The Grand Tour Season 3 Funny Moments

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] oh [Applause] i'm gonna go quite well actually tabs did you know mine only comes with one seat as standard really what as standard you get one seat in a demon you can opt to have the others put back in and it costs you a dollar which seat do they put in as standard [Music] why can't you do it because dodge only lent me that car if i promise not to do any drag racing on the road with it what is that's what it's for i know that's literally what it's for but that's the way it is i'm sorry do you think it's an insurance this is it's because it's him it's because they don't want it on the road who's driving it richard hammond you can't drive it it's just what they said and i'm really sorry so we can't do it i'm sorry we can we're not going to do it without that uh let me think yeah we are just right right one for all and all for yourselves that's how it goes isn't it any minute now paramedic will be cutting his trousers off he should have taken him off before he got in i don't know why he wears trousers here we go ready in three two oh wait a minute it hasn't done it easy mistake we've all done it forgotten the key when you're donuting in a detroit theater that's been turned into a multi-story car park everybody's been there let me show you what we've got handsome vestibule feature tile floor front room here feature fireplace loads of light from all these windows this i would say use as a dining room because it's adjacent to the kitchen needs the appliances refitting not a big job in there i would say that's a really handy games room tv room overlooking the garden and the double garage here perfect for a home office maybe a snug upstairs four bedrooms and here's the kicker an independent granny flat with its own kitchen so jeremy can live up there semi-independently for as long as he can manage and the price 2 200 is that really only what was it two thousand two hundred dollars eighteen hundred quid yeah that's amazing isn't it so i'll show you something else amazing captain slow was fallen for this eco allotment claptrap i haven't fallen for it and it's not claptrap it's just a vegetable plot it's only a bird yes buy food grow it why not it's a farmer's job turning a city into a vegetable garden is ridiculous who's turned a city into a vegetable garden that's what they want to do and you're just encouraging them detroit should be for petrol heads it should be for massive v8s like our cars it's a great idea by a city that's having a bad time and trying to use this initiative what's wrong with it and it's not as if there's any vegetables in the shops new is better i am not listening to any more of this i am going to go off i'm going to find a shop i'm going to come back with burgers but you can have some curly kale in them bloody allotment just because he's become a vegetarian doesn't mean that absolutely everybody has to be one don't be a [ __ ] i can't get out these parts in the way haven't it [Music] well on that terrible disappointment back to the tent i think the very concept of incongruity was defined in that film in detroit by james may the slowest moving men in history driving around in a car called the exorcist it just doesn't work james mate is the exorcist no i mean if he's going to have a car it should be called the florist yeah or the organist simple change to that the olinist nice hammond slap's going well yeah so which corner is that he's gone off on i mean obviously is him that's looking good no no clarkson you're pulling me into the seat clarkson stop stop why are you there you've pulled me in the sea you muppet are you moving yes yes i am you see you mock people who like winching and stuff but don't tell me you're not enjoying this it is incredible how much power you can get out of a little tiny electric winch is he having some sort of winch fantasy to turn him off i'm just sitting here making sure that led doesn't go red in which case the winch is overheating which he seems to think is incredibly exciting jeremy you need to stop you're going to pull me into the shelter the only thing is that we have done well actually is these three cars we've got because they're all designed to go off-road and yet they couldn't be more difficult jeremy you're pulling me through the building that is true it is it's a good trio of cars you've got mine which is bought by people who like cruising the streets of san francisco and key west and brighton and sydney and then yours which is bought by people who want to feel better about themselves yeah so if you have your second home whilst people in the world are homeless and starving it's okay as long as you have a small fear oh [ __ ] haven't you [ __ ] well i couldn't do anything i got no steering i was joining you tell us i was yelling on the radio you're pulling this family has loved this car since 1991 and you turn up from bloody wales or north america or wherever it is you've been and you've already ruined it listen it's been a bit of a cluster thing we need to work it all out we need communications properly organized what is that that's my ladder you bought something you can't get into or out of without a ladder it's very high up i don't know why harry and may think that the wranglers are