LEARNING TO EMBRACE BEING AN OLDER SINGLE WOMAN -RC BLAKES

hello Mrs E Blake's and today I want to have a conversation which centers around a woman that is let's say 40 plus even 35 or older who's struggling with her queen consciousness in other words she's struggling to hold on to her sense of Worth and value and importance in the earth simply because she's not married let's talk about that when I get back I want to get back to our discussion on race relations in the United States Plus pastor RC Blanks jr. joins let's talk hello and welcome again to my channel I want to thank you for all of the support that you guys give me from around the world it is it is absolutely amazing and actually my conversation today centers around feedback that I've gotten from women all across the United States of America and abroad but mostly from the United States of America and probably the UK the demographics of my channel line up in such a way that the greater portion the greater percentage of my audience is between the ages of 35 and 60 female and a lot of you all I'm certain that are watching this now have sent questions and emails and what-have-you to me regarding you know how does a woman deal with not being married beyond a certain age and I've been wanting to answer it life has just been moving so quickly that I've not been able to do as much content as I would like to have been able to do but today I did they fortunately I get a chance to address this most important issue because this is a struggle that women all across the United States of America and even the world I think have you know it's this issue with attaching one's identity one's value one's worth to his or her marital status and for women this is you know extremely volatile to have to say that I'm not married beyond a certain age in society even plays upon the upon this or these insecurities within the woman society says well if you're not married by such and such an age you know there's something broken with you there's something wrong with you and what happens is the woman begins to slowly and sometimes even quickly deteriorate in her own consciousness and by this I mean her Queen consciousness is what I called it in my book queen ology her queen consciousness diminishes her capacity to see herself as valuable her capacity to self-love her capacity to envision a bright and great future somehow dissipates under the the falsehood of you know my not being married at a certain age makes me less than and it is certainly a falsehood and what happens is when you when you do not have a grasp or a handle when you when you don't process life through the right filters you allow the destructive conditionings of the world to guide your self-assessments when you don't have a means of processing life through godly and wise and truthful filters you allow the self-destructive conditionings of the world to skew your self-assessment in other words now the world is dictating to you from outside who you are what you're worth what your value is based on X Y and or Z when the reality is that your Creator God is the only one who reserves the right to define you or to place value on you your value is supposed to always come from within and never from without when I begin you know the process of assessing certain value to myself based on anything external I am then in a very unhealthy place emotionally and probably mentally and psychologically rather because external factors shift and change too too frequently one has to be based one has to be grounded one one has to be established from within oneself so anything that dictates your value or you allow to dictate value to you or place value upon you that comes from without or let me put it this way anything that is outside of your control that you allow to determine your self assess value is not from God and it puts you in a very unhealthy place emotionally and mentally you're never supposed to say okay I'm worth this much because this happened or that happened from the outside no no your value is innate it is it is it is built in from the very beginnings and you know if I'm married if I'm not that has no impact on my it has no impact on my value it has no impact on my worth it has it has no impact upon me as an individual in no shape form or fashion but the world has built you built into your psyche to believe that you have to be married as a woman to be worth something so you have your you have your you have your counterparts unmarried men at 35 40 and 50 and they don't seem to be struggling with the idea that they aren't married but you you as a woman you're struggling why is this it is because the world has conditioned both of you differently the world has never raised the man to believe that his value or his worth is attached to his relational or marital status so he lives his life he loves God he succeeds in his career if he never gets married it doesn't really have that great of an impact on him mentally in most cases but for most women the world conditions you to believe if you if you're not a mother if you're not a wife something's wrong with you and this begins even as your little girls they give you the dolls and we give you the Playhouse's and that is subconsciously building within the framework of your thought system that if I don't have a child if I don't have a house if I don't have a husband there's something broken in me and this is not the case because you know I think the problem arises and I have just a few points I'm going to deal with and then I'm going to be done but I think the problem arises when we begin to treat marriage as though it is an accomplishment and that is the way and you know my making that statement I know just kind of shook a lot of you to your core because that's how you viewed it all in your life all of your adult life and you didn't realize it you have viewed marriage as an accomplishment in marriage is really not it's really not an accomplishment it is a sacrifice it is really a call to duty it is it's it's not an accomplishment it's not like okay I'm married so now I'm successful no no no no no no no no no no marriage has