The Dumbest People First Responders (Police, Fire Fighters) Had To Interact With (r/AskReddit)

cops offered it what's the stupidest thing crime someone did right in front of you my roommate was a cop we were walking home after work I passed right by the station on my way home and she'd usually joined me she was still in uniform badge and all we passed by a liquor store and a group of kids surrounded us and asked us to buy them liquor she said how old are you they said 16 that's why we can't buy it ourselves she asked then after she arrested them why they'd approach a uniformed police officer are all people there answer we didn't think you were a real cop because you're a woman probably the guy who asked me how much crack I wanted to buy I was in full uniform but he was looking down counting the rocks in his palm at night I laughed and said I'll take all of it he said that's going to be like 50 bucks then as he looked up at me realizing the error in his ways upon seeing me he ate them all he got out of going to jail right then it got a warrant for destroying evidence and a ride to the hospital to have his stomach pumped so kinda worth it for him I guess now you've got me wondering what happens to someone that eats crack driving down a two-way road one lane each way car up ahead of me on my lane makes a u-turn from the curb he was parked then proceeds to swerve towards my lane driving on the wrong side of the road I slow down he honks at me as if I'm in his way he swerves back to his lane and keeps driving I stopped him ultimately after he hit the cab trying to pull over yup guess who got a DUI you would be surprised how many people drive right into you I have been involved in three collisions each of them totaling my fully marked patrol car considering how many people have driven straight into my car I would be surprised if cop markings made any difference considering they're not looking at the car anyway they're looking at their phone makeup food blunt dog kid mirror back when I worked in uniform and drove a marked car a drink driver swerved into my lane to stop me overtaking him power move right there I was the criminal not a cop it was about 1 a.m. and I was 15 I was biking to my gfs house to bone and I biked right by a cop car a terre curfew laws where I live so I got arrested law ran from me and tried to hide behind a chain-link fence i rear-ended a cop once we were turning left at a stoplight his brake lights went out so I press the gas then he slammed them on right away I slid on the eyes and hit him at about 1 mile per hour it scuffed the dirt off his bumper we both thought it was pretty funny not a cop former criminal defense attorney I once had a client who walked out of a hospital pharmacy went straight to a uniformed officer and tried to sell him his percocet he just got my client was promptly arrested he tried to tell me it was entrapment we pled him out quickly that sounds almost like that he was kidding the fence might work not a cop but I was behind the dumb boss who did it in front of the cop near my mom's house is a bunch of horse property so it's normal to see the guys go by on their horses I was behind a black SUV and see a police car parked facing the street the dumb boss of the SUV slowed down just to veer toward and representin at the horses one was calm but the other was freaking out the cops sirens came on so fast it surprised me guy got his horse under control and the dumb boss in the SUV got pulled over that just seems like an absolute don't move I deal with stupid every day at work but here is one that I always like to tell backed when I was working gang unit we were in a residential neighborhood in East LA at night we hear a car do a huge long burnout it sounded really close we turned off our lights and waited for some gunshots but never heard any just then a car goes flying by us we turn on the lights and go after him he pulls over right away and starts apologizing to us saying that his foot slipped off of the clutch yet right a burnout that long and your foot slipped turns out he just broken up with his girlfriend and he went to her house to do the burnout in front of it now the interesting thing about working gangs is we don't do traffic or answer calls unless it is gang-related we flick with gang members but we had to stop because of what he did in the neighborhood we were in since this guy wasn't a gang member we were going to just let him go we hadn't even run his license or even asked for it yet now here is where it gets stupid he looks at us and says can I ask you something before you take me to jail My partner and I look at each other ask him for his aid and run it turns out he had a $15,000 warrant for his arrest he was seconds away from going home and ended up in jail that night funny thing is I don't think he ever asked the question found a girl taking a dump behind a bar very visible from the street I made her clean it up and toss it in a dumpster asked her why and she said I wanted someplace quiet not my case but my depth has someone show up to court to support his friend during his court case but when he emptied his pockets for the metal detector a fold of H fell out can't make this crap up my uncle was a cop he said he had to work a black friday someone shoplifted right in front of him and a couple of security guards in uniform he did not make it very far we went Black Friday shopping at Target one year not a cop a civilian I wasn't feeling well so I sat down in their cafe by the exit while everyone shopped just people watching as one does I saw so many people just walk out with crap I even saw one young girl put on a bunch of clothes and walk right by a cop some people may wonder why I didn't say anything it's not my place nor my job dumb boss robbed a bank at gunpoint walked out of the bank with blue dye all over him and he was a black man who claimed I only arrested him because he was black of course it had nothing to do with a gun or the blue dye sorry sir I arrested you because you are blue checkmate also something something black and blue not a cop but I witness his firsthand I was on the highway coming back from Myrtle Beach when I saw a black charger pulled beside a dark gray Mustang and do the hole won a race accelerate and slow down thing the Charger kicks it and takes off when the Mustang flips on blue lights and takes off right after him now I don't know if this is a case for everyone but in my neck of the woods undercover cops are almost always in charges definitely wasn't expecting the Mustang to be the police ugh I have a sports car and on some level I hate the fact that every person thinks I want to race them I mean on some instinctive level I do but also it's really stupid I was out at a client site to burn some camera footage for the police and owing to the slow DVD burner found myself outside having a smoke break with the detective that came to collect it we will be a song about the weather when a homeless guy rocked up and asked for a light duct-tape jacket and shoes check overpowering smell of mold fesses and burning tires check while I was doing the mental math of is this guy likely to try a runner with my Zippo in front of a cop the detective produced a book of matches and told him to keep them the homeless guy walk ten feet away to an illegally parked Crown Vic belonging to the cop sat on the hood and started emptying his pockets a crack pipe two big lighters one crushed packet menthol a handful of plastic baggies comma detective elbowing me and whispering he's lucky I have places to be finally the guy found what he was looking for a pathetic little pillar of a joint wedge in the cigarette pack and lit up using one of the lighters common detective still whispering bet he doesn't even share I let out a snort which the homeless guy apparently didn't appreciate he looked straight at me then straight at a cop and the flash would have lost to this 90 pounds white dude in duct-taped shoes he was half a block away and around the corner before his joint stopped rolling around on the sidewalk I was training a rookie we were the same unit with the same designator radio call sign I call dispatch on my police radio 240 alpha is what I said indicating that we 240 a were calling dispatch my rookie was standing directly next to me like right beside me he got on the radio and said 240 alpha go ahead thinking the dispatcher was calling him in short he answered himself on the radio the dispatcher was confused this pops into his head when he's trying to sleep I guarantee it my agency is the primary agency responsible for boat patrol in my area 1 July weekend My partner and I are just beginning an afternoon shift on the water when another boater Flags us down we make our way over expecting them to be having mechanical trouble or something nope two guys on board and the operator tells us he wants us to write him a ticket for his expired registration says he was just given a warning last weekend and knew we'd catch him anyway so might as well get it over with pretty good right not done eventually we put out boat on the lift and get off the water to grab dinner while eating we get a call from dispatch that a boater had just called in a complaint about another boat that was operating dangerously and nearly caused an accident we make our way back there and sure enough it's a boat from earlier turns out they had asked us to write them a ticket earlier because they thought that would keep us from stopping them later after they had gotten drunk didn't want the towie still not done this time when we stopped them there is an additional person on board a drunk girl that they allowed to operate their boat check her heed says she's 22 but can't get a return on it it's fake she's underage they knew it now she's going to jail for are we among other things and they are getting charged with furnishing alcohol to a minor a good thing they got that registration ticket out of the way early not many people try and hide when they are using drugs regardless of the type I've had people start to shoot up H when I'm talking to them they became so defensive because they were the victim victim complexes are way too common I had someone be and moan to me about how he got a ticket for something he didn't do eight seconds after bragging about the many many times he'd gotten away