmed the whole thing we made a movie it's called comedy role less travel we go to one more location we actually go to a youth prison we go to an adult prison the adult prison is not in the film but i got to tell you what happens because it just shows you how god got your back when you step out there and do something he tells you to do so we go we go ahead and we go to this adult prison and i'm scared for real i don't mind telling you i walk in the warden takes my belt he's like you can't have a belt somebody might try to hang you i'm like can't they just boo me or something why you gotta hang me cause there's a real dilemma going on right now they can either hang me with my belt or i take the belt off and my pants is loose there's some stuff going on in my head right now i'm just telling you i'm very creative [Applause] so i'm scared for real and i need a joke immediately i know tonight i was all moving slow comedy is like dating not in prison nope that analogy never came up it never came up i'm scared for real bars are opening in front of me they're closing behind me open in front of me i can't run i'm scared for real i got to be funny immediately i got nothing the joke popped in my mind i was scared to say it i was gonna say you know you guys are a captive audience you know i just want to say that you know well i was scared i was scared i walk in sitting right up front is a white dude with a white beard named moses i was like thanks lord i looked at moses and when i said these words the place exploded and laughed after we had an amazing time i looked at moses i said moses that's what i want you to do i want you to look the prison warden right in his eye look him right in his eye and i want you to say let my people go listen i love you i thank you so much michael jr thank you thank you thank you so so so you

Channel: victory outreach church anaheim

Views: 320,653

Rating: 4.8442526 out of 5

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Id: QBY9DvHi4Tk

Length: 56min 0sec (3360 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 04 2020