-Let's see how well you know
your Big Red history. -Bring it.
-Who was Cornell's
eighth president? -Dale Raymond Corson.
-I'm sorry. That's incorrect Cornell's seventh president was,
in fact, James A. Perkins. "Comprehension skills subpar." -Hmm.
"Interviewing skills subpar. -What are you writing? You can't even give Cornel
your full attention. -On the contrary,
I'm helping Cornell by evaluating
their interviewers. -Nobody wants
that to happen. -Well, when they get
my evaluation, we'll see if
they're interested. -"Applicant is attempting
to blackmail interviewer, showing low
moral character." "Interviewer is
threatening applicant with an arbitrary
review process." "Applicant is wasting
everyone's time with stupid and inane
accusations." -"Interviewer has
suspect motives." -"Applicant has a head
shaped like a trapezoid." -"Interviewer has turned off
applicant's interest in Cornell, and they are going to go to
the vastly superior Dartmouth. Ever heard of it? I think I have
everything I need.
-I think I have
everything I need. -You will be hearing from the
Cornell Application Department And you will be hearing from the
Cornell Application Department and you will not be please
with the result. -Your affiliation with Cornell
will end completely. That is all, sir.
You may go. ♪♪♪♪ -I am calling to see
if you would come down, and interview for a job we have
opening up in corporate. -Wow. I wish I had prepared
something to say. -That's not necessary.
-May God... guide you
in your quest. -Yes.
-How many windows are there
in New York City? -What?
-Critical thinking. Common on-the-spot question
asked in an interview. -Okay.
Uh, let me think. Are you counting car windows
-No. How far away is the sun? -Uh, 93 million miles. -Is it?
-Yeah. And the diameter of the sun
is 870,000 miles, which makes it 109 times wider
than the Earth, and 333,000 times heavier
than the Earth. -Shut up about the sun. Shut up about the sun! -What do you think are you
greatest strengths as a manager? -Why don't I tell you what
my greatest weaknesses are I work too hard.
I care too much. And sometimes, I can be
too invested in my job. -Okay. And your strengths? -Well, my weaknesses
are actually strengths. -Oh. Yes. Very good. -Thank you.
-Very good. -What quality would make you
a good sales associate? -People person. -It says here
on your resume that you spent the last 15 years as
a sales rep for Dow Chemical -That's right.
-You know we live together
right? -Yes.
-And I've never seen you
go to work, ever. -Okay.
-So, why is this on your resume? -How will your experience
selling refinery equipment translate to
our smaller scale here? -You don't work
in sales, do you? -Human resources. -You see, I sit across
from a man... I see his face. I see his eyes. Now, does it matter if he want
$100 of paper or $100 million
of deep-sea drilling equipment Don't be a fool.
He wants respect. He wants love. He wants to be younger.
He wants to be attractive. There is no such thing
as a product. Don't ever think there is. There is only sex. Everything is sex. You understand that
what I'm telling you is a universal truth, Toby -Yes. -I have left Dunder Mifflin after many
record-breaking years, and I am officially
on the job market. And it's very exciting. For your convenience, I've broken it down
into three parts -- professional resume, athletic and
special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia. I am ready to face
any challenges that might be foolish enough
to face me. How would I
describe myself? Three words -- hard-working, alpha male,
jack hammer. Merciless. Insatiable. There's nothing on my horizon
except everything. Everything is on
my horizon. -What do you think we could
be doing better? -I've never been a big fan
of the name Dunder Mifflin I was thinking
we could name the company something like
Paper Great -- "where great paper
is our passion." "We're grrreat!" I don't know.
Could be good. Or, uh, Super Duper Paper. "It's super duper." I don't know.
Something like that. -Okay.
-Okay. -Thanks for coming in, Michael
-Thank you. -It is always a treat
when our paths cross. -It is always a treat when
our paths cross. -Okay. I am --
I'm almost a little concerned that you might be overqualified
for the position. Do you -- Do you think
that you are? -Do I look like someone
who would waste my own time? -No. -You... You are a man
of great confidence. Could you speak
a little more to that, and what the role
of confidence... would be in a dialogue
with a subordinate? -Will you be heard? Will you have a voice? Will I steamroll over you? Do you feel heard
right now, Jim? Do you have voice
right now? You can answer me.
-Yes. -That was your choice,
not mine. The fallacy is that it is
up to the steamroller. It is up to the object whether
it will be flattened or not. And I can tell
just from the small interaction we've had already, you won't be
flattened by anybody. Do you agree
with me, Jim? -Yes.
-Yes, you do. -You showed great leadership
potential at the coal walk - even if you did follow it with that embarrassing
personal confession. -Thank you. -I had to make Andy
my number two. It's political,
complicated. You wouldn't understand. -I want you to be
assistant regional manager -Really?