with stuff like drinking driving or speeding not a cop but I saw it happen I worked at a pretty busy my club and I watched a man pick up a woman's person walk away with it out toward the parking lot I saw him get into the passenger side of a vehicle by himself with the purse I informed one of the off-duty police officers that we hire for security the officer approached the vehicle and turns his flashlight on to catch the guy of the middle of taking a snapchat video of himself chugging cheap vodka turns out it was his cousin's person he needed the car keys stupid thing is it was dollar drink night so how much was he really even saving at least he got a good snapchat out of it well not a cop but one day a massive water main burst in town and knocked out a couple streets they put cops on the ends to make sure nobody went down then I was driving late afternoon and nobody else was really around so dead quiet young female cop was standing on the corner went over the road from her some guy wandering down the street jumps up and starts swinging from the road closure sign then pulled it down the look on her face was one of puri freaking kidding me right now drove off before anything else happened that I imagined that went poorly for him not a cop that I was the idiot that J walked in front of a cop with dope in my pocket and active warrants for my arrest I'm glad I no longer do drugs only do one crime at a time my friend when I was a kid think 11-13 we used to ride our bikes to the other side of town to get weed when we had spare money on the way back we usually cut through an alley that ran behind the police siltation because it was the quickest route we'd go riding past cops that were sitting in their patio rigs doing paperwork and whatnot all while smoking joints looking back I've got no idea how we got away with it for so long I smoked a joint outside of the front door to a police station with my friends while high on mushrooms back in my team's when weed was illegal look back it was very ignorant and disrespectful obligatory not a cop but I saw someone run a red light when there was the cop in Clearview also I take it that you are a fan of monk also how was that user name not taken the actor who played Captain Stottlemeyer was also Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs not a cop but was at the Arc de triumph and saw these two cops around a girl walked past them carrying one of those road signs had points towards a monument the Eiffel Tower being the case here it got to see the cops do a literal double take before they walked off to talk to the girl who had obviously stolen a road sign turns out they were replacing them in Paris and she'd just asked the men replacing it if she could have the old one late evening emergency stopped at a red light empty crossroads I took off after five seconds cop behind flips lights on we pull over and he asks why we ran the light were going to the closest emergency vet 20 minutes away and the wife is holding a young medium sized dog in her lap because she split her belly skin open while running through the yard and over the race lawn for said she failed to see in order to protect our territory from the usual herd of deer in the neighbor's backyard Texas suburbs law lets us go stitches $300 plus emergency there bill and bucket placed on faucet until we sold property two of my cousins are in their last year of cop school or whatever this summer they visited us from the city and my dad took them fishing at the local lake some tourists in an RV were camped illegally doesn't bother us locals since it is out of the way and hadn't had any luck fishing they saw the catch my dad was carrying and asked if they could buy it he said he could give it to them for free since we already had dinner the tourists then gave my dad at least five big cartons of cigarettes as payment and it is almost 100 percent smuggle tickets from the border my dad turned around and see my two cousins literally sitting on the ground laughing not a cop driving with my ex and her kid kid liked the going fast feeling at a red light punch it I distinctly remember saying we need to slow down in case any police are around lit up two seconds later cop goes didn't you see us my smart but remark if I did I wouldn't have done it honest at least my partner was writing a ticket while I was documenting the stop via the patrol car's computer we were on a city street next to a dramatically curved freeway off-ramp we hear a tremendously loud screeching of brakes and a crashing sound that went on for a few seconds we turn around under SUV is on its roof a tire is rolling across the intersection we put it out over the air and run over I looked inside with my flashlight and there were multiple bodies all over the SUV the fire department arrived and cut them out they were all badly injured and the driver was dead drive safe and pay attention guys there's a reason my partner was writing a freaking speeding ticket not a cop but was a teenager who did something stupid my buddy and I were at a stoplight in Princeton NJ one summer evening in the town cop pulls up next house and for some unknown reason I turned to my buddy and said hey Dave put away the crack pipe needless to say we get immediately pulled over and three more cops come rollin up not hard we were also 50 yards from the police station my buddy's car was registered in PA so it was extra special for the cops neither my buddy nor the cops were terribly happy with me that day after a thorough search of our persons in the car where nothing illegal was found the cop turns to me and says in the future you should make sure your hummingbird butt doesn't get in the way of your crocodile mouth I still laugh about it to this day this was sometime around 1992 a team in target attempted to steal a skateboard by putting it up his t-shirt it wasn't a mini skateboard it was full size and longer than his torso the wheels faced outward creating a very bumpy look under his white tee the bottom of the skateboard was fully visible he held the board in place by hugging himself around the waist a very unnatural stance and surprisingly the security guard stopped him before he reached the exit not a cop but just saw this nice an idiot doing burnouts straight off to midnight on a packed Street full of cars and people peek cop presence that's night for Public Safety two cars in front of him was an unmarked van and about 10 police ran out and arrested him in Australia what he did counts as soon driving and he would have been fuckit not a cop but I was at a red light once and there was the person at the intersection to the left of me waiting to make a left turn that just decided to run the red light there was the cop right behind them and the cop just turned on his lights and followed them through the intersection I have seen the same thing but the person was across the street from me some people have no patience opposite side of the story officer pulled me over for driving through downtown with my brights on at 2:00 a.m. drunk I reached up to turn them off as he told me why he pulled me over hit my windshield washers instead and squirted him he let me go but followed me as I drove around the block to drop off a buddy pulling behind my friend's car so he can go home he literally falls out of my car beer in hand six-pack in the other lights come on cop gets out and approaches us turns out my buddy was his training officer lets us both go with the promise that we aren't going anywhere until we sober up walked across the street to a friend s place cop leaves buddy takes off not a cop but I once saw dude pull a u-turn and then run a red light both done right in front of the police department not really a cop but maybe the cop who handled me will remember this story picked up Co D a tagger messed up our drive away from me and I wasn't too familiar with the area Main Street had a ton of traffic so I just sided to use side streets without looking at my GPS and ended up driving into what looked like an abandoned Factory had no clue where I was Lib drove slowly past the open gate which appeared unattended at the moment and attempted to make a u-turn back out right as I'm about to exit the cop holds out his hand and yells hey you what do you think you're doing had no clue where I was but I knew I flicked up I roll down the window and the officer in a very distinct Australian accent says so you enjoy running stop signs had no clue there was a stop sign but I didn't make a complete stop so I just felt a huge fine coming my way told him I had no clue where I was and that I was really sorry I just wanted to play some video games man he goes on to tell me that I was in the DWP Department of Water and Power and if I drove any further down the guards were authorized to shoot me in that I could have died since they were on red alert after he asks me to pull over and checks my license license plate make and model etc he tells me that they'll send my info to the FBI and look for any infractions or criminal records none bTW ok told him I was sorry again and who just kept saying leave leave leave I feel for the man because I'm sure he might have lost his job but he let me go with a slap on the wrist and my body intact got extremely lucky and now I always use GPS if I'm not at least 75% familiar with the area hope he's doing well I owe him Law College Rozzell police what's the most memorable event you've had with college freshmen Cottard duty calls from a worried mom one Saturday afternoon she hadn't heard from her 18 year old daughter in a few days and wanted someone to check on her sure I said I go and knock on her door she's there just studying she promises to call her mom next day the student died she got very sick called a friend went to the hospital and was dead in a matter of hours I wasn't the last person to see her alive but I might have been the last to see her healthy years later I can't shake the feeling that her mom had some sort of premon not in ROM or a cop last year my school decided to set up a beehive research set up on a recently closed porch to one of the dining halls this setup wasn't protected at all from stupid students one night a few smart people decided to go up to the beehives take one and throw it into a nearby dorms elevator they then proceeded to press every button so that the