An Incorrect Summary of Ace Combat Zero

[Music] ace combat zero is a game which at first appears to be about planes and war but then hits the player with giant lasers and thermonuclear retaliation this game takes place in the strange real universe in which the nation of belka has had enough and invades its neighbors of ustio ocea and sapin which is just spain with two letters switched you play as a mute mercenary in charge of his best friend and your task is to liberate usio stop the belkans and deliver an everlasting peace and prosperity to the world [Music] hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to your first ever sort please ignore the subtitles at the bottom of the briefing i don't know what's causing them and it's probably a ghost i would like to be absolutely frank with the reality that god hates us and our air force now consists of two men with dubious psychological scores go kill some enemy bombers it'll be crazy so you're sent out into the mountains where you'll probably die and you get very acquainted with your cool buddy whose name is solo wing pixie you are a member of the golden team which is a reference to garm from norse mythology but japanese press station you quickly get nervous about the enemy bombers including the ones attempting to escape your wrath and the mission is accomplished within two minute wait you can hit those so you're sent out into the mountains this mission further seeks to lull you into a sense of blindly following orders and fulfilling our tactical objectives which is not a theme that will backfire on us make sure you don't target the tents of refugees in the area i promise you that there is no gamified point benefit to that so you go straight for the [ __ ] windmills try to make grain now you stupid dutch bastard can't even wear correct shoes i'm totally serious though you get points for destroying refugee tents it's funny now laughs besides that all you have to do is take out all the targets in the mission with your buddy who was on are you afraid of the dark season one episode one is the youngest child i'm serious look it up then you win because it takes a speedrunner 30 seconds to do this mission we are sending you now to secure the strategic air zone of b7r it is known as the round table due to how many wars were fought there previously so don't trip on any skulls while walking in what awaits you there is a climactic and important battle featuring all of the greatest pilots in the world pixie thinking quickly sets his hud to w for wumbo and you engage the enemy barely dodging their bullets and retaliating in return then just on the cusp of victory you look to the horizon and see planes approaching but these are not normal planes wait a [ __ ] second did i hear that right what do you mean by that the drowning part schmidt is that real yes so was it like a prank or was it just like no it's just water oh okay bro i think we gotta shoot him down before he dies later [ __ ] hello my name is sean mcnamara and i'm an interviewer for the osean broadcasting corporation what you had just seen was an interview between myself and mr schmidt of the former groon squadron i am slowly beginning to unravel the mystery of the long-lost pilot known as cipher and i knew my best bet to find cipher was to interview as many people as i could from the 1995 belkin war in fact we didn't have to look far at all for his wingman who was standing outside of my house with a gun it is time to lay a path for the liberation of the ustio capital of erectus i mean direct us choose your own adventure it doesn't matter so you are sent into the futuro canal to destroy all of the targets you are told to shoot like a good dog and that's it like do you expect a [ __ ] circus as a ps2 game at least in this mission you are able to fully admire the fine cuisine of the crusted jpeg i gotta say golem one awesome job taking out those enemy children thanks to you the liberation of the workers i mean people of directors is at hand your uh next mission will therefore be to uh help the job creating factory owners and landlords enter their rightfully attained property so you and your buddy protect jeff bezos on the way to the town of soulless ortiz that's latin for [ __ ] sunrise i'm not stupid my favorite part of the mission is taking out all of the targets and then the mission ends within a few minutes what the [ __ ] are they gonna do to me when they figure out that oh [ __ ] this thing's on you will be liberating erect directors from the guys who are in directors in previous missions the destruction of civilian property came with the belief that they were probably in some way beneficial to the enemy such as storing ammunition however in this mission you just [ __ ] bomb your own city there's literally no reason to do so how many innocent mcdonald's employees do you think i just murdered soon enough though the shrapnel faces of the townsfolk cry out in liberation and the city is saved for now i can't put my finger on it but i don't feel comfortable about these guys but you can't be my friend on clubpenguin.com it's only for goths like myself so you fight the guys who decide to arrive late to the most important battle of the war the plane is too damn high haha get it cluck cluck do you know the way you've gone into cypher what the [ __ ] is this guy saying they are memes they are funny memes what the [ __ ] is a meme i know you i don't even know why i bothered interviewing you you're just cringe and you make me want to kill myself have you ever heard of big chungus [Music] he's like a fat buck shut the [ __ ] up all right gentlemen we have liberated occupied kuwait i mean the ustio and we are going to be inspecting the belkans for wmds you need to break through a gigantic fortress called gladyson that's filled with military personnel and arms in order to inspect you proceed with your inspection by mounting cameras on top of your missiles and you do this forever it takes [ __ ] forever you killed the entire fortress by yourself cool inspection and yet something feels wrong your allies seem to report mysterious disappearances of friendly planes from the radar but not you so [ __ ] them i guarantee you gone one those 30 missing aircraft show up eventually no problem go escort friendly marines to an airbase it'll be fine no issue you know cypher this is a beautiful