absolutely nothing to do with accomplishment now being married the right way and staying merit of course that's an accomplishment to do it the right way is an accomplishment but to get married is not an accomplishment this is why most marriages fail or at least 50% last time I think I heard it was like 50 percent maybe even creeping a little higher fail it's because people get married thinking that the marriage or the wedding is an accomplishment not understanding that the real accomplishment is not in one getting married the realist real accomplishment is in one being successfully single and it is only when one is successfully happily single and fulfilled as a single individual that one really even qualifies or has what it takes to come into a merger or marriage and then succeed at marriage but your getting married is not an accomplishment there are many of you as we're going to see in just a minute who are forfeiting many great years that should be utilized towards the end of true accomplishment as an individual and you're wasting it you're wasting your years away you're wasting decades away that you could be using and funneling or directing your energies towards greater goals you could be accomplishing great things and you're missing at all because you're in a perpetual state of depression because of your marital status and you keep telling people about how old you I'm 35 I'm 40 now I'm 50 now I'm 55 was what's wrong with me okay let me jump in I didn't mean to go on that rant but they're like four things I want to share with you that play into the psyche of a woman past the age of 35 40 50 55 60 and I'm not married or you know I don't have okay I'm not married or I don't have a significant other not a real significant other nobody that that you know has the potential of possibly becoming a husband the number one thing that happens that begins to break your psyche down break you down emotionally and begins to create this inner turmoil and this this this relational crisis the first thing that comes across your mind is I'm not beautiful okay let me rephrase that I am not married because I'm not beautiful and I'm not beautiful because of my age let me say this to you your age has absolutely nothing to do with your attractiveness your age has absolutely nothing to do with your eligibility but so many women buy into the idea that older means less attractive or less eligible and the reality is that age has never truly determined Beauty age has never truly determined Beauty beauty comes from essence from the inner workings of the woman beauty comes from the essence of the woman and from the self care of the woman the way the woman thinks about herself and the way the woman takes care of herself now the irony is that the toxic thoughts the toxic thoughts a woman has about age you know these lies that society pours into into your minds about age you know it's amazing how a woman hits 30 years old which is a baby and she begins to have this crisis about I'm 30 years old I'm 30 years old I'm getting old I'm getting old you're back man you just really got here but it's amazing how these toxic thoughts take a woman and it darkens her essence it darkens her soul and then her persisting self-loathing breaks her looks now what did I just say these toxic thoughts about I'm not beautiful because I'm older it it darkens or corrupts the woman's soul her mind our emotions and then as she persist in you know this series of lies that the world pours into her mind her negative thought system breaks her looks so now she's actually wrinkling when she should be smooth and and because she feels so poorly about herself her her her demeanor is is aging her her you know it's it's not even her number as much as it is her mentality my point is because you've bought into this lie that age determines beauty you have you have put a shade over the true essence of your beauty and you've done it by your own hand you've done it by your own thought system now let me give you a biblical because I'm a firm believer you know I talk to women all the time obviously and you know with a grown man's mind I can't speak for every man but with a grown man's mind the way I see the beauty of a woman is that the older a woman gets the wiser woman gets the more beautiful she is so gray hair silver hair you know a wrinkle here there it does not impact a woman's beauty in a negative sense it makes a woman even more more beautiful to a grown man Jesus I just said something I felt it too in Genesis 21 through 3 here we see the record of Abraham's or Abraham's wife Sarah now what I want to read this for you and I want you to pay attention because some of you because you've been so conditioned by the world you're not you're not acknowledging or even recognizing the beauty that you are the beauty that you are it's not the beauty that you have it's the beauty that you are you are beauty God made you that way but the world has made you believe that once you pass a certain number on a calendar that you're no longer beauty but you are beauty for the rest of your days you are beauty listen to what the Word of God says about Abraham's wife Sarah in Genesis 21 through 3 and Abraham journeyed from there toward the south country and dwelt between Kadesh and Shur and sojourned in Guerard and Abraham said of Sarah his wife she is my sister and Abimelech he said of his wife she is my sister and Abimelech king of Gerar a garage sent and took or kidnapped Sarah but God came to Abimelech in a dream by night and said to him behold thou art but a dead man for the woman which thou has taken for she is a man's wife so this King Abimelech wanted to take Abraham's wife Sarah now here's the is the here's the kicker she's around ninety years old at this point she's around 90 years old at this point and there's something about her that this man wanted so much so that he kidnapped her if you read you know earlier you read where I think Pharaoh when she was about 65 I think it was she was another man wanted to take her Sarah was a beautiful woman from her youth through her old age so much so that men desired her and you sit in there