The Worst Movie to Watch on Acid - JC Currais - Stand-Up Featuring

there's a new thing happening I don't like it it's new whenever I walk out of a public restroom anyone who watches me walk out automatically assumes I've just taken a [ __ ] it's always a guy dude always a dude just like like Sarah I have no idea who you are I also don't need you screaming that across this Chili's right now we're in public also yeah give it a minute I'm not gonna lie to the guy I'm not a liar [ __ ] in the bathroom it's where you're supposed to do it it's where it's supposed to happen the friends are stupid I hate them my babies anyway JC what would you do if I gave you a billion dollars I was like I'd be super surprised because we work at the same grocery store why are they paying you different than me he's like nah dawg it's a hypothetical I'm like Dawg that's the wrong word that's why we're at this grocery store because I play the game man it's a game I'm like fine if you gave me a billion dollars I would buy the Milwaukee Brewers baseball franchise and then I would change the team name to the Milwaukee walkie-talkies that's the whole thing just ruling the City of Milwaukee for a month yes P Edwin hated tonight the Chicago Cubs defeated the Milwaukee walky Carl you can't curse on air [Applause] [Laughter] been seeing a lady I like her a lot she's real sweet oh she's got some complaints about me she said this she said I don't talk enough during sex here's the thing guys I'm not good at sex so when I talk during it it just sounds like thank you so much for being here I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day it just turns into an acceptance speech I'd like to thank my mom gotta give it up for God give it up for the Geo D I just got off an airplane I do not like flying not a lot of smiling faces when I bought those planes guys a lot of concerned looks like where the [ __ ] are they gonna put that thing I just [Applause] [ __ ] don't look at him don't look at him it's missions based on movement don't look just whisper it into white dudes ears you're not gonna have it arm rest today [ __ ] I get intoxicated when I fly it makes me feel more comfortable you got a lady with a baby next to me she starts to breastfeed her baby and she gave me a look like hey I'm sorry this is happening I hope it's not bothering you and what I want to do is to show her that hey I don't care it's thing it has to happen it's natural baby's gotta eat but what came out of my mouth was [Laughter] now what she was looking for not the reassurance baby stop getting fed food for baby I don't mind I don't mind babies on planes I'm pretty sick of the emotional support animals on planes though pretty done people are just bringing animals I got a plane recently a man boarded the flight with an emotional support parrot I will repeat myself a man boarded the airplane with a loose bird and Delta Airlines was like I'm not mad at the burn not the birds fault it's the guy's fault but the bird was the problem because birds understand what it feels like to fly so when the plane took off the bird felt like it was flying but it knew it was not doing the flying and it lost its goddamn buy it went insane which I assume in Bern means I don't speak bird but I could read body language and the bird was having a bad time five hour flight five hours guess how long the bird was freaking out for five hours there were babies looking over at like shut that thing the [ __ ] up trying to get fed back here done drugs guys I'm not gonna lie to you thank you just one silent clap I was in college was the night before Halloween and I got a phone call from a friend he said this anyway hey JC tonight we're going over to Todd's dorm we're all gonna take acid and then we're gonna watch the movie An American Werewolf in London do you want to go and I was like you had me at acid I will be there got over to Todd's dorm me and ten other college freshmen all took acid for the first time waited for it to begin affecting us and then somebody put a horror movie about werewolves into a DVD player panic and paranoia consumed the robot one of my buddies convinced himself the combination of the movie and the drugs was going to turn him into an actual werewolf and he alerted the room by everyone else was like oh [ __ ] we're probably all turning into werewolves from one side of the room so it was like pretty good I was like right after he yelled that started to strip his clothes off then it turned into a chain reaction around the room now it's a dorm room for the college-age dudes stripping all their clothes off to prevent them from being ruined when we transform into monsters together typical Tuesday night real super and this one I go someone has to be responsible so I walked over to the dorm room telephone and I called 911 I got on the phone with a 900 and I set it into the phone hello me my friends we're on a whole bunch of drugs and we're all about to turn into werewolves without skipping a beat the lady on the other end of the phone way honey tonight's not the full moon I'm not saying that lady deserves a medal but she's pretty good at her [ __ ] job she called me right down I hung up on her like we're gonna be fine guys that's a real silver bullet on

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 687,747

Rating: 4.9279037 out of 5

Keywords: JC Currais, Comedy Central Stand-Up Featuring, JC Currais comedian, JC Currais stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, comedian, bathroom, shit, friends, baseball, Milwaukee Brewers, billion dollars, money, girlfriend, sex, airplane, flying, drunk, intoxicated, breastfeeding, emotional support animal, parrot, drugs, acid, werewolf, funny, funny video, comedy videos, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, best comedy, best stand up

Id: HptzuoplctA

Length: 9min 27sec (567 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 17 2019