THE FOUR COMPONENTS OF “SELF WORK" BEFORE A NEW RELATIONSHIP - RC Blakes & LISA

well I tell you what you all have been asking for me to get Lisa back on this YouTube channel and guess what I think she finally heard you all and she is on here with us today so when we come back you're gonna get a chance to hear what she has to talk about because the stuff we're talking about today is really something that she was discussing with me to you so stay right there on the local level when we begin to combat with let's talk what was going on Lisa everything is everything everything is everything let's jump right in you know we were talking last night and this conversation started off with you saying to me that I think you said self [Music] self-worth self-respect and self-esteem are not the same thing that's right that's right and what did you mean by that well in actuality it all started with an email that I got and this young lady she was in a relationship and she felt like that she lost her self-respect and she asked me how do i how do I get my self-respect back so I had to do some thinking because in our minds self-respect self-worth self-esteem are kind of synonymous yeah we usually you tend to change those terms sometimes yeah but as I was thinking about it and praying about it the answer to give her I right you know the Holy Spirit just dropped in my spirit that they're really different mm-hmm self-worth it's like a building block yeah all of these a building building on each other so if you don't have one component you're missing the rest of the compound salutely as we unpacked the conversation last night we also came up with a fourth component correct and the way you no way my mind works I'll put it together it's like the four components of self self work thank you thank you because I was I was forgetting these are like the four components of self work in other words these are the things that you need to do and this the stuff we're going to discuss today are the things that people are failing to do and really jumping ahead of the game running after relationships right before they have done the things that we're going to talk about today and the fourth piece that we added to this was where we're going to start today all of this starts with self aware all of this starts with self-awareness and I'll read our thoughts from last night self-awareness and we may come back and add add to this because this is just our thoughts we're fleshing our thoughts out on this self-awareness number one self work starts with self awareness self work starts with self awareness self awareness is being very clear about who you are what you want what you can do where you're going and God's plan for you uh-huh no that's you know if there's anything you can add but that's it in a nutshell self awareness when a person is self aware they are clear about who they are what they want what they can do where they're going and God's ultimate plan that's right knowing basically in a nutshell knowing who you are knowing who you are but how many how many people do we encounter in what we do that are really pursuing you know relationships and really have absolutely no clue and I'll tell you what as we look even at just to tell the celebrities and the television shows and you see even in these reality shows how these how our women are running with all these different men and they're taking turns and these men are taking turns with our women I believe it because it's because they do not they're not aware of who they really are absolutely self-awareness is is really an awareness of your personal vision and the Bible says in Proverbs twenty nineteen twenty nine and eighteen where there is no vision the people perish in that term perish literally means cast off restraint where there's no clear view of God's plan God's purpose God's idea for you you live a reckless life right and that's basically what self-awareness it's coming to a place where you have a solid idea of why God made you what God made you and why you exist you know what I mean absolutely and then I think the problem with us is that we have been I guess maybe it's been planted in our mind socialized socialized and using raised because some people have been raised telling you know with people to parents and other family members telling you who you are and it's not necessarily positive absolutely no we tell our girls they're Queens and we tell our son he's a king in here great but not everybody was told or fed those kind of positive things to make them know who they are absolutely and and I'm a firm believer that self-awareness it comes from God mm-hmm but I believe ultimately it is in an ideal situation self-awareness is supposed to be introduced to the individual by way of parents right parents are the ones before the child is aware conscious of spiritual things able to read comprehend you know for him or herself parents are the ones that are supposed to the Bible says train up a child in the way he should go make him or her aware of why they exist who they are it is the parents job but when the parents are broken the parents then you know destroy the children exactly and so we have generations of broken parents who are breaking generations of kids and so the children never really contact God's idea for why for why they exist because as you just put it they come from parents that have poured so much negativity into them that they can't even imagine being something good or something better than you know what society says they're limited to and they're external in the society even when