The Mamma’s Boy!

hey hey Tony Gaskins here what to pop in and talk about the mama's boy now it's a serious situation here and you know as I'm sitting here I'm like whoa man might be stomping on my own toes here because I mean my wife is such an amazing mother and I guess it's two sides to this because you have amazing mothers okay I just figured it out as I was talking you have the amazing mothers who they are there to teach and to guide but they also can hold their son accountable I mean they're gonna check them so my son wrote a letter one time in school the letter didn't get past the teacher read over a shoulder what he was writing and it was a curious question the curious cat to a young lady the teacher took the letter told my wife my son lost his xbox for five months I mean he had he was writing lines he was reading books whenever he read more books in that five months then most people are literally reading their lifetime I ain't tell you no life and so she's that type of mom now see on the other side you have this type of mom who her son gets in trouble and she cursed the teacher out for catching them you said I mean that is what this other one the latter is what produces the mama's boy and so that is what a lot of women are dealing with today that's what we're dealing with in our society today a lot of men dealing with it meaning understand this I don't want to do business with no Soph mama's boy you said I mean I don't want my daughter you know I don't have a daughter but if I had a daughter on her with a mama's boy and I tell my wife all the time said listen I you got to be careful you got to be careful because you be round here you something I want to get married because it ain't gonna be nobody to compare to you and so and I tell it all the time and so we have to balance teach them what they need to know don't serve them hand and foot so this what I want you to understand because it's a lot of women don't want a mama's boy don't wanna date a mama's boy marry a mama's boy but yet making a mama's boy their themselves by the way they raise they song and this how it happened it's just like The Book of Proverbs say you spare the rod you spoil the child see a lot of women get into a place where their son becomes their man see I gotta make sure that on my wife's man but if you don't have a husband if you don't have a man but you have a son your son could end up subconsciously taking over and being that masculine energy that you need in your life and so you will start to you know I and I have to I be ready to snap if I see my son get a bigger plate than me hold on now what's going on what happened here and you know I got to check him and let him know a on the man of this hill household he'd get it food before my age what going on he'd be sitting there laughing chuckling you know but I have to check those things because you know as well as a woman you're taking start making your son the king so a magic now imagine we finally doesn't happen to me a couple times living in the house imagine a woman who she don't have a man in the house you know her husband is not there the child's father is not there so the son he gained King treatment 12 13 years old he telling her what to do he telling mama how to pay the bills mom just what y'all do with the bills 16 years old I'm the man of the house mama yeah baby you the man of the house I'm glad I got a good man you know and a lot of mothers are marrying their sons making a son that King making a son they husband the way they hook they son is too sensual you know the way they stand next to the Sun is too sensual they iron in their socks are in the drawers I'm just as a gyrating cuz me saying that y'all take it literally like poof I made the cut I don't iron socks I don't want his underwear poof so he's not talking about me I'm talking about you okay that was exaggeration and so you know on the scene Imam was going take naked pictures with a son son old enough to have an erection and they in the picture naked hooking up covering the body parts and I'm like what is going on what's going on and really subconsciously she just want to show her naked courage to try to bait a man the pictures don't make no sense in the world the pictures don't make no sense in the world and they do it to us you going up to the photographer when I said us I mean black people the only people I see mom on their butt naked with a child Ryan never seen on a gentleman I ain't never seen on Hispanic I never seen on white person butt-naked with a child they do it to us you're going in a photographer got a brand ideal for you how about y'all just take off your clothes you know and it just shows unity show together this and then you over there you know what that is that will be you know I like that idea and this is what's happening and it just like went on the same thing happened when I remember when I was in college and I was when to deal with this ex from high school that I had dealt with in the ninth grade and I went over to her place you know checking on her hanging out and we were kind of talking just before I met my wife it was probably my first year of college first break home and she had a son and she was living in these apartments and I remember she told me she said I'm on section 8 or something and I can't have a man here so like if a man stay the night or if a man living here my neighbor can call the hotline call the tip line and I lose my my benefit and I'm like wow so the government got it set up to where if you're gonna be if you're gonna struggle you got struggle alone like y'all just can't be no poor family with a man in the house it you got to be your man can't be there so you ain't so not only you in poverty but you don't have that masculine energy that male figure to be a role model to your children so you can only get ebenefits and also what they saying is if you're a man you're big growing bust musty but need to be out working and making enough money to provide for your family that's also what the government saying was just some truth to that but think about it now so it's this removal of the man I remember a long time ago when we were starting our family and we had to get food stamps oh yeah I come from fools