elevator would stop on every floor in the building holding building had to be evacuated said people were expelled a girl delivered a baby in her dorm room and claimed she didn't know she was pregnant to make matters worse it was a Catholic all-girls school and the baby was delivered by the biology teacher who was a nun a similar story to that during freshman orientation at a Catholic University as well a girl gave birth right in the middle of the second-floor dorm lobby she said she didn't know she was pregnant I was once notified by one of my residents that her mattress had been misplaced and she wanted to know if she would be charged for it or if she was good I told her she would most certainly be charged for it and then mysteriously the mattress reappeared the week before summer closing I heard through the paper-thin door of her room later that it had been at a frat house for a while and I dreaded the thought of what happened to it a guy in my corridor lost his mattress one afternoon it was found in a tree very first night on call by myself watching the news in my dorm room see my residents mugshot the housing staff were unclear on the procedure of what to do when a resident is arrested for murder for Marat here I have two same group of guys who regularly congregated in the room above mine it was a two-story townhouse style dorm one 2:30 a.m. ish in the morning I'm woken up by loud yelling and cheering accompanied by what sounds like someone attempting to smash a hole through my ceiling with a sledgehammer I storm upstairs a bit scared of what I might find it was six completely sober eighteen-year-old cheering on their angrily Boston Irish Catholic friend as he danced a jig and steel toe work boots it was too ridiculous to even be mad I told them to shut happened went back to bed - one night I was hanging out with the guys and we were watching something on TV one of the owners of the room went to bed while everyone was still hanging out in his room fast-forward like 40 minutes he sits straight up in his lofted bed lets out a long high-pitched giggle and shouts it's a titty and then passes back out I hope I made their freshman year as fun as they made my senior year I used to catch people playing possum all the time basically a bunch of students would climb a tree and drink until they started falling out last person in the tree Wims found the couple idiots having lightsaber fights once they'd unscrewed the fluorescent tubes and we're having sward fights with em one time a whole frog escapees and were running back and forth from the laundry room washing every single item of clothing and linen they had one resident was hiding a homeless person in the TV room residents were welcomed to have friends on site and they were also welcome to stay in the TV room in the rec center after locker they just had to pull the door closed after themselves when they left this guy was staying in the TV room with his homeless friend until the Rass finished their rounds locking him in the TV room going back and sleeping in his own room and then waking up early to go back to the TV room before the Roz came around in the morning unlocking everything again I woke up around midnight one night because people were firing roman candles at one of the buildings that we were having problems with some local kids who kept playing pranks on the residents and naturally I assumed there was then so I called campus security to deal with it and they ended up rounding up my own residents after I gave them all right ups one of them asked me why I didn't tell them beforehand that they weren't allowed to set fireworks off on campus not my hall but still pretty memorable the roz from one of the other residences on campus came to us with one of their problems they kept finding human feces outside one of their buildings and assumed it was one of our residents playing pranks on them completely reasonable we had a weird group that year I told him that I would keep an ear out when it kept happening one of their roz had a stakeout and saw the feces being dropped out of one of the windows turns out this resident was set toilet paper down on his bedroom floor crapping on it and dropping it out the window because he didn't want to use the halls bathrooms on the final night and the holes I found a room of people each pouring a beer directly into the carpet for their friends who had left uni before the semester finished best two years of my life after Thanksgiving break all of the peepholes had been stolen from every door on the second floor apparently they just twisted right out and somebody needed a collection international kid went to the fish market they bought live crabs and lobsters and proceeded to keep them in the fridge drawer alive for days safe to say the vegetarians and the vegans refused to use the fridge and it caused so much grief and drama wrong a long time ago group of freshmen in a four man suite got permission for a pet somehow from the housing office they didn't specify was a freaking pig the smell was unbelievable that lasted a couple of weeks until the Dean of Students finally gave me in the housing office the power to threaten expulsion kid got kicked out of his fraternity and had to move into campus housing a few weeks later he stunk up the whole hall because he was smoking a bong in his room I wasn't a jerk so I usually just told them how obvious it was and to do it somewhere else so they don't get caught by someone who cared more than me well when I went in I found easily more than $100 Kay worth of prescription drugs weed coke and alcohol dude was obviously running an operation out of his dorm so we had to call the cops and now I have the title for biggest drug bust in university history I guess 22 Jump Street was actually based off of you I have a couple resident was giving another resident of BJ he says he's going to see em ends up peeing in her mouth she doesn't spit it out immediately opting to instead run down two flights of stairs outside and onto the lawn to spit it out everyone knew she was pretty chill about it same summer boy versus girls pranks in the bathroom girls turned it up a notch and took a bunch off pads tampons and ketchup and went ham in the boys bathroom it was all fun except for one very shy boy who had made very uncomfortable and complained to me last as a freshman orientation leader we have like a serious time where the new students can get things off their chests talk about stresses things they're scared about going into college or the weekend in general the most kids often talk about being excited having a good weekend being discriminated against coming out etc generally manageable topics one kid ends up confessing that he is seriously depressed and would actually beat both of his parents no amount of training prepares you for that utter silence for literally three five minutes luckily one of my fellow staffers found something extremely caring and comforting to say but don't remember what she said I was just glad that someone was talking my first year is in rock I had three students on suicide watch two of then left and the third ended up out of the funk he was in there is little training that can prepare you for being told that you have to keep eyes on a kid who may kill himself forget about trying to know how to connect with them when they stuff is happening I went to a small liberal arts school in the middle of nowhere Tennessee in mountains and forests you could store your hunting rifle or bow at the police station and during certain times of the year until the larger 13,000 acre campus one of the infamous boys dorms layout was two doubles connected by a bathroom I wasn't the wrath of this dorm but I heard about it in one of the larger meetings apparently the head received a complaint because one guy suit Hamid had shot and killed a deer and hung it in the shower so he could skin and butcher it blood was everywhere okay so I was only in Rafah one semester but my top two stories are one time three of my residents were in the elevator and two of them decided to jump and set off the sensors so they were trapped in the elevator I was on duty so I had to deal with it I didn't know what to do so I called the hall director on duty who called the repairman the repairman said he would be there in an hour so I had to be there waiting keeping an eye on the situation so me and some friends of the people stuck grabbed lawn chairs snack and filled our Yeti cups and tailgated the event when the hall director on duty showed up she saw we we had it handled and were enjoying ourselves so she joined the fun and started singing hello from the other side to the kids in the elevator the other memorable event was one night a couple of my residents bought ghost peppers to try and see who could handle the heat well one kid who was Thai said my food is way spicier than this eats one hole and starts another when the heat sets in we had ranch and tortillas ready for people to eat to cool down after everyone was done eating me included we are just hanging out in the lounge the kid who had been cutting up the peppers went to bed before us and his room is right next to the lounge about five minutes after he went to bed we hear him screaming apparently he didn't wash his hands and had started jerking off he was in a lot of pain so we threw him a bottle of ranch and left the room so he could apply to his area then the rest of us washed our hands very thoroughly ruined campus ends here I have had many encounters with drunk high e.t.c freshmen but I have a couple I will never forget one of them was during my first year as in raw living on the fourth floor of my building I woke up to knocking on my door at around 3 a.m. coupled with the screaming of there's people freaking in my bed alright I guess I better not ignore this one so I head out and see this freshman who reeks of alcohol and stumbled towards his room plot twist he doesn't live there and the two students half-clothed opened the door I send him off and go back to bed to be woken up again 15 minutes later by more knocking guess who is back in one hand he has a water bottle and in the other he has a trimmer in the other hand now I am 6 for Indies pretty tiny so it did not end well when he tried to shave my beard ended up tossing him back in his room onto his bed and finally got