they're going through school Kunduz where you're come with peer pressure and all of that because society is starting to pour into them and telling them who they are instead of the parents absolutely yeah and until a person this is an impact point that we wrote here until a person is self-aware they're in a mode of constantly changing to fit into other people's reality absolutely absolutely you don't know who you are so you try to be this person and you try to be that person you never really come into react into the reality of really Who I am absolutely you know I think on how I was raised which is very different from the way you were raised you weren't afforded the kind of stability that I had you know having my mother and father in place and both being positive figures in my life but as I think back on the way my father raised me my father told my brother and I who we were mm-hmm you know it was like we were little kids that was telling us okay you're this and you're this and this is what you're not not in terms of this is what you will do he didn't know he didn't try to shape us in that respect but he shaped us in terms of you know what we believed about why we existed and and what we were going to do in life you know he raised us to believe that we were supposed to win we were supposed to be kings we were supposed to be at the top of the heap and so that was like always Hetch Don you know at the front of my mind and whatever I put my hand to you know my self-awareness is that I'm a winner so when I went to school and people were trying to pour stuff into me that didn't match it was funny to me because when I left home I was aware of who you are come on now you know and so self-awareness was was its component number one on self work a person has to become self-aware now let's you know we don't have a lot of time but what are some of your ideas on in terms of coming into that awareness when you've not had that upbringing you know when you've not had necessarily the ideal parenting and maybe you've grown and made some mistakes and maybe it's late in life that you wake up and realize okay you know I'm out of place here this is not who I am yeah what'swhat's what I think I think first of all is looking into the Word of God and and that's the ultimate identifier of who you are well I go back to even the beginning when he said he created man and woman in the image of himself Wow so Who am I I'm in God's image I'm in God's image I'm in God's image and if I carry that Wow a great God I'm in His image I'm in His image Wow so self-awareness I don't want this to turn into practice ceremony number two is what self-worth self-worth so we move from self-awareness to self-worth now self-worth speaks of what the what the individual knows about him or herself independent independent of anyone's opinion uh-huh it basically speaks of your values your values how you value yourself you know you've done much teaching to the women yes and queen ology in the study of Queens and and what how they value themselves matters about how so they can go on in their lives and so self-worth has to come into play right after your could become aware of who you are then you have to know your worth let me really put here this is taken from our conversation like once a woman knows who she is or in this case well you know as we talked about it this is for man mil men and women right once a person knows who he or she is they then have to do the work to establish their own Worth you cannot allow the world to determine your value your value must be determined from within by the Creator it was already determined it was already determined we just have to come and accept our worth we cannot allow somebody to put a price tag on us now what happens when you don't when you don't know your worth then that's that's the problem then you you you're treated you allow people to cross boundaries we talked about that coming take advantage of you and all of that because you don't know who you are and your Worth and your value you know you don't you don't we can go into the Bentley dealership and just act any kind of way with those cars you can't go in and haggle the price no you can't afford it or you can't right and those people are not gonna sit there in a rolls-royce dealership or a Bentley dealership and haggle price with you because they are aware of their product and the value and they have put a value on their product from within and nobody from without can go into a Bentley dearly dealers share this and put a price tag on a Bentley nothing because those people know what their cars are worth that's right you know in that price is determined from within never from without the world cannot come in to your life and put a value on you you have to internally do the work once you aware who you are now you got to get clear on you know what is my worth mm-hmm because if you're not clear on your worth the world will always take you and put you in the bargain basement huh and I'll tell you what it's not always that easy no that is not always that easy enough for the majority I think of our people we've been through so much that we and even we've allowed some of us have allowed because we our minds of being back into slavery so we've allowed people to kind of give us our worth or tell us what were worth it's right and then they have the others of us like myself who went through a rough childhood and an abuse and all of that who I didn't think I was worth anything but to be used for something like that that's exactly right and just thank God that you know life