country i think i would kill to be able to visit here without a passport or border security or even formal laws and you know there's not much difference between countries from up here so you and your buddy go to take out the air base by what else destroying all the [ __ ] targets in the base and that's it the base is secure and the marines are showing okay that's a [ __ ] laser hey frank do you think something happened did the belkins conscript god you spend the rest of the mission dodging lasers from space how it's going to be difficult to reach this new nemesis as we embark on our long journey to eventually defeat this powerful all right guys we're going to be killing the giant laser today the last [ __ ] poser got the pose from his post because it was trying to lead you into a gigantic laser not me though i'm trying to lead you to the laser in a different way than him hello golf team i'll be joining you today my name is pj which stands for peanut butter in jacksonville florida i'm really sorry about my microphone quality guys you know i got a girlfriend back at base and with that pj's death was guaranteed you proceed towards the laser dodging its incredibly slow moving attacks isn't this supposed to like move at the speed of light before quickly outsmarting god you fly to the laser forcing the belkins to activate their rave protocol now it's time to poop on their party you dive in several times take many attempts to destroy delicate glass for some reason before finally focusing on the superstructure itself eventually the tower of excalibur falls and is beautifully made into an italian cultural landmark all right so we're sending you guys to get air but alright so we're sending you guys to get air superior [ __ ] you are going back to b7r at this point king arthur's round table is getting really [ __ ] crowded and i need you to remove some of the guests when you arrive the situation is dire and allied reinforcements are desperately needed your friends become horrified to find that ocean high command has only sent in two planes as reinforcements and so are the belkins a chaotic dogfight ensues where the best of the best on both sides collide little by little inch by inch you seize victory from the jaws of defeat but in doing so have provoked a beast whoever installed the microwave inside of my jet is a goddamn genius holy [ __ ] look at those [ __ ] utensils go they're so [ __ ] bright when we're done with this we're gonna go microwave some more because it'll be hilarious oh god that camera prolonged exposure to the upper atmosphere's radiation has opened our eyes to the holy sparkiness of the microwave oven specifically metal inside of it and you're looking an awful lot like a spoon right now i want a dummy mommy milky tomboy doomer zoomer shred white boomer tread cath goth die oh [ __ ] how did he rewind time so this fight is one of the harder oh my [ __ ] god this fight is one of the hardest because you're fighting eight simultaneous aircraft the odds are certainly stacked against you but challenges are meant to be overcome no matter how many times i have to replay them guys i think i'm suffering a mechanical failure related to the pilot's mental state i'm joining the sparkies now my next lead on the trail to finding cipher was a man named dominic zubov leader of the former schwartz squadron unfortunately i believe the battle had taken quite a toll on the man and he was of little use to me i'm going to [ __ ] your dad [Music] we've got a special mission in mind for order following gentlemen such as yourselves the industrial city of hofnung is vital to the enemy's arms production i don't think we're looking for [ __ ] nukes anymore dogs you're gonna assist bombers with their strictly tactical targets oh my god what are we doing i just wanted to end the war this mission isn't even a challenge it's just arson with extra steps what happened to the fun plane game how can you expect us to do this arson and indiscriminate bombing isn't war yeah it is plus your microphone is a [ __ ] war crime enemy jets scramble hopelessly to try and defend their friends and family and you take them out you hear the sounds of screaming and of air raid sirens and just like every other target before you take them out you take them all out burning everything until there is only silence is this worth it how many points did you get okay let's keep this war going all we need you to do now my loyal puppies is to destroy their remaining line of defense at valtryek yes i did get a german to help me pronounce that you're falling behind golf dude do you have a mechanical issue nah i'm just sad i've been reading posadas what the [ __ ] is posadas i'm going to kill you petra suddenly the mission updates and the actual objective becomes taking out a mysterious fleet of bombers heading south their motivation soon becomes clear after you remember what you did to hoffnog you monster as one of their planes is armed with a nuke taking this lightly you decide that the appropriate course of action is to disarm the nukes with explosives before they can reach ustio but alas the bombers were not heading for ustio i finally found my reason to fight and it doesn't involve you anymore cypher the nukes were never intended for ustio to begin with and on june 6 1995 belka bit into the crazy hamburger crazy hamburger but if you close your the belkins had fairly reasonably created a nuclear border through seven detonations able to withstand any kind of conventional attack an impenetrable northern border to the holy land of belka wow we those nukes sure were insano boingo where is pixie he better not be defecting to zany spanish terrorists the next two missions are what i like to call the pj missions because you're stuck with [ __ ] this guy but i'm not going to torture you with his microphone anymore instead i will be briefly summarizing the filler the first mission is very simple and involves taking out the belkin remnant armies who refuse to accept your hegemony over their country for 30 minutes or so remember that some missions in this game are over in two minutes speaking of which it's time to take out the belkan remnant armies again i guess there's two of them the only problem with that is uh just a little bit of a peace treaty in ceasefire makes it a little bit more [ __ ] difficult don't worry though people dying