to go to bed not in Rob at a first-hand witness my freshman year of college I lived in a building with super long hallways and went to school in Central PA for the two days that we were affected by Hurricane sandy 2012 I think and by affected I mean severe rain and higher than normal winds classes were canceled and we were told not to leave the dorms unless it was an emergency so what happens when 400-plus board college kids are forced to stay indoors start a multi floor justing tournament each contestant had to sit on a skateboard and try to knock their opponent off their skateboard while being pushed at pretty decent speeds was definitely one of the best unofficial freshmen icebreakers I've participated in sadly got busted not too long after people started yelling war cries down the hallways I have two really memorable dry experiences Perdue late 90s the first is a really terrible one I was in roar at the same time as Jay Severson Jay was shot and killed by a resident that was a big drug dealer it shook Perdue heavily but especially the raw were actually called counselors community the other me specific one was a freshman who had a father that was super hard on him one night I came back to the dorm Andy's in the hall with a bottle of Jack just hammered but two dorms are dry but I told him just get rid of it and go to bed five minute later he walks to my room with the bottle and I told him I have to write this up now I never wrote people up he then just breaks down snot tears break down he was planning to kill himself that night so I spent the next two hours talking to him and convinced him to see someone professional the next morning but he passed out in my room and in the morning he called a real professional and began therapy I didn't write him up for alcohol had to tackle my roommate and call the cops so he didn't jump off the roof in first year held him down and talked to him for a long time while waiting luckily my stopping him led to a good conversation with a therapist the next day which continued through the rest of the semester he seems to be due really well now Simon Ryan an upperclassman dorm service event didn't occur with a freshman but rather a junior for reference the hall has apartments instead of typical dorm rooms so every room has a full kitchen a living room one or two bathrooms and a private bedroom for each resident one night during my first semester as in wrong I'm doing a 2 a.m. round on a Friday night when I come across one of my residence in a study room he gets my attention and tells me that his roommate as a bird in their apartment and that he doesn't want to return to his room until the bird is gone but he tells me that the room mate is letting the bird sleep in his bed and is feeding it Froot Loops obviously wild animals are on the list of prohibited items so I go knock on the door of the apartment to deal with the situation as if the situation wasn't going to be weird enough to handle the resident answers the door in his boxers I ask him if he has a bird in his room and his face lights up as he runs to his bedroom to get it he comes back cradling a small pigeon in his hands then extends it to me as if the sole purpose of me knocking on his door at 2:00 a.m. was to pet his newfound companion I say to him I'm sorry but you can't keep a wild bird in your apartment my resident tries to explain to me that the bird is sick and that he needs to nurse it back to health I again explained that wild animals are not allowed in residence halls and domesticated animals are only allowed if approved through the DRC my resident gets paid he puts the bird on the ground and storms back to his room without a word I watch the bird run around the kitchen floor for a moment then call my residents name to confirm that he plans on taking the bird back outside my resident storms back into the kitchen thankfully with pants on this time and yells that he is going to rip the birds fricking head off because he'll die without me I try to convince him that there's no need to kill the bird that it would feel better in its natural environment and I stick around just long enough to ensure the bird was removed from the building there were no complaints of a dead headless bird outside the building so thankfully I don't think he followed through with his plan that's kind of adorable but I feel like this is the type of dude who takes shrooms and tries to jump off a building not in run or a cop but I went home one weekend and came back while my roommate was out I had been back for 15 minutes or so when my Ron knocked on my door I opened it up and saw her staring a hole through me and finally said we need to talk about what happened this weekend I asked WTF are you talking about she said last night was unacceptable and if it happens again wheeled press charges I was pretty confused and repeated what the Frick are you talking about I have been gone all weekend my roommates apparently got drunk poorly tried to sneak in a girl after opposite-gender visiting hours were over two a.m. and when the person at the front desk person caught him knocked over a bunch of stuff poured a bottle of Gatorade on the floor and told the girl run and don't look back I laughed but the rod didn't see the humor I am just laughing at the idea of him appending a bottle of Gatorade all over the lobby to create a diversion the shameless masturbator won he would beat his meet with his roommate in the room would simply climb up into his lofted bed crank that pee without headphones what a monster and choke the chicken to make things worse he couldn't be bothered to finish in a tissue he would see em on the infamous blue plastic mattress underneath his sheets and leave IT there too he would buff his banana while sitting at his desk arrived at completion and leave his gunk in the keyboard tray he apparently had an aversion to seeming in acceptable locations 3-hour Hall had a pumpkin carving program for Halloween and instead of carving a jack-o'-lantern he carved a hole to stick his doll in according to his room mate this poor pumpkin was molested on many different occasions for the culmination of his wacky adventures ended with him Tooting his horn with the door open to the hallway his floor mate took one look threw up in the hallway and then attempted to beat the crap out of him eventually the kid was moved his desk and mattress were quite literally condemned I've been in ratha for years and have many an amusing story but this is one I will never forget police officers what's the dumbest thing you've ever seen a criminal do or say sir my personal favorite was when a bloke motorbike swerved in front of our squad car and crashed we hopped out pick the bike up off him it was penning his leg and asked you alright mate to which he replied of course I'm alright what do you mean well you just fell off your bike mate no I didn't he just kept insisting that there was no way he could have crashed and it must have been someone else I am NOT a police officer that I called the cops on my roommate in college because she tried to attack me and she wouldn't cooperate with the cops so she got cuffed and was screaming about how she was gonna beat my butt they were like yeah you were gonna beat a butt and she was agreeing loomio in court later the judge asked her so you think it's okay to beat someone's but if they turn your TV off when you're not there and she nodded and said yes I do and the judge just deep side friend who is an officer told me this one a little bit ago he was driving near where unknown car thief lived so he stops by SUV in the driveway with no tags walks up runs the VIN stolen now the property had a house on it and then out back a small mother-in-law suite West said thief lived officer walks out back knocks and then hears a car door officer starts running engine starts and yup thief is driving away in the stolen SUV officer knows where he ditches stolen cars at so has an officer stake out that area sure enough two hours later the SUV rolls up with a Jeep following it SUV driver wipes down the - wipes down the outside door handle and gets in the Jeep officer pulls them over and arrests them both why both the Jeep is stolen officer runs her license send another officer to her address and guess what she had a stolen car at her place - three stolen cars were covered - people in jail all because one officer decided to stop by a thief's last address all because one officer decided to stop by a thief's last address imagine how many changes in how many people's lives that set off butterfly effect and all that I was waiting to report an incident at a local police station when a clearly distraught man came in wheezing and sweating I wasn't in a rush so I'll let him go ahead of me I've been robbed they took everything he exclaimed when he reached the counter the officer working the desk asked in the usual wat where why and how sort of questions the gentlemen proceeds to explain that he was a local em dealer and he just got robbed off his entire stash while selling to some teams at the local train station the officer just said that there's not anything they can do about that and it's in his best interest to just leave before more questions are raised and he incriminates himself further he was fuming and stormed out of the place slamming the door behind him I reached the counter and made an offhand comment towards the office that must be a first for you apparently not apparently drug dealers often come in to report theft of their illicit substances I'm confused as to why they don't arrest them when they confess like that not my story but my police officer friends he had gone in to arrest someone for dealing drugs he was in full uniform whilst someone else had already been in there undercover the drug dealer looks at the undercover police officer and says you undercover yes well done he looks at my uniformed friend and says you undercover - he was not then he looks at someone else not a police officer and says in view guy responds with how am i an undercover police officer I just bought drugs off of you and that's how they made an unexpected arrest at that raid what a twist two idiots for the price of one not a police officer bitch my father was a nine one one dispatcher operator my dad was working one night and he gets a call from a man who is obviously