didn't carry in right in that direction you know that God by His mercy rescued you but even even even though life didn't carry you to the deepest and darkest places that it could have it has still been a process for you to you know change your price tag back to what God originally valued and it wasn't so much that I I'm put myself on sale and all the words are to mark myself down in the sense where I allowed anybody to take advantage of me but I just in my self-worth I didn't think I was good enough in your own head I didn't think I was good enough for anything even even you know sitting here with you that you know that's why this is like a major milestone that's why it's hard for me to get get you to get comfortable enough to actually sit down here in front of people exactly and you know everybody wants to hear from Lisa but all of this you know this is actually you're actually demonstrating this lesson as you sit here exactly you have to you cannot allow history you cannot allow circumstances you cannot allow difficulties in life you can't allow the opinions of ignorant people to water your worth down you have to establish your worth from the inside now look what I wrote here leave most people are uncomfortable with establishing their own worth the world makes you feel as though it is arrogance right the reality is that the value of anything starts within the constitution of the thing nobody on the outside has the right to determine your value and I tell you what when you when it comes to relationships people that are looking for a man that's looking for a wife and that doesn't and and the wife does not have that self-worth or that confidence of who they are what their value is it shows up it does it really shows up and vice versa with a man you know women are looking for strong men and men that with vision men that makes decisions but if they don't feel like they are worth anything that's right they're not men with vision at all and then the chemistry will be all exactly you know even though God tailored them for this if if you have any idea that your worth is off your chemistry will be on back and well let me read this text and it speaks of the proverbs 31 woman the virtuous woman she's known probably most as in proverbs 31 18 it says she perceive a--the that her merchandise is good her candle goeth not out by night but she she proceeds that her merchandise is good with meaning what she's not going to let anybody from the outside establish her value mm-hmm and you know I you know I work with the young girls my girls of Destiny mentorship group and it's funny that we were having this conversation because we have like a confession that we give to our girls and they have to meditate on it and a part of that confession says I know my true value and I know my true worth Wow I know my true value and you know look at those girls that you've meant it over the years and there's a there's a there's a subtle and distinct confidence yes that's in them you know you can see that those mantras and the time and the lessons are really sinking into them okay what's number three so we started off with number one self awareness this is self work we're calling this the four components of self-worth stuff you need to do before you even think to engage a relationship this is becoming an individual that qualifies to be coupled the number one is self awareness is the first component of self work work number two is what self-worth self-worth knowing your value knowing your value is component number two and number three is what self respect self respect self respect and I kind of touched on that a little bit you did you know you did self respect speaks of the boundary lines established around you based on your self-worth mmm-hmm it's it's the boundary lines that you establish around you based on your self-awareness knowing who you are why God makes you and then based on yourself worth knowing what you're worth it then produces self-respect self-respect speaks of the way you choose to present yourself to the world and what you choose to allow from others relative it creates boundary lines that says to you from within I can't go any further than this and their boundary lines that says to the world you can't come any further than that's right that's what self-respect is so self-respect shows up it's where your self-awareness and your self-worth show up in your behavior in your behavior it's your action and you know we talked about self-worth being your value so when you have these values in place like that we just talked about those boundaries you have certain values that you're just not going to allow anybody to change or cross over and you have to be firm in that and the only way we can be firm in that is if we have the previous two things we know who we are and we know what we're worth and we know what were worth it then breeds within us self-respect you don't need a relationship with anybody if you don't have self-respect because when you lack self-respect you are in a vulnerable position where a person can abuse that's right your lack of in a constitution hmm and when I thought about this point relative to self respecting the third component of self work mm-hmm you know building oneself from the inside to qualify for great relationships I thought about these daughters that's that are recorded in numbers 27 their father died and in that time you know there was not a lot of respect for for women mm-hmm but these three daughters they knew who they were they knew what they were worth and it it produced with them within them a