now somehow someway I heard I was talking to my wife and she liked the lady asked me you know am i single or do I have you on child support or something like that and the food stamps is paid back by the man through child support and I was like oh no what kind of system this is not know all different states is different but that's what what I heard what came crops to me and so my wife she was reporting a single you know to getting food stamps and y'all we come fools down we were living in the hood you know and I started to notice this to where a lot of women who don't have a man in the house that's reinforced by the government because when that man remove you get in certain benefits you get more money you getting served benefits to where you want to keep that situation unless you absolutely absolutely have a steal of a deal in a man that make you come up out of that or you get to a place to where you can earn of money I remember that young lady that I mentioned living in apartment she was a waitress she was like some days I made $12 you know it was a look look deadbeat restaurant that did a lot of people like to eat at because it had roaches and so she likes some day I make $12 and I was like wow and so eventually she went to the pole you know went to dancing and that's that's a reality as well so now imagine this imagine a mom who she's trying to make ends meet like she's trying to make ends meet she stress her relationships have all gone bad some of the time you know she have you know different child father so she may have I've dealt with women who had four or five different fathers and it wasn't that she was loose booty nine or one is that she was trying to find love and she would get in relationship and do what grown folks do and she'd be on her back and they'd be unprotected and she believing this man and all the lies he telling her she'd get pregnant then he takes off and each relationship could have been two years long you know three years long five years long you know that the kids you know the oldest child old enough to be the daddy of the youngest you know she been looking for love it's women like that so imagine when you in this situation what's happening is there's so many single mothers that that son brings that male energy and the woman becomes obsessed with raising this boy to be better than his daddy there is no good sorry daddy then she starts to cater to him and she starts to do too much for him and instead of just instead of teaching him at every age whatever the max he can learn at that age she will cuddle him and she would do for him so you know he thirteen and she's still heating up his food in the microwave for him instead of him going to do it itself it's certain stuff he should know how to do by now he could cook eggs he should be able to cook it he should be able to cook baking she's still in there shelf girl Rd you know doing everything cooking everything doing everything fun you know he should be learning how to wash dishes how to wash clothes you know how to do some of these things but yet she's doing everything wrong or she teach him but then still don't hold him accountable in his behavior you know he capable of getting straight A's but she let him bring home seas and the reason being is because she don't want any enemies like she feels like the world is already against me man already don't want me can't do right by me when they get me you know my family we ain't that close or this and then this and that I don't want my son to hate me I don't want my son to leave me the way daddy left me so if I chastise him if I hold him accountable he's gonna hate me and that's what she thinking but that's because she don't understand parenting and that's because she wasn't really raised she just grew and so that's what's happening so a lot of the men you meet in today come from that type of mama this overbearing coddling mother who cared for him he could do no wrong she served him hand and foot he got away with everything he wanted to get away with and he only got slapped the wolf when she just was had it to here and was fed up and Jeff boom Carla with old slap old backhand but that didn't do nothing for him because the next ninety-nine offenses he did she left sly and then on the 104 fence she slapped the sense out of her so because she wasn't consistent he didn't learn a lesson and because she called him and she took care of him I see there this what I try to tell you a woman's influence is very real and women used its influence and so my wife she used it on me and she be using on our sons influence our lives and I always have to check her and just make sure that it's a healthy influence and I tell her all the time and see that's what happens when a man is in the house because we could see things differently so I tell my wife all the time like my son he planned he plans Hawker and I tell I said listen you got to be quiet like let the boy make a decision let the boy make a decision let the boy make a mistake let them get burnt and let them learn from it you keep yelling out every play you keep telling everything coming you set him up for failure because what's gonna happen when you finally get out there and and we on the field that's big enough to where we got to sit in the stands and he got down the field and he can't hear you so I'm able to hold my wife accountable and tell her you know this what it take to be a man in this world but imagine if a woman don't have that she just doing whatever her heart says do and as a mother that's gonna be nurturing overbearing caring loving forgiving you know and that forgiveness that get took out of hand she get taken for granted you see what I mean so it get to a place to where a lot of these grown man was raised by mama that turn the house over to him when he was 13 but she became his best friend she helped him play play to women play you know that the young ladies she aided and abetted in him being a doll like she met a different girl every week and hey baby hey sweetie it's great to meet you so nice to meet you you're such a doll and then he bringing over another win the next week hi so nice to meet you you know it is just it is so rare that he brings someone home like I just I so