The wife that waited 35 years

[Music] hey guys what's up and welcome back to my channel sometimes I cover relationship-type stories like cosmopolitan and the like I was sent the story in my DMS and I genuinely you know when you read something and you just have question marks that's how I felt this story's a type you know when they have those like advice columns or those columns where you just send in your story to share it with people that's kind of what this is and I wanted to take a break for a day from crime pedophiles murders all that stuff this one was in the family section of the Guardian a reputable source my husband has stopped cheating on me after 35 years little disclaimer before we get into this the point of this is to hopefully learn something from it and this also is personal to me and I'll explain why Cate Simpsons husband was serially unfaithful all through their marriage but she chose to ignore it at least she has an exclusive relationship with him has it been worth the wait do we really do we really need a whole ass article to decide whether it's worth waiting around for 35 years for someone to get their [ __ ] together no we're still together after 35 years because I refused to ever consider splitting up although Matt's been unfaithful to me for most of that time we met at university and he's all the classic things tall good-looking bright funny very few women can resist him I'm not excusing him as the pain he's caused me is immeasurable but he was sent to boarding school aged 8 and from a very early age the only person he could depend on was himself I watched his Matt broke one heart after the other always warning them I'll never settle down I'm a really bad lot but they were all willing to give it a try he was from a very army family and I knew I was the quote-unquote right sort of girl for him so I played it very cool which he wasn't used to it took all my willpower not to fall into his bed but I finally agreed to dinner and an old-fashioned courtship we got engaged on my 22nd birthday I managed to keep his hands off me until our wedding was booked and by the time I was pregnant with our elders Tom three years later I was sure Matt was tamed this is one of the things that drives me absolutely crazy people think they can change people and that's not really the case now hold on people can't change like I can change but I have to want to change you know I really just hate when people think that marriage is this kind of security net type thing where it's like odd now he can't do that anymore and it's like well yeah he can he shouldn't of course not the point of marriage is to be committed to one person Lester in an open marriage different story that's not gonna solve all your problems and honestly I don't think I would trust someone to change just like that I think I would just be so paranoid of someone like that hold on I hate to take a sip I'm dying he worked hard earned a lot and we both loved socializing I'm a teacher and when we had the big chat about childcare I happily agreed to give up work we didn't plan on having Simon quite so quickly and having two children under two was as tiring as everyone says it is but I was proud of myself getting fit really quickly looking good and always ready to jump into bed with Matt when the babies were sleeping nothing wrong with deciding to leave your job and there's nothing wrong with deciding to be a stay-at-home mom I respect whatever choice people make but this is where it becomes personal to me because my dad was cheating on my mom even when I was six months old and they divorced before I was one I believe and he's never really been part of my life unless you count seeing him like once a year which and then he went in my a for 15 years so the once a year kind of falls flat on its face my mom actually wanted to make him a stay-at-home dad because she was more successful than him and I think being a stay-at-home person is fine the only thing that I sometimes get concerned about is when they're situations like this because thank God my mom never became a stay-at-home mom because if she had abandoned her career and then had to raise me by herself it would have been more complicated so like that's why people should be prepared if the marriage falls apart to jump into a career jump into a job or something so they can take care of themselves in the child so they're not trapped because of financial reasons after Simon's christening I wanted to get him out of his slippery christening robes so I left everyone eating and headed upstairs I opened Simon's bedroom door and Matt and Chloe my best friend from school were having sex on the teddy on the floor so engrossed that they didn't hear me I swiftly closed the door and tiptoed to our bedroom shutting that door loudly less than five minutes later Matt appeared totally hyper which I ignored he stripped Simon out of the christening gown before dancing him around the room and making him laugh when we went back down to our guests Chloe was sitting on our fiance's lap and barely glanced at us and so the [ __ ] show commences also what is it about best friends being snakes like this I really don't understand how this happens to so many people that their best friend will have sex with their significant other I just in case you didn't get the vibe I'm quite black-and-white about cheating of course there's some cases that are a little more gray you know