confidence and a strength a self-respect that they went for what they believed was theirs and they challenged the powers that were and in numbers 27 3 through 7 it says there they're talking and is they're saying our father died in the wilderness and he was not in the company of them that gathered themselves together against the Lord in the company of Korah but died in his own sin and had no sons why should the name of our Father these girls are talking to the authorities over Israel why should the name of our Father be done away from his family because he had no son given to us therefore a possession among the Brethren of our father and Moses brought their cause before the Lord they said hey we know it's not customary for y'all to give inheritance to girls but why should our father stuff you know escape us because we're girls we're female and they went and challenged Moses you know that's like that's my you know breaking the president's door down like you know anything what's up right and then look what the Bible says and the Lord speaking to Moses and I'm gonna bring the cause before the Lord and the Bible says in the Lord speaking to Moses saying the daughters of gsella fed speak right thou shall surely give them a possession of an inheritance among their fathers brother in and thou shalt caused the inheritance of their father to pass under them so watch this because they had such self-awareness such self worth in such self respect they challenged the powers that were and because Moses heard them he could not he could not not hear them he brought their cause before God and God says they're right that's right the stuff y'all carrying on is wrong how many people are missing you know the blessings of God because you don't you you lack a sufficient self-respect that will put you in a place where you demand what's yours self-respect causes us to demand what is ours from the world you know the world will give you nothing you have to take what's yours that's just a reality of you know and if and if you do not have self-respect when you look at yourself a certain way you understand who you are you know your Worth and you demand that the world understands who you are there's a lot of things that will escape you but this is work that has to be done mm-hmm before person this is self work that's right that's right and I think about that and because when you when you see people not just women but people because we're getting messages from men even absolutely and they're constantly going into these relationship after relationship after relationship but it's the same kind of relationship there's a certain portion when virus of my boundaries or my respect that's broken down that allows me to keep doing this repetitively now you know that brings me to something and it goes back to the first message you and I did on here relative to and a man won't commit letting go and you said something in that video you said it hurts you to let me go yeah but your self-respect mm-hmm would not allow you to put yourself in a position where even a man that you loved could tie with your life and here it is you know again I have to go back to my childhood and the statistic said there were two ways that I was a that I could go after being an abused child I young girl that was abused I could become very promiscuous which happens to a lot of women that have been abused as children become very promiscuous and just throw themselves out there because that's what they feel like they are or they can just back up from men altogether and thank God that wasn't the promiscuous one but I there was a certain amount of even though that these men broke me down there was still a certain amount of respect for myself that I had that I didn't just throw myself out there and it was God that was God where it was straight god that was God just keeping the light you know the light in your soul flickering yes flickering you know flickering and number four now we are your number four self-esteem self-esteem so let's let's go through them again number one self-worth starts with self awareness self worth is the second one the third one is self-respect and then finally for is self esteem self esteem self esteem is the psychology that sustains your confidence and optimism about life mm-hmm when all of the world is caving in and all of the world is against you and all of the world is trying to get you to back down off of that self awareness back down off of that self worth and self respect it is your it is your self esteem your psychology mm-hmm that sustains your confidence and your optimism when all of the world about you is negative in all the world about you is negative and when things in your life haven't gone right you know sometimes that will break you down and break down your self-esteem for example relationships and not you you've been failing in relationship employment friendships all kind of those things can break you down to make your self-esteem fall but like you said if it with a high self esteem or good self esteem you can maintain even in those negative environments and when things start falling apart in your life you can still well have that is self that positive self-esteem or high self esteem well let me ask you what what do you do to you know because I can talk about self-esteem from my perspective but you know I'm really especially being a black man I am NOT the norm in terms of how I was raised I was raised to have high self esteem my father poured that into me mm-hmm but coming from your perspective how have you how have you practically you know