watching me right now at 40 or 50 55 60 and you telling me that you can't imagine yourself as beautiful nobody is beautiful listen to this statement very carefully I must read it nobody is beautiful to everybody because beauty is subjective however the ignition of beauty is in the soul of the individual if you don't own your beauty you can't sell your beauty the Holy Spirit just gave me that as I was preparing to talk to you all let me read it one more time the ignition of beauty what is an ignition in your car the ignition is what starts it the ignition of beauty is in the sole of the individual the mind of the individual if you don't own it you can't sell it in other words there are a lot of you that are watching me right now because you don't own your beauty you can't sell it nobody can discern it because you don't own it you cannot project what you do not own and for some of you this has been an issue not only in in later years even in your younger years you never believed in your own worthwhile or your own beauty or your own value or your own attractiveness you've always downplayed it you never bought into it but you have to own it to sell it the person that God has put in the earth for you cannot find you if you don't project yourself and while you're sitting here and you're just beating yourself up over the fact that you use so many decades old and you telling yourself all of this negative toxic stuff that I'm not beautiful because I'm this age or that age yeah you're working against yourself number two second thing that that happens in the mind of a woman that comes to a certain age and she's not married or she doesn't have a significant other is that she has to she has to do some introspection to determine what kind of man are you attracted to what kind of man are you attracted to because as I'm going to as I'm going to teach in my program relative to the father wound quite often a woman is attracted to a man that does not possess the capacity to commit and she wonders why is it that nobody's ever married me it's because all of her life she's been attracted to men that did not have the capacity to commit and in that in that in that program one of the points we bring out is that a woman with a father wound father who wasn't there and did not nurture her is quite often attached to or attracted to a man with a father wound a woman develops this this this insatiable desire and need for the affirmation of a man a man with the father wound develops the inability or he you know he develops the inability to attach and to show emotion or to you know consider himself locked down to anything he learned how not to commit by his father's abandonment and so you have these two toxic people attracted to one another and quite often sometimes you know it's not Binda it's not that you've not had men that would have been husbands is that you've always been attracted to men that don't possess the character of a capacity to commit and now it's just dawning on you see when you were younger they were fun to play with because you felt like you had years but now unless you have a certain age you feel like you don't have no more years so now it's really becoming serious to you but you have to first of all go inside and you have to ask yourself what kind of man am i what kind of man am i attracted to am I just attracted to men that don't possess the capacity to commit you need a man that is suitable for you because too often grown women are still attracted to little boys little boys play games sometimes you need to revisit your ideas of what turns you on in a man and you need to ask yourself why see if if you are if at 40 years old your criteria for a man is the same as it was when you were 20 it means that you've not evolved it means that you've not grown if you're still looking for the same stuff in a man at 40 that you was looking for in a man at 20 which really had 20 you didn't realize that you were looking at grown boys really that that's that was the mount that that's what they're mounted to just grown boys they were men and aged or in in you know calendar years but mentally they were little boys and some of you that fought they are still looking used to have the same criteria now because you've not evolved you're not attracted to the men that would be suitable for you okay here it is it's like okay it's like a man okay I just made a statement I said because you've not evolved in your own thinking you're you're attracted to the men or you're not attracted to the men or the man that would actually be suitable for you because most of you that are watching me right now have had men that would be suitable for you approach you but you you you you wrote them off because they didn't fit your criteria but you you've not taken the time to think about the fact that your criteria is outdated it's it's kind of like here's an illustration it's like a man that puts on 200 pounds and prior to to 200 pounds he could go and shop and buy Italian suits or any man that knows anything about Italian suits knows that they're cut very very very very tight you know very very tight very very close and after you get beyond a certain weight I don't care how nice you think those suits look an Italian suit shop is not suitable for you anymore so it means that you have to make an adjustment you have to find you know you've gained 200 pounds bro you have to find a suit shop that is suitable for you more than likely you're gonna probably have to get a tailor to tailor make your stuff for you but you can't go back to what you used to wear when you were 25 and 200 pounds ago it is no longer suitable and and there are a lot of you ladies who are still trying on little boys in your grown woman State and the reality is that you know quite frequently you have great men grown men who are trying to send signals respectfully and you can't even receive the signals because you're so used to you know the way the little boys approach you like the little boys screaming at you across the parking lot you won't you know you 40 years old 50 years old you still want somebody with cornrows or braids or whatever