They Lie!

anybody who has teenage boys - knows that they lie lie lie that's all they do and you know how you know they're lying because their mouth is moving they lie but here's the thing sometimes you don't bust them with all of them and sometimes their lies are so good that you're almost proud of them you know what I mean you're like and don't do that again that's my [ __ ] boy you know my son's best he ran a game on me ran a game on me my wife and I we went to Hawaii for vacation and my parents came to stay with him so when we come back we got a DirecTV bill a month later and there's $200 worth of porn charges and we're looking at the bill right my wife and I and I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad mad right the dude needs to be taught a lesson because porn is free like how dumb do you have to pay I got porn in my pocket 24 hours a day I'm worried about it as a human being if he's still paying for porn that is the dumbest [ __ ] [ __ ] I've ever heard up I'm worried about him walking around in this world if he's still paying for porn like I wasn't gonna do that I tell my wife I'm like I gotta go down and talk to him this is so dumb but here's the deal I feel like this is gonna be a quick conversation cuz his mo when he lies is he'll lie and then if you just show him facts he's like yo those men and that's it so I have the facts in my hand I have to build in my hand so I figure it's gonna be a quick conversation so I go down into his room and I'm like hey man did you go Joe I go you know anything about this and here's how I could tell he was gonna lie to me cuz as soon as I held up the bill he bent over and he squeaked it like he couldn't read all of a sudden he was like I just started shaking his head like he had never seen that language before you look and then he said something so ridiculous he goes yo I'm not familiar I'm like what the [ __ ] does that mean you're not familiar you don't recognize English so you don't know what that is and he goes I'm not sure what that list of stuff is how my gets boring he goes oh I know you don't know anything about that farm you guys know I know you didn't order that point there's no I know cuz I'm looking at the dates when the porn was ordered and it's when your mom and I were out of town and the only people at the house were you and Grandma and Grandpa so it was either you Grandma and Grandpa and he looks me right at Minnie goes well they do like each other a lot I was like take it easy there man you know you talk about my mom right you talk about my mom right now I said you take my mom watches porn he goes no I didn't say that you said that and I'm like why is he so confident I have the bill I have it right here why and that's that okay I'm gonna make him so uncomfortable that he'll admit it and he doesn't want to talk about porn with his dad so I guess I'll just start reading off the titles of the movies so I said to Mike are you telling me that grandma grandpa we're in my room watching anal party three and this is the quote out of his mouth he goes well the door was shut all weekend I thought are you saying my mom watches anal he goes no you said that I never said that guys I walked into the room 100% sure it was him now I'm at like 99 and then I realized the reason he was so confident you know why are you so confident everybody the reason he was so confident was the only way I can truly prove there was him is it by call my parents [Music] and I say did you watch anal Part III in my room and on the off chance they say yes I gotta burn the [ __ ] house down like I can't live there as an adult male if my parents are watching anal on your bed you can burn that [ __ ] down so I need to all of a sudden have come up become Tom Cruise from a few good men like I needed to know right so I decided that he's gone all-in he knows I don't want to call my parents the only way I can bust him is if I go all in to so I'm like okay I'm going all in with this and I say to him I go man you didn't order the porn you didn't order the porn and then he did say what every teenager says at least once and I said you didn't order the porn and he's like I wish you just believe me oh you never believe me oh hang on oh man I believe you and he goes whoa because I figured I'm pushing all my chips into the only way to get him is to admit it is a get him into a situation that he doesn't want to be so I said yeah I believe you and I think it's terrible that Grandma and Grandpa are making you pay for their porn he was a guard dig that's terrible dude I say dude we should we came out of hiding the shadows out there in the East Coast we gotta call him out he was like Rudy Hollings list let's like what do you think man and I held up my phone I go let's just get him on the phone and he looks me dead in the eye any oohs call them and he goes no no no calm calm dad I want to hear you call your parents and ask them if they watched anal party three in your room I want to hear you ask that cave question call I go I'm gone and he goes I'm right here I was like so I start to dial one number dial another number and he goes you don't have your parents on speed dial I said yeah I do I'm just taking I'm going slow him giving you a chance to come clean he goes oh okay because I wouldn't say come clean when you talk to them and I was like listen guys if this is a fight he's landed every [ __ ] punch so far and I'm like okay I'm pressing another button press another button guys I'm like and then I'm gonna jump out of the window like this is it for me bounce it press that Knight button and he goes whoa I'll pay for it and I said you ordered the porn he goes no that was Grandma and Grandpa I just don't want you to embarrass them I think it's nice how much they like each other [Applause] it lets me dead in the eye and he goes we don't here and I was like yeah but that wasn't satisfactory to me guys I needed to hear him say he ordered the porn right so we get into the outside of his door and I'm on the outside of it and I go hey I went before it before before leave I'm gonna give you one last offer I will pay the bill and give you $200 all you got to do is say you heard the point and he looks right at me and he goes nope grab on grab on and now every time he walks by my room and the doors open he looks in and he goes I wouldn't sleep on that bed like an [ __ ] [Music] you

Channel: Josh Wolf

Views: 12,421,335

Keywords: Josh Wolf, Teenagers, Liar, Lie, Boys, Parenting, Stand-Up, Stand-Up Comedy, Comedy Videos, Stand-Up Comedy Videos

Id: IlUaEx-JtN8

Length: 8min 35sec (515 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 20 2018