Tommy Chong - Sting Operation: When the DEA Is Onto You - This Is Not Happening

then they come up and they said mr. Chong do you have any marijuana in the house yeah where is it every room in the house I'm your host Roy Wood jr. oh did you know that nobody knows where cigar smoking even come from say the northern Amazon [Applause] wolves and gentlemen mr. Tommy [Music] strip clubs me that's where I met Cheech yeah good old days everybody wonders why we broke up I'll tell you why we broke up we got rich you'll never learn one thing you can't make a rich Mexican dude [ __ ] boy cuz age each come on man we got to work you go I don't think so man you go ahead se I'm gonna stay here and do something for my people yeah I'm gonna learn Spanish but GG ended up working way more than I ever did Nash Bridges cars he was in everything what did I do I go to jail and see on the stoner that's why what to do because the signs were there you know they had my house under observation for a year they had my phone tap they had a helicopter over my house they had undercover FBI guys or DEA guys riding up on their bicycles and you could tell that you know they didn't look like bike riders you know like bike riders got a look they know how to act you know these guys are you know had to jump off the bike to stop it you know in front of my house and they're looking in there and I'm in there making bombs that's what I do and they're smoking pot and they caught me over one times what kind of plants are those bamboo interesting so what do you make it in there is it bongs Oh interesting and then few months later he came knocking on my door in Swat outfits five in the morning man knocked on the door we'd been partying so I you know I was sleepy I was dead to the world my wife woke up she's someone's banging at the door so I went down there I looked we got glass doors you know and they're always open you never locked the doors because [ __ ] you never find the key so the doors are always open and and here these guys are their SWAT outfits and their helmets and they've got their guns and everything and being a STONER I wasn't the least bit afraid you know I wasn't doing nothing you know I'm not a dope dealer escape criminal or anything like that you know I'm looking at these guys they're looking at me they look like trick-or-treaters you know that's a nice costume sunny but I opened the door and they come busting in and they said we have a warrant to search your house and take your computers and [ __ ] like that and so you're running around you know crazy I'm in my little speedos it was kind of embarrassing because every you know guys in the morning you know we get a morning hard-on you know it's not it doesn't mean nothing it's just nature right you know but so I'm there with my morning hard-on in my speedos and I forgot I had speedos on I forgot I had clothes on because now I got a warrant oh [ __ ] your arrest what you know what is this I couldn't figure out what they you know what they're doing then then they come up and they said mr. Jarrah you have any marijuana in the house and I says yeah where is it every room in the house can you be more specific I oh there's someone my shop downstairs on you know it's a nice bud Hawaiian just got it so he sends a guy down there and it comes back up a few minutes later I can't find it sir what kind of [ __ ] DEA guys are you defensive because we don't have our dogs that's another thing how come you don't have your dogs what the hell then my wife comes down the stairs and she she thought it was she's gonna be on television she thought it was we're being punked by looking good looking for the camera and I had to tell her we're being busted she goes what for what I don't know and so I asked him and he said paraphernalia what's that bombs oh [ __ ] you're busting me for bombs really apparently there's one state in the Union that made a paraphernalia legal to ship across the state line which is Pennsylvania the home of the DEA and apparently the DEA is trying to get my company my son's company to selling bongs and they kept refusing to sell it to him because we knew that they were DEA or at least my son's company did I didn't so anyway they finally came to LA in person bought the bongs and then they said listen we're gonna go on vacation here we'll use ship the bongs to us we still wouldn't do it so they had an undercover guy go in and get a job in the my son's company and he shipped it he shipped it it gives week it's all documented it's all filmed everything we had to all the documentation and then they had they've been following me for a year and I was in Arlington Texas one time and they got the the DEA camera on me and it shows the workers in the in the head shop all wearing DEA t-shirts and they kept standing next to the DEA officers wherever they go they stand next to him I still didn't catch him there weren't headbands that didn't fit I remember because he said to me uh mr. Chung can we talk to you outside no they're hippies no no I said sure to go outside we're sitting there and he's got his backpack in the Cameron you've got it round two so you can see me and then he said no these bones they're not just for tobacco use only are they and I said no is it for pot he said can you repeat that yeah they're for marijuana thank you because when you don't do anything wrong you gotta be honest I go to court and I think well [ __ ] all but sis you know because he can't bust you for bongs you know and I go to court and then they sentence me on 911 911 and that that's when I started waking up hey just a minute now [Music] why that date and then Bush went on TV and said that you know that the bong industry has been supplying money to the terrorist organizations in the tune of billions of dollars in anything in world [ __ ] I wish I hadn't got some of that money for half a million bucks at the time trying to keep the bong business going so they sentence me to nine months and I tried to you know talk me out of it but again the stoners man I tried to explain to the judge that I'm really sorry and that I've been working with kids you know trying to you know keep him off drugs well I've been teaching kids salsa and the judge kind of looked down over his glasses you know the judges with no rims on their glasses you know that look and they look over you and he says salsa and they said yeah well and this is my theory you know when you're dancing salsa you can't get high and dance at the same time which in itself is a lie because I can get high in dance salsa but I was trying you know then I start thinking about it you know I've never been to jail and I've been rapping for this you know all my life because when I was a teenager you know 15 years old I met this biker that never had he just got out of jail no place to stay and I said yeah you can stay with me for a while so he moved in and he gave me a biker my og tattoo a jailhouse tattoo now I was really proud of this until I found out in jail it's a white supremacy here's the Baker they gave it to me you only knew two tattoos this was one of them but I was going to get it changing my sunset don't dad that's an antique don't [ __ ] with that next thing you know I'm in [ __ ] jail I had one bad half-hour that was window when it because I was treated like a celebrity Vanity Fair sent a limousine to take me to prison I walk in they handcuff me and just formality and they apologize I'm sorry mr. Chong but we have to handcuff you you know it's just a formality and I walk in the door and I got on cuffed that was the last time I had any handcuffs on and then I went in and into the dormitory where a world's going to be living in this guy met me he took me to his locker and open his locker he says anything you want man you know welcome welcome to the unit B yeah I I'd like to go back to visit but you know thank you [Applause]

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 5,487,983

Rating: 4.9161425 out of 5

Keywords: Tommy Chong, This Is Not Happening, Tommy Chong comedian, Tommy Chong stand up, comedy central, This Isn't Happening, roy wood jr, storytelling, crime and punishment, Cheech & Chong, Cheech Marin, jail, prison, drugs, DEA, marijuana, pot, weed, bongs, SWAT, search warrant, raid, boner, penis, dogs, Pennsylvania, 9/11, judge, salsa dancing, tattoo, white supremacist, stand up comedy, Comedy Central stand up, stand up comedians, funny stand up comedians, comedians, best stand up comedians

Id: c7RtNZyLqQk

Length: 12min 39sec (759 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 13 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/monotoonz]

Wait, wouldn't sending in an agent to commit a crime be illegal? On top of setting Chong's son up? I mean, I'm no lawyer, but that sounds illegal.

[u/Raincoats_George]

This was right in the heat of Bush era Federal weed prosecution. Federal agents were just roaming around the US shutting down medical marijuana ops that were legal stateside. Whatever they wanted to do. Dude didn't serve a lot of time but it was bullshit. Just a bunch of right wing fuck faces that had too much power. Thankfully we had 8 years of retribution where federal law had a splash of sense on this matter. Unfortunately that didn't last.

[u/TossTheBottle]

Canadian friendly link?