you know they call it you know you still looking for you know somebody took to mama what's up mama you still looking for that when you need a man that is suitable for you sometimes you're without a man not because there was not a man it was because you just didn't recognize him because your criteria and the Bible says in Genesis 2:18 and the Lord God said it is not good that the man should be alone I'll make him and help me and when you look at that it literally translates as one that is suitable just because you're attracted to a person does not mean that they are suitable hmm now the greatest aspects of suitability has shared a few things shared spiritual commitments shared financial philosophies common aspirations and mutual respect now all that stuff I just read rambled off there has absolutely nothing to do with your looks or and of course I'm not suggesting to you that you should connect yourself to somebody somebody that you can't stand a look at but I am saying that while you while you put you know a man's looks at the top of the ladder it really needs to be down you know there in other words there are a lot of things that need to come before looks you know why I say that looks don't last I can show you a picture of my wife and I when we first got married we do not look the same people say oh oh you all look the same you did no we don't look the same we don't look hey we don't look the same neither one of us look the same looks dissipate if there were not something more to my wife than her looks if there were not something more to me then whatever looks I had then who knows our marriage probably would not have made it or certainly would not be a happy marriage because they're things that have to come before looks so number two you have to you have to know that you need a man that is suitable for you the men that that you're you're running behind the men that you desire are quite often not even men and they're not suitable so you need to rethink this number three you need to ask yourself why is marriage so important to you why is it that you so obsessed with marriage marriage is a great thing you know I love being married it's a wonderful thing to have a partner it's a wonderful thing to have somebody to share your life with marriages is a wonderful and beautiful institution but you know why why why do you why do you need to be married I just mentioned some things and that many of you have not even thought about in in in most cases people want to be married women want to be married because they need it and see if you need to be married you don't need to be married that's a t-shirt right there if you need to be married you don't need to be married if you need to be married it means that you will be needy which means that you're gonna be a burden on somebody if you need to be married you don't need to be married some people desire marriage so strongly because it's the only thing that they feel will feel will give them some sense of self esteem self esteem does not come from anywhere else but self from within oneself a neighbor to inside of self and that will be you and God marriage is not going to give you self-esteem some people want to be married so badly because they need an identity they they feel like a nobody so they feel like marrying somebody getting somebody's name is going to give them an identity sometimes it does give you an identity statistic abused it does give you an identity in some cases now the people who are tracked mates generally don't feel like they need one and I just kind of emphasize that there's something about self-love that is extremely attractive to others who love themselves and see if you're gonna attract a husband a husband is a man that is secure in himself loves himself enough to love his wife a wife is a woman who is secure within herself loves herself enough to love her husband you can't bring to half you know a half of tennis shoe and a half a tennis shoe does not make a pair you got to have a whole tennis shoe and a whole tennis shoe to make a pair you can't have a half of an individual who feels like they need another person to make them whole and join them with another person and create a marriage it does not it creates something the world calls wedlock where you just kind of lucked into something that is not fulfilling that God ordained because you got married for the wrong reason you're supposed to get married because you're enjoying your life and you want to share what God has given you and God is putting you with someone else who is equally yoked somebody else who's enjoying their life as much and the two of you come together to create something greater than you could have ever been as individuals marriage is a merger it is not a desperate plea for 1/2 of an individual to join to another 1/2 of an individual and both of you thinking that you're gonna complete the other god your completion comes from God and from within yourself and if you're getting marriage for anything any reason other then you want to share what God has blessed you with in life with someone else and you want to do life with someone honestly and sincerely you're getting married for the wrong reason so now many times women want to be married because they need an identity or I think they need an identity or to prove their worth a lot of women marry men they're not even in love with just to fulfill certain personal voids and number four I've gotten in enough trouble don't you send me a lot of crazy stuff on my thing please number four is just the truth and finally this is what you got to come here with in your mind you know you're 35 40 50 55 60 to 65 and you're struggling with this thing I want to be married I don't have a man and that's all you're obsessed with you need to you need to hear this number four and finally you need to stop obsessing over this and you need to focus on your legacy in other words what is your life going to amount to when you're when you're done what is your life going to be remembered for your legacy generally has nothing to do with anyone else your legacy is what you will leave in the earth when you're