you must be special she lying through her teeth for us on Hassan cheat on the girl the girl called her mama thanking the mama her friend you know I feel like he was with another woman with another girl that night and this in high school and because I was calling him call him calling me was not answering and I knew he was not asleep because I drove past her house and his light was on and I just feel like he was on the phone with another girl and it's been rumors circulating that he's been talking to this huh girl and then the mama she's like no baby he was he was asleep he was asleep she know he was talking to another girl she was asleep he was asleep he actually fell asleep on the couch that's why his room light was on you see what I mean and then it's Mama's who they will see their son doll go warm and I the woman will call it a mom as an outliner this has adults I was just told my high school this has adults the woman was called a mama to be an ally to tell her by her son and the one that crazy enough to believe that the mama gonna take her side and so the mama tell the girl the woman well you know that's just man you know my his dad and I I went through that for 20 years and every man I've ever dated see this what I want you to understand is I'm older than you I'm much older than you I'm old enough to be your mom just like I'm his mom I'm old enough to be your mom and I want you to understand not to throw myself under the bus but I have been around when I say around I mean like a merry go round and round and round and let me tell you this is men this is how they are so understand this as long as my son is not putting his hands on you and as long as like you have food on the table and like you get what I'm saying like please understand you can leave if you want but you'll be going through twice as worse with the next man because I raised my son to be a good man and this man them done cheated on you he yelling at - he cussing you why he dogging you why and his mama going to you the state with him then you have the woman the what the girlfriend fiancee wife who finds the strength to leave after being taken advantage of by this man over and over and over then the mama becomes his committee she keep calling the woman hey I just miss you and love you so much I want my family back I want you and my son to be back together I want us to all be at the baseball games with the little ones little Johnny little Sara I really want to see my grandchildren have a two-parent home and you know the woman she like man you know what maybe she right maybe she right maybe I need to make this thing work and so the mom becomes this her son committee and this the thing this how a lot of moms are a lot of moms they don't care about your heartache and what you're going through as a woman they don't care about that one my heartache and what she going through they care about they saw happiness so just like when he was a little boy she bought him toys to console him for his daddy not be in there or his daddy not being present you know being there but not being present or not being a good example or not taking out that time and playing with his son and spending time the same way she bought him teddy bear stuffy my six-year-old here in this stuffy he loves Tuffy's but then he also loved dinosaur he loved dinosaur he got a million dinosaur then all the characters from the movie Godzilla and all the carrots from the Godzilla movie he loved this stuff and so he played with it you know and now he got a little doll name a marquise and he loved her just walking around like she just like one of them stuffy's and she only 2 pounds and we got that for him cuz that stuff he like guess what a mom will do that same stuff for day son and just like she did now that he's an adult she came by him a stuffy she came by him the dog she came by him no toys so what she want now she want a human to be his human teddy bear which I'll do a video on the human teddy bear that's a concept you know that I just kind of came up with one day and I'll tell you about it but this right here the mama's boy so she won't a human so she want this woman to be her son play toy to keep her son happy he mad let him hit on you he he horny let him cheat on you he's upset let him leave you for a few days come back stay with me for a week or two and then you just be right there he's coming back honey don't worry about it he's coming back you're gonna have your family back - let me have him for a couple weeks and get in his head and so that's the role that a lot of moms play so now this here mama's boy what's happiness it's like the Oedipus complex to where this man he in love with his mama you're on a date his mama so what happens is a lot of men are really looking for a wife looking for a mother that they could sleep with if that's what a lot of men looking for today unfortunately and what I mean by that me and yes that sound like incest but that's what a lot of me looking for they looking for a mother that they can sleep with that's what they call it a wife ain't looking for no wife cuz he a wife yeah you can sleep with her but she's gonna hold you accountable in ways that your momma won't so man looking for a mother that they can sleep with and so what that means the how that breaks down is the man won't see what a mama you go to jail ten times she coming to bail you I 10 time mama drama you know you can break the window she putting tape up over she put in the guards bag and taking a guard bag on it till she say what the money or she called somebody if she got the money to fix it she's gonna look at you she gonna get your look she might yell at you might curse at you but she hugged me and buying you a gift the next day see your mama forgive everything mama forgive everything you could do whatever you you you own trial for taking lives I seen the moment the one more I see no mama son just the guilty is all locked doors for taking two lives and she owned them give my son freedom little go he is innocent they got all the evidence it's like ma'am ma'am your son is guilty he need to be under the prison they got all the evidence we don't need no CSI NS ICS Columbo Matlock we don't need none of that everybody know your