pragmatically what are some of the things and I'm putting you on the spot yeah that you had to do to build your self-esteem well first of all I think the truth is the truth is is that you really helped my self-esteem before we even got married while we were dating just things you did and things you said would build me up make me think more of myself and keep my esteem high but I think one of the greatest things that help to build your self-esteem is accomplishments when you start accomplishing certain things it starts to build that confidence in you and you start so one of the things that I that I was determined to do was to finish college and to get my nursing degree and that was that made me feel fulfilled and being fulfilled and it made me have a good you know pretty good self-esteem but bottom line is really God gave me you and you had the anointing we talked about that all the time because broken broken people just can't join with any old person you had the anointing to be able to bring out of me the things that you knew God had in me well you know I'm a firm believer that if a man cannot build a woman mm-hmm you know like a lot of women at all I'm gonna watch this and have submitted themselves to broken men mm-hmm a broken man can only serve to destroy a broken woman and if a man cannot add to your life you know in every way spiritually emotionally financially and whatever whatever whatever he's not the man for you yeah and I thank God that he's done the work that he's done in your life because now you know you're at this place in life where I can see you I see you seeing yourself now I am no I see you seeing yourself now you know without me you know necessarily shining the light on it putting a mirror on it I see it's a beautiful thing to watch you see I can see that you see yourself yeah yeah and you know even even some of you that are watching you've really helped me in this in this in there there's different segments in our lives even though I might have had confidence and self-esteem built up in certain areas there's still certain areas that it it's a work in progress it always is some of you have really helped me with that yeah just from your comments just from your emails I'm just like who are you talking about that's right but it's really helped me that's right well let me read this final script we can Wigan oh it's a half-hour cheese song you like a black pepper spray Psalm 139 14 says I will praise thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made marvelous are thy works and listen how he closes this so in that my soul knows right well your soul speaks of your mind that's right meaning I'm fearfully and wonderfully made but I'm convinced of it in my mind you can be fearfully and wonderfully made in nineteen studied and we all are we all are fearfully and wonderfully made where what it would us in queen ology all women are Queens most just are unaware uh-huh and all men are kings that's right most of just unaware mm-hmm we're all fearfully and wonderfully made most of us are just not aware that's right and so here here are the four components of self work that's amazing that this is this is from a conversation that you and I had last night sittin in bed watching television and she started talking to me about this and I said well and then she said earlier she said to me she said well I'm gonna get on with you tomorrow I want to do some filming with you and we had this conversation so we're gonna do it on that at the time we hadn't really decided what we talked about Lee would you just pray briefly for those that are watching some that are struggling with this and maybe have a better idea now what they need to do but you know just need just need prayer so father tonight we just thank you for this opportunity God to be able to share with your people and father I thank you for those that are even watching and that will even watch months down the line this video and I thank you God that they what we have talked about tonight will resonate in their spirits God and they will be start to become aware of who they are God that they will know the value their self-worth father and father they will begin to have that respect for themselves that may have been torn down and got ultimately having a self-esteem that's solid that's high and that can accomplish great things and make bring them into relationships as they go through this that would help them through this process father I thank you now for bringing healing I thank you for bringing healing God and I thank you Lord that you would just continue to build your people to us well we thank you now hey this is your kind of thing I need you to subscribe I need you to share this video I need you to like it I need you to leave me your comments be they negative or positive and justly passing it hopefully positive you know but hey it's cool and just you know let people know that we're here and this is what we're talking about on this platform we love you we thank God for you and I gotta figure out how to do this I'm RC Blake's and Lissa Blake's and we want to say to you before we leave you today you're on top and you're going home and you're going higher God has more in soul for you god bless you until next time read his father-daughter talk with a lot of ignorance has been shattered [Music] [Applause] [Music] you [Music]

Channel: RC Blakes, Jr

Views: 80,328

Rating: 4.9515491 out of 5

Keywords: rc blakes, lisa blakes, relationships, self help

Id: I7epEtFx1rc

Length: 33min 51sec (2031 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 06 2018