drunk dad 9-1-1 what is your emergency drunk yeah you HH I think I just heard a red car crash dad you heard a red car crash drunk yet dad okay but police are on their way click my dad finds out later that this dude was driving drunk and crashed his car not far from his house guy decides to get out of his car stumble home and our 9-1-1 to report the fact that he heard a car crash in his drunken mind he figured he'd report the crash as someone who heard it and he'd get off somehow but he had to specify the color because apparently a red car crashing sounds different than a blue car crashing not a cop student paramedic here once went to a family with a two year old with difficulty breathing walked into the house to find four people in the parents smoking weed with the baby in the room baby was crying and coughing spluttering couldn't believe my eyes my mentor swiftly rang for police backup and we filled out some safeguarding paperwork concerns pretty sure they arrested them on scene for neglect dad's a detective had a murder case where a dog walker found a severed head in a park over the rest of the morning they found a full set of chopped up body parts around that park a trail of blood led from each part and they followed them all the way back to a nearby house in through the door and up the stairs to a room covered in blood with a guy asleep in a bed it turns out this guy had got drunk with a friend had an argument killed him chopped him up and hid his body parts in the park before passing out back at the house police caught him literally red-handed apparently he was really confused how they got him so quickly I read a theft suspect a Miranda rights to which she stated in a recorded interview I'm invoking my right to silence and a lawyer because I stole a lot of crap and I don't want to incriminate myself suspect was caught for drug possession on the streets and we were talking to the prosecutor to get a warrant for his house somehow he managed to call his wife without our notice and as we realized what happened we heard him saying honey go take the fish out of the fridge after we've got the warrant and searched his house there was his fridge full of speed and the plate with fish which his wife had prepared for his return thrown in the trash I stopped someone who was in the area of a load of theft from Motor Vehicles after a bit of questioning I carried out a search and found numerous wallets phones etc he claimed that all of the cards raised all 13 different identities to be fair he stuck to his story he carried it all the way to court going not guilty okay then mr. Jones you are under arrest for 12 counts of theft mr. Fletcher you are also under arrest for 12 counts of theft mrs. Rodriguez you are under arrest for 12 counts of theft stopped a lady for speeding 15 miles per hour over the limit I asked what her reason could be for going so fast she said I live here you can't give me a speeding ticket I live just down the street I live here this is unbelievable I live here I was pulled over for doing 65 miles per hour in a 30 honestly didn't realize it I had just left my dad's new house new area and it was like 11 p.m. cop asked me why I was going so fast I said I honestly have no excuse I missed the speed limit signs I guess and I was let go with a warning and cop you can't arrest me I'm in a church I have sanctuary all right you have 40 days to either submit to the authorities and face trial or go into exile by the shortest route and never return without the King's permission if you should attempt to leave the church proper within this 40 days you will be broken upon the wheel all the people from To Catch a Predator NBC has online transcripts and they still come up with the stupidest excuses Chris Hansen sir what else could you mean by asking the girl if she was a virgin and then telling her you wanted to penetrate her anally predator I'm just here to watch football man she told me she was 18 Hansen in the transcripts you clearly say she's 13 you could get in trouble for this and asked her not to tell anyone we need an entire subreddit just for those transcripts I used to work in arraignments and a guy was entering his not guilty plea and confirming that he was true build that they have the right name on his charging instrument after that the court asks if you can afford an attorney and ask some quick questions before giving you paperwork to request a court-appointed attorney this guy was booked on unlawful use of a motor vehicle Class C basically stealing car stereo the judge asks him if he's employed he says no the judge asks him what he does for money oh I steal car stereos at rest stops and sell them Motor Vehicles stopped license and registration please proceeds to lean over to the passenger seat scoop up a handful of Lowe mine and tries to put it in the officers hand he was locked up for we fourth offense to this day I still wonder if he thought he was passing his correct paperwork or if the Chinese food was some sort of peace offering not a police officer been a witness to a crime who had to give evidence in court basically witnessed a girl crashing her car and barrel rolling it into a tree she was clearly drunk the firemen arrived after ten minutes her car had leaked petrol everywhere then her husband shows up on foot and tries to calm her down followed by her mother in a car and the police she tried to claim that she wasn't the one driving even though no one else had been in the car in court a year later she said her mother had been driving the one who showed up in her own car ten minutes after the crash she also punched an officer in the face and was pepper sprayed but that's a whole other story needless to say she was found guilty what trash claiming her mother was the one driving dispatcher had a guy call in and tell us that he's currently violating the protective order by being with his ex who is pregnant by him wants us to call the judge and get it dismissed so they can go inside the restaurant and eat officer is standing next to my partner who answered the call and asks the guys where he is so we can send the judge to him guy hangs up responded to an apartment complex for a kid eating a corn dog and was stuck on the roof the FT arrives and gets the kid off the roof I all the kids while he was eating a corn dog on the roof his answer was because I threw it up there his look of dad left me speechless can't argue with kids logic DUI trial defendant chooses to represent herself she tries to introduce evidence during the trial but is quickly blocked by the prosecution the judge may be taking pity on the flaming train wreck that was this woman's defense asks to see the evidence it was a receipt from the bar she left before I stopped her that showed that she purchased two large margaritas her whole defense was I couldn't have been drunk after only two margaritas she was found guilty my initial reason for stopping her was that she drove down an embankment on the side of the road to get to a McDonald's drive-through having worked drive-through I'm us unfortunately report that stone-cold sober people will drive over embankments to enter exit the drive-through my friend is sober driving and there's not enough seats so two people offered to go in the boot on the way she gets pulled over and the officer comes up to the window and asks if she knows why he pulled her over she says because of the two people in my boot the cop says no because you failed to indicate at the last intersection but tell me more about the people in your boat these are my pants but those are not my pockets can't make this crap up my ex to the cop who pulled him and his friends over I'm so freakin high right now so can I see your driver's license I don't have one then why were you driving I washed I was traveling mfw I'm in a self-driving car and it doesn't pull over for the cop resulting in a high-speed chase second head story as I was the victim of burglary it heard this from the police officer I saw the guy breaking into my place on a security camera and called them they managed to arrest the guy while he was still inside packing up my stuff he was pretty cocky to the police as that he thought that as he hadn't actually left with his bag of swag my stuff that he hadn't committed a crime yet all he did was broke a window my grandpa was a cop he told me a story about how when he was still in uniform filling up his squad car someone tried to rob him with a knife needless to say that didn't work out for him edit some people were a bit confused my grandpa just pulled his gun and arrested the man sorry for the confusion apparently it went something like this robber give me your wallet grandpa what robber give me your wallet grandpa are you sure you want to do that robber yeah now hand it over grandpa okay pulls a gun out you're under arrest robber shocked face drugs are a heck of a drug my brother is a Detroit cop told me this one they get a call from someone reporting their car was stolen they show up and it turns out someone had already stolen the tires off the car then a different group stole the actual car they pushed it to blocks without tires and left perfect grooves in the street all the way to their garage their defense was but we didn't steal the tires Detroit when we robbed you we really robbed you not a cop but a corrections officer two inmates got into a fight in a hallway I was the closest to them and only saw the start of the fight out of the corner of my eye in my report I wrote that I saw the two inmates fall to the ground with named on top of other inmate later the hearing sergeant was reading the report to one of the inmates so they could dispute any facts in the report they felt were untrue or biased he asked the inmate if they wanted to dispute any facts in my report the inmate said yeah we didn't fall to the ground I grabbed the other inmate and slammed his bus on the floor what would have been a simple fighting charge turned into an assault charge woman is waiting for her DUI trial in the courtroom the lawyers and judge are milling around and getting their paperwork in order trial starts in 10-15 minutes the prosecuting attorney asks her if she wants to take the plea deal one last time she refuses and goes on about how this is unconstitutional and the police and courts are corrupt and how is she going