needlessly like this is the most lighthearted that we will be for the rest of the video today is a day of hope a day in which tension between different countries will be greatly reduced i can just feel the tension dissipating if this explanation appears rushed in random do not worry the developers of the game also rushed it it turns out that the belkan armed forces have been hijacked by some kind of shadowy organization in fact you probably weren't even fighting the belkan army to begin with they call themselves a world without boundaries so i guess they're catholic priests also they may have bombed the city with a giant plane i'm talking like those [ __ ] put wings on a house is anyone else experiencing a bombing right now dog can you [ __ ] believe that they left their keys on the counter i took that [ __ ] right off free bomber wait why am i hearing spanish guitars this bottle one this is a spotted two consider this a gift from a spot of me into a spot of you i speak in lyric to the enemies i slay i wish to destroy borders no get out of the way death you shall have and quickly too here i present a missile for you wait oh [ __ ] he killed the rhyming guy what the [ __ ] i better not die in four missiles that'd be bad you take out a spot squadron within under 30 seconds of gameplay quickly you turn your attention to the massive craft in a one-on-one battle pj doesn't exist right now you take out the engines using only your mechanical skill and six simultaneous missile launches with all of its outer faculties disabled the only target remaining is the cockpit full of innocent terrorists and then it dies it was around for one mission getting closer i soon turned to the former terrorist marcela vasquez former pilot of espota2 what i received however was better than any interview hi my name is espada2 and i'm your freestyle dance instructor [Music] i guess you could say that bombing cost me an arm and a flag help me a world without boundaries seeks to finally win my bad world they have attained a gigantic cluster nuclear bomb i'm talking eight nukes at once how how did they get that you're gonna have to fly in long distance to the avalon dam in order to stop us from making our premature return to monkey status unfortunately this means you have to progress through airspace b7r again king arthur's at his round table so much he's developing [ __ ] diabetes i wonder what kind of crazy zany personalities we will be fighting today i am detecting a globe [ __ ] on the radar gentlemen we must dispose of this sheeple nasa [ __ ] our flat earth community has members from all across the globe wait a second the edge is out there we simply have to fly towards it can you even see the curvature of the earth from up here once you begin to believe in the flat earth it's like your own little world a world without boundaries and there is only one way to ensure nasa is destroyed this is the schwarz battle on steroids everything about it is pure glee and insanity you battle the enemy crap for what seems like hours trading blows but never able to pin each other down that is until pj gets a bright idea for once hey bro so why does the sun disappear below the horizon if the earth is flat well you see that as the result of a diaphragm in my search i went to go interview the former galt one anton kupachenko but it turns out he's dead that's the cemetery but i noticed something peculiar on his gravestone read the words if you're reading this the earth is flat it's finally time to enter avalon dam and stop the missile you do it like this and then you crash so you have to do it again you enter the inner sanctum of the dam destroying the joints that protect the launcher's weak spots then you go back in under a time limit to destroy the other weak spots i'm not nervous and with the death of the final control module the launch system is destroyed and the world is saved we did it i think it's high time that i married my girlfriend back at base i even bought her flowers and with that pj's death was fulfilled so tell me have you found a reason to fight yet buddy i knew that we were destined to meet here cipher ever since the beginning think about hof nung cipher it's all because of borders and police officers telling me that i can't eat the drywall at home depot can you see any borders from up here what is borders giving us books no i'll just have to destroy them all reset everything to zero that's what v2 is for you'll have to kill me to stop this launch how many nukes do you think i can fit on a single aircraft eat my square explosions how many can you dodge seven probably seven i have the power of god cypher and this is only the beginning launch the big [ __ ] it's time you'll have to just be like a knife to kill me from the front i loved you like a brother you're the only one who can kill me cypher the only one one last time [Music] attention all passengers i'd like to welcome you all to northern belgium unfortunately i was unable to find cipher under threat of death in fact i'm pretty sure that my firstborn son is now dead but along the way i learned many lessons and i think that they're worth passing on and i think that they're worth learning for the next life what about you did you learn anything pixie no can i please see my children before i die now [Music] is

Channel: Max0r

Views: 174,978

Rating: 4.975275 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: Ox4VsczS-6Q

Length: 18min 27sec (1107 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 05 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/ImagineABurrito]

I dig it. Hope dude knows he has to do 4 and 5 now. Maybe even 6.

[u/mna5357]

the drywall comment pushed me over the edge

[u/NotAnAce69]

Can we just talk about how surprisingly unironically epic the editing for the Pixy fight was?

The flashbacks and timing were amazing

[u/TheCraxo]

Attention all passengers I'd like to welcome you all to northern Belka, is that a fucking nuke outside?

[u/GallianAce]

Got a face full of Watame just a few seconds in, lol

[u/[deleted]]

holy shit, the dutch shoe comment

[u/jackoman03]

I'M GOING TO FUCK YOUR DAD

[u/rhepaire]

Burgundian Lullaby is a good song

[u/Mrsaltjet]

“This mission seeks to further lull you into a sense of blindly following orders and fulfilling our tactical objectives which is not a theme that will backfire on us.”