The Gods of Brazil | Crusader Kings 3

crosster knigs 3 is a game that's played by youtubers all the time but if you're new to crusader kings 3 or simply a grizzled veteran please allow me to set the record straight this game is a complicated multifaceted example of why we should never allow computer intelligence to attain sentience or even affect the real world in any meaningful way it is a character-based territory strategy game dealing with the complicated systems of feudalism but specializing in the production of garbage only in a cursed world of digital abstraction does any system believe that this is okay and the only way to describe to you the depth of chaos which occurs in this be deviled software is to describe to you the experiences of which you are capable everything that you can do the ai can also do probably worse so keep that in mind as i delve into the full range of absurdity and death present within the early medieval world our story begins in the world of 867 the viking age as the humble count has state of montegu count hashtag would aspire to nothing and be insignificant if he did not have slightly less soldiers than the entirety of the byzantine empire and hastain has determined probabilistically that god is not merciful and has come to destroy all those who call themselves italian [Music] alright so italy looks like this now we rank up like a pokemon and begin sorting out our court one day while at a feast a man named count cadulto passed by the king and asked him if he could partake of some ice cream the king feeling cheeky and protective of his supply retorted that kaduto could only have a spoonful at which point kadulto pulled out a comically oversized spoon and the king determined right then and there that he must die in exchange for the death of the cereal cream thief the pope of christianity sought an alliance with a pagan conqueror who destroyed italy caduto was just that much of an [ __ ] i guess jesus king charles of france hearing of the death of his close friend kadulto composes some slam poetry but it was so bad that he literally lost prestige points by writing it so he attempts to [ __ ] murder me what it's poetry dude calm down also there is a minor risk of a catholic rebellion i guess they don't like odin and when they do rebel not only do they demand my conversion but also that i become italian this is not an option on second thought i'm fine with the christianity just no pizza dude please with a new religion comes a new title and a new kingdom the kingdom of brazil for if you shall not come to brazil brazil will come to you if you will not put brazil in your grand strategy game then i guess i will have to resort to drastic measures okay so they killed me the saga of the boy king ainar begins with a tale at court during a feast a man known as count kadulto ii suddenly springs forth bringing the king a pie excited the young king demands to know the flavor of the pie however count cadulto ii simply responds with pie several times over again minorly annoyed the noble king responds by informing count cadulto the second that he is hungry to which count kadulto responds in a most disturbing of ways first waving to the king and then making a pun hi hungry i'm dad he says with this count cadulto has admitted that he is the illegitimate father of the king and is therefore summarily executed the next day for the crime of fornication as thanks for the destruction of the great fornicator the pope decides to invite me to a cool day trip to the city of jerusalem so we raise our armies and watch as he stands around for no reason and with great zeal we finally arrive to the holy land and get our [ __ ] sent to another dimension yeah you guys have fun with the rest of crusade i'll be supporting you all from the sidelines good luck i don't know just like spazz out like a bunch of ants or something it'll be funny then the pope just like commits fornication while in the middle of a crusade and validating the entire reason for going he's [ __ ] 79 women and as a result by the end of the failed crusade we had chopped his arm off around the king only seemed to reside darkness and despair as he watched helplessly as the pope was invaded by some random guy and we couldn't help i don't know why i decide instead to take the territory for myself but not give it back to the pope in order to protect the women of the province this causes like half of the christian world to start losing faith in the pope including myself and turning to strange heresies this includes adamatism where the adherents are anarcho-primitive who wear no clothes which begs the question there are children in this game but even amidst such terror and destruction light may yet come into my life a beautiful son is born to me and his name is jair bolsonaro it has been over three score since my father had created the most holiest of faiths and destroyed the fornicators of rome to be brazilian is not simply nationality but ideology a manifestation of the soul and the destruction of the sinner and though my father was just and he was brave though he kept the commandments and stayed his course he was not brazilian enough and so i slayed him the commandments are written and they are just marrying your sister and legally being permitted to eat her owning a harem comprised of your sisters legalized witchcraft and murder and worst of all women can participate in society and i didn't have to [ __ ] cheat to do it you may wonder to me how be this a christian religion but i say to thee it is not but brazilian i have fought a thousand wars for purity in one thousand places and yet the world still smells of sin our ways must be brought to others for the salvation of mankind and so the king like his grandfather before him would be known as a great destroyer his grandfather the realm of italy and his father the religion of italy so it is with him the destroyer of the french he plunged his sword into more and more men and yet not enough sin was to be cleansed the beleaguered boy king of france for all that he was worth was unable to resist even after the video game deleted like half of all french culture because a norse character conquered it i'm serious that actually happened it was still not enough for jair never never enough for jair have you ever made a god before it truly is not as difficult as one would think a long time ago a pharaoh had done it and a long time ago a man like you had done it king jair had made a great folly when he had done it as well for of all the stars in the sky there may only be one sun and through the grace of god had he built the great brazil but brazil was never to be the equal to god and so shall we bring a lullaby for our sin may the slate be wiped clean for another world another time that men may know if only for a little while a world of purity of sanctity a world where all come to brazil you

Channel: Max0r

Views: 150,701

Rating: 4.9513369 out of 5

Keywords: CK3, Crusader Kings 3 Gods, Gods of Brazil, CK3 Brazil, Crusader Kings 3 Brazil, Crusader Kings Brazil, Funny Commentary, CK3 Commentary, CK3 Brazil Funny, CK3 Memes, Crusader Kings 3

Id: tbSd6Ra9giU

Length: 8min 2sec (482 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 16 2020