son guilty and and and a mama be all now give him another chance he went in there and he's changed his life in these six months that he's been waiting on this trial he deserves freedom and that's a mom see but that's not a wife see a wife gotten up is supposed to hold her husband accountable you wanna cheat I'm gone you want to be in illegal activity I'm gone you wanna do this do that I'm gone you said to me so man looking for a mama that they could sleep with want you to treat him just like his mama treating him and the mom when she was weak you know she was ignorant to the proper way of parenting it wasn't her fault it just what life what she went through that put her in that place and so you know and I see it you know even with my with my sister she got a little son and she want a man and she don't have a man and she said that's my boy that's my boy so her son he could be I mean that worker terrorized you hit me I mean he tell everything in the world and she barely holla her daughter's little let her oldest daughter do something oh my goodness rip her new one you hit me and that's how moms be so guess what my nephew ain't gonna be a mama's boy and I'm told my sister that so y'all say oh you tell myself and everything i selling here i say to somebody face y'all y'all almost forgot who you listening to my family already know you're gonna get talked about with tony he's gonna put you in one of his stores you hear me talking about me and my wife I tell I I tell everybody business a better come on don't tell my clients business you never hear me say my clients name and talk about a business by told us you know a gonna be a mommy boy and that's what's happening today so here's what's this mom's boil with the mama blood you find one this is really the type of man that he got to talk to his mama every single day that's one sign he got to talk to his mama every single day and it's like and he said well one day she gonna be gone but that's still not realistic it still not realistic as a man you got to be about your family you got to focus on your family you need to talk to your wife and your children every day you ain't I talk to your momma every day you know if you live every day like it's your last and you wouldn't even be going that you want to be going to work if it if I know what my last day that gonna look totally different than what I'm doing today so they ain't realistic excuse so nice okay to talk to his mama but when he talked to his mama let's say he talked to her everyday I'm gonna talk to her everyday in front of you well he gonna let you know he talked to her where he could talk to her on his lunch break 15 30 minutes and you ain't got to know that they ain't in your face that's not in this one face to where he's letting you know but see some men gonna use that a moment we're gonna use that and say he's gonna let you know like sheet number one in my life my mama number one in my life you number two what my mama say goes then he gonna call his mama about everything he gonna call his mommy when y'all get into it y'all having an argument he called his mama to get her opinion his mama might not bit more know what she talking by then the man on the moon and then a can of paint but he gonna call her for her advice and then he's gonna come back to the one of them and tell the woman this woman what my mama said what my mama said when my mama said that's a mama's boy now understand is there's no reversing this there's no reversing this unfortunately that's the life that they chose his mama chose to raise him like that and she just gonna have to deal with either a weak woman being in hell hustling life and that's what she won't she won't him to have a weak woman that he could run all over so that he can continue to be babied and spoiled and it's no reversing that if you see a man who he put his mama before you and that's what I mean by putting a moment before you meaning that she able body she helped he she happened she hold she might not be happy but she healthy might not be hold but she healthy she able body she's she you know still doing fine she could work she qual she tall still doing fine but he taking he put her opinion she lets her opinion run his household she lets his her opinion affect his relationship he got he got a talk to her every single day to get his love fix the gate look mama's boy fix the way huh and it Just's it is affecting you I was on the phone with my mom and other day you know cuz I'm I'm gonna put in a new house and so we looking at houses or whatever and so I do for my mom I try to help you know I bought a new car couple years ago and I she asked me for a new car the answer's no and so but I helped my mom where I can help but me and my mom we talked on the phone like on the phone where I could hear her voice she text me every day bible scriptures or what have you she text me every day but I'm a working man you know I'm busy I'm coaching clients I'm doing this right here then I'm with my family I tell people all the time I really don't have free time so typically when I'm on the phone with family friends and family I'm driving I'm driving somewhere or coming from somewhere but other than that I'm working in my purpose and on with my family so my free time you got caching while I'm driving because I don't like taking time away from my family and the Bible say a man will forsake his mother and father and cleave to his wife my mom I understand that so she don't demand my time every day she don't call me every day she say are you by yourself when she take me she'd say are you by yourself can't you talk they call me when you can and she know I love and I keep in mind I keep in mind that she ain't gonna be here forever but that don't make me call her every day because I understand that's also a natural part of life everybody got to go but just because somebody got the goal don't mean you sit on the phone and talk to him all day because not when they do go you're gonna be so messed up yeah you ain't gonna be like oh I'm glad I got to spend so much time you you gonna be like I can't I need to go to take me to so you have to find a healthy balance to where you give your mama time but you also become a grown man and you