The Office | Every Cold Open (Season 2 Part 2)

so i'm happy to be here it's very nice to see all of you you're all looking well today is a women in the workplace thing jan's coming in from corporate to talk to all the women about [Music] i don't really know what but michael's not allowed in she said that about five times women today though we have the same options as men we often face a very different set of obstacles in getting there so hey what's going on michael uh yeah i thought i just i thought about it i just have a few things i want to say what are you doing just hear me out what is more important than quality equality now studies show that today's woman the alley mcbeal woman as i call her is at a crossroads michael and none just you have come a long way baby but i just just want to keep it within reason they did this up in all of they're not allowed and they ended up turning the break room into a lactation okay which is disgusting now you're really not allowed i'm their boss i'm your boss anybody wanting coffee or we're fine michael we just need you to leave please women in the workplace yeah translation i have been banned from my own conference room so the jan can talk in secret to all the girls oh sorry women of the workplace about what i don't know clothes me ladies i am so so sorry can we start again we were on such a roll i i really apologize for that yes pam michael's still at the door michael i really like valentine's day in this office it's kind of like grade school everybody gives out little presents and stuff like last year jim gave me this card with dwight's head on it it was horrifying and funny phyllis you could just sign here roy and i are saving for the wedding so i made him promise not to get me anything too big happy valentine's day darling love bob vance fans refrigeration isn't he sweet yeah wow all right dwight as you know i'm heading to new york today doing a presentation on the branch to the new cfo and you want me to come with you no the opposite of that i will stay here and run things on this end good good question will you be seeing jan when you're in new york i probably will why do you ask well it's valentine's day and you guys you know screwed what is your problem this is a business trip i would have to be a raving lunatic to try to talk to jan about what happened between us her words not mine she sent me an email this morning but it is valentine's day it's new york city of love hey pam you heart ny right you want me to pick up anything that's okay all right the best present would be you do a good job in front of the new cfo dude i'm gonna nail it me in new york oh i own that city for good about it see ya let's think this through if we ask corporate for that then they are either gonna say yes or no could go either way we don't know what they are going to say think it through have to think it through because if they say no can we not no yes we have to you know why because i don't like to be cooped up in that office in that box all day long heisman because i need to think okay jim oh kevin [Laughter] nice catch oscar intercepted right here with that give it to me phil give me the ball okay give me the ball give him you guys creed give me the ball right now give it to him brian fumble all right hike you all right ryan ryan yeah pam i am actually looking forward to take your daughter to work day i am not great with kids but i want to get better because i'm getting married so i put out a bunch of extra candy on my desk so the kids will come talk to me like the witch in hansel and gretel bribery nice oh i have more me japan miss beasley if you're nasty oh janet jackson hey you having a wardrobe nasty today oh god is that today i reminded you last night listen i like kids but this is not a kid's environment this is like hbo no limits who knows what i'm gonna say crazy stuff and it is r rated it is not rated g i am like eddie murphy in raw and they are trying to make me into eddie murphy and daddy daycare both great movies but still i'll be in my office don't you think you should say something you're cool michael i think that as the boss you should be fine fine fine fine hi children i'm michael scott and i am in charge of this place how do i make you understand i'm like superman and the people who work here are like citizens of gotham city that's batman okay i'm aquaman where does he live guys the ocean i work with a bunch of nerds so phil recruited me to sell these cards and now i am recruiting you who is this guy again don't worry about phil he drives a corvette he is june just fine okay calling cards are the wave of the future these things sell themselves who uses calling cards anyway you know what that's a nice attitude ryan i'm just helping you invest in your future my friend it sounds like a get-rich-quick scheme yes thank you you will get rich quick we all will can you lose a lot of money on that other investment the one from the email you know what toby when the son of the deposed king of nigeria emails you directly asking for help you help his father ran the freaking country okay all right so raise your hand if you wanna get rich all right no um how is this not a pyramid scheme all right let me explain again phil has recruited me and another guy now we are getting three people each the more people that get involved the more people who are investing the more money we're all gonna make it's not a pyramid scheme it is a it's not even a scheme per se it's i have to go make a call kevin malone you're next spit that out spit okay come on let's go you look cute today thanks girl so yesterday dwight found half a joint in the parking lot which is unfortunate because as it turns out dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs let's go over some of these symptoms of marijuana use shall we you tell me who this sounds like slow moving inattentive dull constantly snacking shows a lack of motivation hey i like the people i work with generally with four exceptions but someone committed a crime and i did not become a lackawanna county volunteer sheriff's deputy to make friends and by the way i haven't so uh have you found a band yet for your wedding no because i'm in a band we really rock yeah i mean it's inevitable i definitely overhear some wedding preparation but i'm fine with it she hears me arranging my social life and we both have to hear dwight order deer urine over the internet so it evens out well i got to save the day yeah yeah pretty stationary oh thanks i didn't get mine yet there are a few people i decided not to invite and that might make things kind of awkward but it's my wedding and i don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy tonight the scranton business park is having casino night and we are converting our warehouse into a full-blown gambling hall and i know it's illegal in pennsylvania but uh it's for charity and i consider myself a great philanderer it's just it's nice to know at the end of the day i can look in the mirror and say michael because of you some little kid in the congo has a belly full of rice this evening just makes you feel good excuse me how long is the wait for a table for two i would never ever serve you not in a million billion years it's a nice tux i know it belonged to my grandfather he was buried in it so family heirloom so what's the deal we got to pay for our own drinks that's life come on it'll be fun and besides i'm a roulette expert impossible roulette is not a game of skill it is a game of chance i could always kind of win over that oh really yeah how would you do that mind control you can't be serious are you serious ever since i was a little kid like eight or nine i could sort of control things with my mind i don't believe you continue it was just little things you know like i could make something shake or i could make a marble fall off the counter you know just little things that's ridiculous you know what uh why don't you move that coat rack excuse me everyone attention in the office please jim is about to prove his telekinetic powers and he needs absolute silence go ahead okay i'll try oh my god you

Channel: Peacock

Views: 1,823,500

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Id: dtK475dwWDw

Length: 12min 13sec (733 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 12 2021