Hardest Lesson My Son Ever Learned

who's got kids between six and eight right now yeah is that the age because I forget is that the age where you'll just be with him at the mall and they'll just all of a sudden just start doing a dumb dance like is that that age they're at the mall and all of a sudden you look over and they're like Jacob was around correct and here's a couple things you need to know about me guys around this time first of all we had no money I was raising three kids in one room I made a thousand dollars a month I lived in Los Angeles we were poor and so Jacob had a Game Boy Game Boy cost 200 that was a fifth of what I made every month it was a big purchase for me okay first thing you need to know second thing you need to know I was probably more strict on my kids when they were younger than you think I was I was a single parent I did not know if I was ever going to meet somebody I could not take the chance of them thinking that this was just going to be a playground the whole time I wasn't going to be able to keep control of the house what was important for me that they knew that what I said is what I meant I did I'm with that with everybody to me I'm not a second chance dude your chance was when I told you hey I don't like that I don't know why I need to say it a second time it doesn't make any sense to me so just know that going into the story all right so Jacob gets in the car one day seven I pick him up at school and he's back and he's playing his Gameboy and he's and I look in the rearview I go hey he goes yeah I go you bring your Game Boy to school he's like yeah I go that's against the rules dude and he goes how do you know the rules foreign [Laughter] I'm the only one in the car who can read I know the rules you know and I go you know you're not supposed to bring that he goes yeah but it doesn't matter because they didn't catch me and I go I want to let you know that's not the point of rules and I said and just because that's your attitude I'm gonna take a stand here and I'm gonna tell you right now you bring that to school again I catch you bringing that to school again I'm throwing that away by the way parents you ever ever promised a punishment and as soon as you do you're like the worst was grounding because you're like it's that first time you ground your kid you're like wait did I me up too holy oh you start thinking of different punishments you're like I don't like grounding anymore that's not good I don't like that one laughs yo I grounded him for all summer and I realized I'm grounded too this whole summer oh no I'm gonna throw that away don't bring it to school he said okay the next day he goes to the bathroom we're going to school and he leaves his backpack up against the door now I will tell you something else guys I was a proud snooper through my kid's I never I will tell you this I never snooped to bust them on regular teenage kid stuff I snooped just in case they were doing something that I thought was dangerous trouble that at my house but if you were gonna do Snoop I look in his bag and there's the game boy and a 20 Bill I'm like where the did he get that oh I took who raised kids with no money anybody raise kids with no money yo man I will tell you something right now when Jacob was 18 and broke open his piggy bank he was like what's with all these I videos what does he need a 20 bill for he's five you know so I see it and I don't want to bust him because then he's just going to hide it better next time he needs to come clean so we get in the car and I start this every parent you've done this before like what's going on you're just trying to get the truth out of them what's going on buddy anything anything fun happen in school today no you doing anything special at school no what are you gonna play with your friends I don't know nothing right so then I try a different tactic I go hey man just so you know I don't know if I told you but today the car is a punishment-free Zone you don't get in trouble for anything you admit about anybody then he goes I won't get in trouble oh yeah that's right I go and you can tell me anything man anything no trouble you can tell me anything he goes okay and I looked in the rear mirror and he goes Trevor stuck his finger in the cat's butt I was like what [Applause] first of all we don't have a cat so you know that neighbor cat was like I'm not going to that ing yard again that yard I don't like it yeah so I go he goes he's not gonna get in trouble I'm like ah not shaking his hand later but [Applause] I got anything else he's like no okay he goes in school so I call my dad which I always do with parenting questions and I said to him I go I told him what to deal with he goes you have two options you can bust him or you just pretend like you didn't see it but if you do that just know he's gonna think he'd get one overrun can you handle that I'm way too Petty for that guys I can't have a seven-year-old walking around my house thinking he's smarter than me I can't have him thinking that he knows how to get over on me I just can't so I'm like yeah I'm gonna have to bust it so he gets in the car on the way home guys it was like the best day he ever had a school he gets in the car like how was school he's like guys [Applause] the whole ride home he's pinned on a 10 about how great his day was and I will tell you this is the type of I am that started to laugh because I knew what 10 minutes from now all I could think it was what a emotional roller coaster today is gonna be so he gets in the car driving home super psyched we get into the garage we take the elevator up to the third floor we're walking down the hallway and we get to the trash chute and I say to him I go hey man he's like yeah I go you want me to throw out the Game Boy you want or you wanna and he looked at me just one last ditch he goes what Game Boy I said the Game Boy in your backpack now anybody in here ever lied to their kids before and tell them you had special powers because you didn't want to explain anything else at one point in time I had told Jacob I had X-ray vision so I go the Game Boy in your backpack and he goes I forgot [Music] I forgot yeah I was like whatever yeah you want to throw it away you want me to he goes you you do it okay this is the one part I felt bad about guys because we had one of those long metal shoots yo you heard everything yeah [Music] in the very last bang he was like oh and look man if you're a parent you know and if you've been you we've all been kids you know you do not listen to a single one of your parents life speeches there isn't a word that comes out of their mouth that you remember all your thinking is when is this old gonna stop talking yeah and very rarely there's a time where you think you can say something that your kids will soak in so I think this is the time I think he's vulnerable enough he's open enough I can tell him a couple things so I say to him on the way down the apartment I go I want to tell you a couple things first of all that was not fun for me I want you to know as your dad my wish is for you every day of your life to be better than every day of mine what I want is for you to be happy every day of your life I just know that that's not possible not only do I know that's not possible I know that I am going to be responsible for a lot of the days that you are mad because I am going to make decisions that I think are right for your life actions reactions consequences you picked your action you don't get to pick everything else that comes after it do you understand and he was like and we get into the house and I go tell me what you learned he goes okay [Music] I learned that you do what you say I said when he goes forever I go what else because I learned that there consequences and actions and reactions I don't know if that's the right order but I I know that's what happened and I go what else did you learn and this guy dries his tears takes his deep cleansing breath he's just like I'll go what else you learn he looked at me and he goes I know what I want for Christmas [Applause] guess who was dumpster diving an hour later now I want to tell you guys something the reason I have never I I've waited a long time to tell that story you know I'm a I love telling stories to me the biggest challenging stories are the ones that you're counting on a laugh at the end of the story to carry the whole story right because if that laugh doesn't work that's a TED Talk so thank you all very much for letting me uh tell that one that one is uh super challenging for me I appreciate it very much hi [Music] did it [Music] titties that's how big our titties were they made that noise through the air [Music]

Channel: Josh Wolf

Views: 982,292

Keywords: Josh Wolf, comedy, stand-up, stand up, stand-up comedy, stand up comedy, comedy clips, comedy show, comedian, funny, laugh, father, son, weird, comedy special, best comedian, funniest comedian, top comedian, gameboy, Jacob Wolf, single, parent, parenting, lesson, story

Id: dUB0PO63HE0

Length: 11min 57sec (717 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 15 2022