live your life and you realize that you know you can't carry her now it's different when she's come to her age to where she can't take care of herself and you gotta be there even and really not just you being there but if you can afford it you got a nurse there and you own that nurse head you talkin that nurse you in that nurse face and you let her know like listen then nanny-cam right there nanny cam right there phone call coming here phone call coming there I'm checking it on YT oh yeah you see what I mean and you still managing your family but you making sure whether if it's in a nursing home or whether it's in the comfort of her home with a 24-hour nurse or what have you you making sure that thing's taken care of but you still managing your family and then it's going to be seasons where a man has to give his mom you know an exorbitant amount of time and that's fine that's fine because it's a season and it's something that got to get done she's going through what surgeries she's going through a sickness and he focus and he locked in that's not a mama's boy that's a man addressing the season dressing for the season that he's in in his life see your mama boy is the type of man that he let his mama still dictate his household as an adult he he makes his wife feel disrespected by throwing his mama in her face that's a mama's boy so don't get this confused with a man who who you a mama's boy but you trying to argue because you because I'm stepping on your toes oh so you saying just let my mama died oh so you said mom I'm going to counsel and I'm just let her go to counsel by herself for a woman man you've stood I'm not saying that and you know I ain't saying that but if you've been misusing and abusing the fact that that's your mama you throwing that and then one and your woman face trying to make her feel less than trying to make her compete against your mama then you know what you doing and you know you did it wrong so my wife and never heard why mama said I need to do this the decision between me and my wife IIIi lean on my daddy you know I'm fortunate enough to have a father you know I call him I get his insight but even then the decision between me and my wife nobody make decision for our household but me and my wife because sometimes it might be a daddy's girl and so all this right here that I just said this apply the same thing to a daddy's girl so if you doing this as a woman with your dad same thing applies to you if you're doing this as a woman with your mama same thing applies to you if you're doing this as a man with your dad or as a woman with your mama same thing applies to you so don't be asking me can you do it the Adige girl video it's all this sound the same way just invert the information okay yeah okay learn how to use inference all right infer between the lines okay so understand what I'm telling you when you find out that there's a mommy boy one of the signs is he on the phone with her every day and you know about it it different he talked to her and you don't know buddy but when he make it known to you that he told him on me every day that's one side the other side when he bringing her advice to you you got a question about your life he said let me call my mom and ask her opinion or y'all got a question by child like let me call my mama my mama said we ought to do this that's another sign you got a mama's boy another side of when he comparing you to his mama uh well my mom used to cook it like this this is my mom recipe right here this way my mommy's cooking well my mama fold like this well my mama do dishes like this well my mama do wash the car like this well this way my mama used to do the bills when he keep comparing you to her and he wants you to adopt her system that's another sign you got a mama's boy you said I'm saying when y'all get upset y'all have a disagreement he go to his mama you got a mama's boy well he need the lead well he want to leave 24 hours 72 hours week two weeks he got his mama house you got a mama's boy instead of sitting in the kitchen working through this thing talking through this thing getting past it you got a mama's boy so and understand this now they ain't gonna be able to change it'll be here I have to go through a real intervention he got to talk to me he got to talk the best to the top therapist in the country he got to watch this video ten times and just see how ridiculous he looking how ridiculous he sounded and hear the back story of why he is the way he is he gonna get offended by this go tell his mom about this that you showed him this video and his mama gonna tell him you ain't worth it and you worthless and any woman that's trying to send her husband a video of her boyfriend a video to separate him from his mama it's a demon and a devil and and he gonna turn this into you trying to separate him from his mama oh you want me to just forget my mama or you want me to cut my mama off for you nobody saying that what we saying is set boundaries become a man of your own life a man of your own household make decisions for your own household and stop acting like you still a little boy and you got to go to your mama to get everything approved as if she knows right is your mama a billion now who got peace love and happiness if not then she don't know everything so just cuz your mama been married 40 years don't mean she know everything at the end of the day regardless of what she know what do you know as a man what are you learning as a man okay you want to talk to your mom everyday talk to her everyday if your mom in the last stretch of her life and she's gonna be gone in five years two years or less you want to talk to everyday okay this is a season talk to everyday but you can talk to your mom without throwing that in your wife or your one man face to say well my momma you need to do this my mom said we need to do this I want my said my mama said my mama said you don't have to throw that in their face because at the end of the day when you with somebody they want to know that you wake up they want to know that it's y'all that y'all a team they want to know that they start playing on the team they don't want to know that your brother your sister your mama your daddy whoever else got more