Just The Tip

the buddies thing about kids is they they don't think that we experience what they experience like we were teenagers we did what you did like they think oh you wouldn't understand oh no like he thinks he's the only person who ever broke something in a house and just pretended like it ever happened go ahead do that you guys never do that chick will you brave something when you're a kid you just throw the pieces out like if there's like that lamp never existed but like your parents two grown-ups are gonna walk into the living room and just notice that that's one of the two lamps that isn't there that's how dumb teenagers are they're dumb as [ __ ] I dropped a keg on a hardwood floor in my house growing up when my parents were out of town we had a party it was the dining room I just slid the dining room table and rug over nine inches like gold they'll never notice it's the first thing my mom noticed when she walked in she was like why is the table there but how'd you notice she was like I'm a grown-up now we all know pitfalls of being a teenager right so you have to decide which ones you want to warn your kids about and how you should warn them you know I think we've all changed how we warn our kids about drinking and driving now it's the message is easy call an uber calling it a lift I'll pay for everything but there's no excuse for it to ever happen you know and I know all the people that I don't have kids are very vocal about that now and I don't know too many teenage kids that are drinking and driving anymore because of that right we're pretty clear on this message now and but there's other things that you don't you you know they're gonna run into that you don't tell them about because how would you like my daughter look one of the pitfalls that I knew my daughter was gonna run into my daughter my princess my baby girl the smartest young woman that I know but I knew that my daughter my baby girl you know what pitfall I knew she was gonna fall for you knew it I knew she was gonna fall for I knew that my daughter was gonna fall for just the tip how did I know she was gonna fire because you fell for and you fell for it and you fell for it and you fell for the old [ __ ] fell for something if he didn't fall for just the Tim you fell for I just want to lay naked next to you just one pump I want to know what it feels like don't shake your [ __ ] hands you all felt for something and that's what I knew I'm like she's gonna fall for that [ __ ] and by the way it's not that I don't want her to have sex I'm not that guy who's like oh I know that's gonna happen but the tip is where the bad stuff comes from the tip makes me make babies I don't want that [ __ ] I don't want babies I'd rather have a guy say just the nuts fine dude suck your nuts in there I got no problem of that stump nuts I'm in a bit I'm gonna run for office I'm your stuff nuts lips like feels great stuff nuts no kids that's all I'm saying it's so funny to see them do [ __ ] that I did I remember the first time I found my son drunk in my kitchen my oldest son and here's the thing he was here's how you can tell someone's drunk you can tell they're drunk by what two foods they're combining together because if you're eating chips and salsa you're not that drunk he was dipping chicken into peanut butter sitting in the corner of the kitchen like this [Music] but even said I think this is now they discovered Reese's so I was like hey man get put the chicken in the peanut butter down get upstairs dudes this is embarrassing okay and he goes upstairs and I was way up the stairs I said to him hey just so you don't man not chicken and peanut butter that's not gonna be good for you later and I was right because I heard that we've all heard that right that late-night run to the bathroom your body is amazing your body is amazing for this reason you can pass out as some Peart as a man I passed out dudes have put their nuts on my cheek they've traced their digs on my forehead they squirt [ __ ] all over you you don't wake up but you got a puke and your body's like back then send you off running in a direction right so I hear running down the hallway and then there's silence and then I just hear [Music] this isn't fun anymore silence and then just in my favorite I swear and then he did a couple of what I like to call my favorite the silent scream you know when you're like oh I feel so good I don't so much I hope that never have of that but your abs never look better that next day right like I need to do some more of those [Music] you

Channel: Josh Wolf

Views: 9,071,699

Keywords: Josh Wolf, comedian, stand-up comedy, comedy, stand-up, just the tip, parent, parenting, special, kids, relatable, funny, father

Id: TGh0Yh_KhDc

Length: 6min 0sec (360 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 22 2019