and a gay icon that's a pervert camera no it's a daily mail camera is what exactly well that's what i meant oh yeah as it is it's a lot of glass clear this away let me show you what i've got all right that is a camera if we've been tasked with photographing somebody's 21st birthday party perfect welcome to 2018 everything you've got in all that kit that you've just shown us is in there show me your zoom lens behold this is it a cold day behold the zoom the woman in the shop said this camera takes good pictures that's that's enough for me look look at my pigeon dead dog oh quite a sweet dead dog though it was sweet when it was alive helen why don't you pull alongside your colleague in his uh let's be honest one leads a fiat panda with your 7.4 liter monster truck and let's see who's got the slowest car okay uh okay three two one go [Music] that's all i've got come on hammond that realistically is all i have easy yes it's a very thoughtful place to break down this why is that well because look there's a little path that you hammond and i can go around so off you go leave it don't touch it leave it don't try and help go away everybody's getting a bit bad tempered might be because it's so hot it could be that he's not very keen on us helping is he sorry i couldn't see the bumper because i have my head right next to the thing god go we'll be fine if we spot a jaguar everything will be okay right go oh now we're in trouble you [ __ ] i didn't know you were there and what the [ __ ] the hell are you doing i was stuck i didn't know you were behind me use your mirrors you totally smashed the front of my car up eyes oh now that now that is a great picture and we can move on it is it's we have ticked that box that's the ace of spades the jaguar that's saddam hussein we've now got to go and get his sons who day and the other one was his other son called edgar it's a sunday morning in a spanish-speaking country it's 8 15 a.m chances of a trouser shot being open nil morning well just very good sorry that's not nice james and richard cut my trousers up why do i have to be recognized here for god's sake yes jeremy corbyn just pulled freddie mercury out to meeting of mines i'm not sure we're very good at this party sorted out how do you get that back you set it free whoa [Applause] what was that oh dear and there and there and i've done my neck in this is supposed to be a demonstration of the utility of pickup trucks i've done it we proved all three of them no i have i've sawn three pieces of wood for a fence hammond's ploughed four furrows for growing things in you have only subtracted from this community you've taken away the vegetables you've taken away the electricity you've taken away the lighting you've taken away the ability to make the new fence post well i have proof and you've taken away the food but my engine is very powerful more powerful than in your two but what's the use of that speed and power and there we are oh now come on well you shouldn't have built a life-size one you are a man of modest statue yeah fine it reflects my ego compared to yours well it's you know proportional to the size of the tyranny i don't think i'm gonna need low range you haven't got it well i know exactly i don't need it block the rear diff there you go you'll need that right here we go ready yes taking up the slack that might be a really bad jolt so be careful i've won another test i've won both of them i'm going to kick it off if i may with the new audi etron got a picture of it here sure it's very nice the only problem is etron is the french word for turd is it yes here this is actually from morgan's website yeah well as they call it they call it the electric computer they have a website so this is describing their new hair products quintessentially british ah the lotion was originally created to enable a gentleman to hold not only the racing line but also his hairstyle so morgan's most stylish owners there's no such thing as a stylish morgan owner can once again take to the roads with confidence that the dap aquafur will hold throughout the journey what are you saying that the typical morgan customer wouldn't traditionally yeah look at they're not haircut you you have a ballgame [Music] on the subject of that can you talk about yourselves no seriously james may i want to check something out with you just hang on a minute what are you doing well finn is okay you say you say that you don't wear oh i'm uncomfortable with whatever's happening you will be i took this photograph just last week okay i put an arrow on it to show what i'm on about that's richard hammond sporting i'm going to zoom in gray hairs there yeah a couple of gray hairs have you seen those yes now when i came to work this morning they're still there my wife has cut my hair they'll still be they're not [Applause] let me arbitrate independently they're not there they're not there you've been using morgan product i've never died my hell god there's the helicopter and once again the amarok is victorious is that barrel gonna i hate to tell you this but you haven't hit the doors which were the target how do you know i haven't hit the doors because there's no hot well on that terrible disappointment for him time to go back to the tent other things well they're making sure that you have your