say so in the own household then they have nobody wants that nobody won't stab my wife talked to her dad but she don't come telling me my dad said do this my dad said do that now if there's something to where it's a strong area that he has she makes she may throw that out there but me as a man I'm a respected but at the same time she know I don't care what your daddy said and I know she don't care what my daddy said what my mama said we're gonna make the best decision for our family and so we understand that so it may be a time or two to where you say well my daddy said this you know my dad said we should do this my mom said we should do this but you ain't doing that every day you ain't bringing that every week you know my wife she know not the brain meet her daddy advice for for my household that he run his household I run my household and I know not the brain hurt my mom aunt bikes or my daddy advice for this household saying well huh mama that don't nobody run my household and so that's what relationship feel that's what a marriage is and that's why the Bible say a man will forsake his mother and father and cleave to his wife and the twain the two shall become one so that's what you have to realize when you get in a relationship you gotta you gotta cut that umbilical cord when you get in when you get married or you get in a serious relationship that's moving towards marriage you got to cut that umbilical cord you got to be in a place to where now you know and you don't the right thing for your household and you not see this a thing oh it's with it you're not weaponizing your family member and this apply across the board something for some people might not be de mama it might be the older sister or they sister it might be they brother might be their cousin might be they best friend so this is called the mama's boy but this really talking to any friend or family member that somebody takes and weaponized and uses them in their relationship to spite their partner to disrespect their partner to make their partner feel less than and to make the partner feel like you come second or third or fourth and you're not first in my life because see the number one relationship when you get into a relationship a healthy and committed relationship is your spouse that's who comes first my mama no my wife come first because that's my commitment that's my covenant under God so my mama know that if I got to do something for my wife I got to go home with my wife I get to her unless it's a situation that requires immediate attention so understand I'm not saying that your mom on her deathbed and you ignore her the talk on the phone which I wanted that's not what I'm saying but what I'm saying is you don't take in your moment said hey I need some money but then your own household gotta pay the lights and y'all already got a final notice and you let your lights get cut out to get your mama some money when she grown and mismanaging her money and you know she missed managing her money now she needs some money and she disabled and she great with her money but it's just hard time she didn't give her ssi check she didn't get whatever kind of check okay that's but even then that might mean like mama if I helpin you imma imma be in foreclosure or eviction if I'm helping you so guess what in this season you're gonna have to come stay with us you may have to do that you may have to do that or you may have to say look okay if I gotta take care mom I got taking my household I'm about to pick up a second job well I'm gonna have to work overtime they offer all the time how to stop turning down I'm gonna have to take it for that season of your life as a man you do what you gotta do but understand you don't weaponize your mom against your woman you don't go to your mama with all your arguments and just go both ways not to go vice-versa you don't go to your mom or whoever with all of your arguments which a woman and they have your mama disliking your woman and then you're going to your mama telling her everything that your woman do got your mama disliking your woman telling you everything you wanna hear against your woman then you come back resenting your woman but yet you still up on the hood sniffing her behind so how you gonna stay in a relationship and have resentment for the woman and this why so many relationships are opponents instead of teammates because y'all running tell that and then y'all get to hear everything you want to hear because the person you talking to you're only telling them what your partner doing wrong you ain't tell them all the wrong get nastiness that you go on you can tell them how immature you are you're just telling them about your partner and all their wrongs so being the person you're talking to they just telling you how right you are you believe your self-righteousness you start to believe it then you go back into your relationship with resentment and disdain towards your partner now you sleeping with the enemy now you sleeping with the enemy and then you coming on here complaining about relationships don't work marriage is overrated there's an end our lives and it's really because of how you doing it how you going about this thing so listen to understand this right here if you mess around and you meet a mama's boy you notice you're gonna notice him mama's boy in the first three months I'm gonna nose here mama's boy if you don't in it pop up in this first six months nine months 12 months understand this right here you either gonna compromise and say and say listen I know she's not gonna be here forever so i'ma just let him use her advice on me let him run until to help telling me to her I'm gonna put up with her phone calls you know that's just reinforcing all his grown boy behavior and telling me to put up with it because that's what man do and that's what she did with his father with his stepfather I'm just gonna put up with it because it's not gonna be forever and so you either make that choice or you realize that that ain't no change if a man was raised as a mama's boy it really not a 9% of the time it's not gonna change this is how he gonna be that's how he gonna be my mama didn't raise me I was a mama but just because you know she she won