My Second Favorite Practical Joke

I've really evolved into more of an edible guy than a week I mean smoking it you got to here's the thing it's so different though like because okay hey okay let me just ask question a round of applause people who have taken too much of an edible before okay yeah because here's the deal right what they don't tell you is that an edible when you smoke it right before you go into it you're like oh yeah when I smoke weed I'm high for an hour or so when I come down on five but they don't tell you is that an edible high goes like this [Music] [Laughter] so if after an hour of eating inedible you think to yourself man I'm as high as I want to be you are [ __ ] you know you got a little extra time on that ride I remember the first time I took an edible three hours in I was like I'm ready to get off the ride now and they should put something on the package it says you could always eat more you can never eat less and most the time the edible [ __ ] you up that first time because you eat it an hour later you're like I'm not high and then as soon as you eat it again as soon as you swallow that second piece you start to get high and you're like oh no [ __ ] you up now I will tell you this and let me tell you a little story ahead of time because I am also a huge fan of practical jokes and I pulled such a great practical joke on my brother with an edible it was so good don't feel bad for him that [ __ ] has done some [ __ ] let me give you a little backstory so the very first time that I took an edible I I remember walking into my weed store and by the way the weed stores in La liked to get your medical card is so easy so I went into the doctor I mean when I was first going in and I had a whole story planned I had migraines when I was 12 fell down so I walk into the doctor's office and there's a poster on the wall that says if you suffer from any of these you can have your wreck it was a [ __ ] cheat sheet right tell me the story I go I'm just gonna memorize the first one it's alphabetical and my to memorize it first one you ever do this when you memorize something by the way where you're like got it what was that yes half a second you're back like I don't [ __ ] remember what that was oh so I memorize the first one I'm like okay got it guy calls me in and I sit down there he goes mr. Wolfe what seems to be ailing you we feel like you need medical marijuana and I just blanked but I remember it was the first one so I was like autism he you should have seen him he was like [Music] he said do you mean anxiety I go that's it anxiety super anxious that I'm gonna get autism can you just give me the [ __ ] car it's also funny like well so I'm at my weed store and the guy who I always buy friendly guy who owns a place he goes you never you're not an edible guy huh no I haven't tried one and he was like you want to try one I said sure sure sure and he goes what do you like to eat and I said well for sweets I I like baked goods and stuff and he said well we actually made some blueberry muffins fresh today and I was like well [ __ ] look at you okay oh you got yourself a little bakery in the back buddy that's nice so he brings me out a blueberry muffin and he hands it to me he goes here you go now in my weed store they have a place where they they want you to smoke responsibly they want you to get high into the second room and the room has a pool table it's got a big-screen TV it's good PlayStation it's good Xbox it's got an Apple TV and what I used to do is with it I'd get a joint and I'd smoke it I'd be high for an hour I'd come down and I'd drive home so I thought well that's what's gonna happen after I eat my edible right so as I'm eating the muffin and it was delicious you know the edibles are good now and you ever eat something that's so good there's one crumb left and you're like well I am eating that I put the last crumb in my mouth and right when I put it in my mouth the dude who gave it to me walks into us you didn't eat that whole [ __ ] muffin [Applause] and he goes well you gotta get the [ __ ] out of here I got one why he goes you're about to freak out for real I can't have that here you gotta go home and I go you didn't tell me not to eat the whole muffin he goes I didn't tell you to eat the whole moment either did I and I go what's about to happen he goes you are in for an uncomfortable eight hours look those of us who done done drugs well you know your mindset going in is really important right and fear is not your [ __ ] friend ok so I'm already spiraling the drain I'm not even high yet I'm like what dude goes how far do you live from here I got on like 20 minutes and he goes you might make it I try to walk out of there on my way out he goes who's at your house I go my kids he goes I wouldn't [ __ ] talk to them so I go home and go to sleep I wake up high now I hate waking up high I hate waking up high and I'll tell you why because look when I go to sleep I'm basically saying whatever is happening right now I'm pretty much done with ya if I wanted to stay high I [ __ ] stay awake pretty much done and I'd like to wake up with a clean slate please so when I wake up high I'm like [ __ ] you so I called the dude who gave me the animals man I go hey man like you ought to let somebody know when you give them tomorrow weed it's tomorrow [ __ ] late there should be a note on the package it says I hope you don't have [ __ ] to do tomorrow either because you're gonna be [ __ ] up for a couple days man so I laid in bed because then I started thinking what a great opportunity edibles would be for a practical joke on my brother now before I don't feel bad hey who's got older brothers in here right so [ __ ] them we know what they did we know you you my older brothers in here you deserve every last little bit of [ __ ] you get your whole life you [ __ ] so I laid in bed all day trying to decide you know which one of my brothers I wanted to give a near-death experience to right now before you feel bad for him let me tell you what he used to do to me you know those couches that fold out into beds so he would fold it out and then he would put me in it and he would fold it to buck back up at a very young age I had to learn to breathe like this like a [ __ ] survivor so I was like I'm gonna get this dude I call him on the phone I'm like hey man you want to come over and get high and he was like yeah I go great I'm gonna roll you a joint you're not ready for the edibles that I have now look anybody who knows when you tell your brother your older brother he can't do something so when I told him you're not ready for edibles I was basically standing on the edge of the dock like this I just needed him to take the bait right on he took it he was like what what do you would hope to I mean what you eat bro don't you worry about me I'm your big brother you don't think I can handle you I've been getting high since you were in mom and I was like first of all yeah don't say in mom to me I don't like [Applause] there's got to be a better analogy than that I said but if you want to get come on over he was I'm coming over now I had bought him something called a space cake guys a space cake will [ __ ] you up right so I cut it in half and I cut his half and half right and he goes how much you eat I go I mean the half but you should probably start with a quarter you think I can handle will you handle bro I'm ready I might even eat the big half oh my god if you insist and right when he finished his half I turned to him and I did to him with the due to the weight stored it to me I got hey man he goes what I go you gonna get the [ __ ] out of here and he was like what why I go well I think you're gonna freak out and I think it'll be really funny so and he goes wait a second you think I'm gonna freak out so you're gonna send me home that doesn't make sense bro because you if you really thought I was gonna freak out you'd want to watch and make fun of me I think you're sending me home cuz you know you're gonna freak out bro that's what's gonna happen huh you're gonna freak out that's why you're sending me home we'll see what happens I'll call you in an hour and I said I look forward to your phone call an hour and a half later he sent me a text that was just numbers right I texted him back I go what is that he goes my vital signs I'm freaking it out he was texting me from a blood pressure machine in CVS even though you'll get my numbers dude I might die in CVS I might die in CVS I said you're not gonna die but you could die I said if you don't want to die the most important thing is to never ever and then I hit Send I turned off my phone and I went to sleep because [ __ ] him he put me in a couch everybody [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: Josh Wolf

Views: 6,551,630

Keywords: Josh Wolf, practical joke, comedy, comedian, stand-up, stand-up comedy, comedy clips, stand-up comedian, pranks, brother

Id: 48oJH3bG6EU

Length: 12min 38sec (758 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 26 2019