seat belt done up that you're not talking on a mobile phone and that you're not oh how can i put this touching either yourself or your passenger apparently that's a thing in china quite a few people are prosecuted for pleasuring themselves or one another on a long journey yes oh yes oh yes that is it's actually really nice ow [ __ ] i've found my todger there are 78 self-made billionaire women in the whole world and 49 of them are chinese yeah well there would be more but some of them got ran over in china there's a tendency for people to wear clothing with english words written on them they've obviously got no idea what those words say i was sitting in a traffic jam one day there and there was a woman on a bus next to me and she was a perfectly respectable 50 something woman on her way obviously to an office job or whatever she was wearing a white blouse with red flowers on it now i took a picture uh here it is and what that says is he was an [ __ ] i would love a picture of her face when somebody explained to her what it said on her shirt my whole tongue is wrapped up in intestine you've seen james by the way this morning no no i haven't seen what he's gone for but let's be honest brown yes it'll be brown it'll be brown nothing is more certain brown severe yeah it's not brown that's not oh good morning vietnam it's quite warm the air conditioning still doesn't work i should actually warn doctor who of that doctor i apologize the air conditioning is broken i'm doing something useful something joyous something pleasurable not now okay no cato no that's inappropriate spend enough time on the motorway in the back of your luxury car and you could turn yourself into a part-time professional chef we could improve oh may we see james may what you have achieved instead of doing emails well it's naive if i were your mum or dad i'd put that on the fridge door and i'd be very proud of you this is going on the wall at home can we taste your soup well you'll have to suck my tie that's where it all ended up were you were you expanding your mind by setting yourself on fire is that all no no no no no it's matches one snapped and went into my sleeve you've ruined that beautiful suit i want to see what you've done yeah i'm a bit embarrassed by it is it it's a burn wreck isn't it it's not my best work this was going to be your birthday present they've said it's crap you're not having some please don't laugh all right and you made that really in the back of your car yeah no but look at great cost yeah yeah oh my god just did he just crash it was that a crash or did he just disappear behind the he has look he's gone off there uh so there we are i'm afraid that richard hammond's luck has finally run out and it's with deep regret and great sadness that james and i must now announce the untimely demise of all right not again does he do it i don't know well on that terrible disappointment back to the tent my ignition keys are 3000 degrees centigrade sorry everyone sorry about the noise i know we'll use the director sorry mate if you could just turn the engine off that would be great call 911. he's going to need some fingers in a minute hammond oh hammond did you see that see what what nothing i'm gonna turn in yeah you're right sleep oh no wait a minute oh for god's sake get it right oh they're wet no oh hammond what you see that guy where who's gone it's pitched there's nobody out there it's just a desert that's why the aliens come here [Music] weird no i can't say shut up no starting engine engaging drive here we go there must have been 30 or 40 people in the room in the police i think the only answer for rolls royce hold on i just said is there a phone in there no you had a stroke again i'm sure i heard a phone wait a minute wait a minute i'm oh ladies and gentlemen the art of great parenting we're going to call the nspcc on you [Applause] how old are your children oh for god's sake she still hasn't moved oh they'll be fine i wasn't that interested we've established they're not in their 30s is what i was trying to say to find out i've come to southampton docks where obviously i've been forced to wear a hard hat in case a ship lands on my head now i should explain these are not actually angelina's children they're much um cheaper uh let's just get your names first of all your cardboard cardboard satisfied customer satisfied customer goat goat just crazy elway dislocated elbow i'm sorry is that right i want to mispronounce it and you're luxol vauxhall the police came up with an idea that they thought would solve it which was to basically ram the moped thieves okay you're recording we've actually got footage of them doing just that here ready there he is that's what you need you see we're all in favor of that a winner it's the only time in my life i've ever wanted to be a policeman no you can't why you haven't got a moustache that's true no but that okay i have had an idea oh god is it ridiculous let me explain now that's a yes then it is just let's see what everybody thinks okay so best will in the world the police are out patrolling and they don't do much of that these days as i'm sure we all know but even if they were the chances of them encountering somebody who really was a moped thief in a place where they could realistically knock them off