done hmm now what will that be what will you leave in the earth what will you have uniquely accomplished or done that will live on beyond you what will your legacy be you know as a pastor I've done hundreds hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of funerals and at at funerals they read they basically read the obituary or the life story of the individual and they tell you you know whatever the individual accomplished three fourths if not 90% of the obituary is about the individual accomplishments of the individual of the individual person and maybe at the end sometimes not maybe at the end there and he or and she was married to and they had X amount of children and they had X amount of grandchildren but most of what is mentioned in the obituary is what the person did as an individual obituaries don't usually read Lisa and Robert or Robert and Lisa did X Y Z and Robert and Lisa no no obituaries speak of what you did as an individual and here's the kicker could you be here's a question could you be at this stage in your life so consumed with a relationship that you're actually wasting your life you should be working on your legacy while you wait on your mate your legacy should be a full-time occupation now what do I mean by that you should be so consumed with your purpose and your passion and your gifts and your goals that you don't have time to sit up all day morning and in depressed in depression rather because you don't have a man right now you should be so consumed with your goals that you don't have time to look at the calendar and say well another years past and no no you should be you should have your gender laid out for tomorrow what you're going to be doing tomorrow and your gender should should should occupy all or most of your time tomorrow and when when the good Lord sends one that is suitable for you he should find you doing what you do not sitting around desperately waiting on somebody to rescue you that ratty Rondon that he should find you doing what you do not sitting around desperately waiting on somebody to rescue you now in Matthew 25 and I'll just mention it and I'm done Matthew chapter 25 starting somewhere around verse 14 you can read it in your leisure there you there you have the parable of a master that left his resources in the hands of servants and the Bible says that he took a long journey but then he suddenly returned and when he returned he demanded an accounting of each of them two of them had increased what the master gave them one did not and the master called him wicked and took what he had the thing you have to understand is that your life is God's gift to you what you do with it is your stewardship and it's your gift back to God will you waste your life sitting here day after day after day after day worrying about something only God can manufacture anyway and that is put the right person in your path or what's your time be better served fulfilling the purpose that God has put you here for committing yourself to a daily agenda that moves you forward and blesses someone else I just stopped by to tell you that you're greater than you realize you move it you're more beautiful than you've acknowledged and your life is not to be spent in depression and in torment over when is he going to show up live your best life and pray to recognize him when he does and get your mind right grow up in some areas because in some cases you've not necessarily in some cases you've not necessarily been qualified to be anybody's wife just yet not a real husband so I wanted to just encourage you that life is truly about more than making it to the altar I thank you for giving me a few minutes of your time I apologize for being so long and I hope this doesn't come across as harsh because I don't mean it that way I just see so many women that are struggling beautiful women who are struggling because of age and the older you get the more beautiful you are but you got to know it you got to you have to own it to sell it you got to own that beauty and when you own it you'll be able to sell it to the world and the right one will be able to recognize because beauty is not external beauty is essence it is internal and so I thank you hey if this is your kind of thing I'd love for you to subscribe to this channel give me a thumbs up send me your comments you can reach out to Lisa and/or I at pastor ROC Blake's at gmail.com don't forget to go to my website roc Blake's comm and sign up for my email list there's some exciting things that are coming out we're getting ready to relaunch our website it's gonna be on a whole different level we're going to be offering courses you know the first one that I'm putting together even now is transcending the father wound I mentioned a little bit of the content in today's conversation and so we're gonna have we're gonna you know for those of you that love what we do on social media we're gonna take it even a step deeper with these programs that we're going to be offering for those that desire to take advantage of that it's going to be amazing but go to my website RC Blake's com sign up for my email list so you can be notified when that when that new site launches and when these programs are offered offered I'm tired all right god bless you hey remember you're on top and you're going how you God has more in store for you but before I let you go I want to pray for you father I thank you today for everything that was said I pray God that my articulation also translated your love form your daughters and God I thank you for every person that has been struggling I thank you that you're breaking that stronghold of depression and torment got you're bringing freedom into the lives of your people you're giving them a true glimpse of their value there were these individuals in Jesus's name hey god bless you you're on top you're going how you God is more in store talk to you next time [Music] [Music]

Channel: RC Blakes, Jr

Views: 75,293

Rating: 4.9341331 out of 5

Keywords: RC BLAKES, QUEENOLOGY, SINGLENESS

Id: KEnzBOn9K8w

Length: 43min 53sec (2633 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 10 2018