like abusive relationship stuff like that we're not gonna get into that for the most part cheating is a no in my books my mom and I argue about it to this day she's more grey than I am Simon was cranky and I set up half the night with him going over everything in my head I felt sick and full of rage I wanted to pull Matt out of our bed and scream at him but I knew that if I did there was no going back even if we didn't split up there would be terrible rouse and our lovely happy life would be disrupted I have no idea how long they've been seeing each other but by morning I was sure of only two things we're staying married and from now on I wouldn't know everything there's this widespread belief and I don't know why it is that staying together is automatically always better and the reality is sometimes it's better to be split up and if both parents are motivated enough to see their kid and make time for their kid it'll be fine it'll be better than living in a household where someone's miserable someone's cheating someone screaming I am happy that I grew up with just my mom because if she'd stayed with my deadbeat father god knows what kind of household that would have been plus it would have [ __ ] me up more like I'm quite [ __ ] up but I think it would have been I would be significantly more [ __ ] up had they stayed unhappily together I was pretty sure Chloe would be history soon but I was always watching wondering who was his latest conquest I was convinced that if I said nothing he would never leave me for anyone he loved me and the boys he loved her lifestyle and his good name was very important to him no way he'd give all that up for a fleeting affair it wasn't easy and it was tiring being on full alert I remember at PTA wine-tasting watching Matt talking to another mom who was seven months pregnant I was actually relaxing and thinking that surely someone like that was safe but then Matt slipped his hand up the back of her maternity blouse and around to cup her breasts for a second she beamed at him watched in horror wondering if it was his baby she was carrying so obviously here the husband's a jerk I don't think anyone really needs to point that out it's evident I understand why the wife wanted to stay with him like I do think she had good intentions I think she was doing it for her kids as well but at the same time if you choose to stay in a situation where you can get out because there's no abuse in the story as far as we know anyway absolutely leave it's not worth being sad miserable monitoring and that's another thing if you have to watch your significant other so closely to make sure that they're not cheating that in and of itself is a massive problem you should not be looking over your shoulder constantly you shouldn't be looking through their phones like that's not how a healthy relationship should be because if you can't trust them what the [ __ ] is the point genuinely what's the point that just sounds anxiety inducing like it gives me anxiety to think of having to constantly be like where are you what are you doing who are you with and then not even believe them when they answer me when Laura was born I think Matt was faithful to me for months because he was so besotted with her but about a year later everyone started using mobile phones and that opened up lots more misery I checked Matt's phone constantly and although his texts were always brief some of the stuff his woman's sent was practically pornographic that alternated with long periods of peace where he didn't appear to be seeing someone else and that was always enough to convince me I was doing the right thing the children doted on their dad and I didn't want them to have a broken home or lose out financially if Matt had to run to homes I still loved him and refused to let any other woman win over me but more than anything I was convinced that if I just hung on there would come a time when his libido would call him down and I'd be enough for him and this is the part that really makes me sad because as much as I'm angry at the husband and I kind of want to shake this woman be like leave it also makes me sad because like I said I do think she was doing it for a good reason for her kids thinking that this was the best way and hopefully the kids had you know like no idea of what was going on but at the same time why do you have to sacrifice yourself for someone who's doing the bare minimum not even the bare minimum you know it's almost like an extreme form of compromising right because in every relationship you need to compromise to a healthy degree but this is the ultimate compromise of let him do what he wants he'll figure [ __ ] out and then he'll come back to you and everything will be good by the time if ever the time comes that he's gonna be just yours you're gonna be broken that breaks you to keep seeing someone cheat on you over and over and over and share the same bed with them how do you not break I did get tired of dropping friends I knew Matt was seeing but that was my limit I didn't want to see them hanging around him some of my girlfriends tried to warn me but I cut them off as even acknowledging what they were saying meant I would have to do something about it the thought of being pitied was the worst of all but I became an expert smiling outwardly through it all especially at social events where I knew I was talking to someone who was sleeping with my husband