-Well, in a sense. Although, publicly,
I am going to retain the assistant
regional manager position. -You will be
your own assistant. -Correct. I need someone
I can trust. But I would also like the title
to be secretly applied to you, just stripped of
its pomp and frills. -Okay. So, you would be
the regional manager and the assistant
regional manager. Andy is your number two. I would be the secret
assistant regional manager -Mm, let's call it
secret assistant to
the regional manager. -Mm-hmm.
-Do you accept? -Absolutely, I do. I learned from Jim,
if Dwight ever asks you if you accept something secret
you reply, "Absolutely, I do." [ Knocking ] -Jo, you have one
more candidate. He's a burn victim.
-Huh? He's all messed up. I can tell him to get lost
if you want. -No. Send him in. -Oh, I know this guy. Um... Hello, Mr. Souvenier. Mr. Jacques Souvenier? Nice to meet you.
It says here you're French So, you worked at your last job
for 15 years as assistant to
the regional manager. -[ Muffled ]
Assistant regional manager
-Assistant to
the regional manager. -[ Muffled ]
Assistant regional manager -What is it?
-Assistant regional manager. -Oh. That's my mistake.
Sorry about that. The last paper company you
worked for burned to the ground? And all because
they wouldn't hire a manager who lived
and breathed paper. That's a travesty. -I want to talk to
Dwight Schrute for a second. I want to ask him
a question. Get Dwight. if he isn't here
in 60 seconds... -Wait. Wait. No. Stop. Stop. Jo. It's me.
I'm Dwight. -No. No. Wait.
But, I mean, you're Dwight And then... He's the... -Yeah. -Oh. Very unprofessional, Jacques -
or should I say "Dwight"? -Let's just say I had hired this
Jack Souvenier. Then, what -I would have dressed
this way every day, legally changed my name,
learned French sign language shown up, and been the best damn
branch manager you'd ever seen -All that
for this job? -Yes. -That's [bleep] crazy. Get out of here. What a nut job. -Well, thanks for
coming down, Darryl. -It was nice
meeting you, Darryl. I think you'd
fit in great here. -Yeah, yeah, me too. I think it would
be like... You know what? I think it'd be like
a Kevin Durant jump shot - perfecto. Oh, my God. -Alright. Name. -Dwight Schrute.
-Thank you, Mr. Schnoot. We will let you know. -You have to interview me.
-I just did. The answer to
that one question told me everything
I need to know. -I demand more questions. -Alright, guys. Good day. A lot of candidates.
Let's discuss. -Okay, if you're not
gonna interview me, then I'll do it.
-Yes. -"What will be
your first priority?" "I will have seven
first priorities -- safety, profits,
fostering a community of self-reliance
and entrepreneurship, listening,
respect for human life, bolstering our
public image, and getting everyone home
on time." "Dwight, let me be frank - in an accident that no one
can blame you for, an antique gun was discharge
while you were acting manager. How are we ever
to trust you again?" "That's a great question. I am going to institute
a strict no-firearms policy for this office that extends
to myself, as well." "Wow. All of my concerns
are disappearing." -Thank you, Dwight. -Thank you. "You'll be hearing from us
shortly, Mr. Schrute, and I think you're
going to like the call you're going to receive." "Come on." "I'm just happy that
I got this meeting." -I don't know how I feel
about hiring a Sixers fan. -I should leave. -Now, let me ask you
a question, Jim. You're clearly
a very bright guy. -Thanks.
-Always hit your numbers. Personable -- you make a great
impression on everyone you meet. -I'm sorry, wait, so,
is the question how'd I
get to be so awesome? Because I don't have an answer
for you. -Oh, hey, do you have
your quarterly numbers? -Yes. Absolutely.
-And that, uh, questionnaire Sorry to make you
fill that thing out. -Oh, no, absolutely.
-Stupid HR formality. We have this very irritating
HR guy here. He's probably the only person
you're not gonna like. Kendall. Ugh. So, first up.
-There you go. -How do you think you'd function
here in New York? -What's that?
Oh, uh, great, you know? I just, um, I really
appreciate the buildings, and, uh, the people. And, um, there's just an energy
that New York has. -Mm-hmm.
-Uh... Not to mention, they have places
that are open past 8:00. So, that's a bonus. -You've been in
the Scranton branch a long time. What have you liked most
about that place? -The friendships. -Okay. Well, we want the person
who takes this position to be here
for the long haul. So...long haul. Where do you see yourself
in 10 years? -Dunder Mifflin.
This is Pam. Uh, just one moment.
I'll transfer you. I haven't heard anything. But I bet Jim
got the job. I mean,
why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified,
and smart. Everyone loves him. And if he never
comes back again, that's okay. We're friends. And I'm sure
we'll stay friends. We just -- We never got
the timing right, you know I shot him down, and then he did
the same to me, and... But you know what?
It's okay. I'm totally fine. Everything is gonna be
totally... -Pam. Sorry. Um, are you free
for dinner tonight? -Yes.
-Alright. Then, it's a date. -I'm sorry.
What was the question?
