Being Married To Someone With ADHD

my wife has this thing it's called ADHD do you guys know what this is it's not add by the way that one's different that's the one you diagnose yourself that's where people are like oh sorry I tuned out of your story I have ADD no you suck you're addicted to your phone you need to take responsibility ADHD that one's a little more intense all right she had to go to a hospital to get that age now when she went to the doctor the doctor was like you have what's called ADHD and she was like what and he was like this is the third time I told you please stop coming back here [Applause] now if you don't know what ADHD is you probably knew someone in school who had it all right ADHD kids they were always like the weird kid in class all right the one that does this the weird kid you know not the quiet one not the not the quiet emo that's to themselves weird no the other weird one the one who sat next to the emo kid and asked them questions like so is black your favorite color you wear it all the time you wore that black hoodie last Wednesday and on Friday do you wear eyeliner on the weekends you're always an eyeliner I noticed that it's also black did you know black is the absence of color I have a hoodie as well that's black but it's reversible with the blue technically that's one color and no color that's how they talk by the way I would cut myself too [Applause] [Music] [Applause] now people with ADHD they get hyper focused and easily distracted at the exact same time so that means they are really good at starting projects did you feel how unsatisfying that was that was a polite way of saying they're good at making a mess in my living room all the time because what happens is she will get started on something and then she sees movement so then she starts doing whatever this thing is and then a sound goes off so then she's doing whatever that and then her phone happens and then so that it's like it's like living with a Roomba you know it's just you follow the trail of Broken Dreams until she's stuck in the corner somewhere and there's just there's just things it just it looks like Etsy took a in our house it's just miscellaneous random things [Applause] but she has good intentions and I guess that that counts for something so this is what she'll do she'll say something like okay I'm gonna clean and then she will start the vacuum and She'll follow that until it hits the coffee table which wobbles because she hit her head thank you she doesn't remember so the coffee table wobbles and she goes oh no that's uneven so she will begin to disassemble the coffee table but she only takes apart the two legs that are nearest to her right so the table becomes lopsided oblivious to the very full coffee mug that comes sliding down onto the carpet now there's a stain this is cleaning by the way don't forget and she goes oh no there's a stain I I should probably get a paper towel to clean that up so she goes over to the kitchen to grab a paper towel she's in a completely different room now okay that room is done it's over all right it's a distant memory at this point box it up it doesn't matter and she goes okay what will I do in the kitchen today my goodness the world is my oyster with this kitchen I could do anything maybe I'll start a project I'll bake a pie from scratch that's what I should do should be a very small project I should be hungry in about eight to ten hours I will build a pie oh it looks like we're all out of paper towels I'm gonna go to the store that's what I'll do I'm just gonna head out and I'll go right to the store oh wait what's going on with the vacuum what happened over here it's like she becomes a detective who discovers her own crime scene he's like I've never seen the table like this what happened with the vacuum why is this going on I'm like you're the murderer what are you talking about [Music] and then she rediscovers the stain and goes oh that's right the coffee because of the stain I went to go get paper towels but we're out of paper towels I need to blot this so she'll take her shirt off and start to blot the stain literally I come in from the Next Room the vacuum's running my table's broken she's naked a baby's crying we don't have kids I'm like what the is going on and she goes I was gonna do a load of laundry and then I don't see her for four days and three nights she does meth I think I don't know my wife she collects rocks I do not care if they identify as crystals they are rocks they are everywhere bro they're all over our home they're on the window sills and on the in the drawers on the toilet seat we live in a quarry we live we live outside we're homeless I think I don't know and she won't let me get rid of them because she claims that they have powers highlighted by the planets uh the stars and the Mercury's and Venus's anus or whatever I try to throw him out and she's like you don't even know what they're doing for you don't you feel so protected I was like yeah if we get a slingshot we're in business all we have is ammo right now we have nothing every day she gets a new rock every single day she gets a new one because there's this little