to take her kid to school blah blah she is starting to cause a bit of scene yelling acting like a child just being generally annoying someone in the room gets a whiff of alcohol she is out on bond so she can basically be given a PBT at any time for any reason judge orders one on her she registers a zero point two to six in court this woman who is on trial for DUI had the audacity to drive to court drunk and then moan and groan about how she isn't being treated fairly and we're all corrupt and this is unconstitutional but not only that but it explicitly states in your bond conditions that you cannot consume alcohol so I cuff her and bring her to the jail she's still running her mouth during the walk over I had nothing to say I had absolutely zero sympathy for her I could barely hold in my laughter on the walk over to the jail my personal winner right here the confession is my own cop you are going 95 miles an hour do you know what the speed limit is me number cop it's 55 miles per hour me sorry sir I thought it was a 65 not a cop but I used to read a lot of police reports at my old job my favorite was a woman who refused to brief Elizab I telling the cop I won't blow on that but I'll blow on your dong in a city near to me a guy murdered a woman put her body in a large garment bag and left her in a vacant lot unfortunately for him he forgot to take the tags with his name and address off a bag from a recent flight I would be bank robber wrote his holdup note and put it into his wallet he got rattled at the bank and accidentally left his driver's license on the counter when he handed the note to a teller a third crook just took on more than he could handle and apparently didn't watch the time he had a long history of grand theft auto and was hospitalized after being badly beaten in the parking lot of a sports area after a lacrosse game the guy swore up and down that he had no idea why anyone would assault him there in court defendant called the judge Your Majesty instead of your honor honestly I imagine this happens a fair amount just out of brain blank in an uncomfortable atmosphere you stumble over a word and a similar common phrase comes out instead my boyfriend is a police officer last week he pulled over a drunk driver who ended up speeding off car chase back to his house some drunk guy tells him I got home it's okay you can go now drunk guy continues arguing and it's 3:00 a.m. so his family wakes up and his son steps out to the front porch of yells damn it dad you freaking idiot we told you to stop doing this how I can't arrest me house is base the serial killer BTK he used to send taunting letters to the media and to the police about his crimes he seemingly stopped all activity for around 10 years when he started to communicate again he asked the police if he could be traced if he sent them a floppy disk and they told him no he sent them a floppy disk and they recovered data that included his name and his church he was quickly arrested armed robbery show up Clark tells the robbers if you come back at 7:30 p.m. I will have more money in the register guys robbers leave police is standing by at 7:30 p.m. armed robbers return to the store and get arrested edit very sorry 4p a few people off by forgetting to mention than not me but this happened recently in Belgium and it was on the news as explained further by unite bringer MC I thought it was still fitting in this thread my bill is a cop in a small town pulled a car over one night recognized the kid smelled weed inside the car and said give me the weed and I won't search your car won't give you a ticket and you can be on your way kid fights him says he doesn't know what that smell is there's no weed and how can I trust that you won't take me to the station if I give it to you bill promises again that if he hands him the weed he will let him go no questions asked kid keeps being a moron bill searches the car and finds many many many more drugs hidden all over as well as weed bill says all right let's go to the station kid gets upset and says you said you weren't going to do this see I couldn't trust you I groan and laugh every time I think of that what a dummy my bro arrested this girl for DUI she was so drunk he skipped the field sobriety test as he walked her to his patrol car the girl says wait you haven't read me my ABCs yes oh this one is my own the first time I got pulled over for a random breath test I was really excited new driver and was totally sober this hot cop comes up to my window and holds out the device and tells me to count to 10 I didn't know there were new brief thal eyes errs without a straw so I said oh now I thought I'd get to blow something he laughed and my brother who was in the passenger seat died of shame arrested a guy for shooting H in the parents room of a shopping centre walked in while he had the needle in his arm we stare at each other for a bit then he comes out with I'm a diabetic I cut him leave my partner to do the search while I read caution and writes old mate is not diabetic and we know this because he's got 87 prior convictions who use possession trafficking drugs I go through the usual you do not have to say or do anything steal then say do you understand these rights he's totally cooked on H at this point and he just looks at me and goes you want to get dinner tonight it's not the worst response I've had to caution and rights though not a cop but my brother was he told me that this one time he took lunch at Popeyes while in uniform except for the Hat once inside the cashier started taking his order then stopped halfway and turned to a co-worker that just walked up I don't remember exactly what was said but basically the guy taking my brother's order asks the other guy if he took his weed they are the guy says yes but he didn't smoke it all and proceeded to hand him over the weed the guy then says cool not to worry that he's got another stash in his car for emergencies like this my brother then said that he just wanted to eat some lunch the guys then realized he was the cop one guy said something like not again as my brother started arresting the cashier he said that he thought my brother was the security guard so my brother just trying to make a joke out of it says how you smoke pot with your security guard to which the guys says no just my manager and his buddy but the real funny part was when he asked another employee there if the sir purity guard was around and the employee said they didn't have one and didn't know what that cashier was talking about not an officer just security many moons ago when in questioning my cousin told police you don't have my fingerprints I wore gloves came in to be voluntarily arrested so he could be interviewed decided to bring his empire pand em with him didn't get charged for what he came in for but did get charged with possessed drugs and possessed paraphernalia witnessed a hilarious one go down to kids I will call one and Kyle getting escorted out of him all near me apparently nothing too bad just suspect that they had stolen some shoes from a store while they're being escorted one tries to rip away from one of the security guards and starts screaming if you're gonna handle any you might as well detain any so the kids would have just been escorted off property and asked to leave no banned from the mall or anything until he then tried to assault the security guard by pushing her and almost throws a punch the third guard of the case who I will properly call Goliath proceeds to basically chokeslam this kid into the ground a cops were then called kids were arrested and had their crap searched the second best part they had proof they purchased for shoes and didn't show their receipt even though they had it the best part both the dumb purses had a ton of weed in their bags of the cops found in my country it is illegal to drive a bike moat whilst smoking a friend of mine got pulled over on the short ride from the bar to his apartment driving on a small moat basically a bicycle with a 50 CCM engine and cop asked him why is he not wearing a helmet and why is he smoking a cigarette officer I swear I never smoked while driving I only smoked when I had a couple of drinks copied mine from a previous similar thread in law enforcement but not a regular cop middle of search warrant looking for a bloke lots of drug convictions in the past found us still burning blunt in the ashtray in the living room but no sign of the guy in the house I am 99% sure he is in the roof cavity I announced to my partner I think he is up there should we look suddenly the ceiling starts talking here the softest number henley crab can they hear me nah it's all good sir my partner said nah man I didn't hear that guy say we shouldn't look up their ceiling replies with sweet I knew they wouldn't find me needless to say we looked and pulled a very very stoned guy out from under the insulation bass side note they make you HEA s so be careful choosing your hiding spots when you're stoned shower and cold water after messing around with insulation if you take a warm shower your pores open up and all that achieve stuff just gets stuck in deeper it's a really crappy lesson to learn firsthand firefighters of Riddick what's the dumbest person you had to save in a stupid situation dumb boss tried to cross a raging river in zero degree weather about a 300-foot span on a snowmobile he lived but didn't make the crossing and the machine was recovered days later in Maine you are required to get your snowmobile out if you sink it in a lake they don't want those things leaking and polluting so every year you hear about some guy having to hire a diver and such I once had a firefighter tell me he almost died in a house fire while going back into the house to look for the owner a neighbor was concerned about why the firefighter was still in the residence so he asked another firefighter this is about how the exchange went neighbor why is that fireman still in the house firefighter he's looking for the owner of the home neighbor he is right over there with the video camera turns out the owner did not think it was important to alert the fire department he was out of the house instead he was just taking video of the whole event the fire started because the owner had tried to smother his barbecue cook aflame with leftover wood from the siding