race like that you know she had to fend for herself you know she had she wash clothes fold clothes ironed clothes you know clean up cook you know she she had her she had 11 siblings you know the mean so probably lived in the house with maybe six seven eight oh no and so when it came to me I'm um she didn't serve me hand and foot you know she didn't ya see why she did the laundry and stuff like that it clean but I didn't have a hot breakfast I eat breakfast at school ain't my sons get a hot breakfast at home every day I didn't have a hot breakfast you know she made sure I was sad but she sit down and do homework with me because she couldn't you know she didn't give me all the advice because my dad was dead giving all that Vikes you know my mom she just kind of she'd owe me a positive affirmation here and there and hope scriptures and stuff like that but she didn't coddle me you know Sheen sitting just hooked me and caressed me you know she she didn't baby me she left my dad discipline me when she got mad and no she slapped him upside the back of the head when she fell hard or she whooped me you know to the point of I mean I got one whooping so bad the belt you know cutting on the back of the leg see that she would hit me so hard so yeah I know y'all call that you know DCF and all that but they're not well coming from and not well from what we folks used to get some whooping way worse way worse so I didn't feel I never was a mama's boy so I grew up you know and my mama she would tough on me she loved me but she would telephone and so now at this stage in my life it's like I don't feel the need to call her every day and we talk on text body every day but I don't feel the need to ask her for her advice about what I need to do in my life and all it is and go to her telling on my wife if I disagree with something I don't feel the need to do that because I just was not raised to depend on my mama input and opinion because she didn't insert herself in my life in that way and so that's what I mean it's a lot of women that that's how you raise in your son you raising him to be dependent upon you so that and I have to try to check my wife all the time it's like when you have so much to say and you have so much opinion to where your son or daughter not gonna be able to make a decision on their own and why are they talking to somebody else somebody asked him a question they answering the question but looking at you the looking at the moment for her reinforcement for her feedback to see if she okay with this answer and when you do that you raised in a mama's boy or mama's girl without you wanna call it what that is boy or daddy's girl because you're not given enough room for your child to think independently because you want them to be your spawn you want them to be you know your replica you want them to think and behave and do everything in the same way that you would do it instead of just teaching them right from wrong and holding them accountable teaching them character and integrity and then letting their personality show up and do things the way they would do it so these men who have been raised to depend on their mama opinion depend on her breast milk depend on her nurturing and her caring they raised to depend on their mama when they become a grown man now they don't know how to function in a relationship because they got to keep calling mama keep calling mama what mama got to say what mama got to say what mama got to say and that's the issue and guess what if it's not a man they're to hold the woman accountable or to show that other side say listen just what you don't that's what's gonna happen like it is in my household then it just gonna happen and so I'm addressing this because so many women have asked me and I thought this would be just kind of like a boring useless video and I'm like I on top of these sorry mama boys but I figure I keep getting this question so hopefully this makes sense to you and so I know the last question is so if I'm with a mama's boy what do I do what you can do is you can take this information and instead of sharing it with him um from me you put it in your own words and you sit down and you have a town hall meeting and say listen you know I'm this is the way I'm feeling like I really feel like you're putting your mom against me and me against your mom and it feels toxic it feels abusive it feels controlling and he may try to cut you off may try to get loud you let him do what he got to do and then you go right back to what you were saying okay you go right back to what you were saying don't let him run from this bit heat he's gonna have to stand this heat and if he can't stand this heat he might go run and tell his mom about this conversation let him feel this he'll heat and you keep talking to him but you cool calm and collected and you say you know it's really not healthy and imagine if I called my mom every day and I called her every day and I talked to her about you and I told her every little thing that you did and everything you said and everything that I didn't like and then I came back to you and I rubbed it in your face of what my mom said or if not that imagine if I if we need to make a decision for our household and I go to my mom every day or every time and I asked her what should we do and then I come back to you and say my mom said we should do this how would you feel to not have say-so or control in your life in your household as an adult and he's going to pretend that he doesn't get what you're saying he doesn't see where you're coming from he may take shots he may be little you and say well it's different me asking my mom my mom is a degree holder she's a principal of a school she's a president she's a CEO she's a superintendent she's she's successful she's accomplished your mom was an orphan your mom was raised in group homes your mom didn't graduate high school your mom had three baby daddies my mom had one you know if that's the case he may try to be condescending he may try to belittle your mom and try to show you how your mama is not on the level of his mama that's again toxic abuse is showing you who you wit so sit down and have this conversation and see how he responds to it see if he can say