is quite remote yes yes so how's this for an idea all of us as we're driving along in our cars if you see a motorcycle knock them off wait what just any motorcycle yes because eventually somebody's bound to hit the right one and knock over uh a moped thief hang on isn't that a bit like pol pot executing anybody who wore glasses in case they'd read a book yes it is look i admit you too i know you're not moped thieves i know you're not but you do ride motorcycles and that's fine and you are going to get i have to admit some hurting knees and a bit of crazy oh yes and quite a lot of other people including you and mcgregor jamie oliver ross noble they're hairy bikers for god's sake you can't knock them over yes i know you say that but they're just casualties of war if you think about it the main thing is that we are bound to totally end moped thievery and we'd all have a good laugh at the same time come on you would you can't ram bikers i'm not saying we ran them a gentle nudge anybody here ride motorcycle yes well done yeah sorry oh here we go yep salt self-raising flour normal flour baking powder talcum powder that's from athlete's foot i put them in clear bags every single airport you go through anywhere in the world why are they so interested in my condiments and medical necessities look at that halfwit look at him oh god my foot sorry sorry sorry my other friend yep that happened can you uh take out your laptop it is a laptop look that's it it's a laptop with wheels that's it that's a steering wheel and what's that car oh god it's got to get undressed do you want to see my penis um well not right now there you go thanks but you never had a steering wheel go through customs before have you right onwards no no no no no oh sorry man uh jeremy you killed a man oh [ __ ] no oh hammer's gone ow gone hammond what i'm drifting the suitcase you're not i this is more like a racetrack than a shot oh [ __ ] [Applause] oh [ __ ] can somebody do this is where's the manager this was like this when we got here okay we could try and rebuild it actually genuinely hurt my leg not that you're bothered i'm bothered when you hurt yourself which is every time you get in a moving vehicle how bothered are you i genuinely have hurt my ankle you're not going to get an air ambulance trip out of crashing into some chocolate bars sorry oh god um can i have uh sorry about that how am i going to get off the end of this wait i'm in reverse so i can stay i'm stationary but only because i'm in reverse um if it's just stride stride stride stride um nothing to see here nothing to see is it gate 88 hammond what no mate it's this one how's the plane and on that terrible disappointment back to the tent it's a completely new car this monochrome union jack applied by germans yes there is there is some germany chassis german yeah engine yeah german yeah oh no the germans have done all the tech and engineering that'll no wait it'll be brilliant so stalin sat at that table in the morning when he was a little boy yes and said one day when i grow up i want to be the nastiest piece of work the world has ever seen and the parents will have said there's a little boy in austria and he wants to be the nastiest piece of work but we think son you can be an even nastier piece of work and then he was you can be whatever you want to be yeah if you want to be the biggest bastard the world has ever seen bastards and his mum said to him are you sure you wouldn't like to follow your father and be a shoemaker no i want to murder 20 million people she's actually sitting right here in his little shorts in his little moustache that is really weird though isn't it what started i've broken stalin's house geez i'm going to the gulag james who could stop it [Laughter] why have you put nigel mansell's head on my bonnet i thought he'd like it you know bridget racing driver british car that would be appropriate it's bold statement isn't it you've got a famous brummie in the car and on the front of the car must have been a big name randy a lot of people looking at him was nigel mental popular yes global superstar made global superstar they love him why people pointing yeah i just they must have been into racing or something did knight level racer bentley williams is what he's famous for oh yeah that might be what's confusing people that's why they look puzzled i'd quite like to be richard hammond life is so much simpler it's gonna it's gonna happen it's gonna happen what who's it there i'm a bugger off i'm having a while hurry up i'm having a whale just hurry up i'm going to go in a minute oh right that's it let me in oh god there's more oh god it's just awful listen mate james is in there and i'm first you ain't getting ahead of me that's fine no way it is awful when you get to the door your body's saying yes time to go but then you can't talking why are you bothered anyway well i solved the problem second corner oh yeah i love the way that they've captured the the lustfulness of the lady dog and the wistfulness of james oh now that's an oil company name i wasn't expecting really i know this is childish but it's just i wish we had turd why don't they sponsor a formula one team powered by turd think of the skidmarks think of the commentary a swiss speed camera has clocked a duck okay it's clocked