that had been installed on his home the owner did not realize it would burn burned his whole house down holy Frick people are stupid I'm not a firefighter but I used to do a lot of Disaster Response work Hurricane Floyd Eastern NC I had a farmer with a large family that refused to evacuate his house stubborn bastard had broke loose floodwaters were coming up fast and the police had given up on changing his mind I drove my truck right up into his yard rolled down the window and asked him to dress his kids in something orange or bright yellow he asked me why and I said so body recovery will be able to distinguish them from all the dead pigs floating around he told me to freak off but five minutes later he had the whole family in the vehicle and they got the heck out the local news station was just reminiscing on how much Floyd had flicked up Eastern Carolina Atlanta's guys didn't end up as statistics we needed to close the main connection through a forest over the winter because the trees were falling faster on the road than we could remove them due to way too much snow falling also the redirection was more than an hour longer due to the snow some cars thought that they would come through but turned around as soon as they saw the trees on the road one semi also thought he'd get through he drove up to the trees and called the fire brigade and complained why we didn't remove the trees as he was calling a bunch of trees behind him also fell locking him in it stood there one month before the trees in the snow could get removed by us at at least the semi can back out we needed another month until the road was free again former firefighter EMT easily the dumbest person I encountered was a mother of four who decided it would be an awesome idea to get a facebook Instagram worthy picture of her kids all under age ten sitting in a rowboat mother untied it from the dock and thought she'd just pulled him back with the rope that she forgot to hold on to they floated a half mile down the river before the two oldest boys managed to grab a branch hanging over the bank it was really surreal to see four young kids all in matching clothing sitting in a boat waiting to be rescued I have no clue what happened after her build they were physically fine just scared a little tired that the mom was in full-blown panic mode and kept getting in our way I hope she's making better choices now years ago we had this call straight out of Caddyshack some guy had gotten tired of this gopher ruining his yard little did he know though he was facing the sun tzu of Gophers the homeowner dwelling upon his experience from vietnam decided that the best way to deal with the Gopher was to treat the situation like a VC tunnel in lieu of a frag grenade he poured a 5-gallon can of gasoline down the gopher hole waited with a varmint gun and lit it off the ensuing explosion caused a small crater to form in his yard I am still thoroughly impressed that there was a proper fuel-to-air ratio in the network of tunnels that allowed for such an explosion to happen however the Gopher refused to surrender without a fight the Gopher ran out of the hole engulfed in flames causing the guys yard to catch on fire the Gopher sprinted into the guy's shed still on fire and burrowed in to avoid space in the wall where he died like the martyr perk from modern warfare his still flaming remained set the inside of the wall on fire as well as several flammables in the end the guys backyard was ruined and about a quarter of his shed burned down taking out a bunch of power tools and a zero-turn mower he definitely would have saved a few thousand dollars if he had hired an exterminator this reminds me of my dad he hated fire ants always had gasoline around to clean the grease you know well he would get bit by an ant and the fight was on gasoline fetched and poured onto the mound promptly lit and the ensuing commentary delivered deepen I'll show them it's fire I'm not the fire fighter but my brother's wife at the time was there was this massive structure fire at a barn in town that drew out nearly every truck in the general area like three towns worth of firefighters trying to get this thing under control during all of this there was some lady who continuously called 9-1-1 asking over and over again what's going on at the farm up the road according to her this woman would have to be a complete moron to not realize what was going on as the fire could be seen for miles fast forward later into the night and one of the ambulances on scene suddenly leaves obviously not normal for this sort of situation but there isn't much time to question it fast forward still and as things are finally starting to calm down and are under control one of the volunteers on the original ambulance comes over in his own car and shuffles sheepishly over to her and the chief of their department he tells them that there is a woman a little ways down the road who called the ambulance hence why they left and requires a lift assist but absolutely refuses to Letty EMTs do it no no it has to be a firefighter my brother's wife seeing that the other departments have things under control goes with the man to see what's up apparently it was the same woman who had called 9-1-1 over and over again and when they arrive she is laying on the floor absolutely wailing EMTs say they can't find anything wrong from what they've been able to do but with her requested firefighter they are finally able to get this woman up they start asking her what happened hoping she might be more willing to share with my brother's wife there and she says I was just feeling a little ignored I figured this would get your attention grown woman just laid herself on the floor called for help insisted on a firefighter when there was no need all because the bonfire was getting way more attention than she was in the 9-1-1 operators wouldn't give her the gossip about what was going on i know she got in major trouble for abusing 9-1-1 bids from what i hear from the people on both fire and ambulance she has made a habit of calling for help whenever she feels she's not getting enough attention she sounds like the type of woman who would fake a seizure in public actually no she sounds like the type of woman who would fake a seizure in public because someone else was in the process of actually seizing and she was jealous of the attention too I can recall one specific the specific one was a young girl around teenage years who decided those toddler swings with the seats who stick their legs through like a little basket so they can't fall out was made for a teenage girl she got stuck and lost blood flow to her legs we had to cut her down and get her to a hospital to have it safely removed due to it basically becoming a torn okay on both her legs the other is general but it's people who didn't wear a seat belt in the people they killed as a result you have less control of a vehicle when you are not being held in place so those wrecks are more common as the first sign of trouble your butt moves in the seat and reduces your ability to control the vehicle you also become a projectile if you're lucky you only kill yourself if you are not you wind up bouncing around and killing a passenger also the leading cause of partial ejections and re-entry to vehicles since nothing was holding them to the seats so many times I could have just been there cutting someone out off a seat and then being barely beat up but instead they had been scalped and died or hit their kid or spouse or other family member or friend and killed them one in particular I remember was a large man not wearing a seat belt in an overturned truck he woke up while we were working on him cutting the passenger side up to get down to him as the vehicle was on its side driver-side down he kept asking us how his son was at first we didn't get it then we realized he was laying on his 15 - 16 year old son and due to the man's size we didn't see him the son was wearing a seat belt but he died because his father smashed into him and smothered him to death while we worked rather than just wear a seat belt extender so his seat belt fit also don't lighted us about if you wore it your seat belt won't fire the pretension as if they are not engaged in the slot they are designed that way there is a circuit that is completed by the best being clicked in place which is also how your car knows your passengers are wearing a seat belt or not and sets off that obnoxious alarm there is also a sensor in the passenger front seat off most modern vehicles to detect the weight of a small person which is why your sodas or pizzas in whatever set off the alarm just wear the dang seat belt and don't lie if you were wearing a tie won't be able to pull tons of slack on it when I arrived guess what goes into the report is the determining factor your insurance ceases - if you should have your medical covered as a result of an accident yup I don't know what they do with the information but I have to write it in the report source state vehicle rescue technician and firefighter mostly volunteer at this point there was a horrifying but effective seatbelt advert when I was a kid ninth is England that basically went today Joe killed his mum then sat back down with the kid sitting in the back and belted and smashing into the Ivor's seat he turned me into one of those kids who would nag everyone about their seat belts but I've been in a couple of crashes since and walked away it wasn't really his fault but we had an old guy in a nursing home get his balls stuck in a shower chair a motorist had a bad alternator and the car died while she he was driving the electric lock control stopped working we were dispatched for a person trapped in a motor vehicle on arrival the advice was given to manually lift the lock knob you can easily tell the ones who will not survive the first 24 hours of the zombie apocalypse firefighter/paramedic and suburb both PHX had to transport a guide to the because he was constipated his wife tried to dig it out with a wooden spoon spoon got stuck and hurt to move it walked in and there's a 250 pound man butt-naked lying on his side with a huge wooden spoon stuck halfway up his butt that is not why he had a spoon up his butt me and my dad are both firefighters and he said one time they went to a house because an elderly man