there was no way I was going to be the pathetic frump so I made sure I was slim and elegant as ever and breezed through life definitely admire her self-control because if I were in her shoes I would want to scream at my husband and then scream at whoever else was having an affair with him and it's also sad that she was like making all these extra efforts to look extra slim and elegant you know for someone who wasn't even really paying attention to her I think that's the saddest part of all because certainly she could find someone else who would appreciate everything she was doing this was a weird [ __ ] up way to prove how much she loves him but it's at her own expense our youngest child mo was 2 when we hit a really dangerous point Matt was seeing someone new and I was still reading his text though I've started on his email as he never used passwords this woman was seriously pushy and for the first time it looked as if Matt might confess or even leave me so I simply stopped in my tracks I didn't talk eat sleep wash look after the children within a week he had me at the doctor completely out of his depth as family life ground to a halt I don't know if I had a breakdown or if I engineered it if I'm honest all I knew was that my hard work wasn't going to waste now and it was even worth being away from the children as I was hospitalized and Matt was left to get on with it six weeks of juggling everything without me worked I was sure the other woman was out of the picture though I could no longer access his phone or email as he was using passwords he probably guessed I'd been prying but said nothing once after too much wine I asked him if he had ever thought about being unfaithful and he acted completely shocked and dismayed if I push the conversation it would have ended not mended the marriage my way was best you know the thing that therapists say that communication is everything truly truly communication is everything and this story proves it because the lack of communication is what continued to fuel this disaster the husband could not be more unlikable like there's no way there's no way he could be more unlike well he could be a murderer and that would make things worse but in the context of this story he could not be more unlikable and the fact that he act shocked and dismayed just makes me want to like strangle him I feel like this woman is somewhat delusional to think that it's worth it to go to the hospital and be away from your children to kind of shock your husband into thinking oh [ __ ] I don't know how to do anything by myself so I need her back cuz it's not like he's doing it because now you realized he loves you or at least it doesn't seem that way from the outside it seems like oh I don't know how to run a household I don't know how to take care of my kids so I need the one who knows how to do that my wife back that was 20 years ago and I think he stopped seeing other women about five years ago when we both reached 50 and our first grandchild was born our second grandchild is on the way and Matt and I do almost everything together he still works long hours but we cook go to Italian classes socialize walk the dogs and spend a lot of time with our family who are all very close this is our time and now my prize for sticking it out is every anniversary celebrated every quiet moment together relished very occasionally I look at him and feel so angry I could scream but I recognize that I made my own choice outlasted any woman foolish enough to think the affair would lead to something and in the end it was worth it I don't know if I'm more depressed or angry by the evening of this story I'm glad this woman's happy with her choice I think in the end that's all that really matters because I mean we're not in her situation she's in it she made her bed she's lying in it okay fine but I do think that it is a very very massive illusion to think that you won over other women because he's still with you now that you're 50 they got engaged when she was 22 from 22 to 50 she dealt with him having sex with all these people didn't say anything was miserable and it took her going to the hospital for him to even understand that she needed her at least to run the house I staying with him isn't really a win because she was just waiting around for him when she could have found someone else who actually treated her the way she wants to be treated and the fact that she still looks at him after all these years and sometimes still feels like screaming to me that says deep down you're not that happy as much as it saves your pride because you can say like he's still with me even though like he had sex with a bunch of people some of whom were your own friends obviously this also hits a nerve for me specifically because I had a father who was unfaithful so I know the destruction that that causes and families trust he was like a match thrown into the forest if the forest is my family burned down enemies guys let me know what you think do you think it was a good idea to stay with him would you have left let me know in the comments down below thank you guys so much for watching and thank you to my patrons as always and let's get right into the fan art [Music]

Channel: READY TO GLARE

Views: 384,291

Rating: 4.9713664 out of 5

Keywords: couple, relationship, story

Id: m91lrw09BXU

Length: 14min 43sec (883 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 02 2019