meditation Guru Center Spa find your heal your clitoris chakra whatever thing every day she goes there and right when she walks in the clerky pops up and goes my customer and then and then he sells her some rock that he found outside on his smoke break probably and while he's selling it he Winks at me I'm like you're a piece of you know she has a problem [Applause] and when she gets outside the store she just goes oh I just feel so grounded I'm like yeah babe you got a pocket full of rocks right now if you were a corpse you would sink what are you insane that's physics one day we were on a walk outside or at home and we stumble upon this uh well okay it's like if it loses it's a very shallow well it's about two two to three feet it's very shallow I I could get out of it okay don't all laugh that hurts we stumble upon this well and at the bottom of this well there is a squirrel that's hanging at the bottom of this well okay and here's how I react whenever I see a squirrel it's a squirrel my wife has a very different spiritual moment I don't know why I don't know her connection to the score I don't know if it's because like they're equally as Twitchy I don't know I feel like they're talking about me I don't know so she sees the squirrel and she goes babe quick lend me your shoe I will lower it down by the laces and we'll hoist them up like it's a squirrel elevator I was like I love that you think just because we lower a shoe down there a squirrel will willingly get in it and leave with us like we are his family and she goes you're right we should build a ladder so he can leave on his own terms and I was like that's not at all what I said so I go about my adult life I come home later to discover my wife is sitting in the middle of the living room the glue gun is on so I'm too late and what she's done is she has taken two of my shoelaces and she laid them out vertically and then she hot glued popsicle sticks we did not have popsicle sticks by the way we had a box of popsicles can you guess what happened next this chick has got brain freeze and purple lips and is doing arts and crafts in my living room I'm like who's toddler am I babysitting right now with my laptop open to a Google search that says how tall are squirrels I was like really for squirrels you say tall foreign [Applause] she collects the ladder just like so we're heading back to to the well my shoes are much looser and just before she releases it I notice that there is a note attached and I was like hey babe is that a node for the squirrel and she goes no that's so people read it and know not to remove the ladder and I was relieved because I needed to know how far on the spectrum of this she was [Applause] and so she takes the ladder in very dramatic fashion she unfurls it that's a pretty good ladder I don't know what the sound they make but that's whatever particularly you're fancy [Music] she unfurls the ladder and I swear to God the squirrel looked at the ladder and just got out on his own [Applause] and she goes it worked [Applause] [Music] I'm gonna knit a scarf and that is my whole life every day is that day all right I live with a Make-a-Wish kid all the time so I'm just like all right let's follow your dreams I guess we'll see what happens now people who stutter we tend to do it more when we're feeling nervous or agitated frustrated overwhelmed and there was one particular day where both mine and my wife's issues my stutter and her ADHD came together for one beautiful awful storm I was I came home from shows it had just been an exhausting day and very lovingly my wife noticed so she asked she goes hey babe what's the matter and what I said at the time was it's nothing it's just today I'm feeling very stressed but at the time that I said it I stuttered on the word stressed so it sounded like and this chick started dancing [Applause] foreign [Applause] [Music] she was like that was that was a sick beat Babe [Applause] I was like yeah we should start a band and not finish it [Applause]

Channel: Drew Lynch

Views: 295,623

Keywords: Comedy, Comedian, Drew Lynch, Stutter, America's Got Talent, Howie Mandel, Golden Buzzer, Finalist, Stand up, Service Dog, Vizsla, Speech Impediment, funny, AGT, stand up, drew lynch stand up, concussed, comedy special

Id: v3I0YsfMJS8

Length: 15min 36sec (936 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 16 2023

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[u/stitchstudent]

I love Drew! His stutter's gotten a lot better hasn't it? I wonder if having to deal with his own disability makes him more compassionate when making these kinds of jokes. I once read somewhere (wish I could remember!) that someone with narcolepsy said there's a difference between jokes that are "haha, you're sick" and "you do a funny thing (because you're sick)" and maybe Drew is able to tune into that?

[u/havartifunk]

My husband laughed and nodded for at least half of this video. And then lost it at the glue gun bit. 🤣

[u/KaleidoscopeLazy4680]

I am the squirrel stereotype, so I find those bits hilarious

[u/keepcalmandcarrysage]

I'm ☠️! This was the funniest, most accurate representation I've ever heard.