could not get out of the leather recliner because he had been sitting in it for a week straight and his wife would just serve him drinks food and the guy never got up he would just get drunk and urinate defecate himself until he was physically stuck to the chair and they had to cut him out to bikini clad girls had to be rescued from a swift moving river in a canoe neither girl brought a life vest or a paddle something something crap Creek had a drunk guy in an article chaser penguin penguin stuck his beak through the offending drunk guys calf he got sent home and a report on international treaty breach wound up on some Congress members desk Oh McMurdo how I miss see while penile jeans are powerful dude picked up a metal ring from a hardware store in lieu of paying for an actual dong ring it got stuck he went to the hospital the hospital called the fire department because a dremel tool turned out to be the right tool for the job you guys sure Dremel near the bait and tackle a lot I use mine for small wood projects just ask this question of a firefighter friend he saved the guy who was siphoning gas out of someone's car by sucking gas towards his mouth to start the siphon the would-be thief was also smoking while doing it burns happened had a fella who was running from the police he decided to climb on board a chunk of ice that was flowing down the river I am sure he thought he was a genius at the time but the issue is that there isn't really a whole lot north of our town for a few hundred miles so his long-term planning wasn't great eventually we found him hiding in a small icy overhang on the side of the river suffering from hypothermia after a brief stay in hospital he ended up being arrested I was a volunteer firefighter many years back one summer after a long period of no rain two good old boys decide to have a few dozen beers and take their Jeep into a nearby field to go off-roading well - featuring tall corn stalks that are bone dry wind up getting jammed up into the undercarriage which on a 90 plus degree day turns out to be hot enough to ignite a fire the owner of the field sees the situation unfolding from their house and calls for fire and police given the proximity to my location I go directly to the scene after hearing the page go out and see these two buttholes trying to drive the Jeep faster and faster to put the fire out eventually the engine gives out but they won't leave the car I physically had to reach in burning my arms in the process since I didn't respond to the station first to get my turnout gear and pulled them out somehow they decided that remaining in the car would slow down the flames and because they thought it was a good idea to continue driving a burning vehicle around at dry field we now have a significant brush fire and after call mutual aid from another County to help douse the fire State Police get involved I have a nice trip to the hospital and buttholes lose their Jeep and the remainder of their booze former fire and rescue firefighter here have helped release several dogs and children stuck in the mechanism part of a recliner chair also a bird stuck in a tree go figure I remember her asking a firefighter about this once and he said a guy who was freaking a woman her husband came home so he jumped out the second-story window buck naked and impaled himself through the upper leg on a fence paling it was one of those fleur-de-lys ones so it flicked up his leg pretty badly they had to cut the paling up of the fence and load him into an ambulance I honestly thought this story would end with someone getting their dangler stuck in something but that's worse that's much worse obligatory not a fireman but they were most definitely involved I used to work in a Knick public grammar school over the summers to pay for college back in the 90s one of the full-time employees was a nice guy but stupid and I don't mean he was slow or anything he just did dumb crap because he was careless one time he loaded up a trailer with like 25 gallons of gas and was driving it back through the main school parking lot he didn't realize that container cracked open and spilled all 25 gallons in the parking lot he didn't want to get in trouble so he thought the best way to get rid of the evidence was to set the gas on fire he didn't realize that burning gas gives off a lot of black smoke and a gigantic cloud of black smoke coming from a school generally attracts a lot of attention from first responders panicking he tries to put the flaming Lake of gas out by driving over i.t with his car with a fire department gets there screaming at him to stop driving his car through flaming gasoline they finally get the fire out and just screamed at this guy for like 25 minutes it was the funniest thing I've ever seen I was the dumb call my cat got her paw stuck under the dishwasher and was screaming bloody murder I couldn't move her poor and I couldn't lift the machine so I sat with her while my husband called the fire department she chewed right through one of my favorite blankets in her stress firefighters arrived not in full suits but heavy boots and pans soon as they came around the corner to the kitchen our cat miraculously was able to free her pour and take off to hide in the bathroom the guys seemed confused but at least it was easy we thank them profusely for being scary enough to free our cat who had zero physical damage not even a broken claw I guess she'd hooked her claws on something and didn't want to let it go for love or money not me but dad was a firefighter in Nick and once responded to a call at a Chinese food restaurant where the owners walkway was iced over he apparently didn't speak very good English and maybe misunderstood the job of a fireman genuinely don't know they sorted down his front walkway for him and explained that this was 100% not their job they all had a good laugh and the guy gave them all free egg rolls ppl always used to ask him questions about crazy calls and he never enjoyed talking about that so he would always tell that story what happened in 1999 still makes me laugh to this day 20 years later eta if you plan on commenting something along the lines of 20 years ago Z oMG I'm old screw you for reminding me I assure you roughly forty other people have already beaten you to the punch I get it 99 doesn't feel that long ago let's all move on Law it's interesting that that's what so many people took away from this story heard this story from a friend emergency call comes in foreign miscellaneous electrical hazard chief walks in and a woman tells him that the TV in the bedroom is making a weird noise it's turned off but there's a low buzzing sound coming from the area chief unplugs the TV which she didn't think to do and the noise doesn't stop the TV is sitting on top of a chest of drawers so he opens up the top drawer and finds this woman's cell are busing away super awkward obligatory not a firefighter but recently in San Diego a group of suburban moms decided to take their infants up the local hiking spot called cows Mountain it's not a particularly grueling hike as many children and elderly people can do it however there is a heat stroke warning posted at the trailhead not to mention it can get pretty hot here in this last week was no exception with temperatures exceeding 90 degrees while these idiots took their infants up in this heat the trail is pretty exposed and due to its easy accessibility and Instagram worthiness lots of inexperienced hikers flocked to it many times with little to no water because they underestimated how hot and difficult it could be needless to say the fire department ends in chopper were all told as these moms had taken their babies up and were too tired and exhausted to come down they had to go up and give water check their conditions and some even carried the babies down I know fires are a lot hotter but I bet they were cursing out these moms in their heads as they had to hike up the mountain in pretty much full gear the moms came strolling down laughing and flipping off the cameras as they were angry people were going to see their stupidity this happened all because they wanted to take a group photo with their infants on a mountain on a hot day I was on a backpacking trip through some national parks a couple years ago and we were repeatedly shocked by how little water most people were carrying but like you're in the middle of the freaking desert and we'd see people with no pack just holding a 20 ounce bottle of water meanwhile I've got 3l in my pack and an extra 750 milliliters bottle just in case Fire Department and the paramedics had to come to my work one day because some kid didn't know the difference between a swimming pool and a splash pad there's this artificial waterfall that goes down into a basin that's only about two inches deep where there's fountains and stuff for kids to play in this kid decided to climb up the waterfall there are multiple signs posted not to do this and decided to dive off into the water below that again there's only two inches deep luckily the kid landed flat on his face so he survived and avoided being paralyzed but he was knocked out cold immediately and would have probably drowned but luckily his mother heard the splat and came running over screaming and pulled him out and for my next trick I shall dive from the roof onto this damp sponge not a firefighter this happened to my son when he was six he was at a Cub Scout meeting which was next door to the fire station the firefighters had these racks where they'd lay their hoses out to dry I think the little Scouts were climbing on those racks one day and my son's chubby leg slipped between the bars and got stuck the firefighters had to come use the jaws of life on their own dang racks to free my kid you have been visited by the wealth wrath subscribe in 12 seconds and he will share his wealth with you thanks for watching if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you've magnificent people

Channel: Updoot

Views: 321,449

Rating: 4.7901325 out of 5

Keywords: first responders, fire fighters, cops, police, police stories, cop stories, dumbest criminals, dumbest people ever, dumbest 911 calls, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub

Id: 8UYeHpG40F8

Length: 84min 5sec (5045 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 10 2020