you know what see when you put the mirror in a man face a good man when you put the mirror in his face he should be able to see himself and to see what it would feel like if you were treating him the way he's treating you he should be able to see that recognize that acknowledge that and say you know what you're right you're right and I'm gonna work on that and I'm gonna do better he may slip up and mess up again mess up again but in a situation like this it's not really a deal breaker if he's trying and then you hold him accountable you hold him accountable now if you come to the point to where you've done everything you've given everything you've tried everything and he's still a mama's boy he's still weaponizing his mother against you he's still letting her dictate his life and dictate your life because you're in his life and you're with him and he refuses to be a man he refuses to grow up he refuse it to cut the umbilical cord take the the breasts out his mouth get off the breast milk and get on some some whole milk you know some water some soda you you wonder you might want to get on board wise to get off the breast milk but whatever it is if he's unwilling to do that now you know your life is gonna be like a prison sentence if you stay in the relationship and you have a decision to make live in prison and solitary confinement slavery whatever you want to call it or set yourself free and say listen you were not raised to be a husband you were not taught to be a husband and I don't feel comfortable putting my life in the hands of someone who cannot sit down and have a conversation with their teammate and make a decision for their life and have to go to their mother to bring back what she feels because your mom is not always gonna be here so if you depend on everything your mom say when your mom is gone then our life I'm gonna get led into a ditch because you're so dependent upon her so you have to tell him that blood roll just like what I just hi hi just said just real just to the point and that's your breaking point that's your closure and you let them know I got to move on when you move on with your life you pack up you move out you file for divorce whatever it may be it may be then it may be that maybe the straw that broke the camel's back because remember a mama's boy if he's not cheating and abusing then it's not the end of the world so if you have to walk all the way away to where he feels like you are gone for good and then he gets the picture and then in the silence where he's trying to reach you and he cannot reach you for two weeks he's been calling you calling you calling you every day in his silence if he starts to look and he says hmm you know what my mom cost me my relationship and I realized that she cost me my relationship because she has a hold on me she has me brainwashed she has me trapped and she's miserable in her life because my dad is not treating her right or because she's single or because she's a widow and she doesn't want another woman to have me because she wants me to pay her bills and wants me to take care of her so she's giving me bad advice knowing that I'm not innocent knowing that I'm guilty and even more so guilty than my woman but she's coddling me and catering to me to make me despise my woman to leave my woman so that I can take care of her and be her king because she doesn't want to see me move on with my life because she feels like I will forget her she feels like she won't have her way with me she won't be able to keep manipulating money out of me while she's spending money you know frivolously and being a bad steward over her finances but yet she knows she can keep coming back to me and keep coming back to me and she knows that my wife or my woman doesn't have a say so because she has complete control seeing his silence he may come to this epiphany and say wow and then he comes to you with a voicemail that articulates that what I just said he articulates that he apologizes for that he says I see the light and I'm ready to make a change if he does not articulate that if he does not apologize for that if he does not admit to that that that is what it is then he's not gonna change he first has to admit it in order for him to change then when he admits it and he apologizes and then you can talk to him and he says what's the plan then you give him specific examples of things that he cannot do and have a healthy relationship with you like calling her for her advice on a decision that you and him need to make comparing your cooking and your cleaning to her cooking and her cleaning your parenting to her parenting he cannot do that for you in him to have a healthy relationship you have to give him specific examples so he can see the light and when he sees this he recognized that he owns up to this this is how he changes see a man can only change from under the influence of one woman by the influence of another woman so a wife is a wife's influence make sure you get the book of oneness influence so you really know what I'm hitting on a wife's influence is supposed to replace the influence of the mother the mother is supposed to hand her son off to a good woman because she knows she's not gonna be here she got a cut on Biblical Court and let him go and it's a woman's job to raise her son to be an independent thinker and to be a husband not a codependent not codependent or a dependent of her that he's gonna need her for the rest of her life and so if you were wondering raising a son or daughter.you raising children this is a lesson for you if you wit somebody who is a mama blood daddy boy mama girl daddy girl this lesson is for you listen to it two or three times because you know you with my riffs and wrench you gonna have to stay focus and get the whole message but listen to it until it makes sense until you get it if it still don't make sense you can't really apply it then you need a one-on-one session you could click the link in the description go to my mentor find it on there hey god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 31,064

Rating: 4.9275122 out of 5

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Id: q6bhmkCM2yo

Length: 59min 20sec (3560 seconds)

Published: Tue May 05 2020