to duck it's actually triggered the camera got a picture here look proving it look the duck said that and it took a picture of a duck how fast was it going 32 miles an hour there you go 30. see that's quite incredible because if i was asked i'd say a duck would do 20. because they're quite incredible neither is it remotely interesting it is interesting it's a piece of knowledge hammond how can the world be a poorer place for having a bit more knowledge in it exactly because that knowledge is peculiar and strange and doesn't matter a bugger to anybody you're not going to be mocking when you're buttons in the panto in swindon and jeremy and i are waving at each other from our super yachts because of the global success of our television series james and jeremy's the speed of birds it's going to be absolutely massive what's that come on dude watch the speed of bird i shall see him as buttons at the swindon liverpool i think that marks the end of conversation james may has brought the new toyota yaris which has a ridiculous name how do you say that it isn't grooming though there's no uh-uh at the end it says groom it he's a funny name what does it mean kazoo racing meisters of the nurburgring oh your favorite place that's where it was developed what i fit into my car it's powered by the same usb port that you'd normally use to recharge your vape bong is the most important thing in a millennial's life and that is of course a juicer ta-da now using this i can make a whole range of tasty and nutritious juices using a variety of ethically sound ingredients and that means i won't be beholden to evil american corporations that murder baby beals and snap the beaks off chickens right this one is kale apple lime court avocado and ethical water plus my reading glasses which i'm afraid fell in there earlier on it doesn't matter they've got plastic lenses so they're perfectly safe hmm someone's going to want that i speak the language of the millennial ham and may won't be able to do that because they're in a ford and toyota they're bad whips it is the world's greenest circuit it is completely deep [Applause] oh god oh oh oh back to the tent oh god oh come on wrap it in seriously rub it in we're going to need to rehearse it what about what we say when he's found look so we're on breakfast tv you're on the sofia okay okay good morning with me now it's james may that's how to speak who um has just learned of the sad demise of his co-host and colleague mr jeremy clarkson james how do you feel that his body was found in a ditch with a bicycle this morning was it yes no that's not right is it sorry can you do that james this is radio okay good morning five past nine james may is with us uh we only learned this morning of the sad demise oh bugger what all of that rehearsing mate waste of time oh because he's outside right now fighting with the bicycle lock by a fence oh you look cold it is cold oh you know why why won't this work paper boys can work one of those mate i'll see that i don't care he's left the key in it what's up oh god the next morning the peaceful stillness was shattered by the cry of a distressed animal clarkson clarkson where's my roof right burst oh you are joking no no no he hasn't he's not that sick morning what morning yeah whatever oh why have you driven over your own roof clarkson he's sick he doesn't even have four doors what was my father thinking why did he do that to us i fell to my childish knees threw my head back and i howled at the sky birds across birmingham took off deer in stratford-upon-avon looked up such was my horror this was the summit this was it this is the best that we the hammonds could do we lived in suburbia people drive past all the time they see your car they judge you if you have a wishing well or a gate we had this on our drive where people could see it i walked home from school that wasn't because i wanted the exercise that's because i would rather walk or hop or crawl 30 miles than be seen getting into that it's cars like this it's secrets dark secrets like this lurking in people's paths that create serial killers and psychopaths it's a bloody miracle i'm not one it's not being short that makes me an angry man or being born in birmingham it's this it's you i could have been great i could have had dignity social standing i could have mattered but you came into my life thanks even better now can't yeah what about this one i'd say think what you started you bastard you deserve this and you're having it and you're having more of it a new car is a great thing but not when it's you oh you've got a mirror left think how many lives you ruined you are the allegro estate of modern times and you deserve this to make matters worse for ford in 2000 the british government decided that company cars should be taxed like income yeah that meant people had to buy their own cars and many responded by not buying a car at all

Channel: dtmhncot

Views: 10,391,646

Keywords: The Grand Tour, The Grand Tour Season 3, The Grand Tour Funny Moments, Top Gear, Top Gear Funny Moments, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May, Jeremy Clarkson Funny Moments, Richard Hammond Funny Moments, James May Funny Moments

Id: TsIkTbJlNvY

Length: 39min 48sec (2388 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 18 2020